


Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You

by AimlessShenanigans



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harem, Even though it's more a genre and not really correct but whatever, F/F, F/M, Gen, Harems, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, People keep using that word so I might as well add it to my tags lol, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 134,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AimlessShenanigans/pseuds/AimlessShenanigans
Summary: [Serious trigger warnings] Emotionally-charged after saving his best friend, only a month goes by before he confesses to the club himself. New girlfriend Sayori seems to have her own agenda with this plan. A mistake in the making, a misguided attempt to make up for years of being a loner, or something more supernatural? He ought to not neglect his declining mental health...





	1. Limbic

_Irregular heartbeat. Heart palpitations. Arrhythmia. I search and search, eyes scanning everything I can find._

I've felt this feeling before. I've been in this location too many times. Not too many to count, but far more than I deserve. A feeling swells in my brain. Dread of indescribable proportions grips my very soul.

_What is this? Shortness of breath? Chest pain? Dizziness?_

I stumble through the darkness. My eyes adjust. They tell me everything I already know. I'm in the upstairs hallway of my best friend's house. Legs made of jelly cause me to lean against the near wall for support. My arms remain at my sides, lacking the necessary energy to aid me.

_No. This is all wrong._

I slide down to the floor, seated in a heap. Something is different this time. A haze fills my brain. My vision blurs. Earth is my home in this universe, but the way my spirit quivers, I feel as far away as the Oort cloud. Suddenly, I feel something I never have. I realize that this is not the location I've been to so many times. This both relieves me and gives me a sense of otherworldly fear.

What happens now? I know how this usually ends. There are only two options, and I am not in control of the outcome. Normally, all I can do is pray to whatever local God is listening that they will have mercy on me. There is no telling how many more times I can deal with the worse outcome. Sanity slips fractions of inches away from my mind every time I behold that which I do not wish to see. Even one full inch away is too far to lead a normal life on a day-to-day basis.

_Danger._

There is a blank wall where the stairs should be. The end of the hall seems to have disintegrated. I am floating in the void of space. This self-contained prison is where I meet my fate whenever I find myself in this situation. I didn't come here of my own will, and I am not allowed to leave. The only thing to beget my freedom is to open the lone door in this hallway.

_Just do it._

I turn over onto my knees. Clammy hands against the wall help me struggle to my feet. I'm standing, but I'm not happy. My head droops and bangs into the wall as though seeking refuge in unconsciousness. It wouldn't save me from what I must do, but it is nice to think it would.

_Get it over with._

My head turns slower than an egg timer counts down. Steady is my breath, surprisingly. On the other hand, I'm trembling. The scent of stardust fills my nostrils, and I don't know how I know what that is. Sweat trickles down the side of my face, and I feel every single bit of it. It's too much. There is hardly anything here, hardly anything happening, but I can't help feeling overstimulated.

_You need to act, or this will never end._

Before my gaze fixates on the door, it passes over the gap exposing the universe. It feels more like the gap between dimensions. Everything is so foreign. I don't feel like I'm actually here. On some level, I don't feel anything. On another, I feel everything simultaneously. I can't stand it. It feels as though I am constantly dying and being reborn. You can't imagine what this experience is like. It's hell. Utter hell.

_Take that first step._

I take that first step. More accurately, I shuffle. My feet never leave the floor, yet I move forward. My destination awaits this frail yet unyielding body I inhabit. I must get there. I must put an end to this. No one wants to prolong their suffering if they can help it. I've put action off for too long now, just as I always do. Anxiety penetrates me, and it only grows the closer I get.

_Good._

What will it be this time? There isn't rhyme or reason as to what awaits me. Maybe this time a third option will present itself, a third option I still cannot influence. After all, this isn't exactly how this place normally is. I still cannot grasp what happened to make this session so... unfamiliar. The only thing I know for real is that the winds of change made their presence known as soon as I got here.

_Grab the doorknob._

I move my arm. My hands have stopped trembling. I feel like my insides have been set ablaze. My breathing couldn't be less human. The urge to turn away is overwhelming. However, I muster the strength to carry on. I'm so close now. My fingers wrap around the doorknob. With the turn of my wrist, the mechanism gives way. I close my eyes, bracing for the worst.

_I gently open the door._

I take the most meaningful step in my life for what is not the first time. I come to a halt. Tears have already started to well up in my eyes. Somehow my breathing falters even more. My chest could explode at any moment. I almost wish it would.

I open my eyes.

_She is hanging again._

Paralysis overwhelms me. The step I just took should be the last thing I experience in this godforsaken land. Everything will fade away briefly, but not before it feels like an eternity. I can't take my eyes off of her. She looks decayed. Does she decompose between my coerced visits? I can't take my eyes off of her. She isn't moving. Why would she? To someone in her position, time may as well have been frozen. She will never move again.  **I can't take my eyes off of her.**

_Nothing is fading._

I've suffered long enough. I can't even swallow. Saliva overflows in my mouth and dribbles down my chin. My face has become drenched in various forms of wetness. Hair sticks to my forehead.

_I shouldn't be here._

An index finger twitches. It took all of my energy, but the action was successful. Free will is being restored to my body. Usually by now, I'm no longer present. I would stare her down, moving as much as she does. This does not happen. Instead, I am moving. I wish she would. It may be horrifying given what she did, but I would give anything to see a sign of life in those eyes. Sky blue has become a dull mockery of its former self. Making eye contact with a dead person will curse you with the same thousand-yard stare they possess. It's haunting.

_I don't know if I'm in control anymore._

As if possessed, I lurch forward. My movements must seem uncanny even to the most dim-witted of individuals. I come to a sudden halt and sob hysterically into her body. The grossest sounds echo out into the spatial abyss. I'll dehydrate myself at this rate, but I can't help it. Death would be preferable to being here. If the Grim Reaper wants me, he can have me. If I never wind up in this position again, it will be too soon.

_I..._

The bullet ants of trauma swarm my brain. Their bites rend everything about me. My will. My cognizance. My hope. Perhaps I will devolve into a lesser creature, lobotomized by the change and granting me reprieve.

_We...?_

I have no more tears. I'm still sniveling. My gaze travels upwards. I stare into her eyes for far too long. How I long to see them happy again. Oh, if there were anything I could do, I would have done it with all the time in the world to spare. Anything to see the light in her eyes return. Anything at all. I would kill for her. I would die for her. I would erase all of existence for her.

_We._

But I am powerless.

_We will take it from here._

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Another one makes its presence known on my back, gently rubbing it in comfort. Even as I am looking at the corpse of my lifelong partner, I somehow feel at ease. I must be insane. There's no way I can feel relief in this state.

"It's all right." Vaguely familiar, a voice enters my ears and creeps its way into my mind. I stop clinging to her and slowly turn. The hands recede from me as I do so. My eyes are treated to two very much alive people. As far as I can tell, there is a boy and a girl. Their faces look strikingly like mine, though ultimately different. I feel an immediate kinship with them. They could be me in another reality. We could even be the same people right now.

"We are here for you." The girl speaks, her voice ringing pleasant. I stare blankly. I want to accept this gracious sign of solidarity. Unfortunately, I find my motor skills lacking. My mind is numb. I can try to understand, but my body is bereft of all but the simplest of functions.

"Let's get her down." The boy's voice sounds so similar to my own, and to the girl's as well. I listlessly bear witness to their actions. My mind is filled with fog. Did something happen? I feel as though I've lost time. They are laying her body down on the bed. The boy lifts her some and sits. He softly rests her head in his lap and strokes her hair.

"That's better." The girl crawls. She maneuvers around the sorrowing sight on the bed, seating herself on the other side. Her lively hands take the dead one near her. One hand intertwines their fingers together, palm to palm. The other gently strokes the top of the hand.

I shuffle. I realize I've regained more control of myself. The shock of the situation has been lifted. They both stare at her. I'm not sure what expression I'm reading. Is it sorrow? Pity? Both? Maybe there is something more. They look at me before I can connect the dots.

"You love her." The boy makes his statement loud and clear. Anyone else would be asking me, but he knows me. I nod. Of course, I love her. She is the light that guides me. The throbbing brain plague dissipates. I smile wistfully.

"You know this isn't real." The girl's tone barely withholds this from being a question. A few instances of this scenario ago, I knew it wasn't real. This knowledge never made it any easier, because the emotions I felt were raw and unfiltered. I always suffered. Again, I nod. I stagger forward, unsure of if my body will give up on me. I seat myself and take the still hand in my grasp with all the care in the world. I feel as though she will simply disintegrate if I mishandle her.

"Are you worried about what she will think? After all, you've realized recently that she isn't the only one you grew feelings for." I go still when the boy speaks his words. I am mortified at the idea of how she will respond. How can I tell the girl I love that she isn't the only one I'm after?

Over the last while, I've felt an otherworldly sense of longing for the other girls in the literature club. It collided with me like that of a boxing champion's fist and hit me faster than light. There was no denying it: I was smitten. It wasn't a crush of looks. I didn't just find them attractive. I felt like I was destined to be with them. All of them. What a cruelty to have shoved upon you. There's no way that would work out.

"Aren't you going to say something to them?" My eyes latch onto the girl's. We briefly see through the windows into our souls and dance an intimate tango. I blink. The feeling is gone.

"What's the point?" I utter my first words. My voice is hoarse from the ugly crying I did. It seems like an eternity has passed since then. It seems like no time at all has passed since then. "It won't work. They wouldn't accept it." My eyes close. I have no shot of making that work. I don't know if I've accepted that or not, but I'm trying to.

"You don't know that." This time, they speak in unison. It's almost creepy. It's almost melodic. It's almost a lot of things. My eyes open. I look between the two of them.

"I guess I don't know for sure," I shrug. They have a point. "What I do know is that I'm afraid of rejection," I continue, pursing my lips as I give a brief pause. "I'm afraid of ruining the friendships I've built up. I'm not exactly the most sociable person."

"You still ought to try." The boy lowers his head. He cups her face in his hands. I notice her eyes and mouth are closed. When did that happen? I turn her hand over so that it is facing upwards. My thumb strokes her palm.

"It could be incredible." The girl gives the still hand a squeeze, eyes trained on me. Yes, it could be incredible. And if I fail, it could be an incredibly horrifying situation. I can't make this decision on my own. I know just the person to ask what to do.

My thumb goes still. I feel a weak grasp around it. My eyes widen. I look down, and her head is lifted. She's looking at me with a dazzling gleam in her eyes. They've returned to their usual heavenly glory. She's smiling at me. I finally reattach her name to her body in my mind.

"Sayori...?" The lingering pain fully subsides. The trauma I had endured feels like nothing but a distant memory. A wave of euphoria threatens to wash me away. This must be what heaven feels like.

"I know how much you love me. You told me you did, and you haven't stopped showing it." Sayori should sound like her larynx is crushed, but her voice is working just fine. She is beaming at me. The noose around her neck has been replaced with a halo around her head. Not really, but it may as well be. At least there is no sign of any rope, or damage to her neck for that matter. She has a way of soothing me unlike anyone else. She is the most darling angel to have ever existed.

Before I learned of Sayori's depression, I was a loser and a loner. Well, I still am. More importantly, I had grown complacent with life. I had always thought of myself as a guy with low standards who was fine with coasting through life with the bare minimum required, seeking entertainment to fill my time and staying away from others. I had no goals. I had no ambitions. My emotions had been suppressed for too long. I had become pessimistic and viewed most things in a negative light.

I was a fool for ever taking Sayori for granted. She reignited my appreciation for life. I realized how precious she was, how important she was to me, and I felt my mind open up. My shriveled heart grew three sizes that day. I had acted so harshly for no reason, especially to her. I refused to think critically about my actions. I didn't care who got hurt due to my negligence. That was now a thing of the past. In just a short amount of time, I've been able to feel things I haven't felt in so long. Unfortunately, that includes negative emotions, but you take what you can get.

Sayori is beaming at me. I smile back. Even if I were to die right now, I feel like I would be okay with that. I know that feeling won't last because I would be leaving her behind and that thought terrifies me, but she fills me with such warmth that she could make a disaster feel like a loving cuddle. I take her hand and raise it up, placing a kiss on the top of her hand. Her hand shares space inside both of mine. It's just her and I right now, and nothing else matters. I can't take my eyes off of her.

"Ahem..." Oh. Maybe it isn't just us after all. I had forgotten all about the other two. They cleared their throats, this time without being supernaturally synched together. I remain looking at Sayori. I can't take my eyes off of her.

"You know what you want to do."

"You should take the chance."

"Maybe the girls will feel the same way."

"If you can feel this way from out of nowhere, perhaps it has struck them as well."

"You want them to be happy too, right?" This time, Sayori speaks up. I can't take my eyes off of her. I kiss her dainty hand again. She frees it from my grasp and caresses my cheek. "I know you can make them as happy as you make me. You have something special. That's why I fell for you. I know you can change their lives for the better." Her thumb passes over my lips. I'm sure she did that on purpose. I give the smallest smooch to it, and somehow, she smiles even wider. "They may be just friends to me, but I want the best for them. They deserve better than what they have. I struggle with that sometimes, but you help me remember that. I want the same for them."

"I know you do," I reply. Removing Sayori's hand from my face, I adjust my position on the bed and lean forward on my knees. My face hovers over hers. I reach my hands up and caress her face this time, pinching her cheeks with all the strength of a mouse's paw. "I want that as well. I want to be part of something great." I falter. "Well, I already am part of something great, but who says things have to stop there?" I can't believe how at ease I am about thinking these things. It feels like such a foolish idea, pursuing all of the girls in the literature club. I won't be this casual later, that's for sure. I'm caught up in her precious face.

"Ehehe, then do it, dummy!" Sayori gently pushes my shoulder. Her giggle fills me with life. I slide my hands through her hair, cradling her head. My forehead makes contact with hers. Our eyes only have sight for each other's. Our noses are touching. We can't help but smile wider. It feels like my face shouldn't be able to handle it, but it does. I feel a calming hand on the back of my head. It must be the boy's.

"Yeah. Do it, dope!" The boy joins Sayori's silly antics. I let out a chuckle. It's crazy how this all started. I feel a reassuring hand on my back. I already know what's coming, but I don't know what name I will be called.

"What they said, clod!" The girl's gestures are no less comforting than the others'.

_We are done here._

I lift my hands from Sayori's head, seeking the other two. They comply, already sensing my actions. The boy takes my left hand. The girl, my right. I glance up slightly, not taking my face too far away from Sayori's. I give a nod to the boy, then to the girl.

"I can't thank you enough," I speak with sincerity. Their smiles tell me more than any words could. My gaze travels back down to the precious gift below me. "And I'll see you in a bit."

"Will we have our first kiss soon?"

My heart flutters. I can feel my cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

"Will you be ready?"

"I think so."

"This weekend, then." We have plans for the weekend. It's going to be one of the best of our corresponding lives. Sayori pokes my cheeks. I can't smile any wider. She's so adorable.

"Spin me around when you see me. It'll be a fun way to start our day!" Sayori's words take their spot in my mind. I won't forget. She really likes that, after all. It's the small things that truly make life a better place for her, and I shall endeavor to do what I can just for her. I close my eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

I wake up.

* * *

Chapter 1 End

* * *

The beginning italicized portions of the chapter contain lines from DDLC's "poem-underscore-special3-dot-png" (the "nothingisreal?" special poem) in which there is text underneath the black bars.


	2. From The Heart

"Here I come! Spin me around!"

I haven't taken too many steps away from my home property when I hear Sayori's excited voice coming from the direction of her house. I am thankful that she isn't running full force. That would be an accident waiting to happen. Instead, her pace is a brisk jog. Her arms are outstretched, and she has a huge open smile on her face. As she closes in on me, I don't even hesitate to act. I lower my stance, wrapping my arms under hers and scooping her up into the air. I wasn't very strong, and we were similar heights and weights, but her speed was all I needed to carry her smoothly through a few spins. Momentum physics. Her giggles filled the air, and I can swear that any remaining stress from the first part of last night's dream melted away.

"Ehehe~ I love it when you do that!" As I let Sayori down, she staggered a few steps sideways. Her arms were still around my shoulders, preventing any slipping. She was the kind of girl to trip over her own feet, so it's a good day when that doesn't happen. She has been more and more attentive lately, so clumsiness doesn't happen as often. However, you can never count a klutz out entirely.

"I know you do. That's part of why I do it." As is normal after a spinning, we give each other a morning hug. Our heads rest against each other's shoulder, our near cheeks grazing whatever hair is closest. I smell peach on Sayori. Appropriate, considering what she is. "To be frank, I was planning on spinning you around anyway."

"Eh?" Sayori breaks the embrace and looks at me quizzically, her hands resting on my shoulders. "You're not Frank!" I stifle a chuckle. Perhaps I should just let her see my full reaction, but I'm so used to withholding my emotions that it comes naturally. Working on breaking that habit takes, well, work, not to mention mindfulness. "That's a pretty big coincidence though, don't you think?" Sayori's eyes wander to my shoulders. She flattens out my blazer in areas where wrinkles cropped up from our shenanigans. I feel the edge of my shirt collar being tugged into place.

"Well..." I pause and purse my lips. "Not really. We've been getting more and more on the same wavelength over the past while, and it's not too uncommon for things like this to come up." Having tended to my clothes, Sayori straightens out. I scan her for any misdeeds my own hands had inflicted upon her outfit. Her blazer was unbuttoned, as always. I've long since given up on fixing that. It was something that added to her goofy charm anyhow, an intentional part of who she was. What wasn't part of that was the uneven, disheveled bottom of the jacket from our little interaction.

"I guess?" While I tug her clothes back into position, she taps her chin in thought. It isn't too long of a moment. She did still have plenty of energy, after all. A small smile creeps onto her face. "Well whatever it is, I'm glad."

So am I, Sayori. So am I. I stop fiddling with her and bring my gaze back to meet hers. My own smile grows, causing hers to spread more. I take her hand in mine and we start our usual walk to school. It was truly amazing how much has changed recently, and I know both of us are glad we can make each other as happy as we do with such simple gestures. It was always the small things that seemed to entertain and bring such joy to Sayori. Being able to add to it has enriched my life. We really do take better care of each other than we do ourselves. Spending more time together has helped those good habits rub off on our own actions to and with ourselves, as opposed to those habits only sprouting up when we were around each other. It is certainly a nice feeling.

"So," Sayori pipes up, breaking the silence. She almost hesitates, but I bet I know what's coming. Just as I've been having those nightmares lately, she has had her own. They are pretty similar to mine, but from her point of view. It's no wonder we are both haunted by what almost happened. My train of thought is proven right as she continues, "I had one of those nightmares again."

"Ugh..." By now I've grown accustomed to hearing about her experiences with sleep. I throw a sorrowful expression her way. Curiously, she doesn't look as crestfallen as she usually does when she brings these up. I'm almost relieved, but I can't be sure as to whether she isn't as bothered anymore or if she's numbing to it. Assessing her is a difficult task even when she has tried to be more open and honest with me. After all, I am knee deep in unfamiliar territory.

"This one was different, though," was her follow-up. Part of me wants to respond that I had the same exception to the norm with my own nightmares last night, but I have not yet told her about any of them. I don't want her to worry about me. "At first there was only one of you, but two more of you joined the original you." Huh? "I also didn't feel as dead as I usually do. It was more like sleep paralysis."

I can't help but shudder at the thought of what feeling more or less dead would be like. Being dead at all in a dream can't be a fun experience, no matter what that would encompass. She hasn't had the words to describe it either. I can't tell if that's better or worse. At least I know what she means by sleep paralysis. It has been an exceptionally rare occurrence but knowing what it is like at all gives me some level of insight. Nonetheless, that is yet another unpleasant thing that I wish she didn't have to go through. Maybe it's not as bad in a dream as it is when waking up. I wrap up my thoughts and begin to return to her words about there being multiples of me in her dream. Before I can hop back on that train, she speaks up.

"It was still heartbreaking to have to see you get so worked up. You were so upset, and there wasn't anything I could do about it for a little while." Sayori stops in her tracks. I almost miss this cue, but her grip on my hand tightens slightly as I go to take one step too many. I take a position beside her and tug my hand out of hers. It and the rest of my near arm wrap around her upper back, and I pull her against me. She leans her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sayori."

"It isn't your fault."

"No, but I'm still going to be apologetic about it." My sense of empathy kicks in. This poor girl has been through so much. I wish she didn't have to suffer. Hell, I wish no one had to suffer, but in a biased fashion I wish she of all people didn't have to. I would gladly take up the mantle of being mentally ill if it meant she could be as carefree as she wanted.

"It wasn't all bad." Sayori continues speaking, and we continue to remain in our positions, no longer walking. Thankfully, there aren't many people around. Unlike in the past, I couldn't care less about whether anyone saw us like this. My only concern would be if we were hogging the sidewalk. Common courtesy still goes a long way. "I slowly broke out of the paralysis and got to talk to you about something weird."

"Well, that's a refreshing change of pace," I mutter, hiding my thoughts about what this weird thing could have been. It couldn't possibly have been the same things my copies, Sayori, and I spoke about in my dream, could it? "What did we speak of?"

"The other you, and the  _other_  other you, mentioned something about taking a chance with the other girls." I'm glad that we were stopped and in the positions we were, because otherwise I would have skidded to a halt. That would have alerted her, and she would have known something was up.

"Oh?"

"And, well, I kind of pushed you to take that chance," Sayori adds.

My stomach does a backflip. How was this possible? I know we have resumed being exceptionally close and that our relationship has always been a peculiar one that evades typical friendship vibes, but this was on another level. Did we share some kind of psychic link? I never thought anything of it when she described her dreams as being similar to mine. They seemed similar in concept only. With every detail she adds on, it's like she can see directly into my mind.

"...Oh?" I winced. I sounded like an idiot just now. I had repeated the last thing I had just said. Whether it was over text or to someone's face, that just sounded stupid. I quickly add, "Uh, I mean, that's exceptionally selfless of you. Why would you say something like that, I wonder...?" I trail off purposely and give her a lead-in to what I suspect comes next. I've got a good idea of where this is going. I shared the experience, after all, or at least I think I shared the same experience. The same exact experience.

"Why not?" I can feel Sayori start to walk. Her arm is around my lower back now, and she helps nudge me forward. We are walking at maybe half of a normal human's speed, but it is still something. Her head seems awfully comfortable on my shoulder. I rest my head on top of hers. It isn't the most natural position, but it's still nice. "You saved me. I don't think you're going anywhere. Plus, the other girls are my friends. If I had the chance to tell you to make them as happy as you make me, I would jump at it."

"You mean you would take a flying leap at that opportunity, knock it to the ground, and keep it there until it gave you what you wanted, right?"

"Ehehe~ Maybe!" I was no stranger to Sayori's wily antics. That sort of action was right up her alley. "But yeah, that's what I said. What do you think?"

"Um." Well damn. I was afraid she would ask me that. I didn't want to deny anything she said. How can I avoid saying anything to the contrary while still making it clear that she, above all else, was my priority...? Oh, well there I go. "Just know that you, above all else, are my priority, Sayori." Brilliant. Absolutely genius. Way to go.

"..." I can hear Sayori take a deep breath. A bit of anxiety swoops in and takes hold of my heart. I don't know how much of these dream selves of ours are entirely us. I know I felt much more at ease and open during that whole thing. Perhaps she did, too? Perhaps she said what she did because she was delirious and thought there was no harm in it. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that." Oh, thank goodness. "I know I brought you into the club initially so that you could make more friends..." And in case you did something regrettable. I know that's what she's thinking. That's the reason for the moment of silence. "...but after all that we've been through, I adore the fact that you still think so highly of me. Don't put me on a pedestal though! I'm just the silly girl next door."

"Well, that you may be, but I can't help but put you on a pedestal at least a little bit," I smile. My cheek nuzzles against her hair. She lets a brief giggle slip out. "I adore you, and you improve my life so much." I make sure to give her my daily dose of available compliments. If nothing else, I want to make sure she feels loved. I suppose I should say something to her about the validity of what came up during her dream, but that's a conversation for after school. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but I have to trust that her words are genuine. I've been keeping those feelings pent up for some time now, but if she is privy to the situation through no fault of our own then it needs to be addressed as quickly as possible. I'm also not looking forward to coming to the club with those feelings, but I must take things one step at a time. I won't do a thing without Sayori's support, and I will get over my emotions. For her, I can accomplish anything.

"Thanks."

"You are so welcome."

Sayori's head raises up from my shoulder. I follow suit, as mine is nudged off hers during her movements anyway. Her hand is retrieved from around my back. She beckons my hand from around her and places her dainty one inside mine. I feel warm. That's exactly where her hand belongs. That is its rightful place. I notice out of the corner of my vision that she is looking at me. Making sure we aren't about to come across any potential tripping hazards on the sidewalk, I turn my attention to her. Her eyes practically sparkle at me.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Truly, there is no better start to the school day than this.

* * *

"Wassup, bitches?!

I nearly choke on my own spit. The door to the club room had slid open, practically shoved aside, and Natsuki burst in with an unusual greeting. She had become infinitely more comfortable in the club lately and was not afraid to show it. She marched with a purpose past some of the desks and took a seat. She was about midway between Yuri and I, even though we were all seated in different rows and columns.

"Goodness, Natsuki. How uncouth. What if someone in a position of power overheard you?" It seems that Yuri did not share my entertained response. I can't tell if she is looking down on Natsuki or if she was legitimately concerned that the smaller girl would get in trouble. It took her a few seconds after she stopped speaking to look up from her novel. How she managed to split her attention between reading and speaking was beyond me. Sometimes I can hardly walk and chew gum at the same time without some Sayori-level catastrophe occurring. Of course, there was always the obvious possibility that she simply stopped actually reading in order to speak, but I preferred to think she could do both at the same time. She had a hidden level of aptitude.

"Mandatory school hours are over. What're they gonna do?" Natsuki responds, a fiery hint to her tone. She doesn't seem to take Yuri's words to heart. It's always a mystery with these two, I swear. They are friends, but their differences in attitude still lead to some spats here and there.

"Both real life events and fiction have taught me that nothing is certain. Anyone who holds power over another can do what they want, when they want. Getting in trouble over something so trivial would put a damper on everyone's mood, especially yours." Yuri places the book flat on her desk and clasps her hands together in front of her chest. She grimaces and blinks a few times, her gaze wandering to nowhere in particular. "Um, I'm just trying to look after your well-being. I didn't mean to come off as condescending."

"Thanks, 'cuz you almost did!" Natsuki, please don't instigate things. I know Yuri does not always think before she speaks in your direction, but just accept her kindness. "I'll let it slide though. Don't get too cocky about that; only friends get free passes!"

"Uh, I'll take that as... a compliment and a victory, then," responds Yuri. I'm still not sure what to make of her tone or her expression, but Natsuki quickly moves past it. If Natsuki is content, then I have no reason to worry. The shorter girl leans back in her seat and performs what I can only describe as the big stretch. You know how cats will sprawl out and their limbs seem to extend far beyond what they look like they could. That's Natsuki right now.

"So, what's our little Princess so happy about?"

"Excuse me?" That ought to be my line, but it falls out of Natsuki's mouth. She turns to look at me and resumes a normal pose, shooting me a smarmy look. " _Princess_ had leftover steak for lunch. My dad doesn't make it often but  _hoo boy_  do I turn into a monster when that sizzling red meat hits my plate!" She pats her stomach in an exaggerated fashion. "I just couldn't eat it all in one sitting. Microwaving it seems like a mistake for such a high-tier food, but I wasn't gonna eat it at room temperature. At least we  _have_  microwaves in the cafeteria."

"I'm glad to hear he's treating you better," I speak up.

"Suffice to say, I am in agreement," Yuri adds.

"...That makes three of us, then." A little huff comes from Natsuki before she speaks those words. By now, the club had become something of a tight-knit group, so each of us was privy to the personal lives of the others. It didn't extend fully in those directions, but some things became quite obvious. Certain topics were still hard to tackle, but that's to be expected. There is no doubt in my mind that we are all still keeping secrets from each other. When you haven't known someone for all that long, that's to be expected.

"Oh, just don't let Sayori hear you say stuff like what you said when you entered. She will get on your case." I bring the conversation back to Natsuki's greeting. Sayori, being the pure soul that she is, liked to bug people about cursing. I don't think it's entirely serious. She just worries about people using it in a mean manner. Her concern doesn't stop anyone. Ignoring her is not done out of malice, but we do like to tease her. We all tease each other on some minimal level. It helps build bonds and camaraderie. If you can't joke about your friends or yourself with your friends, then what are you doing? And most importantly, Sayori knows this is all in good fun as well. We have made sure several times over.

"I'm not concerned, you butthead."

"Heh." Butthead. What a critical burn. I stand up from my seat and waltz up behind hers, leaning forward and peering down at her. She looks up and scoffs.

"Can I help you?"

"That's  _Sir_  Butthead to you."

"Pfft." Natsuki scowls and reaches up to my face. Before I can react, she's got her fingers at my earlobes and is tugging at them. I wince a little. "You call me  _Princess_  without realizing that royalty doesn't have to address those lesser than them in that way. You  _clearly_  didn't think this through." Natsuki makes sure to throw extra emphasis on certain words just to add some substance to the tone she's taking with me.

"Ow.  _Princess_ , if you-  _ow._  If you would be so kind as to-  _ow-_ as to release me...? I would be ever so gratef-  _OW!_ " Natsuki didn't like to let up. In an odd twist, I've grown rather fond of her methods of being a pain. The way I see it, she wouldn't engage in these sorts of behaviors with someone she didn't like. The abrasive types will just avoid or loudly voice their displeasure if you cross them. They don't have time to waste energy on people they don't care about unless they're ready to unload on them.

"Hmm... Nope!" I try to pull away, but that was a mistake. My ears just get tugged more. I let out a yelp and instead draw myself closer to her, minimizing the pain. My chin is practically resting on her forehead. "Don't even think about touching me! I'll just tug harder." By now, I can see that Yuri is watching what is happening. I motion to Natsuki with my hands, but Yuri just responds with a look of helplessness. Not a moment later, her attention is drawn elsewhere, and I struggle to follow her gaze. Well, I'm unable to at all since she is looking completely past us, but I sure try. Natsuki and I are facing the rear of the room, but Yuri is looking towards the front.

"Is everything okay in here?" A concerned, mature voice meets my ears. It is unmistakably Monika's. Though she has been more casual and less overly professional with the club, she still takes it upon herself to make sure things are going well. She is definitely the mom friend of the group.

"Perfect!" Natsuki exclaims, not letting go of my ears.

"Princess locked me in the torture chamber and is-  _ow!_  She's teaching me a lesson."

"A lesson? Like how to be a meanie?" It seems Sayori and Monika came in simultaneously. I feel Natsuki let up on the ear pulling, but her fingers are still on them.

"No, she's not teaching me how to be that. I don't need lessons on that anyhow. I'm trying to keep away from being a butthead, remember?" I give a thumbs up even though I can't see the other girls.

"Yet you still pester me with that Princess stuff."

"It's fun! And all in good fun. Besides, don't you want to be a princess? You could have your own servants, get pampered, and... uh... do all kinds of royal things." I quickly run out of examples.

"Yeah, yeah..." Finally, Natsuki releases my ears. I take a step back and rub them tenderly. Well, she could easily do worse. She rises to her feet, sticks her tongue out at me, and heads towards the closet. I stick my tongue out at her in return, but she's already looked away. This time, Yuri is entertained, giving me a small nod and a shy smile. I return the gesture and shove my hands into my pockets, whirling around to face Sayori and Monika.

"So, hello, ladies. Come here often?" I've been channeling Sayori's goofy side a lot more recently and am well acquainted with the art of hiding my feelings behind mock-flirtatious behavior. Sayori giggles. Monika just puts her hands on her hips.

"I'd say you've become hopeless, but that would mean there was hope to begin with." Oof. Natsuki isn't the only one who can dish out some shade.

"Aw, come on, Mon-Mon. Don't be like that!"

"Oh, my gosh!" Monika's hands quickly cover her face. "You and that nickname. I'm going to ask Sayori for the favor of punishing you."

"Aw, come on, Mon-Mon. Don't be like that!" I can't hide my stupid grin. Sayori once again giggles. It fills me with great joy that she does that so often.

"UGH! Boys." Monika dramatically tosses her head up in a snooty fashion. Her ponytail goes flying, nearly smacking Sayori in the face. Our glorious leader walks with purpose to the teacher's desk to tend to what I assume is club-related paperwork. Her demeanor would suggest she is fed up with us, but I catch her lips curled up as she takes her steps.

Being able to pal around with Monika like everyone else has been just another high point to being in this club, and the fact that she enjoys the random goings-on of the club just made it all the better. She still puts on a serious facade when she's around us, but we all know it is something ingrained into her, something she feels an obligation to uphold when the club is in session.

I see Sayori smile softly in Monika's direction. I just roll my eyes with amusement, especially knowing that Monika wasn't truly bothered. Even if I hadn't seen hints of her smile, I would have known Monika took nothing negative by my teasing. It's extra fun to mess with Monika due to her status. I still get nervous and kind of starstruck around her, but I'm chipping away at it. I'm distracted from my thoughts by an approaching face. Sayori saunters up to me and places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We just smile and gaze into each other's eyes.

"I must say, you two are simply precious together," Yuri pipes up from behind me, wasting no time in throwing a compliment our way. She must have had her attention on the goings-on of the room since her eyes had been drawn away. "I... mu-must admit I'm a little jealous. To be able to share that kind of bond with someone seems magical."

"Ehehe~" Sayori giggles. She and I break our intense focus on each other to turn towards Yuri. Well, I turn. Sayori is already facing where Yuri is seated. "We just got lucky. Don't worry, you'll have this sort of bond with someone sooner than you think!" Sayori, I cannot tell for the life of me if you are referring to what we talked about earlier. I nonetheless agree.

"What she said." I nonetheless agree in the simplest fashion I can, a stark contrast to how Yuri speaks and presents herself.

"Still a man of few words, I see," Yuri speaks, nodding in my direction. My brain wasn't always working at optimum performance, and no one made any bones about pointing that out. Hell, I actively poked fun at myself for it as well. "Thank you for your kindness, both of you. I'm not sure what you see in me to make you think that..." Yuri's gaze once again travels elsewhere. Her lips are pursed, and it almost looks like she is bearing a pout. She must be picking up that expression of emotion from Sayori and Natsuki.

"You're so smart though! And you're out of the ordinary. You just need to meet someone who can appreciate such a passionate girl like yourself!" Sayori's compliments cause a small smile to form on Yuri's face. She remains looking away, probably embarrassed.

"Not to mention you're a stone-cold stunner." A moment of genius strikes me. I should chastise myself for being too bold, but Yuri's expression of surprise is entertaining enough for me to not reconsider my action. Besides, I'm being genuine.

"Wha-what? Oh dear, y-you can't just s-say something like that!" Yuri looks down at her book to hide her eyes from ours. I can tell her cheeks are getting redder. One hand fiddles with a portion of the hair that comes down past the side of her face, contained within one of the two hair clips situated symmetrically on her head. She typically messed with the bunch of hair on her left, leaving the other be.

"I'll show you a stone-cold stunner..." Natsuki mutters from near the closet. She had taken a seat at a desk in the corner and was reading a manga from her collection. I'm positive she spoke just loud enough for us to hear.

"What was that, Princess?"

" **Nothing!** "

"Oh Natsuki..." Why must you lie so blatantly? "Don't worry, I've got compliments for all of you. Monika may be the club president, but you're the legit boss around here. You demand respect and aren't to be underestimated." Natsuki lets out a low growl and moves her face closer to her manga.

"Why don't you say something about my appearance, idiot?" It seems she wasn't satisfied. I can't say she will be with my next response.

"You're utterly adorable and deserve to be loved."

"D-d-d-don't call me that!" There's no way Natsuki could possibly see anything inside her manga. It's close enough to her face that her eyelashes would be brushing against the page.

"It's truuue~" Sayori chimes in with her own opinion, helping my case out. Natsuki simply grumbles and seems to accept it. Good. Sayori nudges my shoulder, grabbing my attention, and thumbs back towards Monika. "What about her?"

"Well that's easy. Monika is the most electrifying girl in all the school!"

"Oh, stop it, you!" Monika looks up from the papers she is tending to. She waves off the compliment, but she can't hide the grateful expression on her face. Rather, she doesn't attempt to hide it. "If you keep flirting with all of us, mister, you may hurt Sayori's feelings."

"Nope!" Sayori is as direct and blunt about this as she could be. She beams in Monika's direction. The club president simply shrugs.

"So be it. I still say a boy shouldn't flirt with someone he doesn't have feelings for, but that's just me." Funny you should say that, Monika. "I was raised with some level of old-fashioned ideals." I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Old-fashioned means she might have some unsavory thoughts about my emotions regarding all the girls in the club, especially since all of them know, as indicated by Monika, that Sayori and I are an item as of late.

"Who said I was flirting, anyhow?" I try my best to cover my tracks. It's not uncommon for me to accidentally make a situation out of something innocuous. I think being the only boy in the club has led to the girls enjoying teasing me. At least, I think they're teasing me. "I'm just being friendly. It's not like I'm commenting on anyone's boobs."

"Uuu!" Yuri could be heard letting out a soft, indescribable noise behind me. Natsuki lets out a heavy snicker. I even see Monika cover her mouth with one of her hands.

"Ehehe..." Sayori lets out a nervous laugh and does that thing where she presses her index fingers together. It's simply adorable. "Will you ever let me live that down?"

"It's too good to not bring up once in a while," I respond, giving a good-natured ruffling of her hair. I'm always careful to avoid messing up her bow. She squeals a little in response. She is absolutely precious.

"Meanie!" Once I let up, she gives me a pout and looks away, folding her arms over her chest. I simply smile back at her, waiting for her to return her gaze towards me. Sure enough, her eyes flick back in my direction. She quickly looks away again, but my smile is too infectious. Usually it's the other way around, but her lips slowly curl up. "I can let you off the hook, but only if you give me a compliment next!"

"Of course," I affirm to my angel. I gently cup her face in my hands and stare deeply into her eyes. "You are the most beautiful soul I've ever had the privilege to meet. You're the best in the world at what you do, you never give up, and you're a great hugger!"

"..." I can tell that Sayori is embarrassed. She reaches up to touch her hands against mine. I respond by stroking her cheeks with the tips of my thumbs. Her smile broadens exponentially, and I can practically feel the warmth exuding off of her. "You're a saint, you know that?"

"I try."

"Okay, everyone! It's time to share our last poems!" Monika's voice rings out from the front of the classroom. Boy does time ever fly. Yes, today was an important day in the club. 31 days of sharing poems was a long time. Technically it was less than that since we only shared them on weekdays but claiming it to be 31 days is a pretty decent number to stop on, we decided.

I'm ecstatic. I had written a poem last night, and now I all but scrapped it. Well, scrapped it in terms of showing it to the club. It's still at home, but I don't need it. I realized that my dream, and then Sayori this morning, had given me a huge surge of inspiration. When I found some downtime throughout my classes, I wrote what I could and thankfully got through it all with time to spare. I'm still very nervous about the whole situation regarding my feelings, but I figured out how I could help make it apparent here through my poem. Maybe that will make things easier going forward, a little foreshadowing if you will. Using a literary device in the Literature Club. What a coy move. I mean, I guess technically we all are using some literary device or another, but I want to feel proud.

By this point in time, the club has long since abandoned the notion of giving critiques unless specifically prompted. We simply look to enjoy each other's writing. It helps keep these poems enjoyable and instigates conversation.

* * *

First thing's first: I go directly to Sayori. She ought to see it first before the others. I pay no mind to what they are up to. As Sayori is retrieving her poem from her bag, I practically thrust mine into her face. It gives her a momentary startle.

"Wah! Geez, you sure are excited!"

"Uh-huh!"

My poem is kind of long, but it's for a very good reason. Sayori takes it in her hands with enthusiasm. I have to wait patiently for this to be read, and I'm not doing too good of a job. I shuffle. I look around. I fiddle with my blazer. I don't want Sayori to get distracted while she's reading, but I can't help but draw myself to her eyes. They are comforting even when they aren't on me. They ease my nerves. I can see her scanning the page, taking it all in. She blinks in surprise, her eyebrows raising.

"You made this last night?"

"Uh, I actually put aside the one I did last night and made this one throughout the day."

"Dude..." That's all she says before continuing to read. Damnit, I was hoping she was done. Thankfully, it isn't too much time until the end. Sayori passes my poem back to me and still has that wide-eyed stare on her face. "How have you gotten so good at this? It's freaking amazing!"

"Well..." I give a bit of a shrug. "I just kind of... spoke from the heart. Since this is our last poem, I figure I need to go out with a bang, and this beats the heck out of what I wrote last night."

"I might just cry."

I raise one hand up to her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb. Her face is rosy and soft. She keeps her head still, but her eyes look off to the side.

"You know where to come if you ever need to have a good cry." I pat my own shoulder with my free hand, and I need not say anything more. She gives a nod. "Whether happy or sad, I wish to dry your tears."

"I'd love for you to be by my side like that."

"Any time, Sayori."

"I see what you did in your poem. It's pretty obvious, you know?"

"Yeah, that was my intention."

"I guess I influenced you, huh?"

"Well... Um..."

"Ehehe~ You're so silly."

"Hey, that's my line!"

"I'm stealing it for a little while! It's the best word for this."

"I suppose you can have it. For now."

"Good."

"Was my dream that accurate?"

"It... it... You have no idea. I'll explain more later, after we're home. I just hope you trust me."

"I do."

"Thank you."

We smile at each other. She takes the hand of mine at her face and cups it in both of hers, stroking her thumbs over the top of it. With a nod and a smile, she releases it and retrieves her poem. Her excitement returns, and she presents it to me in both of her outstretched hands. I take it and begin reading.

* * *

_Jupiter_

_Did you know that Jupiter is an awesome planet?_  
_It's got a ton of moons orbiting it_  
_It's made of gas_  
_And there's always this huge storm tearing across its surface_  
_Always changing a huge portion of it_  
_Who knew that something like this could exist?_

 _I feel a little like Jupiter sometimes_  
_It stands out_  
_A storm rages across it, affecting who knows what_  
_And it is surrounded by a lot of moons that will be there for it_  
_For a long time to come_

 _Even Jupiter itself is an amazing name_  
_It almost doesn't look like a word_  
_But it sure sounds like the name of a gallant warrior_  
_Making their way across a battlefield to contend with their enemies_

 _What I like most about Jupiter though_  
_Is that of all its moons_  
_It has four huge ones_  
_They remind me of the people I'm close to_  
_They make me feel important_  
_They make me feel like my existence is vital to theirs_  
_And I like feeling important_  
_It gives me purpose_  
_It helps keep me going_  
_It makes me feel like I give them something they could never find elsewhere_

 _So, Jupiter is pretty great, isn't it?_  
_So what if it suffers from a constant, giant storm?_  
_It has been around forever_  
_And it will not be beaten by anything_

* * *

"Okay, now I'm going to be the one doing some crying."

"Ehehe~"

I hand the poem back to her. She places it on the near desk, beside her bag, and raises her hands as though she is showing off her face. "So, what's your favorite planet?" I'm taking my word back. What a silly girl.

"Jupiter, without question," came my response. She bounces happily for a moment. I've never thought about having a favorite planet before, but I sure have one now. I'm not surprised that Sayori can sway my opinion on something. She is very persuasive. She has a special charisma that is unique to her.

"C'mere!" With just enough of a warning, Sayori gives me a big hug. My arms are pinned to my sides, so I can't really return it. I fumble with my hands. They manage to just barely make it to her hips, and by the time I've accomplished that she begins to let go. "Just so you know, I figured out that the moon you are is Io!"

"Huh?" Sayori's level of intelligence surprised me sometimes. She could come up with the strangest things to talk about and store some pretty broad topics in her brain. She has approximate knowledge of many things, a jack-of-all-trade. A jill-of-all-trades. "I don't know anything about Jupiter's moons. How come that one?"

"Well! It's the closest moon to Jupiter," Sayori responds, her smile turning into a huge grin, "and it's the densest out of those four!"

"...? Urk, hey! I'm a changed man!" My words fall on deaf ears. Sayori's teasing can be off the charts sometimes. What a cunning girl. She scampers away with her poem to exchange it with someone else. I'm left holding my head in one hand, but I can't get this stupid smirk off my face.

* * *

Natsuki is next. I approach her gingerly in case she still harbored some kind of thoughts from earlier. Thankfully that seems to not be the case. She had time to unwind. I relax my stance and offer her my poem. She gives me a huge, confident grin that displays her one fang.

"Oh look, it's my royal subordinate! I hope you've done a good job today!" She takes my poem in one hand and places the other on her hip. I can feel her staring a hole through me.

"Likewise, my dear Princess," I respond, performing a partial-kneeling gesture. Might as well play the part. "It's an important day, after all. We ought to be doing our best."

"And don't you ever forget it! Now then, let's s- What the hell, this is long!"

"Hahahaha! Yeah, it sure is. Trust me, there's a section in there you'll love. It's worth it."

"I dunno if I should trust you on that or not. I'll just have to see for myself! Hmph!" She turns her head defiantly for a moment but straightens out as she begins reading. I'm less apprehensive this time around. Sayori's positive response brought my confidence up. Nonetheless, I'm still worried about Natsuki's reaction a tiny smidge. She can be the most critical at times, and the way she is furrowing her brow at the poem makes me think my concerns are valid. She lets out a low hum of thought, gazing lower at the page. She must have passed the segment that pertained to her. I can tell not just because of where she's looking, but because she started breathing heavily. She obviously has some kind of thoughts on what I said. Almost unceremoniously, she offers the poem back to me, which I accept.

"'S good."

I blinked in surprise.

"Um, I'm glad you liked it! I put a lot of serious thought and emotion into it, and..." It's painfully obvious by now that she is bothered by something. She isn't looking anywhere close to me, and she's now folded her arms across her chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Natsuki..."

 _"I said nothing."_  Well, there goes any chance I had of finding out what was on her mind. I adore Natsuki, but she can be such a pain sometimes. This is precisely the kind of reason I want to get closer to her and why I wrote what I did. She needs someone she can trust implicitly, and I don't see her having that sort of bond with anyone else. I let out a sigh that may have come out more powerfully than I intended, as I see her flinch in response. She looks down at the ground, still agitated.

"Can I see your poem?" I ask. She nods her head in the direction of the desk she has been at. The poem is laying on top of it, so I take it upon myself to have a look.

* * *

_Special_

_We are told that we are special, but is that really true?_  
_'Cuz as far as I'm concerned, I don't even have a clue_  
_I'm small and unassuming, but never get me wrong_  
_I am a frantic melody; my attitude's my song_  
_People talk about and pick on me; they point and then they tease_  
_It makes me want to punch them so they'll bend over and wheeze_

 _I guess instead of doing that, I just avoid their faces_  
_I'll stay away from them so I avoid their cruel chases_  
_I won't give them satisfaction; I'll find my own safe spaces_  
_And make some friends with whoever I will be in good graces_

 _I did just that and now I'm here_  
_I like you all so much_  
_I'm glad I chose to join this club_  
_To feel your warmth and touch_  
_It may be metaphorical_  
_Or whatever it's called_  
_This time I have a clue_  
_I'm incredibly enthralled_

_To feel special_

* * *

We didn't all agree to write something emotional when I wasn't paying attention, right? I'm getting the impression that that's precisely what happened. I set the poem back down on the desk and eye Natsuki.

"It must have taken a lot of pride-swallowing for you to write all that. I'm impressed, and I'm proud of you." She doesn't even look at me. "I'm sorry that I upset you. I just thought that-"

"You really mean all that?" I find myself interrupted by Natsuki. I want to say it's typical, but the fact that she mustered the strength to get anything out at all was still good to see.

"Of course! You did such a good job on your poem that-"

"No!" Natsuki's leer and exclamation catch me off-guard. She looks around to see if she drew attention to herself, but it seemed not. "Not my poem, dummy! I mean what you said in yours."

"Oh. Every word."

Natsuki's expression softens. I can see her biting her upper lip nervously, and her heavy breathing has made a return. Her arms haven't unfolded from over her chest. To add another layer to this, she's bouncing one of her legs. I wish I knew how to tackle this. Thankfully, or maybe not thankfully, she sneers in my direction, possessing an overly confident expression.

"Good! I'm glad I captured your attention so well. I always knew there was something I liked about you!" She only let her hands down in order to bring one up and give me a good-natured slap on the shoulder. At least, I thought it was good-natured. It was awfully hard. Don't underestimate small people, especially small girls. They will mess you up. "You must pay a lot of attention to me. I guess you really do mean all that Princess stuff!"

"Hah, yeah, I do." Something isn't quite adding up. I'm used to Natsuki trying to cover up her true feelings with her cocky attitude, so I'm sure she's hiding something. However, I've never been able to tell whether this sort of facade was something she genuinely had fun with. I hope it is, because I've never sought to counter it and make her open up when she didn't want to, fearing making her mood worse. I didn't describe her the way I did for no reason.

"If you're so serious about me being your Princess, maybe you should display your utter servitude by kissing my foot!"

"Wh-whaaa?" My face must have contorted into some kind of weird mockery of what a human looked like, because Natsuki burst out into laughter within a good few seconds.

"Baahaahaahaa! Oh God, your face. Heeheeheehee!" She doubled over a bit and made a motion as though she was wiping a tear from her eye. "Aah, that was great. I'm just kidding. You know I gotta poke fun at you for being all sappy and stuff, right?" I didn't put it past Natsuki to make such a request seriously as a different avenue of her attitude, but at least she was genuinely amused by my actions. That kind of laughter can't be faked. I give a nervous chuckle in response and fold my arms over my own chest this time, leaning to one side.

"Hah, hah hah, yeah. I admit it, you really got me, Natsuki," I let out. "Pranked me really hard. You ought to make this a national holiday. I think that's the best thing you've ever pulled."

"Good! I can feel proud of myself. It's been a while since I've seen you so flustered." A sly grin crosses her face. She raises one foot up and plants it on the seat of the desk chair we're standing by. She had kicked her shoe off. My eyes were drawn to the cute cat faces adorning the top of her sock. Considering school uniforms, I suppose it makes sense that her socks, along with her hair, were the only things she could use to display some sort of individuality and personality. "Don't feel shy about actually doing what I told you, though! Hahaha!" I simply shake my head and run one hand through my hair.

"I think servants are the only ones who are expected to do that. I'm more like the head of the royal guard, defending my Princess from harm."

"Geez, what a nerd! Did you just come up with that on the fly?" A single eyebrow rose on Natsuki's face. I'm not entirely sure how to answer. Rather, I'm not sure if she would see me as more of a nerd for having that line prepared or if I was smart enough to improvise on a moment's notice.

"I, er... On the fly," I surmise.

"What would the others be, then?" I didn't expect Natsuki to take an interest in this. Something about it must have amused her, but I'm totally on board with humoring her. I give a glance back to the other girls and shove my hands in my pockets.

"Hmm... Monika is clearly Queen. Yuri would be something like, ah, a royal advisor, like a fortune teller or a mystic. Something like that." I pause and purse my lips when I think about Sayori. "Um..." I lower my voice as well as my head. "C-court jester?" A brief spout of laughter escapes Natsuki. "Don-don't tell her I said that! Wait, just w- I've got a better idea. She would be like the kingdom's diplomat. She's got good people skills after all and wants what's best for as many parties as possible. The royal family would treat her right. She would be doing a huge service to all involved."

"I guess I could see that. Good! Good work, Royal Commander!" Natsuki reaches out and pats me on the head. I would almost feel insulted except for the fact that I like it when people mess with my hair. It feels nice. Granted, it isn't much in this case, but I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to show even a backhanded method of physical affection. Platonic physical affection. "So!" It seems she isn't done. "Who of them would be most likely to kiss the feet of royalty?"

"Buh?! You sure are hung up on this."

"Just answer the question, dummy! I'm curious! You got me thinking about this medieval stuff so it's your fault anyhow."

I give a defeated shrug of my shoulders. Okay, yes, I was the person who brought this whole concept up. I just didn't come up with what she was on about. I bring one hand up to the side of my head, rubbing my thumb against my ear. Monika as Queen obviously wouldn't. Members of the Royal Guard command more respect than most due to their high-ranking positions and their duties. So that leaves Sayori and Yuri. I did just talk up Sayori being treated well by the Royal Family due to being responsible for internal and foreign matters. So, I guess that leaves...

"Yuri?"

"Yasss!"

"Pfffhfhfhf!" I only manage to partially stifle my laughter. "Was that the outcome you were hoping for?"

"Hell yeah!" Natsuki stands triumphantly. "She might be my friend, but God does she still take things too seriously! She could stand to be humbled, knocked down a peg or two."

"For the record, the question revolved around the most likely person of us. I'm no fantasy or medieval expert, but I am pretty sure only lower servants would be doing that sort of thing anyway."

"Don't ruin this for me, dummy!" She folds her arms over her chest again and gives me one of  _those_  looks. "Let me have my moment. Oh! And forget I ever gave you the order in the first place. I don't want your cooties on me or my cute socks." What was this, elementary school? She blew a raspberry at me. I lean my face back instinctively.

"That makes two of us, Princess," I retort, returning the raspberry. She makes a mock-disappointed face and blows an even harder raspberry. Well, at least I think it was only mock-disappointment. Of course, I'm utterly lying. At the very least, I would love to kiss Natsuki on the forehead. Even just a little sign of affection would probably go a long way for her. Unfortunately, most examples of physical endearment are as double-edged as she is. Physical contact is a yes, but it winds up with someone in mild pain, and that's pretty much always me. It's really not bad beyond in the moment. I guess I'm just soft. I wouldn't have the nerve to kiss her anyhow, and she might kick my ass for it. I'd have to work up to something like that. I'm still at home base with her and there's probably 3 stadiums' worth of bases to go through, each further away than the last.

"Good." Natsuki removes her foot from the desk chair and shoves it back into her shoe. "So, I guess we should change up partners now." She snags her poem and takes a step in the direction of the others. Just a single step. Her sudden stop makes me wonder if she will bring up what she had neglected to tell me earlier. I just  _know_  there's something she isn't telling me. I won't force the issue. Thankfully, she glances back to me. It was a wordless expression she harbored on her face, but it seemed to be some form of gratitude. She narrowed her eyes and glanced down at the ground. I offer a somber smile for her to view when she looks up, which takes but a moment. She gives an affirming nod and starts back off to the other girls. All in all, she seemed to enjoy it. It was an entertaining experience, and I hope I struck an emotional chord with her. I'm almost positive I did.

* * *

"Hey, Yuri."

"Hello there."

"Are you ready for this to be it?" Unlike with Sayori and Natsuki, I slid the nearest desk some and actually took a seat beside her. She followed my example. As small as it was, this was our thing when we shared poems.

"I would say so. Sharing my writing has been nothing short of enriching, but it does get hard to write consistently over the course of a week. Inspiration can be found in the unlikeliest of places. Those places don't always turn up when you need them to, however..." Yuri fidgets with her poem in hand, tracing a single finger up and down the face of the page. "A break from them will be worthwhile. Now that we've gotten so used to writing down our creativity, we could easily write more poems in our spare time and simply bring one in if we resume down the line."

"I echo all of what you just said," I reply, wagging an index finger in her direction. "I'm surprised I managed to eke out material on some of these nights. And the latter portion of that is a great idea. Good thinking!"

"Tha-thank you." Yuri still struggled with praise here and there, as evident by earlier events. She set her paper down in front of her and slowly reached out. "Shall I read your poem?"

"By all means!" I hand it over with a spot of eagerness to my actions. "And take your time. I know it's long." I am 105% sure there will be no weird occurrences like with Natsuki. Yuri is not so adept at forming her thoughts into words, but she has gotten better. Plus, she doesn't hide behind a persona she projects. She tries to filter herself, but that isn't nearly the same thing. It didn't take long for Yuri's expression to shift to one of focus, the same kind of intense stare that she displayed when sinking into her literature. She sure was reading at a quickened pace compared to the others so far. It was only natural; she spent a lot more time reading compared to the rest of us. She had to have the fastest eyes in the north, south, east, and west.

"...Oh!" A quiet, sudden exclamation slips past Yuri's closed lips. If I were to hazard a guess, she got to her section of the poem. The sudden deceleration of her reading speed as well as brushing her thumb across the page, as though trying to feel the words, only helped my case. She did a suspicious amount of blinking, which I think meant that her thoughts were swirling together. Her brain was chugging along. Good.

"..." After a bit more time, she placed the poem down in front of me. Her arms were folded down horizontally across her desk, hands fiddling with her shirt sleeves. Her eyes didn't leave my poem. "That was... truly marvelous." Her words are quiet. Perhaps I hit the emotions that I was aiming to? "Taking a page from each of our personal styles and applying each of them to one section was a bold move. I think it worked out rather well."

"Thank you so much, Yuri!" I give a pleasant smile to her, but she doesn't seem to notice. She is still looking down at my poem.

"It really feels like we've known each other forever by this point, even though it's been no time at all." She still can't look away from my poem. She must be using that as a focus point, perhaps to keep herself grounded. The way I understand it, remaining focused on one thing can help keep your thoughts from bouncing around. "It is flattering to know someone that holds all of us in such high regard. It seems like you view us all as equals, too, which is a pleasant outcome."

"Yeah, well..." I'm not sure if I have a proper response for that. "That's what I would like to think, even though Sayori and I have grown closer."

"..." Yuri finally breaks her gaze from my poem. Our eyes meet. "You genuinely care about all of us here, don't you?"

"Well, yeah!" Again, with repeating recently-used words. At least this instance used a different word order and tone. "It's been too long since something as good as being here has happened to me. Some things I could have done without..." We both know what I am referring to. "...but we have all come out for the better compared to if the Literature Club didn't exist, right?"

"Mmm." A low grunt of affirmation came from Yuri, and she nodded slowly. "I, um... I can't properly express how glad I am to know... all of you. You in particular are such a caring individual. It was always clear from day one that you keep your friends close to your heart. After all, that was your main motivation for coming to the club in the first place."

"Well-" I stop myself. I'm about to say nearly the same thing  _again_. "I mean, you're right. I gave in to Sayori's request. She's such a conniving little scamp, but I'm glad she is." I shake my head and smile. "And then making friends with all of you was motivation enough for me sticking around. All of you are great in your own different ways."

"You're too kind." She clasps her hands together on the desk, hiding her poem from view. "You've been an immense asset to the club as well. Helping bridge the gaps between Natsuki and I is something irreplaceable."

"Well-"  _Goddamnit_. "Hey now, Sayori is the undisputed master of helping people get along."

"Be that as it may, her strength is quelling arguments and making everyone feel good about themselves both on an individual level as well as on equal footing as others." She glances off in a direction, and I assume it's towards Sayori's position. "Don't get me wrong, that is an amazing quality and a sure part of her charm, but you have actively helped bring us closer outside of times of conflict." Her gaze returns to me. It is exceptionally comforting and soft. "Natsuki and I still have our differences, but I'm not surprised. We come from radically different walks of life. The important thing is that we get along much better than we used to."

"I'm glad I could contribute so much." Because of her timid nature, one wouldn't think that Yuri could speak in earnest so much on a given topic. Even I find it hard to remember. However, when something is important to her and she feels passionate about it, she can talk for quite some time. She comes off as even more insightful than normal. "Sayori has influenced me a lot. Making the lives of those I care about better is something that has become so important to me. It used to basically just be Sayori, but after we reconnected, I realized how much companionship meant to me. It wasn't something I really had growing up. With Sayori, it was quality way, way over quantity, but I wouldn't trade what I had with her then, and what I have with her and all of you now, for the world."

"You're such a good person. You know what's important to you and that's admirable, even more so because it involves the happiness of others." Yuri's smile grew, and I couldn't help but feel fuzzy inside. She was clearly the sort of person who had a lot of love to give, even if she didn't know how to or get the chance to often. I know the bonds she's made are extremely important to her due to her experiences with isolation.

"It shows. It definitely shows," Yuri responds. "So, um, would you like to read my poem now?"

"I'd be delighted!" One of her hands is already fiddling with part of her hair. I guess I'm not surprised. I'm sure she poured a lot into her poem for this last day, so she is anxious about receiving a positive response. She hands me her poem with her free hand and I begin reading.

* * *

_A Universe At Peace_

_Across the abyssal plane known as outer space, I have drifted along_  
_I am a mere whisper in the nonexistent wind, a simple witness to the world_  
_An insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things_  
_Traveling at an unknown speed, in an unknown direction_

 _For far too much time had I been on this journey_  
_The sights I have seen, I cannot put into detail_  
_Stars, planets, entire galaxies have come and gone from my view_  
_I have seen an eon's worth of astronomical sights, both literal and metaphorical_

 _Every now and then, I feared encountering a black hole_  
_I feared the potential threat of something that defies all reason_  
_I feared crossing the event horizon, having my very soul warped into something otherworldly_  
_At the same time, sometimes I felt as though that's where I was fated to wind up_  
_My dreamscape would have become an eldritch horror of an existence_  
_And my epic escapade would have come to a sudden conclusion_

 _But now, the more time I spend contemplating what it means to be_  
_I find myself regretting having ever let those thoughts intrude upon my mind_  
_For I am no longer wandering aimlessly, without purpose_  
_I passed by a celestial entity that is unlike any other_  
_It both captivated and captured me_  
_And I was pulled into its orbit, becoming what ought to be a permanent fixture_

 _This was a creation born of sheer happenstance when the universe was birthed_  
_It spoke to me in ways that nothing else ever had_  
_It made me feel like I had purpose; it made me feel significant_  
_Truly this was a blessing, heaven-sent for someone like me, God's last gift, a mercy_  
_Eventually, the travel into the unknown would have worn on me_  
_My brain would have constantly filled up with sights no less amazing than the last_  
_However, exposure to an endless stream of miracles will numb you to their incredulousness_  
_Even bearing witness to the beginnings and ends of things billions of years old becomes stale_  
_And you yearn for something familiar to save you from the ironic monotony of adventure_

 _Long have I been a part of this universe without truly feeling like I was meant to be here_  
_I was trapped on a never-ending expedition, in some ways a fate worse than death_  
_Unbeholden to anything significant, simply here for the sake of being here_  
_With no purpose, with no autonomy, with no reason, with nothing_  
_Some philosophers of old would envy my position, and they would say of my suffering_  
_But that's what it takes to be infinite_  
_I don't want to be infinite_  
_I want to heal, I want to feel_  
_What I thought was never real; like I'm **close** to  **something real**_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong_

_Somewhere that is better than every astonishing sight I've ever come across_  
_Somewhere that makes everything okay_  
_Somewhere that makes it all worth it_  
_Somewhere that feels like home_  
_Somewhere that feels like this_

 _I have named my new home Lazarus_  
_I'm no longer a mere whisper, a simple witness, an insignificant speck_  
_I have my own identity by association_  
_I've been able to claim what had long since been an unreachable wish_  
_A goal I had no chance of accomplishing on my own_

 _Finally I am content_  
_I can be left to process everything about everything_  
_And cross paths with others like me_  
_They may be different, but they are now my significant others_  
_I am no longer just I; I am part of a we, and we are in this together_  
_Possibly forever_  
_And I will treasure_  
_All of this pleasure_  
_Every moment of my newfound happiness_

* * *

"Fucking hell, this is incredible!"

I can't help but let my first impression tumble out of me. I hope Sayori didn't hear me. It seems like she didn't, otherwise I would have heard the loudest gasp I could ever fathom. I look up from the poem and see Yuri's eyes narrowed at me. Despite this, her mouth has formed a distinct smile.

"Your instant and vulgar honesty is very reassuring," she admits. Her expression relaxes and is more dominated by a growing, open grin. It is refreshing to see her bear such an expression; it isn't often she is shown with that much happiness. "I was afraid it would be too long, too wordy."

"Wordiness is kind of your thing. Besides, when else would it be more appropriate to go all-out?"

"True."

"Not to mention the fact that your wordiness is sewn together with such precision that it always invokes usage of your imagination. I know you're also a fan of using metaphorical meanings that can sometimes really make you think, but part of this is pretty apparent. If I didn't know better, I'd say that was on purpose."

"There was no hiding that." Her grin has reduced back into a smile, but her expression is no less warm. I nodded, knowing that the others have done similar with their own poems. I'm no longer surprised, but the fact that everyone is being so open about their emotions is very sweet. Monika will surely have something like that.

"Sayori did something space-related too."

"Ah, yes. I saw that already. She and I had been discussing it recently, so I suppose it gave her inspiration." Yuri clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "I'm flattered that our conversation struck her just right for a poem to be made about it, especially on such a significant day about significant feelings..." Yuri's voice fades as she approaches what I assume was the end of her sentence. She blinks. Her expression turns neutral, and she diverts her gaze out the windows of the classroom.

"Space is... Space is such a fascinating thing. There's so much out there. There's no end to what one can find. I had asked Sayori if she knew much beyond the basics and she admitted she was lacking in that department. I was all too eager to share a little..." Yuri pauses and turns back to face me. She folds her hands together in front of her. "...um, a large tidbit of knowledge with her. Out there, anything beyond Earth is mysterious and endless. There are so many things to talk about. She made me so happy by listening. She even asked questions, and I hadn't expected that. Our conversation ended with her making absolutely certain I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that our time spent together was time well spent."

I smile, not necessarily in her direction. That sure sounds like Sayori. Yuri's assessment of our resident angel was spot-on, and this recalled moment was a perfect example. Yuri was the hardest to get out of her comfort zone, but Sayori endeavored to change that. Listening to Yuri speak at length about her interests was probably the most effective method of improving her social skills and confidence. Sayori was an excellent listener. She may be something of a ditz here and there, but she seemed to know the best ways to help others improve as people. She is as intelligent as she is sweet.

"Sayori is probably the most open and genuine person here when it comes to spending time with others. We are all lucky to have her in our lives. I doubt that is something we will ever forget or take for granted." Going along with my words, Yuri gives a definitive nod. She knows what's up just as much as I do. "I'm glad you got to share some of your passion with her."

"I greatly appreciate that." Yuri closed her eyes and drew a deep breath through her nose. Her lips parted slightly. She exhaled slowly, deliberately. This past conversation must have been exhausting, no matter how great a time it was. She and I were the two most introverted people here, but it was obvious that she still expended huge amounts of energy when she interacted with even her close friends. Her need to take the time to breathe and recover from it was nothing surprising to me, especially as the topic came to a close. A few deep breaths later, she opened her kind eyes and locked them onto mine. "I suppose we ought to finish sharing poems with the others now."

"Indeed we should, Yuri. Indeed, we should. Thank you for the wonderful conversation, my fair maiden." Her gaze had met mine just seconds ago, but she has already broken away from it and snatched up a clipped portion of her hair again, this time with both hands.

"You-you're going to make t- to make me blush!"

"Is that a such a bad thing?"

"...Nnnnn... Nnnnn... I supp-suppose not..." I see the faint traces of a smile and I savor my victory. Embarrassment didn't always have to come in a negative form. Close friends are the best people to allow yourself to be flustered in front of, and Yuri's admission that it wasn't a negative was the perfect example of that. I stand from my desk and swipe my poem up into one hand.

"It's been nice talking with you, Yuri." Now standing, I reach out and give her two light pats on the shoulder closest to me. I now have my last task set ahead of me, and my eagerness has not let up. I can't help but feel a little anxiety well up inside me again, especially after Monika's earlier comments about being old-fashioned. That isn't even considering the fact that she's still the most intimidating person in the room by sheer virtue of her star student status. I steel my nerves and prepare to head over to her. As I take my first step, I hear Yuri's voice faintly from behind me.

"Y-you t-t-too."

I give a thumbs up as I walk away.

* * *

"Monika! Moni! Mon-Mon! Mondo girl!"

Monika's smile turns sour with every syllable out of my mouth. By the end, she's cradling her face in both hands and letting out the loudest, most exaggerated grumble I've ever heard.

"I'm going to die. Like, seriously." She stares up at me with the least amused expression she could probably muster. "Mondo girl is a new one, at least. You're still a complete tool." I simply respond by throwing up a peace sign with my free hand.

"Love you too, Prez!" She's still seated at the teacher's desk. I set my poem down and place my hands on the desk, leaning forward. "You sound so excited. I'm glad I can bring such joy to your life!"

"A brick to the face is less agonizing than your teasing. Do you do this to all the girls when I'm not paying attention?"

"Duh! We're all friends here. Plus, I see you the least out of all of them, so I have to squeeze more into the little time I spend with you."

"You really know how to make a lady feel special."

"Thanks I could help, bro!" I shatter the English language with five words arranged in an incredibly stupid fashion, ignoring the rolling of her eyes. Next to Natsuki, Monika is the person who feigns the most protest against my ever-growing ridiculousness. She has admitted in the past that she is plenty entertained, but she never hesitated to remark on how dumb I can sound sometimes. I revel in it. "So, what's with the paperwork?"

"Oh, just trying to keep things set up for the Literature Club." The shenanigans are put behind us, and Monika resumes her usual demeanor. "The more time goes on, the more the student council isn't so convinced that this club is doing enough of a service for the school's students at large." She shakes her head, truly annoyed now as opposed to feigning it earlier. "I swear they're more like bureaucrats-in-the-making. We had a successful festival outing, but no one has joined. In the nearly three months since the Literature Club had been created with the minimum number of members, we've had just you join."

"What's the big problem?" I frown, sharing her irritation. "We don't ask for supplies. We don't divert resources or money from the budget to keep ourselves going. All we do is take up one room for an hour after school, and it's not like the electricity we use is even a tiny fraction of what the school uses on a daily basis." My eyes narrow, and Monika sighs.

"To be honest, I think they are just trying to get back at me." I cock my head to the side. "Ever since I left the Debate Club and diverted my attention to a hobby instead of something that benefits the school in a grander way, it's seemed as though they were none too happy. They want me to be involved in more pressing matters and help keep the school's reputation high and mighty, and I guess they think that I will grow tired of defending my case for the club. They will either force me to close it myself or they will do it for me. I guess they believe that I will return to something they would rather have me doing if the club is done and over with."

"Would you?"

"I'm not sure," Monika shrugs, propping one arm on the desk and resting her head in it. "It's not like I'm a stranger to those sorts of activities. I'm just not sure I want to return. It's a hassle. That's why I left in the first place, but the council's passive-aggression has been grating on me."

"It sounds like you're really stressed about this whole thing." I cross one leg over the other, leaning against the desk to keep upright. "Why don't you just give in and close the Literature Club? I'm-"

"What?! No!" Monika's near-outburst throws me for a loop, but I remain on my feet. "I... um, sorry." Her eyes glance behind me, no doubt to the other girls. "I can't do that to them. I mean, I'm sure you and Sayori would be fine since you have each other, but Yuri and Natsuki..." A melancholic expression washes over her face. "This club has helped them find peace in their lives. It's an outer heaven, a refuge from their home and social lives as well as their problems."

"What about you?"

"Well... my parents would want me to be doing something extracurricular anyway. I love them dearly, but I've set the bar super high for myself. It isn't just my peers that expect more of me; my parents are the same way." Monika breathes in deep and lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not thrilled. I've said in the past that I'm not great with people, and that goes double for my parents. I'm not too keen on disappointing them, but at the same time I'm not keen on continuing to allow pressure on myself. Sayori isn't the only person who has been put on medication lately. At my last doctor's appointment, I asked about medications and I managed to get a prescription for as-needed anti-anxiety tablets."

"Geez, you must be under a lot of duress over all this stuff." I return to a typical standing position and lean down, looking into her emerald eyes. "You really ought to take more care of yourself. The rest of the school can deal with whatever decision you come to. You are still admired and respected by those not involved in extra stuff. Won't your parents at least understand?" Monika stares back into my eyes. Her lips form a thin line.

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm used to being in this position."

"That doesn't mean you deserve to deal with this."

"I suppose you're right, but..." She shakes her head again, still bearing the same expression. "They don't know about the meds, and I'm too nervous to bring it or my situation up to them."

"You were on the Debate Team though! You know how to swing arguments into your favor, utilizing them for personal gain. Your charisma and skills can't be denied."

"You don't understand," Monika says perhaps a little too firmly. I don't know if it's at me or at her issues. She is starting to show some discomfort. "With my parents, I become too emotionally invested in the topics. Like, I don't feel like I can talk to them as well as literally anyone else. I know I ought to do something but whenever the opportunity would present itself, I fail to act." She props her other arm up on the desk and rests her face in her hands. "To be quite honest with you, I'm tired. I'm a mess."

I may not have known Monika for very long, but she isn't the type to show vulnerability. This is the first I've seen her like this. She always seemed like such a chipper go-getter whenever I saw her, even from a distance, when we crossed paths last year. It seemed like she prided herself on her exceptional abilities, but it's clear that she has hidden this side of her for too long. No wonder her and Sayori grew close; they share that trait with one-another, even if it's about different topics. They want to please everyone else while suffering in silence to themselves when no one else is around. It's unfair. I reach out and put a hand on Monika's shoulder, rubbing it.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. I know this is a difficult position you're in. The girls and I will back you up in whatever if need be. We don't want to see you suffer for our sakes. We will come up with some other way to keep everyone's spirits up and remain active as a friend group. It can't be that hard, right?"

I had recently discovered that Sayori and I lived roughly in the center of a triangle that the rest of the girls lived in. Neither of our parents are ever home due to doing business with each other on the other side of the country, so it's not like we don't have somewhere we can go to spend time together. At this point, the club has become more of a hang-out for our close-knit group of friends rather than a club to benefit the school and its students. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that Monika would rather have her way if she could. She is the perfectionist type, after all, and it seems like she's competitive to a fault about certain things. She will persist in trying to keep the club active, especially if we can get more members. No one showing interest is not helping the overall issue, though. I feel Monika's hand wrap around my wrist.

"I really appreciate that. Seriously. I just don't want to break their hearts. I know for a fact that none of them react to change very well. Even a change involving all of us that would be for the better would still take some getting used to. I'd rather not add to their stress levels if I can help it..." Her nostrils flare and she exhales sharply through them. "We will just have to see what happens going forward. I still don't even have an activity planned to replace poem-sharing."

"Well..." I shrug, patting her shoulder. "Why don't we just talk about stuff during club time? It's not like we have any shortage of topics to talk about between all the poems we've written about, the contents of anything we've read in our spare time, and things that are important to us from our lives in general. Plus, it means that you don't have to dedicate more of your free time to club activities. It's small, but it's still something. I don't think anyone else would mind anyhow. It'll help us bond even more." I can see the silent contemplation in Monika's eyes. A small smile begins to make itself known.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea. I'll keep it in consideration for next week. We all have grown closer together. Even if we don't do much as a group, just the fact that we're spending time close to each other in the same room gives us something to feel good about. You're a doll!" Monika takes my outstretched hand in hers, kisses two fingers on her other hand, and presses them on top of mine. I sputter out a noise of surprise and take it back. My cheeks will undoubtedly start to light up, and she gives a giggle.

"Wha-what wa-was that f-f-for?" I stammer out my question inelegantly. She just feeds me the type of wide grin I was prone to giving her when I messed around.

"I have to pay you back for teasing me all the time! Plus, you look cute when you're flustered! Looks like Sayori was right, ahaha~"

I instinctively pout and press all of my fingers together, palms spaced apart. I'm picking up more of Sayori's habits by the day. They do say that those who spend more time together tend to pick up on each other's behaviors and speech patterns.

"Weren't you just saying earlier that I'd make Sayori feel bad by flirting with the other girls? What do you think you just did?"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Monika lifts a hand in front of her and wags a finger in my direction. "I was the one who took action as opposed to you doing it to one of us. Besides, you of all people should know that Sayori enjoys platonic shows of affection. How many times have you seen her hug Natsuki from behind, huh? She's even kissed her on the back of the head before!"

My blush remains pronounced, but I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really! Does that surprise you?"

"Not at all. I just hadn't seen it before. I guess it makes sense. Sayori has never refrained from making it known how cute she thinks Natsuki is. Think she has a bit of a girl crush going on?"

"Probably. All I know is that they are tiny and adorable."

"Hey, Sayori and I are the same height."

"Ahaha, that makes you tiny, too!"

Monika is being an utter butt. She wasn't that much taller than Sayori and I, and Yuri had her beat. "Oh, but not adorable?"

"I never said that~"

The nerve of this girl. I grumble a little, but my head bounces as I register the compliment. "Thanks, I guess." I sound like Natsuki.

"You sound like Natsuki."

"Urk! Hey, stop reading my thoughts!" I defend myself, putting my arms up in front of my head. Monika just giggles in amusement.

"Never. In fact..."

I hear the sound of paper being moved. By the time I lower my arms, she has taken my poem in hand and is reading it. I get what she was leading into; poems are kind of like an extension of our thoughts after all. Well, I suppose that's as good a segue into this last poem-sharing session as any. I can see her go through a myriad of expressions, and I even hear her whisper small syllables to herself. Is she cooing? It is a mystery. I rub my cheeks in a futile effort to make my blushing go away quicker. All it does is make me feel the warmth. I pout again.

I give a glance back to the other girls, who are preoccupied sharing a conversation that I am too out of earshot to listen to. Well I suppose I shouldn't eavesdrop anyhow. It seems like they are finished sharing poems. I guess it helps that I had a pretty long conversation with everyone except Sayori, who I spend more time talking with outside of the club. That sort of thing tends to happen when you are an item and live next to each other. Our interactions in the club are much more limited. We never settled on such a thing, but I guess we both want to pal around with the girls since we don't see them outside of school all that often. We need to change that.

By the time my train of thought ends, Monika has finished my poem and placed it back on my side of the desk. She is leaning back in her chair, one long leg crossed over the other and her hands clasped together in her lap. My constant sedentary state means I'm not very flexible, so I can only ever get my ankle up to my lower calf on top of my knee. In her instance, one of her knees is almost on top of the other. I'd tear a ligament if I tried to do that.

"I see what you're doing, you know. Are you sure you're not trying to flirt with everyone?" Her eyes are narrowed at me, but a coquettish smirk has taken up residence across her face. I throw my hands up to defend myself.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" I am utterly terrible at keeping suspicions off of me. I try to keep my thoughts in order, but I can't seem to form even a fraction of a sentence.

"You can't hide it from me. I'm President of the Literature Club!"

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Ahaha! Well, it means that I'm omniscient. I also have an eidetic memory, so I can remember every minute interaction you've had with us. You are a completely open book to me." Monika leans forward in an almost sultry way. She props her elbows on the table and intertwines her fingers loosely together. Her chin rests on the tops of her hands, and her expression reeks of seduction. I can't comprehend what's going on.

"I... wait... what? Really?" I squint. Not spending as much time with Monika as the rest of the girls, she can be a complete mystery to me. I don't know what she's playing at. I know she can't possibly be omniscient, but the comment about her memory is not something I can verify or deny. Luckily, her answer comes quickly and is in the form of laughter.

"Pfft, haaahahahaa! Of course not! I'm just screwing with you!" I guess this is what it's like to be on the receiving end of some quality teasing. She did say she wanted to get me back. It's unusual for Monika to use that sort of terminology, which also threw me for a loop.

"Damn dude..." I rub the back of my neck nervously. "You had me worried for a moment there."

"About what?" Monika remains in her pose, watching me intently with her eyes. "It's not like I had a dream about you telling me you fell for my superior personality."

I can feel the color drain from my face. It was almost a coincidence when Sayori told me about her dream last night, but now Monika is saying she had one regarding my emotions? I can no longer formulate words. Is she being serious? I momentarily become lost in my thoughts. Just what the hell is going on? I'm snapped out of my stupor by her shaking my shoulders. She is once again overcome with laughter.

" _Haahaahaahaaa!_ You're too gullible! I JUST got done teasing you, and now you're staring at me in disbelief? You fell for it again!" Once she is done shaking me back into an attentive state, she mocks me by throwing up a peace sign with both hands. It occurs to me that she's standing. "I'm not about to intrude on the relationship you and Sayori have going. I just can't resist teasing you. You're not like a lot of the other boys in this school. I can't joke around with them because they'll take things too seriously and think I'm leading them on. On the other hand, you're soft, emotional, and genuine. You won't take it that way, and you can tease with the best of them. You should expect that sort of thing in return, but the fact that you don't just makes it easier and more entertaining!" She has an earnest expression on her face. Her hands have moved down to her hips. My face flushes.

"Thanks, Monika. You're a real treat, you know that?"

"Ahaha~ Love you too! Sound familiar?" What a pain in the neck. I better get used to this. My eyes follow her as she moves around the desk, sidling up next to me. Well, it was less a sidle and more like she hip-checked me. I yelp slightly and am forced a few steps away. "It's your turn to read my poem! Go on, sit! Get comfortable."

"Al-alright..." Truthfully, I could get used to this side of Monika. The less seriously she takes things, the more she is letting down that professional façade. The more at ease she is, the closer we can all grow with her. Pretty much all these girls have a mask they put on. Maybe Yuri is the only one who doesn't, but I'm not entirely sure. I scoot around the desk and take a seat in the teacher's chair. As I'm moving to pick her poem up, a thought occurs to me. I look back up at her. "Uh, did you have any other thoughts about my poem?"

"Oh!" Monika balls up one hand into a fist and smacks it into the palm of her other. "Sorry! I got carried away." She takes the same stance I had earlier, hands planted on the desk and leaning inwards. She clears her throat and begins speaking. "Having seen all the other poems, I'm surprised that we all wound up writing something based around our experiences here. I'm really flattered that we could form what we all have, and to the point where we all wordlessly took up the same topic, no less! You are an absolute darling and a good person at heart. It should be no secret that, like, everyone here is glad Sayori got you to come and stick around. You've treated us better than ninety percent of the school, and for that we are grateful."

A smile fills both my face and my heart. These are definitely not words that aim to poke fun of me. Monika is being real with me, and I'm grateful that she has nothing but kind words to speak. I am still in disbelief that she would pay any sort of attention to a loser loner like me, but it just goes to show that she is better with people than she thinks. She treats people like fellow humans no matter who they are, probably because she knows what it's like to be looked upon as though she were more than that and to be stripped of her humanity to the majority of the crowd.

"Thanks, Monika. Those are rich words coming from you. Rich... words..." The stupidest grin spreads across my face. "They were absolute... Mon-ey."

"You...!" Monika tries to look at me like I have three faces as penance for my goofiness, but her own face belies her attempt. To compensate, a hand comes up to cover her face. It doesn't hide her amused smile. "Don't think I won't sic Sayori on you!"

"Dude, she teases me plenty anyhow. I don't think she can get any worse."

"Never say never! I am very influential, and she is helpless to her sweet tooth. Watch your back, mister!" She thumbs her nose in my general direction. I throw my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, you got me. No promises though! Even if it's at my expense, I'm just glad you're having fun," I admit. "Hell, maybe I'll tease you even more just to see if you're bluffing or not. I've got plenty of material!" I don't, but I can come up with something. Monika lets out what I can only call a guffaw.

"Natsuki is right. You  _are_  a butthead. Now come on, we need to wrap up soon. Read my poem and be dazzled!"

"Oops, sure thing!" Goodness only knows how much time has passed. The clock is on the wall behind me. In my position, I wouldn't be able to see its face. I don't bother trying, opting to pick Monika's poem up and begin reading.

* * *

 _Real_  
  
_Real isn't how you are made_  
_It's a thing that happens to you_  
_Once you are real you can't be ugly_  
_Except to people who don't understand_  
  
_Real  makes  you  feel_  
_Real   makes   you   knowledgeable_  
_Real    lets    you    trust_  
_Real     lets     you     be     vulnerable_  
_Real      helps      you      understand_  
_Real       helps       you       become       one       with_  
_Yourself_  
  
_I am surrounded by those who aren't real_  
_I am surrounded by those who give false kindness_  
_I am surrounded by those who have ulterior motives_  
  
_Who want something particular_  
_Who want something I can provide to them_  
_Who want something that is way out of their league_  
  
_I've never considered myself as above everyone else because of my accomplishments_  
_But some people take themselves way too seriously_  
_And they prove to me that they are selfish, egotistical, undeserving of my attention_  
_I don't want to turn people away_  
_But   t h e y   force my hand_  
  
_T h e y   want things I am unwilling to give to them_  
_T h e y   go about everything all wrong_  
_T h e y   don't show decency or respect_  
_T h e y   want me as a status symbol_  
_T h e y   cannot understand why I don't want to associate with them_  
_T h e y   blame and trash my identity for turning them down_  
_T h e y   can't take responsibility_  
  
_Nobody's                  They're                      Let_  
_Real                         Willing                      You_  
_But                             To                       Know_  
  
_When you don't care about what's real, it's all right, alright_  
  
_But here, H E R E, I feel real_  
  
_Feeling        Knowledge      Trust       And I_  
_Understanding   Vulnerability               Can provide_  
_Identity   Kindness    Oneself    For you_  
  
_I am absolutely where I belong_  
_I have no regrets whatsoever_  
_I don't just feel real_  
_I **am**  real_

* * *

"You know..." Once I look up from Monika's poem, she starts talking. "The stress of everything may have caused me some issues, but, like, who cares? I've made something real here, and I share that with all of you. That's something no one inside or outside this school can take from me."

"Well said, Monika," I nod, placing her poem back down. "There's a reason you are looked upon so highly, and we know it far better than anyone else. We have inside knowledge."

"Ahaha~ You're too kind!" Monika clasps her hands together behind her back and gives a bow. "Now then, won't you be a dear and wait here for some time? I wish to discuss something with the girls."

"Hm?" My eyebrows raise. "What about?"

"Your poem!"

"Oh." I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'm curious for sure, but it seems I will be left out of the loop. Oh well, such is life. Right now, if I were to be part of that conversation I'm sure Monika would tease me mercilessly. Then Natsuki would get in on it, and Sayori would follow. Maybe they could even get Yuri going. I think I would collapse from embarrassment if that were to happen. All these cute girls I've grown fond of making me all flustered... The very thought makes my heart, and my stomach, flutter. "Well, don't let me keep you. I'll wait here."

"Good boy!" Monika leans forward and pats me on the head. I give her a curious look, but she simply trots off to be with the girls. Well, I've got some time, so I may as well read my own poem back. I'm exceptionally proud of it, and I didn't read it after I was done. I figured it was perfect just the way it was. I can only hope I set the dominoes into place correctly for next week.

* * *

_My World_

_An angel disguised as a mortal_  
_A spitfire with an icy heart_  
_A maiden as eloquent as she is passionate_  
_An inspirational star to all those near_  
_And a man with no ambition_

 _We'd grown so distant, I fell from your grace_  
_I was so self-absorbed, I'd forgotten what it meant to have a special friend_  
_One who I would take care of, one who would take care of me_  
_One who would do anything for you_  
_One who would be the sunshine outside your window, waiting for you to come out and enjoy the day_  
_One who would exchange bottles of happy thoughts with you so you never ran low_  
_So you could enjoy them on your own time_  
_I became that person once again_  
_So that I could make sure you knew I loved you_  
_Because you are an important part of my world_

 _You aren't afraid to be yourself, that much is true_  
_But there's two sides to every coin; which one are you?_  
_Are you the hardened victim, constantly teetering beside a ledge?_  
_Will you push others so far away, they trip and fall over the edge?_  
_Are you the lonely girl seeking validation, secretly hoping for love and care?_  
_Will you learn to let your guard down and shed your powerful, piercing stare?_  
_Or are you both, the facade and the core, struggling with a raging battle?_  
_Please come to me if you need help; I'll keep your secrets, I won't tattle_  
_You ought to open up, let yourself become unfurled_  
_Because you are an important part of my world_

 _Strange beginnings make for odd stories_  
_Legends that will be passed down throughout time_  
_Ours is no different, just another victim of happenstance_  
_Who could have predicted such an event?_  
_Certainly not either of us; we would have just carried on_  
_Nothing out of the ordinary to be seen or heard_  
_Spirits tied to flesh and blood vehicles, piloted by unique minds_  
_We could have easily drifted off into our own personal universes_  
_But it was not to be_  
_We resonated with each other; our colors, sounds, and methodical dances into the horizon_  
_We crossed untold distances to share more than a simple cup of tea_  
_And I would cross it all over again no matter the hardships_  
_Because you are an important part of my world_

 _How can I explain how amazing you are?_  
Ambition        drive        talent  
These are part of,     but don't make,     you  
Your abilities far supersede what it means to simply be  
Yet  you    remain      only        human  
I was intimidated; how could I possibly bond with this girl?  
But for all your accomplishments  
You are  
       Humble, gracious, friendly  
                                     Caring, modest, earnest  
You are no less a person because of what you can do  
More ought to strive for your level of prowess  
But I am not interest in them  
                                             I am interested in you  
Because you made me feel accepted  
         Because you brought me up to your level  
                           Because you always know how to help  
         Because you give and deserve respect always  
Because you are an important part of my world

 _Who knows where I would be if not for this club_  
_I can't fathom it, and I don't want to_  
_Without it, I wouldn't have grown as a person_  
_I was stagnant, simple, uncaring_  
_I can't bear to think about what life would be like otherwise_  
_And to think all it took was a lifelong friend_  
_Some cupcakes and colorful manga_  
_Some tea and a good novel_  
_An irresistible smile and an inviting hand_  
_I will never again miss out on what could have been_  
_Because you are an important part of my world_

 _And I never_  
_Want to lose_  
_Any of it_  
_Ever_

* * *

Chapter 2 End

* * *

There are lines in the beginning of Monika's poem taken from  _The Velveteen Rabbit_.

Song lyrics are present in this chapter. In order:

Infinite - Sonic Forces OST (Yuri's poem)  
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park (Yuri's poem)  
Nobody's Real - Powerman 5000 (Monika's poem)


	3. Unfathomable Sweetness

_A Dream  
_  
I stir. Where was I? Oh, right. I must be in the club room. I fell asleep? Damn, how long were the girls talking for? Or, more importantly, how tired must I have been? My slumber these past moons has been restless, and full of nightmares. I suppose it is no wonder I passed out suddenly. I lift my head from its comfortable position within my arms.  
  
_I was staying over at my friend’s place. There were four of us.  
_  
“Girls?” It takes me a few moments to gather my bearings. I realize that I am no longer at the teacher’s desk. Instead, I am seated towards the back of the classroom. I am startled and shake myself awake, looking around. My confusion was plastered all over my face. Now more alert, I can make out sounds.  
  
_I drifted off to sleep while everyone was talking and watching TV.  
_  
“-dea what’s going on.” That’s Sayori’s voice coming from my right. The girls are seated in a square just behind and beside me, discussing something. It seems that no one has noticed me. “He and I are going to talk tonight. I don’t think it’s anything bad. In fact, it could be really good for all of us! I’m trying to keep an open mind about what it could be, so I would appreciate it if you all could do the same. I know you speak highly of him, and he speaks just as highly of you. He’s just too nervous to say it in front of you.”  
  
_In my dream, I was still at my friend’s house.  
_  
“Um!” I hesitate, getting out of my desk. “I’m terribly sorry, ladies! I have no idea how I got here. I had put my head down, and the next… thing I… knew…?” I’m standing in clear sight of at least two of them and speaking at a reasonable volume, but no one acknowledges me. I’m thrown even more off-kilter.  
  
_The only difference was that there were nails sticking out of the walls everywhere.  
_  
“I’m not sure I like this. I mean, the only thing it could really be is just coming out and saying he likes all of us a lot, right? He did that with his poem! What more could there be?!” Natsuki seems like she doesn’t want to have this conversation. Maybe I shouldn’t be part of it. After all, I was asked to hang back. Even if I’m not sure what happened or how I got here, I ought to stay away since I’m aware now. “I get that he’s a doofus, but it’s not like much could change in a short amount of time. ‘Oh hey, I love y’all,’ would be… I dunno, it just wouldn’t feel genuine to me. Sure, he’s been friends with us for a month, but that’s it! Does he want to spend the rest of his life with us? That’s unrealistic to say to us after such a short amount of time! Hell, that doesn’t even happen with people you’ve known for a decade! Plus, he has you, Sayori…” I turn towards the front of the room and take a step. What I see causes me to freeze in place.  
  
_And there was also someone I didn’t recognize.  
_  
“Actually, Natsuki…” Yuri’s voice captures my attention. I’m momentarily distracted from my sense of sight. “Would it really be all that negative? We both know what it’s like to be ostracized in one way or another from our peers. Having someone who has only known us for a month admit to wanting to spend more time with all of us could be progress in a healthy direction, especially for you and I. Sure, Sayori already has him, and Monika could have anyone, but it’s the thought that counts. As for myself, well… I would hardly hesitate to capitalize on such a chance if I could only muster the courage...” Their voices grow silent. My eyes focused on the teacher’s desk. There, in the chair, is clearly me. My body. My head is down, resting in my arms, and I am asleep. Huh?  
  
_The person I didn’t recognize told a joke, and everyone laughed._  
  
“We will just have to wait and see what this is all about. He is nothing if not genuine, and I believe this will be good for all of us. I think we have all said thus far that he is an exceptionally nice, caring individual. Natsuki and Yuri, you may not know him as well, and neither do I as a matter of fact, but ultimately Sayori does. I say we trust her. What do you two think?” Monika had just finished speaking. I glanced back to see Yuri nod. It took Natsuki a bit to comply, but she did after a few moments. She is clearly unsure of herself and the situation. In my current state, I’m not able to form my own thoughts on what they’ve said thus far. Would I need to? I don’t even know if this is real. It sure feels real, but I’m clearly dreaming. At least this is a step in a better direction than what I’m used to doing when asleep lately. However, I’m unsure if realizing I’m dreaming is a good or bad thing.  
  
_I woke up to the sound of everyone laughing at something that happened on the TV.  
_  
“I appreciate the confidence, girls. Really, I do. There’s only good things on the horizon.” Sayori removes herself from her desk. “Now then, let’s finish up~ Sleeping beauty over there might take a bit to be woken up. He’s a hardy sleeper! Ooh~” Sounds like Sayori is about to be up to some mischief. I haven’t moved from my position nearby. “Follow me, girls. I’ve got an idea, ehehe~” The ladies follow their vice president. Monika takes her sweet time standing. The others pass by some desks further from me, but Monika seems to have been drawn to the column of desks I’m standing right beside. I reach out to grab her shoulder. My hand passes right through.  
  
_So the laughing was not part of the dream. It was the noise that woke me up.  
_  
Monika stops. She turns around to face behind her, and I can swear she gazes directly into my eyes for a good few seconds. She looks left. She looks right. She is confused. Once more, she looks directly at me. No. Her gaze pierces my very soul. She isn’t looking at me. She is looking _through_ me. She does not acknowledge me in the slightest. It appears we are just as perplexed as the other person. Having blinked a few times, Monika turns back around to head to the front of the classroom.  
  
_I wonder who that person was, and how they knew to tell a joke at that moment.  
  
_ I watch Monika leave my presence. As she walks away, I feel a comforting sensation. It feels like someone is running their fingers through my hair. The feeling is exceptionally powerful, and I struggle to stay standing. I slip into the nearest desk chair. I can feel a goofy grin spread across my face. Oh, that feels absolutely lovely. I hum and rest my head back into my arms, the same way I woke up. I feel at peace, unconcerned with the events that I just witnessed. All that matters is the comfort I feel.

* * *

“Waaakey-waaakeeeey~”  
  
A soft, serene voice enters my ears. I let out a satisfied hum when I recognize it as Sayori’s voice. She must be the one running her fingers through my hair. I can feel my cheeks heating up.  
  
“C’mon, sweetie, it’s time to gooo-ooo~”  
  
Must I? This feels so nice. I unfold one of my arms from beneath my head and reach up, fumbling for something. I feel my fingers brush against a hand, and I gently grasp it.  
  
“Awww! I kinda feel bad for disturbing him. He’s so cute!” My cheeks must be the color of a tomato right now. “But we gotta go. Come on, sleepyhead~ We can spend tonight like this. For now, we gotta get home~” After a few seconds, I realize her hands are no longer petting me.  
  
“Mrrr…” If I truly must. I heave the last of my relaxed demeanor into a sigh and sit up. I’m greeted by the close-up faces of three of the girls, each with a goofier expression on their face than the next.  
  
“WAH!” I bolt upright in an instant, having been surprised by the sight. My head collides with something soft behind me, and a pair of arms wrap lazily around my shoulders. All the girls in front of me stand back up and laugh in unison. My face is crimson.  
  
“Heeheehee! That was totally worth it!” Natsuki giggles.  
  
“Uhuhu, I must agree,” Yuri seconds, looking proud of herself.  
  
“Ahaha~ Our vice president knows how to have fun on a moment’s notice, huh?” Monika’s smile is aimed above me. I try to look up, but the soft objects behind my head prevent me from moving. It seems Sayori is leaning against me. That must be her chest I’m resting against. I can’t get any redder.  
  
“Heck yeah! It helps that I like to tease my sweetheart. Isn’t that right?” I feel a gentle tugging at my cheeks from dainty fingers. Sayori’s shenanigans know no bounds.  
  
“Yeah, you sure do…” Naturally, I can’t help but smile. As I did before, my hand comes up to meet hers. Our fingers intertwine loosely, and I imagine Sayori must be beaming.  
  
“Okay, everyone!” Monika pipes up, further calling our attention by bringing one hand in front of her. “Club is dismissed for today. It has been such a wonderful time sharing poems with you over the last month. I’m glad to have shared these past few weeks with you. We may not have gotten any new members, but I am grateful for what we all share, and I wouldn’t trade it for anyone.”  
  
“Me, too! You all are the best bunch of friends I could ask for!” Sayori wastes no time echoing Monika’s sentiment.  
  
“I’m with the angel here; I can’t imagine what things would be like without all of you,” I add contently. By now, the red in my cheeks has subsided, but it threatens to come back when I feel Sayori rubbing what I assume to be her face against the top of my head. It must have been because of me calling her an angel. My free hand motions out to the rest of the girls. “I feel like our bonds are unbreakable.”  
  
“Well…” Yuri starts, but almost instantly pauses. It seems she wanted a moment to speak but needed extra time to formulate her words. Vintage Yuri. “We’ve coalesced into one unit filled with friendship, respect, and care for one another. It’s far more than I could have asked for when this club began. I… um…” Her hands come up in front of her. She runs her fingers down the clipped hair to her left. With all the strength she could muster it seems, she forces her gaze to each of us once. Our eyes meet briefly before she moves onto the next person. “I’m proud to consider you my friends, and I can’t thank you enough for you doing the same for me.”  
  
Natsuki is the only one who hasn’t spoken yet. She is left being the last one that Yuri’s eyes met, and now the rest of us are looking at her. It seems she can’t face us, however, as she folds her arms across her chest and looks away. Absolutely no one is surprised.  
  
“Ehehe, maybe we should-”  
  
“No, it’s fine!” Before Sayori can complete a sentence, Natsuki interrupts her suddenly. Like with Yuri, Natsuki’s eyes dart to each of us. In her case, it is a more frantic motion, and she looks at each of us multiple times. She’s probably stalling for time, stalling so she can gather the nerve to say what she wants. “I… I’m glad I know you all, too.” A grin of what I’d like to call confidence spreads across her face. “The-there! You all got Natsuki’s official seal of approval! You better cherish this moment!”  
  
It seems she isn’t done. Without unfolding her arms, she leans down and leers directly at me. My eyes widen a little. “And you!” She raises her voice in my direction. I blink. “If you ever hurt Sayori, I’ll kick your ass! Be good to her. She deserves the world!”  
  
I’ll admit, I’m a little taken aback by Natsuki’s words. I suppose I didn’t expect something like that coming out of her. On the other hand, it seems perfectly within reason for her of all people to say something like that. There’s still a side of her that none of us have seen, or at least I haven’t. She is probably the person who loves the most aggressively out of all of us, and she is definitely the type of person to withhold sharing any of that love at all unless she feels something special. She will be the hardest to get through to when it comes to my emotions, I surmise. Sayori and I have still neglected to release our fingers from the other’s grasp, so with my free hand I motion a simple x over my heart.  
  
“You need not worry, Princess. On my honor, I will give Royal Diplomat Sayori the world and more.”  
  
“Eh? Royal what now? We didn’t scare you too bad, did we?” I feel Sayori’s hand finally release mine. She must be looking for something because I feel her fingers sift through my hair. “Maybe some of your brain seeped out. Is there a hole in here somewhere?” I don’t know how much she’s trying to tease me with her words. I don’t particularly care. She can tease me however much she wants. And, if it wasn’t too much to ask, she can play with my hair however much she wants, too. Goodness it was so relaxing. A dopey smile spreads across my face. I close my eyes, focusing on Sayori’s actions.  
  
“Ahaha~ Not to worry. His brain is all intact. _Probably_ , anyway~” Thanks, Monika. “Besides, I know why he’s acting so weird.” I can sense some smugness creeping into Monika’s words. Oh boy. “It’s not uncommon, after all, for a boy’s intelligence to plummet the closer he is to a nice pair of boobs!” I hear snickering coming from Natsuki. I press my lips together. Monika’s comment was actually pretty funny, but I don’t want to risk moving away from Sayori’s touch. It seems I have no say in the matter; Sayori’s hands move away of their own volition. They seemed to clap together above me.  
  
“Aww! Monika thinks I have nice boobs!” Sayori either seems to have missed the implications or chose to ignore what Monika was going for. Either way, the snickering I heard evolves into laughter, with a lower giggle accompanying it. I can tell that both Natsuki and Yuri are amused by these antics. I finally open my eyes just in time to see Monika’s reaction.  
  
“Huh? W-wait, Sayori, that’s…” Monika’s voice falters. In an effort to tease me, it seems she wound up getting flustered herself. Take that! Pretending to be unfazed, she shakes her head and places a hand on her hip. “Well, I suppose I won’t take that from you. Yes, Sayori, I do think you have nice boobs.”  
  
“Yesss!” Sayori hops to the side of the teacher’s desk and sticks her chest out triumphantly. “Feast your eyes, ladies! I gots me a compliment from President Monika!”  
  
“Ahaha~” Uh-oh. Monika’s laugh sounds like it has a plan behind it. “Maybe next week we can hear more about Sayori’s boobs from someone else!” Monika glowers at me with a cocky expression and I look away, wide-eyed. My composure is reduced to nothing. Back to being a tomato it is, I suppose. Monika may have failed earlier but she still came through. Teasing master Monika. Now there is a nightmare come true.  
  
“Ehehe, ehe, ehe, eheehhh…” Sayori sounds as anxious as she looks, pressing her index fingers together and looking away from the rest of us. She isn’t easy to embarrass considering she can have the oblivious shamelessness of, um, well of Sayori, but I suppose this time the implications spoke clear enough that she understood.  
  
“Heeheehee…” Natsuki’s grin is… I can’t put a description to it. It’s a cross between a sneer, a grin, jealousy, and a look of confidence. Now that’s a mish-mash of expressions I can’t fully understand how they would go together. When I see her eyes land on me, I feel like I’m about to find out just what is up. “First Sayori to Yuri. Then Monika to Sayori. That just leaves us not being part of this boob compliment party, mister! I better get some nice words about mine from _you_ before next month, ‘cuz I ain’t sayin’ jack about yours!”  
  
“I-I’m going ba-back t-t-to sleep!” I bury my head in my arms. I may as well take a red marker and color my whole face in. The other girls are giggling again. They are having way too much fun with this. Well, I suppose it is more than worth it, even if it is at my expense. It’s not like I don’t poke fun at myself from time to time to entertain them, after all. This is barely any different.  
  
“Aww…” I hear Sayori let out a vaguely sad coo. “Natsuki, yours are precious and cute, just like you~”  
  
“ **Wh-what are you saying?!** ”  
  
“Ehehe, well since it seemed like you wanted one, I gave you a boob compliment now!”  
  
“I… Y-You… That’s…” I hear Natsuki groan. “W-well… um… thanks, I guess. Hah, I s-suppose I should give you one back! Y-Yours… are thhh… the… the-eeeuuuhhh perfect size! Yeah, perfect s-size! I’m jealous!” I can’t sense any jealousy in her words, but then again, she is pretty good at hiding her true emotions behind her relentless self-confident persona.  
  
I finally lift my head and stare dumbfounded at Sayori. “What did you do?! They’re flirting with both of us now!”  
  
“ ** _I-I AIN’T FLIRTING, IDIOT!_** ” With a huff, Natsuki turns and walks away. From what I caught as she turned, she was red in the face. At least I wasn’t the only one.  
  
“I didn’t do anything,” Sayori responds in earnest. She doesn’t come off as defensive, just matter-of-fact.  
  
“Well, this is just the kind of thing girls do with each other sometimes. Not that you would know,” Monika said. I turn to look at her. I can’t tell if she’s serious or not. That sounds like a made-up fantasy guys would theorize about, like how an all-girl sleepover would consist of pillow fights and admiring each other’s bodies. “If they’re comfortable speaking like this in front of you, then they must consider you just another one of the girls!”  
  
I’m sure Monika is yet again trying to mess with me, at least on some level. This time, the joke is on her. I am unfettered. “I’m glad to be thought of like that. Thank you, ladies!” I speak loudly and proudly.  
  
“Truth be told, you could easily pass for any gender,” Yuri speaks up. Her hands mess with her hair and she isn’t making eye contact. “Hav-having gotten used to what you look like, I’ve started to think that your features are very androgynous and, um, d-dare I say c-c-cute in nature.” I wasn’t expecting that last bit from Yuri, but I make sure to acknowledge her words with a smile. It will still be a while before my cheeks resume their natural color.  
  
“Masculinity is overrated anyhow,” Monika adds, giving my shoulder a playful shove. “Softer, feminine traits are cuter, like Yuri said.”  
  
“Yeah!” Sayori hops up to my side and wraps her arms around me. “My cute, feminine little buddy! The only real masculine trait on you is in your pants!”  
  
“ _Augh!_ ” I cry out. Sayori somehow catches me off-guard. Worse still, I can’t hide my face due to how she’s positioned. I think the others were surprised at her words because they aren’t saying anything. I’m almost certain they are trying to hide their amusement with a hand in front of their mouths. I try not to look at them. Yuri is slightly to the left in front of the desk and Monika is directly to my right, so I’m left looking in Natsuki’s direction. She’s gone still, and her hands are balling up into fists. She swings her arms a bit and looks around the room. I can’t tell what she could possibly be thinking about that has her tense. Her head turns towards us. She jumps when she sees that I’m looking at her. It seems my attention on her spooked her into acting, as she scrambles for her bag.  
  
“Um, I-I gotta go! Just realized the time! See all you wonderful losers later!” Natsuki cries out and is nearly out the door before we can respond. We all bid hasty farewells to her. That was… out of the ordinary. As far as I can tell, I’m the only one who noticed anything about her demeanor. I don’t have time to ponder; Yuri starts speaking.  
  
“Oh dear, I should get going as well. It’s been a pleasure, all of you.” She gives a brief bow and heads for her own things.  
  
“It’s the weekend, baby!” Sayori’s excitement shows itself in full. She takes her arms back from around me and trots off for her own bag. Monika peers down at me, nods in Sayori’s direction as if to remark on my excitable partner, and gives me a big smile. I smile back, and Monika leans down to retrieve her messenger bag from beside the teacher’s desk.  
  
I stand and snag my poem, heading for the desk where my stuff is. I’m very careful with this piece of paper. It means a lot to me, especially having shared it with the club now. Sayori is already beckoning to me from the doorway. I throw a smile her way and toss my bag over my shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m coming.” It’s no wonder she’s excited. We are about to spend the weekend together, after all. We bid goodbye to the ladies and head out the club room door.  
  
Today has certainly been interesting. The break in the usual pattern for my nightmares, Sayori and I seemingly sharing a dream experience, putting my emotions together for all to see in that poem, Monika being a big ol’ meanie, that dream I had…  
  
Wait. That dream! “Um, I forgot something I wanted to ask Monika about!”  
  
“Huh? Oh, okay!” Sayori just smiles at me. “I’ll wait by the school entrance. Don’t keep me waiting too long~”  
  
“No problem,” I nod. With that, she starts skipping along. Nothing but positive thoughts cross my mind when I see her having fun in her own little world. I shouldn’t get too caught up in those for the moment. I’m on a mission. I turn around and travel the short distance back to the club room. As I draw close, Yuri exits and turns in my direction.  
  
“Have you forgotten something?” Yuri inquires, stepping out of my way thoughtfully.  
  
“Yes. Curse me and my memory,” I say sheepishly. “Do take care this weekend.”  
  
“The very same to you. Be well!”  
  
With that, we both head our separate ways. Monika is gathering her stuff at the teacher’s desk, shoving manila folders containing paperwork into her bag. I enter the club room and close the door behind me. The noise alerts her, and she is already turning to look in my direction.  
  
“Before I leave,” I start, getting the first edge in, “I wanted to ask: do you believe in…” I come to a pause. In hindsight, what I’m about to ask sounds ridiculous. Nevertheless, I persist onwards. “…psychic powers?”  
  
“Hm? Where did this come from?” Monika inquires rhetorically. She moves her things and seats herself on the edge of the desk. The loss of a few inches of height from her not standing puts us at eye level. “Well, of course! The human mind is capable of all sorts of amazing things. There’s so much that simple science can’t explain, after all.”  
  
“Somehow I figured you’d say that,” I respond. Monika gave a very Monika-esque answer. “You wouldn’t happen to believe in them because you _have_ them, would you?”  
  
Monika leans back slightly, keeping balanced with her palms flat on the desk surface. She tilts her head. Her ponytail brushes against her bag. “That’s an awfully…” She pauses and looks away. “…silly thing to ask out of the blue, don’t you think?”  
  
“Yeah, I was thinking that myself. Your joke about being omniscient didn’t help any.”  
  
“Oh, my gosh. I told you I was just messing with you, ahaha!” Monika laughed. She crossed one leg over the other. Again, one knee was practically on top of its twin. I can almost feel one of my own legs start to lock up. “Hey now, you ought to get permission from Sayori before you go looking at another girl like that!”  
  
“Ah, s-sorry!” I stammer and bring my gaze back up to Monika.  
  
“Ahaha! Again, I’m just messing.” Monika gives me a smile. “Motion attracts the attention of anyone who sees it. It’s only natural. That’s why people with anxiety are super attentive to their actions in front of others. They are constantly on the lookout for people whose eyes are on them just for existing, and that just makes their anxiety worse. Did you know that?”  
  
Not being an expert on mental illness, I shake my head. “Not at all. Learn something new every day, huh?”  
  
“Something like that! Anyway, where were you going with this?”  
  
With a shrug of my shoulders, I start to pace. How do I tackle this? “Well, I’m going to talk with Sayori about some of this stuff later, buuut since I’m here I may as well bring it up. I, uh, I think I’ve been experiencing some weird stuff lately. Stuff that seems like more than mere coincidences, stuff I can’t explain rationally. Mostly it’s been weird dreams.” I frown and come to a standstill. I look at her. “However, when I was asleep earlier, something… _interesting_ happened.”  
  
“Interesting, huh? Well, what happened?”  
  
“I woke up at a desk near you all. I could see myself asleep at this desk here where you left me, but I saw myself from the perspective of the back of the room. I overheard the end of your conversation, and when I tried to get the attention of anyone, no one seemed to realize I was there.”  
  
“Well, when one dreams, it typically can be filled with nonsense. Other times, it can be about the most recent things you thought of when you were awake. Our subconscious minds are unpredictable.” Monika narrows her eyes at me. “Are you sure you were dreaming? Maybe you were just daydreaming instead. Those can be very vivid, and you may not realize you’re doing it. Plus, it might have been your way of supplanting your own memories of eavesdropping on us.”  
  
“Wh-what?!” I tensed up. “N-no, it’s nothing like that! I swear I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on you all. I couldn’t hear you before I fell asleep. I would have heard you start talking when I was reading my poem back!” Man, do I feel nervous. All I can hope is that she believes me. “It felt so, so real! There was a natural continuation between when I fell asleep initially and when I woke up. Then, when I woke up for real, it felt like another natural continuation of when I had fallen back asleep in the dream. I had felt Sayori messing with my hair while I was dreaming, sat down, and closed my eyes. After that, I woke up in my body!” This must sound dumb as hell. I let out a sigh.  
  
“Look, I don’t think you were eavesdropping on us.”  
  
“Just messing with me again, right? You sure picked up on this skill quite easily all of a sudden.”  
  
“Ahaha~ Well, I’ve always been good at it. I just don’t put it on display. It’s much more fun to get to know someone else and figure out how best to tease them, then show them no mercy!” Monika brings one of her hands to her face and strokes her chin in a diabolical fashion.  
  
“You’re nothing short of an evil mastermind, you know that?”  
  
“Better get used to it, bucko!” She grins. I shake my head. Monika could truly do anything. If she wasn’t omniscient, she may as well be omnipotent instead.  
  
“I’ll try,” I say without a shred of confidence. I set my bag down beside me and shove my hands in my pockets. “There was one other thing that was weird about that dream. You must have seen me sleeping when you all got up to come wake me, right?”  
  
“Yep. So?”  
  
“So you know my head was down.”  
  
“Um, yeah? What about it?”  
  
I glance off to the side. If this wasn’t a dream I was recalling, then what came next would be undisputable proof. “As all of you made your way to the front of the room, you were the last to approach. You went through the desks closer to me, as opposed to the other girls.” I return my eyes to her. “I reached out for you since you were there. My hand passed through your shoulder. As soon as it did, you turned around. You looked at me _twice_ \- or, uh, _through_ me, I guess- before joining everyone else at the front of the room.”  
  
Monika blinks. She was so confident a moment ago, but I feel a shift in her emotional state. It isn’t something visible I can see. Rather, it is an unnamed sensation, a certain vibe, I am getting from her. It's a similar sort of feeling I get when Sayori is trying to keep her depressive episodes from me. My evolution as a person after _the incident_ caused me to become hyper-aware of the emotions of those around me. That’s how I know when Sayori is putting energy into her happy-girl mask when she isn’t actually happy. That’s how I generally know when Natsuki is hiding something when her uber-confidence isn’t overpowering everything else about her emotional state. That’s how I know that not all is as it seems with Monika right now.  
  
“You’re right, that is pretty weird,” Monika admits. She simply waves it off, literally, with one hand. “I can’t say anything that would give you a satisfactory answer though. Sorry!” She hops off the desk and straightens out her skirt. “For what it’s worth, I wish I could. It bugs me when I’m not able to help a friend.”  
  
I guess I wasn’t sure what I was after when I decided to pursue this. Her answer leaves me desiring more, but it’s only based on intuition. I can’t possibly communicate that to her. Plus, it’s very possible that it is nothing after all, that it was just a dream. How can I reasonably continue on about something that took place when I wasn’t affixed to reality when it happened? She gives me a small, apologetic smile. I nod my head in response.  
  
“I appreciate that. I really do. And you’re sure you didn’t have any dream related to me confessing my feelings for you or anyone else?”  
  
“Nope!” She says simply. I can sense that this answer is genuine.  
  
“Alright. I want to thank you for your honesty,” I respond with deliberate wording  
  
“Anytime! Now, you have someone to get back to, hmm?” She approaches me and gives a light nudge to my shoulder with her elbow. I nod and can’t help but grin.  
  
“I sure do!” I scoop my bag up from the floor, sling it over my shoulder, and give Monika a brief thumbs-up. “I’ll see you on Monday. Take care!”  
  
“You too!”

* * *

“Uuuaaahhh~! Man, that was great!”  
  
Without a single bit of surprise in me, Sayori enjoyed dinner. Binge-eating may have been one of her most visible depression symptoms, but she still loved food in general. She let out a huge yawn and flopped face-down onto my bed. I was laying on my back near the wall; she was closer to the rest of the room. Her haphazardly sprawling out caused her hand to smack me in the chest.  
  
“Sorry!” She apologized hastily. Before she can take her hand back, I snag it in one of mine.  
  
“Nope. This is mine now!” I was already laying down, so I bring her hand up and nuzzle my cheek against it.  
  
“But!!! I need that sometimes!”  
  
“Only sometimes? Well good, then I can keep it for myself the rest of the time.”  
  
“Waaah!” Sayori gives me the poutiest of pouts. She rolls onto her side and faces me, clearly wanting my attention. I feign ignorance by looking away, pretending to see something interesting on my ceiling. She simply isn’t having it, however, and grabs my face with her free hand. It squishes my cheeks and redirects my head. I am forced to look at her. “If you’re not gonna give me my hand back…” She manages to scrunch her face up to look like an exceptionally pathetic child. What she says next can hardly be described as words: “Sayowi wiww be vewy, vewy sad.”  
  
“Oh nooo!” I respond. Sayori’s silliness is like a shining beacon of positive energy radiating throughout me. “I don’t want Sayori to be sad!” With my free hand, I remove hers from my face, now having taken possession of both. Her pout relaxes. “Tell you what. I’ll give you your hand…sss, hands, back, if you lay with me for a little while-”  
  
“Deal!” Sayori almost doesn’t give me a chance to finish my sentence. She tugs her hands out of my eased grip and practically lunges for me, slinging her arms over my shoulders. Her head comes to a rest on my chest. I take a moment to recover from the sudden impact and then wrap my arms around her upper back.  
  
“Sometimes I can’t keep up with your levels of excitement. I hope you don’t mind.”  
  
“Not at all! I know I’m too wily for most people, ehehe~”  
  
“Well, that is a relief and a half.”  
  
There is some silence between us. Since we’ve known each other for so long, silence is a very comfortable thing to share. It can be pretty rare considering it involves Sayori, but it still happens. I think it happens more often nowadays due to us spending more time together. There is less to talk about the more time you spend with someone. The whole relationship thing also helps.  
  
“Hey, scoot up a bit. Put your head on my shoulder,” I speak. Sayori wordlessly complies, another rarity. The wordless bit, not the complying bit. She isn’t one to defy something asked of her. Her arms reposition themselves near my head, playing with my hair. Good. In response, I reveal my own intentions, sliding my hands under the back of her simple pink shirt and starting to rub. Our breathing soon syncs up, soaking in the light intimacy we are sharing. “We’re so good to each other.”  
  
“Mmm~ You said it, duuude~” Sayori coos. Good lord, she is so easy to love.  
  
The situation we find ourselves in right now is relaxing. Too relaxing. I’m the one pouting now since we still have a serious conversation on the horizon. I’m not really looking forward to it. She has enough to deal with; she shouldn’t need to become privy to my nightmares and my odd emotional state. She shouldn’t need to deal with a boyfriend that has an unexplained recent attraction to anyone other than herself. She should be able to be happy and lead a simple life. I almost feel like the way she cares about me in spite of what I need to tell her makes me hurt a little inside. Is this the kind of thing she meant when she said that she likes me so much she wanted to die?  
  
“Eurgh…” I groan. Those memories being brought up are… not pleasant. I despise it. I despise all of it. I just want to stay away from it.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
I had my eyes shut tightly. I realize I had also stopped rubbing Sayori’s back. My eyelids fly open and I see a look of concern on Sayori’s face. “Just some bad memories.”  
  
“You wanna talk about them?”  
  
“Not particularly.”  
  
Sayori’s look of concern spreads. Her hands take hold of my head. Her tone becomes quiet. “If something is bothering you, you should get it out of your system to whoever will listen. That’s the kind of thing my therapist has told me. It would do you some good.”  
  
“I know, I know…” My hands come up to cover hers. “I would sooner move onto some other thoughts than talk them out. Talking about them means I have to dwell on them longer. As long as they don’t stick around in my head for too long, I’ll be fine. If they get worse and won’t go away, that’s when I know I have to pursue help. You’re the perfect person to go to.” I look up at her with a soft smile on my face. “I don’t know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know. We’re in this together and we’re going to make it. We will always have each other to go to when that brain plague comes up.”  
  
“Good!” I was waiting for that smile to come back. I’m glad I could make it return so quickly. “Just like how you don’t wanna see me sad, I don’t wanna see you sad. So, we gotta keep each other happy!”  
  
“As long as you are by my side, I’ll always be happy.”  
  
“ ** _Awww!_** You’re such a sap lately, but that’s part of what I love about you!” Sayori wraps her arms around my shoulders and lifts, pulling me into quite a tight hug. She can’t pull me up very far since she’s laying on me, but boy does she ever try. I return the sentiment, tightening my arms around her lower back. My hands are still under her shirt. My fingers gently grip her bare skin.  
  
“You know Sayori, in hindsight, it seems silly that you wanted some time for things to return to normal before we started this little relationship. With how easily we’ve meshed, it feels like there was no chance for this to fail.”  
  
“I’ve felt that sort of thing myself, ehehe~ But, in the moment, it didn’t hurt to wait. Better safe than sorry, and all that.”  
  
“I’m just glad we have what we have.”  
  
“Me, too! For a long while now, I’ve wanted to spend more time with you, just like in the past. Who would’ve thought I’d get my wish and more?!”  
  
“Neither of us, that’s for sure.”  
  
We release our mutual hug. Sayori places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We are so close to each other, it’s a wonder how we aren’t already kissing. Well, sometime this weekend the prophecy of last night’s dream will have come true. Speaking of which…  
  
“So, um…” I begin. “As much as I would love to get lost in your eyes, we have to talk about what I said when we shared poems.”  
  
“Oh yeah!”  
  
We take a moment to adjust ourselves, crawling close to the corner of the two walls my bed is situated at. I’m seated with my back to one wall, and her to the other wall. We face each other slightly, but it’s much more comfortable to have something behind you to support your back. The walls will do. We each have one of my pillows behind us, keeping our backs from being bothered by the wood, sheetrock, or whatever this house’s interior is made of. I’ve always kept myself more reserved, sitting cross-legged. Sayori has no problem spreading out, the result being that her near foot has found its way into my lap. I don’t mind. In fact, I appreciate its presence in this instance. It will give my hands something to do, something for me to focus on subconsciously, while I sift through my mind. I think I read online that it was called… stimming? It’s an action more commonly referred to by name in people who have ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum. I think. I don’t exactly absorb all the information I consume. Only parts of it remain. Hell, even what I just went over in my head could have been incorrect or severely lacking in detail. I can deal with learning more another time. My hands find their way to her dainty foot and begin rubbing it.  
  
“So, which part do I begin at…”  
  
“Start at my heel and work your way up~”  
  
“N-not the massage, Sayori.”  
  
“Ehehe~”  
  
This girl, I swear… I mean, I obey her request, but still. She can be such a loon. As much as stalling still sounds like a great idea, I must get through this for both of our sakes. My eyes focus on hers.  
  
“The initial bit of this goes back more to something that came up this morning. It has kind of gone on for some time now, actually. You know how you’ve been having nightmares about… _that thing_? Well, so have I. I figured it was redundant to bring them up and I didn’t want you to think about what I was going through when I was more worried about you. I thought nothing of it because I wasn’t surprised that we were both scarred by that incident.”  
  
I look away from her.  
  
“This morning, though… The contents of your dream matched up with mine, basically. Your summary too closely described what I experienced for it to have been just a coincidence. I don’t know how, but it seems like we shared the same dream.” I shook my head and pressed my lips together. “I can’t begin to fathom how that is possible but, for all intents and purposes, we had the same dream, and that dream…”  
  
I sighed. I had swept this thought away to the back of my mind throughout today, but it’s now unmistakably present in the front of my consciousness: Sayori initially learned about my feelings for the other girls not from me directly, but from a dream. She didn’t seem bothered by it when she spoke of it this morning. However, it was just a dream then. It wasn’t real. This is different. I get my hands, which had paused for a few moments, to resume their rubbing. I force my eyes to meet hers. She is staring with an expression of intense focus, listening carefully.  
  
“That dream wasn’t simply a dream. It was like a cross between our typical nightmares and a look into my subconscious thought processes, and we shared it together. In fact, I can’t be certain that some of the recurring nightmares we’ve had over the past few weeks haven’t also been shared between us. This morning was even more particular though. Remember how I said I was intending to spin you around this morning? It was because of that dream, so you must remember it coming up as well. You told me to spin you around when we met in the morning.” I pause, unnerved. “I felt way more at ease talking about this in that dream, but the fact of the matter is… what we discussed was based on my real thoughts. I want to reiterate that I love you. I love you so, _so_ much. But… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t also grown feelings for the rest of the girls in the club.”  
  
My eyes started to wander. The motions of my hands grew careless and sloppy. I was mentally retreating into the confines of my brain, sinking against the pillow separating my back from the uncaring wall. My gaze was drawn upwards.  
  
“I can’t pinpoint when I first realized it. It’s like those feelings came from out of nowhere. I found myself drawn to them. Their varied personalities, their unique or shared interests, and even their problems were something like magnets pulling me in. Just like how we’ve been sharing the same dreams, I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s stupid, unbelievable, or unrealistic to say that it feels like some kind of otherworldly attraction that has no reason or origin. But, if we can share the same dreams, isn’t this just another branch on that tree of uncertainty? Is this not just as real as anything else…?”  
  
For a few long seconds, only my hands are moving. I don’t blink. I don’t think I’m even breathing. It’s so quiet that I can almost hear the noises my intestines are making as they digest dinner. When I realize what happened, I find that I had started to rock back and forth without realizing it. That was no doubt something born out of the anxiety I was feeling and showing. I exhale powerfully through my nostrils and close my eyes. I bring my rocking to a halt and my head gingerly finds the wall, resting against it.  
  
“In just a short amount of time, being together has made us both very happy. We are closer than ever, with a near-infinite amount of happy memories behind us that will fuel our bond for untold lengths of time. We aren’t just friends anymore. Hell, we haven’t been just friends for a long time. Sure, we only recently reconnected to the same degree of closeness we were at, before our final years as teens rather than adults, but the reason it was so easy for us to resume our friendship is because of what we have shared since childhood. That reason is also why this relationship came so naturally. We’ve been more than just friends for longer than either of us can remember.”  
  
I open my eyes. They are unfocused. I try to return my line of sight to Sayori, but it just isn’t happening. I manage to get them somewhat close to her, but I’m still looking at the wall around her head rather than her.  
  
“That’s the sort of thing I want with the rest of the girls in the club. Like I said, I don’t know when or how it happened, but I feel like it’s something that’s meant to be. They improve me as a person, just like you have. Natsuki makes me feel like I have more self-confidence than I had when this school year started. Yuri makes me feel like I’m more intelligent than I’ve led myself to believe. Monika makes me feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it. They’ve each had their fair share of problems too, problems that I want to help them with. It’s easy to tell that their lives have been devoid of a certain kind of love that we all deserve to feel, even Monika who could have anyone she wants! I want to fill that void they have in their hearts. I want to make them happy. I want to do for them what I’ve done for you, and what you’ve done for me. I want to love them. I want them to love me. I want Natsuki. I want Yuri. I want Monika. I want you. I want the entire Literature Club.”  
  
I am finally able to look at Sayori again. I move her foot out of my lap and scoot closer to her. We are inches away. I gather my courage and I focus on her. I want to make sure she feels every bit of emotion I’m putting into these next words.  
  
“I’m not going to do anything without your say-so. You come first. You always have. You always will. It’s because of you that I’ve opened up and have been able to feel how strong my emotions can be again. It’s because of you that I broke out of a rut I’d been stuck in for far too long. It’s because of you that I realized I loved you. You are my priority above all else in this world. I don’t want to come anywhere close to doing something that would upset you or make you feel unappreciated. As it is, I kind of loathe the fact that I’m in this position because I don’t want _you_ to be in this position. You deserve a hell of a lot better than someone who so easily fell for a bunch of girls he just met when he’s had you all his life. You deserve better than a guy who didn’t realize he had feelings for you until you confessed out of desperation, but is now telling you that you’re not the only one he has feelings for. You deserve better than someone whose very words could be hurting you right now because he can’t keep this from you any longer. You deserve better than me.”  
  
I take her near hand into my own.  
  
“But…”  
  
I make sure that nothing outside of her eyes fills my vision. It seems that her eyes are just as focused on mine. I’m too caught up in my own thoughts to read her expression at all.  
  
“…I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. I want to work towards being the kind of person you deserve. I want to wind up being the person you are proud to call your love. I want to have the strength to fight off these feelings so that we can be uninterrupted in our relationship. So that you can find solace in my love and not be afraid I’ll leave you. So that you and I can continuously move forward and improve as individuals and as a couple. So that we can flourish. So that we can simply _be_.”  
  
My hands release her own. The gentle sound of it dropping to the bed can be heard. Without thinking, I push away from the wall and bring my far leg over her thighs. I’m straddling her lap. We’re face-to-face.  
  
“So that we can…”  
  
Sayori’s eyes are shimmering.  
  
“So that…”  
  
I can’t just tell her. I need to show her. My hands slowly find their place at the sides of her head.  
  
“…we…”  
  
I tilt her head back slightly so that she is gazing up at me. Her lips are parted and twitching from bated breath. As I inch forward, I feel like I’m moving through an atmosphere of molasses. The tension is palpable. My breathing wavers. My expression is soft. Hers grows softer. One of my thumbs strokes against the corresponding cheek on her face. She is warm. So am I.  
  
“…can… love…”  
  
I close my eyes as well as the remaining distance. Our lips meet. I can almost taste unfathomable sweetness. She is the softest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my life. It would be impressive how delicate she felt to me if I weren’t caught up feeling like I was kissing the most heavenly piece of cotton candy in history. I feel her hands rest upon my shoulders, holding me in place.  
  
The kiss ends. We don’t part ways. I nuzzle my lips against hers. She responds in kind. The only sounds that exist are our timid breaths and our beating hearts. We press our lips together again, this time in unison. Both of my thumbs stroke her cheeks. My remaining fingers softly rub against her temples, mussing her already unkempt hair. Together, we grow weak in the other’s arms. At some point, we fell over onto our sides, away from the corner of the bed. Our lips didn’t dare part. If anything, we only pressed ourselves more firmly against each other to ensure the kiss didn’t end until we were damn ready for it to. She is on top of me now.  
  
The kiss ends. We don’t get very far away from each other. My hands are around her waist. Hers have taken up residence upon my head, similar to how mine were just moments ago. Her whole body is pressed against mine. This time, her lips descend to reach me. They make contact. If I had any control over my mental faculties, I would be curious as to what the experience was like on her end. I don’t have the ability to process anything aside from this moment, so the thought gets abandoned without my input. I realize that my hands had found themselves up her shirt, rubbing tenderly at her back once more. My lips were the small portion of body I had conscious control over. The rest was completely on autopilot.  
  
The kiss ends. Our faces finally gain some modicum of distance between the other’s, but our eyes feel closer than ever. We are staring so deeply into each other that we may get lost and find ourselves in another world entirely. Well, I suppose I already feel like I’m in another world. I can sense so much emotion that I can’t make heads or tails of it all. What I _can_ understand is that this is something extraordinary. It feels like our souls are sharing the same exact space in the entire universe. We are experiencing full synchronicity. Nothing else could remotely match this. She draws closer again. I lift my head to do the same. It appears we are not done. No one is complaining. Our collective hearts are on fire. They burn for one another. This isn’t how I intended tonight to go. No, this is a much preferable outcome. This exceeds all possible outcomes. It is legitimately impossible for anything better to have happened. Our lips meet for an unprecedented fourth time and we sink into unspoken bliss.  
  
The kiss does not end.  
  
It's just her and I right now, and nothing else matters.

* * *

Chapter 3 End

* * *

I’m sure various peoples' thoughts on what MC looks like differs. Personally, I headcanon him to look like Childish-N's design seen on DeviantArt (here <https://www.deviantart.com/childish-n/art/DDLC-Protagonist-Sprite-715239172> and also here <https://www.deviantart.com/childish-n/art/DDLC-Protagonist-Sprite-Version-2-751332184> ) with the featured yellow eyes instead of red.

On a related note, "The MC Dream Twins" present in Chapter 1 look very similar to MC himself. Dream Twin 1 (the boy) looks almost exactly the same as the above MC design. Dream Twin 2 (the girl) I headcanon to look like Meddy-Sin's female MC (aka FeMC) design seen on Reddit (here <https://www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/8vejk0/femc_sprites_short_hair/> and here <https://www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/8w5x23/femc_sprites_2_electric_boogaloo_long_hair/>  and also here <https://www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/9hvbph/femc_sprites_v30_mega_late_edition/> ).

Song lyrics are present in this chapter.

Don't Know Much - Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville ("I know, I know…" paragraph)


	4. Overcast/Fragmented

Notes

* * *

I changed the title of chapter 1 from “Something Is Different” to “Limbic” because I felt it fit better.

* * *

 Chapter 4: Overcast/Fragmented

* * *

_Irregular heartbeat. Heart palpitations. Arrhythmia. I search and search, eyes scanning everything I can find._

I've felt this feeling before. I've been in this location too many times. Too many to count. Wait… A feeling swells in my brain. Dread of… no. It’s not there. It’s… fading? Those prime feelings of animalistic frenzy are leaving just as fast as they arrived.

_What is this? Shortness of breath? Chest pain? Dizziness?_

I do not stumble through the darkness. My eyes adjust. They tell me everything I already know. I'm at home. The off-putting physical sensations I’m used to feeling are not present. The echoes of danger are waning.

_No. This is all… wrong?_

I am seated in my desk chair. Something is different this time. A lot is different this time. A haze fills my brain, but it appears to be clearing things up rather than muddling them. The corruption of the past few weeks’ worth of nightmares fades away into nothingness, at least for now.

_Things are fine._

I feel like I can trust it. It’s unusual, but there is nothing inside telling me to be careful. There is no inkling of anxiety, no trace of fear, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, this dream _is_ out of the ordinary, but for a very different reason. I already know I am dreaming, just like the past few weeks. That’s all I have to go on, though.

_Well, what now?_

Well, what now? The lack of light outside means it is still night out, perhaps early morning. Does that even matter?

_Is there a point to this?_

I feel a queer vibration somewhere in my brain. It’s a strange tingling sensation. It feels as though something inside me is being activated, something that normally isn’t. I rub the affected area of my head with a hand, wondering what it is. Even that action feels foreign to me. When my hand makes contact with the back of my head, I can feel something spread not only throughout that area, but also around- not on, but _around_ \- my body. A soothing sensation spreads across me. Somehow, I am calmed more than I thought my already relaxed state could get. I feel at peace. I’m shocked, but relieved. Have you ever finally gotten the chance to take that long-awaited vacation after months and months of stress? Have you ever had the most exhausting day and just flop down into bed as soon as you get home? Have you ever had to take like a _wicked-long piss_ for more than an hour and finally got the chance to do something about it just before your insides burst? That’s what this feels like.

_Real mature._

Well, back to what I was thinking about: is there a point to this?

_We can answer that._

I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. My eyelids, at ease from this healing aura I’m currently enveloped in, take their sweet time opening even just enough to look towards the door. I’m sure only one thing could truly disturb me at the moment. What are the odds that something bad is about to come through that doorway?

“Come in,” I say just above my inside voice. Those outside comply. Two familiar faces file into my room, closing the door behind them. It’s the… I’m not sure what to call them. They are the… Dream Twins? The boy and the girl from last night are here.

“Those odds are pretty low,” says the boy. I cock an eyebrow at him and raise a hand to address his words. However, maybe unsurprisingly on some level, the girl speaks before I can get a syllable out.

“Yeah, he did,” she says, affirming my unspoken inquiry about whether or not the boy had read my mind. Okay then.

“Before you go asking any questions, we can probably lead you to some preliminary answers.” As the boy speaks, they both saunter across my room and seat themselves on my bed. I swivel my desk chair in their direction, right elbow propped on the arm of it. Somehow, I knew they were going to do that. It’s as though my focus on them allows me to see into their minds. Their actions become slightly apparent to me before they perform them. Is it because I’m focused on them? Last night, I was barely aware of their existence most of the time. Well, would I be able to predict their words as they did mine?

“You might know everything I’m going to do…” I begin, a brief pause allowing one of them to speak if they wish.

“…But that’s not going to help you…” The girl pipes up, folding her hands together in her lap.

“…Since I know everything you’re going to do!” The boy continues where the girl left off.

“ ** _Strange, isn’t it?_** ” We all finish in unison.

What a time to be alive.

“So, I’m a pretty intelligent guy,” I speak, tapping my fingertips on the arm of the chair. “…Sometimes.” I make sure to toss some self-deprecation in there. Can’t forget that. “Anyhow, let me think for a moment.”

First, the obvious: they seem to be me. How far deep does that go? I must assume it goes all the way. They must know everything I do. They knew I loved Sayori. I mean, okay, that one is pretty obvious. I don’t have a whole lot to go on there. Next, their demeanor. While I was frozen in grief in front of her hanging corpse last night, they did not seem to hesitate or show much emotion while they were removing her from the ceiling. Instead, it was only after the fact that they showed anything other than gentle compassion, and none of whatever feelings they experienced were expressed in any strong manner. Everything was subtle. Would that persist? Lastly, they exist at all. Furthermore, I can never remember anything like this happening before in my life. As we approach this significant Monday, I’ve encountered them twice now, and during back-to-back nights at that.

“Okay,” I begin, “you two are connected to _the incident_ in some way, aren’t you?” I open with the most obvious thing.

“Probably,” the girl says with a shrug. Not what I was expecting. She seems unsure. My eyes narrow a little.

“Oookay. Well, something else then. You’re some kind of manifestation of my subconsciousness.”

“More than likely,” the boy responds with a slight wavering of his hand. No definite answers? All I’m getting is wishy-washiness.

“Alright. Tell me something I don’t know.”

The duo look at each other and grimace. “Uuuhhh…” Another bit of verbalizing at the same time. I better get used to that. The girl returns her gaze to me slightly ahead of the boy and gives a solemn raising of her eyebrows.

“If you’re not being sarcastic, you kinda hit the nail on the head.”

Ah. I think I know where this is going. My increased ability to freely rifle through my thoughts right now is astounding. I feel as sharp as ever. I lean forward in the chair and clasp my hands together. My focus is on them. “So, you can’t tell me anything I don’t know. I suppose you are limited to only what I’ve learned and experienced. You aren’t some mystic presence bestowed upon my mind to guide me past things I’ve never encountered. You may still be here to help, but that only goes so far.”

“Bingo.” Goddamnit, again with the stereo speech. I sure _hope_ I can get used to that. To be quite honest, I feel like my mental link with these two is very strong. My words are almost not my own. Some part of me is already catching on to what they are and why they are here. This isn’t like when I asked Monika out of the blue about psychic powers. My intelligence, rationale, and insight are exceptionally boosted in this dream realm. Can I call it a realm? It sure seems like an extraordinary world separated from the mortal plane. Even some of the verbiage I’m using- aloud or otherwise- seems to have been influenced by those more intelligent and sporadic with their use of language. Yuri fits that description to a T. It’s a shame that can’t always carry over into reality. I could use a boost to my awareness, to feel smarter.

“Self-help is like that, unfortunately,” the boy utters, shaking his head. “We can’t give definitive answers. What we can do is help lead you to thoughts and conclusions that ought to assist you when you’re awake. We can help with connecting the dots, if you will.”

“It’s kind of like therapy, isn’t it?” They seem to constantly alternate speaking, with the girl taking her turn now. “A therapist’s job is to help you overcome yourself. Well, part of it is, anyhow. They offer the ability to take a look at yourself from an outside perspective and help you proceed from there. The only difference here is that you are actually just talking to yourself. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s a legitimate tactic designed to help you rationalize ideas and concepts usually relating to logic. Other times it has to do with memory, learning, and unlearning things like recurring thought processes and behaviors.”

“Jesus,” I say, running my left hand through my hair. “Did I pick up this much information about therapy when I was looking up stuff so I could better understand Sayori’s struggles?”

“Well, if we know it, you’ve either read it or come to the conclusion yourself.” Back to the boy, it seems. “Well, I guess we don’t _know_ it, per se. It’s almost certainly what you took away from your research, though.”

“Calling it research sounds disingenuous to me,” I respond, noting internally my use of another word that I probably wouldn’t use when not asleep. My right hand grips the arm of the chair, my left dropping into my lap. “I still have no real idea of either what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to think of all this. My inexperience is getting the best of me.”

“But you’re trying,” the girl reassures me with a gesturing of her hands in my direction, “and that’s what matters.”

“Trying sure doesn’t mean succeeding, that’s for damn sure…”

“Whoa, easy there, buddy,” the boy returns, putting his arms up defensively.

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch!” The girl snickers after her words.

“Pfft.” I roll my eyes. “The only one around here who wears panties is Sayori.”

“Um…” The boy starts. I’m not sure if he was going to proceed, but he gets derailed.

“Are you sure about that?” The girl poses a piercing question. It catches me off-guard.

“…Uh…” Well I suppose I wouldn’t know, having never seen past her lower garments for very obvious reasons. “What else would she wear?”

“Nothing.”

“Boxers.”

Aaand once more with the speaking at the same time. I don’t know if it’s more or less jarring when they say different things as opposed to being synced up with the same words in their mouth.

“Okay, well she definitely doesn’t wear _nothing_ in her school uniform or when wearing skirts. Obviously. That is a disaster waiting to happen.” A catastrophic one, at that. “Wait… I don’t remember thinking about this topic before.” I lean back in the chair and fold my arms across my chest. My gaze travels up and to the left, and my lips morph into something resembling an unsure expression. “Have I? Why is this even a topic of conversation?”

“Well it doesn’t exactly take a rocket scientist to come up with alternate answers.” Oh, nice. _Now_ the boy sounds sure of himself. I can’t help but look at him with an expression that reeks of, ‘ _Really?_ ’

“And let’s all be honest here: would _you_ put it past Sayori to wildly vary what she wears under her skirt or pants? Or to exclusively wear boxers, or something that isn’t panties?” Again, the girl is asking the hard-hitting questions.

“I suppose not. She can be plenty unpredictable.” My girlfriend and my best friend are the same person, and I’m mentally debating with myself in a three-way conversation about the philosophies behind her underpants. This is incredibly silly. So much for being more focused when in these dreams. “Okay, enough of that. Back to what I was saying. I may be trying, but I’m not necessarily going to be happy with the results. I’ve already chastised myself enough for not spotting things earlier, for not helping her earlier. Anything new that winds up with me being unable to help enough will make me feel like-“ I stop short. My vision falls down a bit. I find myself leaning forward, my elbows resting on my knees. “…like a failure.”

“You need to chill.” The boy’s tone drops a bit. I decline to look up. “She has told you that sometimes there is nothing that can be done. A bad mood may have no reason for its existence and just has to filter out. That can take time. Sure, you can do things to help it along, but that’s just another ‘sometimes’ deal. And, this isn’t just stuff she’s coming up with; she’s told you that this is coming from her therapist. She doesn’t like it. You don’t like it. I’m sure her therapist doesn’t like it. The reality, however, is that this is the truth.”

“Well, I…” I heave a sigh and lower my head further. I would be seeing the mundane magnificence of my tan carpet, and a smidgen of the nearer green rug overlaid on it, were it not for my closed eyes. “On some level, I know that. On a logical level is what it would be, I guess. From an emotional standpoint…” I shake my head and open my eyes. If anyone were to meet me gaze, it would not have been a happy sight to behold. “I don’t want to see her suffer. I don’t know how far back it goes that I’ve contributed, directly or indirectly, to her mental illness and her declining emotional wellbeing. I want to do all I can to help. Feeling powerless is a disgusting burden I don’t want to bear.”

“Tough shit.” The girl’s brazen vulgarity makes my head snap up. “You need to get over this. It’s as simple as that. It’ll take time, just like her depressive moods, but it’s doable. Easier said than done, but doable nonetheless.” She turns her body to the side, leaning forward. She keeps balanced with her near hand planted firmly on the bed. “Instead of focusing on not being able to help Sayori, try investing that time rationalizing to yourself and keeping your own mind from succumbing to illness. You can and should do your very best to help her. However, you should also figure out where your limits are and estimate where hers lay. If you pour your energy into a cup that has any number of holes in it, you are not helping either of you. When you realize that’s what is happening, you need to pull back the reigns. Roman architects would have been lunatics if they went non-stop building one of the greatest empires in history! Even they had to realize when they needed to hang back and analyze things before proceeding.”

“Are you… saying I need to be aware of when to give up?”

“You gotta know when to hold ‘em,” the boy responds, “and know when to fold ‘em.” Elaborate. I know you’re going to. That can’t be it, and I’m a little behind on following this train of thought. “Thankfully you know just enough about poker to understand what I’m saying to you. One hand is not the deciding factor in a given game. Sometimes you need to not overwork yourself, or in this case not push your luck or your wallet, until things lighten up and you have a better edge.”

“It’s not giving up. It’s biding your time. If her depression is consistently throwing out- to continue with this poker theme- full houses or straights, you’re not gonna combat that easily. Just stay in the game and don’t foolishly spend your money. Wait for both her depression and your luck to flip around.”

“She’s right. One related thing to keep in mind is that Sayori isn’t too keen on others going out of their way to take care of her. She will feel worse about that the more her brain is feeding her all that negative crap. Keep in mind some of the stuff you’ve read about. Even if she doesn’t want to do anything, you can still be around her.” I hear and see the boy let out a huge sigh. For being what seems to be figments of my own mind, they sure act human enough. Perhaps that’s, like… a form you are comfortable with… sort of thing. “I guess it’s different when she wants to be completely by herself, but you thought about the whole comfortable silence scenario just this past night. That’s a perfectly viable option to be close but keeping to yourselves, you know? If she wants to be alone then so be it, but if you can help it you ought to offer her to stay in the same room and just each do your own thing. Maybe not the same room, maybe complete opposite sides of the house, but the point still stands.”

This session of introspection has been well worth the time. I can’t help but wonder where else this-

“???”

At about the same time, all three of us become attentive and peer around. Our expressions devolve into utter confusion.

“You feel that, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Certainly.”

That’s the shortest conversation I think I’ll ever have with them. There’s… _something_. Something is around us. It doesn’t feel threatening, but it is invading our spiritual energy, our auras. Something like that. Eventually, we are all peering outside the window behind my desk. We collectively feel a very faint presence somewhere outside. Whatever it is seems to have been alerted by us focusing on it. We can sense it start to move. We can’t see anything outside due to the darkness of the night, but it is nevertheless repositioning itself so that it is hidden behind solid wall.

“I’ve never been able to fly in my dreams, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Never.”

As I suspected. Well, if their agreeing and my memory hold true, anyhow. The movement of this presence made me remember that there are two floors to my home, and all of the bedrooms were on the second floor. Almost as if to go right along with my thoughts, we feel the presence back away and move upwards into the sky. We lose trace of it, but the funky feeling lingers. It feels like something odd is happening to us. The presence’s… _presence_ is leaving its mark, intentionally or otherwise.

“Maaan, this shit is weird.”

“You said it, girl. I think we will be taking our leave now.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t think we have a choice. I feel… funny, and not ha-ha funny.”

“I think that presence interrupted the stability of your dream, or the deepness of your sleep. There’s something like that that exists, right?”

“I may have heard about it in health classes…? I really don’t know.”

“Yeah, well…”

…

_Silence._

* * *

There’s darkness all around me. Ah, it would help if I open my eyes. It seems to be Saturday morning. I’ve wound up on the open side of the bed while Sayori is on the wall side. A quick glance to my alarm clock informs me that it is indeed closing in on noon. As awareness floods my newly-regained consciousness, I recall last night. Oh, what a night it was. Sayori and I, we were in absolute paradise. I never knew making love could be such a heavenly experience. Well, I guess I don’t know if that would be classified as love-making. It is also obvious that I wouldn’t know about what kind of experience it would be since I’d never done it before. I had forgone thinking too hard about it growing up, to be honest. My lowered standards meant to me that if I wound up in a relationship, then cool. If not, no big deal. I thought it redundant to think about something that might not happen, something I might not pursue, so I never focused on that type of thing. At least that let me be free of any potential standards or misconceptions about how it would go.

I turn onto my side and see that Sayori is already awake. The lights are on, so to speak, but it doesn’t look like there is anyone home yet. I’m too inexperienced with her to know if she has become a morning person or if she needs time to get going. She’s on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Her thoughts must be active. I reach out with my right hand and gently cup her face in it.

“Morning, dear sunshine,” I soothingly greet her, giving a little callback to the first poem of hers I had seen.

“Hey.” Sayori’s tone was distant. She didn’t look away from the ceiling. She didn’t even react to my hand touching her.

Oh.

_Oh no._

_She isn’t even trying to hide it._

I’m surprised that terror does not grip me. Really, I should be manhandled by a sense of dread and regret not unlike what I might find in one of our collective nightmares. Somehow, I avoid it. Nevertheless, her response brings me distress. Last night, I had accidentally segued perfectly from talking about my feelings for the other girls into professing my prioritization of Sayori. After our first kiss, another word had not been spoken. We had become an amalgamation of gentle affection, kissing each other and only touching where it would be appropriate to touch someone in public. The conversation didn’t progress. I had no idea what could possibly be going on in Sayori’s head.

Right now, I was too afraid to ask.

I do my best to swallow not only my worries, but my feelings surrounding the other girls and the idea of trying to pursue her thoughts on last night’s conversation. I’m not bringing that up right now. That would turn the focus to me, and I do not want that. What Sayori needs is attention on her, even if she fights me on that idea. I need to be delicate about this, and I hope the contents of my dream last night were not a premonition of thoughts or skills I would need that I do not possess. Sure, all that information would be useful, but I’m not fond of the idea that I may have limited clairvoyance. As it is, I’ve had too many instances of dreams being abnormal for one reason or another. If this pattern persists, I might need to seek an expert on the paranormal.

“I hope you know, now and forevermore, that you are the greatest angel to ever exist,” I whisper, stroking her cheek with my thumb. My hand gently nudges her face so that she looks towards me. I want eye contact. I don’t get it. She’s out of focus.

“Thanks.”

“You are so welcome, sweetie. How long have you been awake?”

“Dunno. Some time. I’ve just been laying here.”

“Waiting for me to wake up?”

“Sure.”

I feel it is appropriate to treat this like one of her “typical” depressive episodes. It sure seems to fall within the bits of pattern I’ve picked up on. The alternative, which makes me incredibly anxious, is that I directly caused this with my confession. I really, _really_ do not want to think of that possibility. I don’t want to hurt her. _I don’t want to hurt her._

What’s done is done, however. I just have to press on. I have the mental fortitude to do that, I’m sure. It’s time to show her just how well I can take care of her when she’s like this. It’s time to show her just what she means to me. It’s time to show her what lengths I will go to in order to improve her mood, even if it just refuses to happen. It’s time to show her _love_ , so much of it that even the most diabolical of depressive episodes couldn’t possibly let her think that she isn’t worth my time. I am sure that’s an impossible goal to achieve, but I can try.

“So, now that I’m up, what would you like to do?”

“…” Sayori blinks. Her silence is deafening. “Try not to think about how much of a burden I am.”

Her words tear at my heart a little. I’m not going to accept this laying down, however. Well, I am literally laying down, but still! This angel needs comfort. Without saying anything, I reach over her and wedge my near hand under her far side. She doesn’t resist, thankfully, and I pull her so that she rolls over on top of me. Her head is on my left shoulder and her head is facing away from me. The rest of her body is limp. It’s as though she can’t even muster the strength to show signs of motor skills existing within her.

“Who said that?” I know it’s her brain, but I’m trying to downplay it. I take her right hand into my left and give it a gentle squeeze. With my other hand, I start running my fingers through her hair. “You’re not a burden. Anyone who says that about you is an asshole.”

“Rainclouds…” One word from her. Man, this is… well, this is depressing. She didn’t even comment on my vulgarity. I was hoping she would. I guess I shouldn’t have expected her to. I’ve not become an expert on depression in the past few weeks. Such a feat would be unrealistic. What I have done is read a decent amount on it. Maybe some of the tips and tricks to handling it are superficial but at least it’s something to go on. I’m sure it also helps that I’m here for her and willing to help with these things, rather than her being at home alone and dreading doing anything.

“Well, then the rainclouds are assholes,” I reaffirm. “We can do anything we want today. Go out, watch TV, play games, pig out on food all day… lay in bed together and do nothing…” Part of me isn’t too keen on that last suggestion, but it sounds like the kind of thing she would want to do when she is like this. I’d rather suggest it so that she thinks I would actively enjoy it. Well, I would actively enjoy anything as long as it was with her, I feel.

“Nothing. You enjoy the day without me. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“Absolutely not.” I squeeze her hand a little harder and run my hand down the side of her head. “We planned to spend the weekend together. I don’t care if the only thing we do between eating and sleeping is laying here in silence. I’m spending time with you. I would rather do nothing with you than spend time doing anything else alone.”

“You shouldn’t be so honest…” Her head turns in my direction. Her eyes, with seeming difficulty, seek mine out. She blinks and returns a fraction of the hand-squeezing I’m giving her. “I don’t want you to be bored keeping me company. It’ll get tiring. You’ll get sick of me. Please…”

“No.” I cradle her face in my hand and give her forehead the most delicate kiss I can. “I’m your boyfriend, right? I love you. I want to spend time with you at all costs. You still trust me to know what’s best for you, don’t you?”

“…” I can hear her exhale and I see her nostrils obviously flaring out. She closes her eyes. It seems like I managed to get through to her a tiny bit. I’m only echoing similar things that have been said in the past. Her eyes slowly open and she gives the slightest nod. “I guess…”

“Good. Now, come on. Let’s take care of some basic needs. We can come back in here later, but we gotta wash your face and have some breakfast.”

“I don’t feel like eating.”

“Are you hungry?”

“…No.”

I look at her with extreme skepticism. She may not feel like eating but there’s no way she isn’t hungry. I know her too well. Plus, it has been at least twelve hours since we last ate anything. I know I’m hungry. I take my hand back from her face and gently roll her onto her back, enabling me to sit up. Her right hand is still in my left. I lift it up to my face and give the top of it a kiss. Her fingers twitch in response. I’m listening for something. While I wait, I pay attention to her hands. They are dainty and fragile, undoubtedly just as cute as her. Her palms have a natural softness that remind me of her giving and caring nature, always willing to lend a helping hand. While idly playing with and admiring her proportional-length fingers, I hear a distinct growl come from beside me.

“I heard that. You sure about not being hungry?”

“…Still don’t feel like eating.”

“Sayori, I will feed you myself if that’s what it takes.”

“…”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe you don’t want to put in the energy to even wield utensils. I can’t chew your food for you, but I can cook it and I can help get it into your mouth.”

“I’m not a baby…”

“No, but you are feeling like hell. I want to help that.”

“Mrr…”

“Sayori.” A slight sternness enters my voice. “If I was the one suffering, you would want with all your heart to help me in any way possible. You would beg to let you help me. Am I wrong?”

“…No. You’re right.”

“Please let me do this for you. I don’t care if it doesn’t even help your mood. It’s time well spent. It’s at the top of my list of things I want to do today.”

“…Fine.”

I exhale, giving her palm one last kiss. “Thank you.” I’m not sure if this could be called progress, but I’m considering it a win. “I can try to carry you, if you want.”

“No, I can walk,” she responds in the same monotone she has been speaking throughout this late morning. I scoot myself off the bed and stand up, allowing her to do the same. Once she is on her feet, I wrap her in a warm embrace.

“You might not feel like it, but you still seem like an angel to me,” I whisper into her ear, giving the side of her neck a smooch. Her arms don’t move. Her head, on the other hand, rests on my shoulder.

“You shouldn’t try so hard to make me feel better.”

“I don’t have to try. It comes naturally.”

“If you say so.”

I pull away, prompting her to take control of her head again. I look her up and down. This poor soul looks like she’s lived a thousand years and not slept for a single night. I work to undo the disheveled state of her clothes. Her pink shirt gets straightened out. Her feather-patterned fuzzy pajama pants get tugged up, no longer low enough to expose her undies. I briefly remember my dream and give a hint of a smile. I hadn’t paid attention to what kind of underpants she was wearing. It isn’t my business unless Sayori chooses to make it my business.

“Much better,” I say, smiling at her. She’s looking slightly away, so I take the opportunity to kiss the cheek that is facing me. She gives me a slight glance, acknowledging my action before staring behind me again. My wooden shelving housing my TV, games, books I haven’t touched in years, and miscellaneous knick-knacks must have looked very interesting to someone who had a whole bunch of negative crap going through her head. I take the opportunity to fix my own black shorts- I already know I’m wearing boxers so that’s one less existential, universe-spanning mystery- and tug my white tee so it isn’t bunched up under my arms.

“Oh, hey. Where’s your meds? You take them with food in the morning, right?”

“Downstairs in my bag.”

“Okay, good. Before we go there, let’s get into the bathroom.”

* * *

“Do you really need to do this?”

“Hey, I read that washing your face is one of those small things that’ll help. I don’t think either of us is ready for me to give you a full bath, so this will have to do.”

“This feels like a waste of your time.”

“Yeah, you would think that. You’ve got nothing positive going through your head. Just lean on the sink.”

“I thought you said face. That’s my hair.”

“Just have to get it out of your face. It’s a mess.”

“Don’t… say that.”

“Hey, you just got out of bed. Of course, it will be a mess. Besides, I think it looks cute even while messy. It adds to your charm.”

“…”

“Washcloth is all soaped up. Close your eyes.”

“Okay…”

“I need to get this over quickly. The longer this goes on, the longer I go without seeing those sky-blue beauties of yours.”

“You’re just say- ack!”

“Sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything. Didn’t expect you to open your mouth.”

“Ptoo!”

“Sorry, sweetie. At least I was just going by the side of your mouth instead of over it.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Doesn’t the warm water feel good on your face?”

“Mrr…”

“Is that the verbal equivalent of a shrug?”

“Mmm.”

“Whatever works. Now to rinse.”

“…”

“Don’t fall asleep on me, Sayori. Almost done.”

“Mm-hmm…”

“…There we go. Much better. Refreshing. I’ll dry your face off.”

“Mmm… Mmmph!”

“Sorry! Sorry. I’ll be gentler.”

“…”

“There. You can open your eyes again. I’ll take care of the mess on the sink. Why don’t you head downstairs?”

“Mm-kay.”

* * *

“Aren’t you eating?”

“I said I’d feed you, didn’t I?”

“Y-yeah…?”

“I had a bowl of cereal while I made your food. Didn’t you notice?”

“I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Alright. Well, here. Cheesy eggs, bacon, and buttered toast with milk.”

“This is…”

“Hm?”

“This is stupid. What a waste of time and energy you could be putting towards something better.”

“I told you, didn’t I? This is what I want to do. I would _waste_ , as you put it, all my energy on you as long as you were taken care of. Like I said last night, you are my priority.”

“You’re really gonna feed me?”

“Are you going to eat it yourself?”

“…”

“Do you have the energy or care to feed yourself?”

“…No.”

“Then I will take care of it. Open your mouth.”

“This is dumb… Mmmph…”

“Maybe it seems dumb, but whatever gets the job done.”

“Mmm…”

“Did they come out good?”

“I guess.”

“Not even your taste buds are treating you well? You poor thing… Here.”

“Mmmph.”

“Cheesy goodness.”

“Mmm…”

“…You know, if I had my way, I’d be the one going through this. Not you.”

“Don’t say that! That’s horrible! _This_ is horrible! I would never wish this on my worst enemy!”

“Well, I would still rather suffer so that you didn’t have to. Here.”

“Mmmph… I wouldn’t want you to suffer in my place. I would just feel bad.”

“I feel bad _now_ having to watch you suffer. So, I guess we would both be suffering together, no matter what. Another bite.”

“Mmmph. Mmm… I… I would still rather have the universe punish me than you. I’m used to it.”

“Just because you’re used to it doesn’t mean you should have to suffer over anyone else.”

“I can handle it.”

“Sayori, because of it, you…”

“…”

“You… _You almost…”_

“…”

“It… _What matters_ is th- _that you- urgh… is…_ is that you’re here. I would do anything to protect you. If I could take this from you and bear its weight myself, I would. Now, here.”

“I- mmmph. Mrr… I would still rather remain like this if it meant you don’t have to suffer.”

“Well, I guess you are the only person getting their wish. I sure can’t get mine. Here, another.”

“Mmmph.”

“If I ever saw something like I did that night, or _worse_ , I’d probably shut down completely.”

“ _MMMPH!_ Slrr drrn.”

“Sorry! I’m sorry. I’m… I’m just getting caught up in my own head now.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You’re almost done anyway. Um… Thank you for letting me do this. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re thanking me? You’re the one doing all the work.”

“Sounds weird, right? I know, but you allowed me the opportunity to take care of you when you could have resisted and just laid in my bed like a lump. Here.”

“I guess you’re right. Mmmph.”

“I hope you’re feeling at least the tiniest fraction better.”

“I… can’t tell.”

“Well that’s alright. Last bite. Here comes the airplane! _Nnneeeooorrrwww!_ ”

“…Am I 18, or am I 8? Mmmph!”

“I think 8 is still too old for someone to be doing that sort of thing. Try 3.”

“Hm. 3. That’s how old we were when we met.”

“Yeah, and you couldn’t talk right. ‘Hi, I’m Sayowi.’ Oh, that is the cutest thing looking back. I mean, it’s still cute when you speak like that on purpose now, but baby Sayori is a precious little bugger. I’m glad we met that day.”

“…”

“If I didn’t know better, I would say you have the teensiest smile on your face.”

“I can’t see it, so I guess I don’t know.”

“Heh heh heh.”

“…But I’m glad we met, too.”

“Love you, angel.”

“Love you too.”

“Before we forget, your meds. Here. Oh, totally forgot about your milk while I was feeding you. Well, uh, you can handle that…? Maybe? I don’t feel confident doing that for you between the meds and potentially getting milk all over you.”

“It’s fine. I can.”

“…Whoa. I’m, uh, glad you can still chug a whole drink without breaking a sweat.”

“Some things are automatic. Nothing that helps the rainclouds go away, but it’s still something.”

“If I forget, I want to ask you about therapy and stuff when you’re feeling better.”

“I’ll forget, too…”

“Okay. I’ll try extra hard to remember. You want to go back upstairs and lay down?”

“Yeah…”

“Alright, let’s go. No, no, leave those there. I’ll take care of it later.”

“You want me to leave my mess on your table?”

“I interacted with it more than you did. It’s my mess. No one else is around to be offended by it. You’re a sweetie for wanting to do it, but I got this. Trust me.”

“…Okay.”

* * *

“Do you want to watch anything?”

“No.”

“I’ll just put some cartoons on, then.”

“…”

“You getting comfortable?”

“It’s warm in here.”

“Well you did just eat. Your metabolism does that. Food transforms into energy, which involves the creation of heat.”

“…?”

“What’s with the look? Hey, I’m smarter than I look, you know. Just like how you’re smarter than I know.”

“That’s really mean…”

“I’m not saying you’re not smart, Sayori! I’m just saying that… well, I might know you better than anyone else, but you can still surprise me. There’s no end to your intellect, and I will never get close to knowing it because you’re so amazing.”

“…Okay. I’m taking my shirt off.”

“S-Sayori? Um…?!”

“I don’t care if you see me in my bra. Natsuki says you’ve seen more on the internet.”

“ _H-How would she know?!_ ”

“’Because he’s a boy,’ were her words.”

“…O-okay, that’s more than a fair point… But that’s different. This is you!”

“You’re laying behind me, so you won’t see anything anyway.”

“Um… Alright, you’ve got a point.”

“…”

“…”

“Do you think my body is ugly?”

“What?! _No!_ Why would you think something like that?”

“It sounded like you didn’t want to see it.”

“Of course, I wanna see- _I mean-_ I, y-you just- it- Aaagh. Gimme a sec…”

“…”

“Okay. Um. I just didn’t expect that out of you, and I figured this wouldn’t be an appropriate time for something like that, since you’re dealing with this mood.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely sure. I’m flattered, honored, and privileged that you would _want_ me to see your body, let alone allow me to.”

“…I want to believe you.”

“Grr… Here.”

“…?”

“Mmmch!”

“Um…”

“A kiss to your lower back. Does that help?”

“…Yeah.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Um. I, um… What about the front of my body…?”

“Heh. Well aren’t you clever? I-“

“What? N-no! I’m- oh, God, that sounded really manipulative, didn’t it? What was I thinking, I-“

“Sayori, it’s okay-“

“N-no, it’s not okay! I tr-tried to pres-pressure you int-into somethi-thing you proba-bab-buh-bably didn’t w-wanna-“

“No, sweetie, don’t think like that-“

“ _I did though!_ I- _I tried to-_ to get y-you to d-do some-somethi-thi-thing just s-so I-I-I could sel-selfish-selfishly f-fff _fffeel better_ about m- _mys-se-sel-se_ lf! And- and- and I shou- _shouldn’t ha-have…!_ ”

“ _Sayori!_ It’s okay! Come here.”

“I, I sh-shou- _shouldn’t ha-have… **Aaaah!**_ ”

“It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay. Just cry into my chest. I’m here. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“ ** _Mrrr-hrrr, rrrrr…_** ”

“You weren’t being manipulative. Absolutely not. Wanting to feel better isn’t a crime. You weren’t being selfish, and even if you were, sometimes you just have to be selfish and seek out whatever care you can. I wasn’t doing anything I didn’t already want to do. I love you. You could have any kind of body and I would still adore every square inch of you.”

“ ** _Mrrr_** _, rrr-hrrr-hrrr…_ ”

“Shhh, shhhhh, sweetie. It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’ll be okay. Just relax. Let it all out. I’m here.”

“ _Mrrr…_ hrrr… hrrr…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I promise. It’s okay…”

* * *

_A whimsical moment._

I feel good. I’m just standing in my room. Not much is happening. When did I get here? The thought passes me by instantly. Nothing out of the ordinary.

_My honey arrives._

There’s no door to my room. My room doesn’t look like my room, but I know it’s my room. Nothing stops Sayori for waltzing in, holding a plushy in her arms. I’ve never seen her own a mouse plushy before. I don’t question it.

_We exchange a quiet hug, smiling all the while._

What a beautiful moment this is. Her and I are together. We engage in silly nonsense. She tucks the plushy into the front of my shirt. The arms and head of it are sticking out of my collar. We giggle and join hands, spinning around in the center of the room.

_Fun times._

We don’t say much. We don’t need to. After you’ve known someone for 15 years, greetings are merely a formality, maybe even closer to a suggestion than a polite necessity. Even if we hadn’t seen each other in a week, we could march right into the other’s room and wordlessly join them on their bed. It would feel completely natural.

_She’s happy. I’m happy._

The Literature Club room is right outside my own. Sayori came to get me because it’s time for cupcakes. Natsuki brought them in just because. Bless her little heart. They look just like they did the day I joined the club: like little kitten faces. Her attention to detail is marvelous. Yuri and Monika are already seated, paper plates and oolong tea set for all of us. Natsuki dispenses the cupcakes. They’re as delicious as ever. Sayori practically inhales her first one.

_At least take the wrapper off of it. Is it called a wrapper?_

I take a napkin and wipe some frosting off the side of her mouth. She pouts. I put my hands up defensively, but she just uses her index finger to steal a bit of the icing on one of my cupcakes. What a butt she is. I let her get away with it because I love her.

_I’d let her do anything._

The girls all start talking. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I find myself unable to join the conversation. My voice is barely a whisper. My throat feels tight. I’m distressed, but not in danger. The clock isn’t advancing. How peculiar, but at the same time how normal. I may as well eat my cupcake. Sayori gives me a kiss on the cheek. I smile.

_She just wants to sneak more of my icing._

She’s too preoccupied with her second cupcake during a lull in the conversation to steal anything from me. There’s an announcement on the school’s PA system. I didn’t hear anything coherent, but the girls all stand up and usher me into the closet with them. Once we close the doors, the back of the closet opens up into a park. Sayori goes skipping off with excitement. Natsuki runs after Sayori, hands over her head. Monika jogs briskly after them. Yuri is much more reserved, walking steadily with her hands clasped together behind her back. I don’t move.

_These girls…_

Something blots out the sun. It’s a giant spaceship! The girls run back towards me. Even as they’re gathering behind me, they’re giggling as though this is all a game. Is it? Isn’t it? The spaceship fires a beam of energy at us. I whip out a mirror from nowhere and deflect it back at the ship. The ship isn’t damaged, but it lets out a mechanical whirring sound and leaves. The girls raise me over their heads and cheer. When they bring me back down, they all take turns showering my cheeks with kisses.

_I could get used to this._

I realize I’ve been shirtless this whole time. How embarrassing! The girls feel my biceps and admire my abs. When did I get those? Is someone admiring my deltoids? I don’t even know where or what those are! Someone strokes their fingers down my back and I turn into putty. I hear squeals. They think I’m cute. Sayori now has the mouse plushy and is having it kiss my face. The girls think that’s cute. I think that’s cute. Natsuki had cupcakes in her pocket that she’s taking out. They look perfectly fine and not like they were crammed into her pockets. The school skirts have pockets? Now I’m wearing one of those skirts. I’m cute as heck. I beckon to Sayori for the plushy. She hands it over without hesitation and I hold it like a baby against my chest.

_What a precious moment._

Monika grabs my face and starts making out with me. It’s sloppy, but fun. Monika moves to the side and allows Yuri to share a kiss with me. It is serene and graceful. Natsuki is next. She pulls my head down for it. Her lips are so comforting even though her kiss is forceful and full of fiery passion. Sayori is the last, but certainly not the least. We touch foreheads before gingerly bringing our mouths together, sharing a magical moment.

_The girls love me._

We engage in a group hug. I’m at the center of it. This is the greatest. I saved all the girls from sure destruction that lurked on the horizon. The sky is darkening with mysteries, but it doesn’t matter. We have each other. They love me. They’re happy. I’m happy.

_Now everyone can be happy._

* * *

I stir. It isn’t too much, but I stir nonetheless. Sayori is still curled up against me, face buried into my chest. I can still feel the wetness from her tears on the front of my shirt. This poor angel, having to bear the brunt of her brain running wild on her like that. She must have fallen asleep from overexertion, and I guess I followed not too long after.

So, today is a mess. I exhale less than gently and rub my sweetheart’s back. Ah, right, she took her shirt off earlier. She is as soft as I can imagine skin to be, not that I’ve laid hands on anyone else’s but hers. Well, besides my own, of course. I have no real reference point. All I know is that her brain needs to screw off. Maybe Sayori isn’t as high on the scale of conventional societal beauty standards- she is adorable and precious compared the typical “ideal” of beautiful and sexy- but society’s word doesn’t mean a damn thing compared to mine. Maybe that’s egotistical, but no one need concern themselves with Sayori’s beauty except me. And her. Her and I. If I can help it, even she won’t need to concern herself with how she looks. I will love her personality and her looks enough for the both of us. She is preciousness incarnate, soft as a cloud, and just an overall wonder of the world. How many are there? 7? Were there some added to that over the past few decades? 8? 9? She’s the 10th, or however many there are, plus her. The point is she ought to not have to feel bad about her looks. She’s an adorable angel and deserves protection.

I peer towards the small dresser that serves as a nightstand by my bed. Our phones are there. Sayori is the heaviest sleeper I know, but I’m not sure I want to risk rousing her from her slumber. Who knows if she sleeps lighter when she’s like this, and it’s not like this was a completely natural sleep in the first place. Emotion caused this. Negative emotion, to boot. We are close enough to the edge of the bed, though. I can get my phone with a little assistance. I grab the pillow behind me and reach out to the dresser with it. I use my phone more often, so I keep it closer to the bed. Without too much difficulty, I use the pillow to nudge it off the dresser and onto the bed, where it is within reach. I toss the pillow behind me and grab the glorious little piece of technology.

“That’s the good stuff,” I whisper to myself, proud of my accomplishment. Hey, you take what you can get sometimes, you know? I flick my phone into silent mode to ensure nothing I do will make a loud enough noise to wake her, even though the TV is still on from earlier. Task #1: don’t wake the baby doll. Task #2: entertain myself. Before I proceed beyond my lock screen, I take a look back down at Sayori. I can’t see her expression, as she’s below me and facing mostly into my chest. Her right arm is laying across my waist. I hope she is resting well. Out of curiosity, I open up the camera utility. I switch to the face camera and, with some difficulty, manage to see the side of her face in the camera view. She looks quite peaceful. I would like to think that her earlier breakdown released a lot of built-up emotion and tension that was residing within her. I snap a picture, throw a caption praising her as my strong angel, and upload it to social media. Basically, only the club follows my account and I follow them, but that’s all that I care about.

Hm. This gives me an idea. I switch from photo to video and start recording, aimed at myself. “Hey, Sayo. I know you’ll see this later. I just want to remind you how much I love you and tell you how brave you are.” I hover my phone over her face. Her gentle features don’t have any tear stains on them from what I can tell. I’m glad. “You see this face? This is the face of an angel. She fights so hard to lead the life she wants.” I bring the phone back to my face. “We both want what’s best for her, and damn it all she is going to get that. I will help see to it. I love you, Sayori. Mmmwah!” I kiss towards the phone’s camera and end the recording, not hesitating to upload it to social media as well.

Seeing her precious face got me craving a little bit of her. She deserves affection, and to be quite honest I am ready to give that in spades. I place my phone just behind me. Her arm is still around my waist. I slide my hand under it and start bringing it up towards my face. Her hand rests in front of my lips. I connect the two together and leave a small kiss on the tip of one finger. What dainty hands Sayori has. I’m such a degenerate, wanting to hold this hand with all my love. What would the club think of me? I dare to give the next finger over a kiss. So lewd! Another kiss. And another. Scandalous! Her thumb is last. Natsuki would accuse me of high perversion if she were to see this. Maybe I should stop and let her be. I did grab my phone for a reason, but now that this hand is in front of me, I feel compelled to shower it with love. Perhaps my sweetie will feel it in her sleep, influencing her dreams. Maybe I will just give each finger another kiss. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! _Mwah!_ Hmm… Mwah! Maybe- mwah- another… mwah… dozen… mwah… each…

* * *

**_BZZZT!_ **

I get the hell scared out of me and jerk suddenly, surprised. Sayori’s phone was on silent, but that didn’t stop its vibration from making way more noise on my dresser than it had any right to. I quell my accelerated heart and come back down from the jolt. Unfortunately, the overpowered noise of Sayori’s phone combined with my startled reaction led Sayori herself to respond to the stimuli. My TV’s automatic inactivity timer must have caused it to turn off while I wasn’t paying attention, helping the phone’s noise stand out. How long was I giving my gentle affections to her? Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now. I feel it slip out of my loose grip as she takes cognitive control of her body.

“Mmm…” Sayori hums, becoming aware of her surroundings. It seems she is awake. I silently curse her phone and turn my attention down to the angel herself. She is slowly nudging herself up to be face-to-face with me. “Hey there…”

“Hey, yourself,” I respond. My left hand comes up to brush at some of the hair surrounding her face. “You’ve been awake for 10 seconds, but you still look as gorgeous as ever.”

“Hmm…!” Sayori gently shoves me with the ends of her fingers and lets out an airy, one-syllable chuckle. It’s one of those things where a hum is crossed with a sudden momentary exhalation through your nostrils. “Silly…”

“I get it from you.” With a cheeky smile, I lean forward and plant the gentlest of kisses onto her forehead, not minding the fact that her bangs are in the way. When I lean back so that my head isn’t craned forward, I find that her eyes are closed. She is closing in on my shoulder and rests her face in the crook of my neck. I’m relieved that she has shown more animation in this past minute than she did all morning.

“Mm-hmm…” Sayori’s response is a whimsical hum of confirmation. The miniscule vibrations of her lips against my skin cause me to twitch for just a moment. I bring my left arm up and around her shoulders, and I lean into her for additional comfort.

“I’m sorry about waking you. Your phone went off. Silent, my butt. Its vibrations were louder than a jet engine. I nearly jumped out of my skin!” My soft exclamation causes her to let out another airy giggle. It’s barely audible, but this time it’s her breath against my skin that causes me to squirm.

“I should check that…” Every sentence out of Sayori’s mouth, full or partial, leaks fatigue. No surprise there. She did pass out from exhaustion, after all. I want to ask how she is doing, but at the same time it seems like she is content to forget her depressive episode. I don’t blame her. She hasn’t mentioned anything. She must know I was there comforting her the whole time. As long as she doesn’t want to bring it up, I won’t. My actions spoke for me, and I do not need thanks for offering simple compassion to my girlfriend.

I feel her lips on my neck. She lets out a soft noise as she parts from me. Kissed by an angel. I am sure I will never get over that concept. I mean, it has only been a fraction of a day that that’s been a thing, but still. She rolls over to nab her phone. I slide my hand down from her shoulder to her waist once she is on her other side, feeling nothing but skin aside from a small portion of a bra strap. I’m not sure if I should have done that, but Sayori doesn’t seem concerned. I pay it no mind.

Sayori settles onto her back and holds her phone above her head, checking whatever notification she got. I allow my hand to take up residence upon her stomach, rubbing it. She hums contently. From my position, I can see her near eye move on occasion, focused on her phone screen.

“ _Just saw the pic and vid… XD… You two are such adorbs… 3 exclamation points… Kitty face… Smiley face… Different kitty face…_ ” Sayori reads aloud in quite the soft voice, still the leading candidate for tiredness incarnate with how slowly she is reading. I guess the message was from Natsuki. Sayori’s basic description of the emojis used fit the Princess’s texting style. I can imagine in my head the shortened grammar she usually uses when online, with “adorbs” being the only word that was inherently different when spoken aloud.

Hey, it’s been a bit. I realize I didn’t receive any notification vibrations! How come I didn’t get a text? Natsuki is such a _butt_. She is **very** much a keister. What an absolute **_rumpus!_** Well, maybe she left a comment on the posts themselves but wanted to say something additional to Sayori. They are quite close friends, after all, while Yuri and Monika are closer. They say opposites attract, but in this case the “less mature” girls and the “more mature” girls gravitated towards each other more easily over the last month. In any case, maybe I will give Nat a hard time about not shooting me a text later. Well, if I even remember.

“ _Thanks… Nattie… smiley face… heart… exclamation point…_ ” Sayori reads her response aloud as she types it, no doubt so I know what she’s saying. Silent gaps between words or emojis denote her typing out the word, as she doesn’t have the fastest fingers. Touchscreens can be finicky, and she never got fully used to them. Flip phones, on the other hand, she was diabolically skilled at texting on. Technology marches on, however, and Sayori had not developed the same skill. Even though she, like Natsuki, shortened her grammar here and there, touchscreen texting just didn’t come naturally to her, and a lack of hand-eye coordination meant she could be plagued by a typo or 20 and have to re-type something. Of course, she sometimes would just not bother to fix it before sending, resulting in some truly outrageous comedic material.

Sayori’s head turns ever so slightly as she lowers her phone onto her chest. Did she just- yes, she indeed placed her phone horizontally on its side between the exposed upper area of her boobs. I try to hide the fact that I saw this, but I let out a muffled guffaw through my closed lips. A scant smile attempts to appear but is replaced with a more neutral expression. “What happened while I was out…?” She still sounds tired. It’s still no surprise.

“Oh, uh…” A sheepish grin spreads across my face. I didn’t think about being the one to explain it to her, but Natsuki accidentally snitched. “I was giving your hand all kinds of kisses. Also, I may have used my phone to capture some good footage. Check your timeline,” I explain, referring to her social media feed. She blinks at me in a surprisingly deadpan sort of way, cocks an eyebrow- the one I can see clearly- and picks her phone back up from betwixt her bust. Betwixt? I guess it isn’t just my dreams that Yuri is rubbing off on. No, her colorful use of language is invading my conscious thoughts as well. I guess I should be thankful. I did tell Sayori that Yuri makes me feel more intelligent than I probably am, so it fits.

The trek to Sayori’s timeline is short. She has more uses for her internet accounts than I do and is more involved with them, but it still doesn’t take her long to see what I posted. “ _Sleeping angel is the best… She looks so peaceful… I could hold her in my arms forever… My big, strong girl... Fighting for her happiness… I’m so proud of her… And proud to be with her… 5 different heart emojis..._ ” Sayori reads off the caption from the picture. The edges of her lips curl up. She plays the video next. I’m glad I kept it short. She listens to my words intently. I never thought my voice was any good when hearing it played back to me, but it’s the contents of my words that are shining here rather than how I sound. I’m still cringing a little because I realized, after hearing her recite the pic’s caption and what I said in the video, that I kind of said the same things between both. Oh well. They are worth repeating. The video ends. Sayori sets her phone down on the dresser this time and rolls back into my embrace.

“How sweet of you…” Sayori once again rests her face into the crook of my neck and nuzzles against it. I’m prepared for it this time and do not squirm. My left arm is around her waist now, rubbing at her lower back. Her right arm, likewise, is around my own waist.

“I try, Sayori. I try.”

“You succeed…” Sayori places another kiss on my neck. And another. And another. I rest my head further into my pillow, put at ease by her affection. My relaxed state opens up more of my neck to her, and she plants a very slow flurry- can it be called a flurry if it’s slow?- of pecks. Anywhere between what my shirt exposes of my collar area up to just under my ear are under a willing attack of softness. Man, this is absolutely… _glorious!_ If only she could have felt the kisses I adorned her fingers with. Surely it would have felt like this, and she deserves to feel like I do right now.

“I must have, if I’m in the position I am. Lemme tell you, it’s fantastic~”

“You’ll have- _mmmch_ \- to show- _mmmch_ \- me just- _mmmch_ \- how fantastic- _mmmch_ \- it is- _mmmch_ \- sometime- _mmmch_ ~”

“I’d b-be del-deligh-delighted!” I will admit, I wasn’t expecting something like that out of her, so it came as a shock to my system and hindered my ability to speak. I guess it’s safe to say she is feeling much better. I’m glad. Perhaps that breakdown from earlier helped release a lot of built-up stress and negative emotion she had been holding in. So, was the breakdown caused by the depressive episode? Was that episode from what I spoke about last night? Or was it just a one-off mood not tied to depression? And if it was the latter, did my comforting her help that mood? Did it help her become more secure about my love and prioritization of her over everyone else? …Am I playing 20 questions with myself right now? I sure am. There is too much to ponder, and I will likely get no answers due to not wanting to ask. I’m afraid of accidentally bringing her back to that mood by mentioning it. I don’t know exactly how volatile her emotions can be.

“Good…” Sayori’s kisses stop littering my neck. She lifts her head and comes back up face-to-face with me, resting her head on the pillow. She brings her hand up and cups the side of my face in it. My own hand does the same with hers, thumb stroking her cheek. She looks like she is about to say something. I remain silent in preparation for her words. “Why are you so good to me?”

I smile warmly. “Because I love you.”

“Why would you love a silly girl like me…?”

“Why would _you_ love a dumb boy like me?”

“Because I’ve known you all my life…!”

“Likewise, angel.”

“You didn’t answer my question though…”

“I did though! Your answer is mine.”

“That doesn’t count… You need more reasons to love me…”

“Why, because you’re mentally ill?”

“…”

“Look. Every decent person is deserving of care and love. You’re not just a decent person. You’re the most pure-hearted girl I could ever imagine existing.”

“A girl of pure heart doesn’t hate herself.”

“A girl of pure heart looks out for others far more than she does herself, whether she has a positive or negative opinion on what she’s worth. She makes sure others are more well-cared for than herself, even at her expense. You do that, Sayori. You do all that and more. It doesn’t matter why you do it. What matters is that you do it at all.”

“…”

“Let me ask you a question: am I your Superman?”

“Of course…”

“If I go crazy then will you _still_ call me Superman?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?”

“Always.”

“Well, if you were ill, I would still call you my angel. And you are ill. And you are, have always been, and forever _will_ be my angel.”

“…Really…?”

“I don’t care if you feel that you are weak, or broken, or anything like that.”

“…”

“I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might.”

“…”

“I can be strong enough for as many people as I need to, but I can especially be strong enough for you and I.”

“…”

“Do you believe me, Sayori? Do you trust me?”

“…”

Sayori doesn’t answer me with words. Instead, she leans in and introduces her lips to mine. We run our corresponding hands through each other’s hair, cherishing the moment. It’s not a short kiss, either; our love runs deep, as you would expect for a duo essentially comprised of childhood sweethearts.

In this moment, I can’t help but wonder how long she has wanted to kiss me. How long has she wanted to hold me, to lay in bed with me, to cuddle up and do nothing with me? And I remained oblivious to it. Monika wasn’t the only one to have an epiphany last month. Sayori was the crux of my own mind-blowing revelation. Monika still hasn’t spoken about hers, but mine was definitely one surrounding emotions. I’ve revisited this line of thought recently, but Sayori truly re-awakened me. She helped me get back in touch with my sense of humanity. She saved me, and in turn I saved her. How harmonious. How romantic. How… poetic. Fitting.

The kiss comes to an end. Sayori places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We can’t help but stare into each other’s eyes. She is seeing nothing but a golden yellow right now. Really, she is the one that ought to be associated with gold here. Sky blue is still as fitting as anything else for her. She is my sky, my world.

“I love you…” Sayori practically sighs.

“I love you too…” I respond, my words feeling like they were floating on clouds.

“You know what else I am, sweetie?” A gleam in her eye makes me wonder.

“What’s that, angel?”

“ **Hungry!** ” With a swift movement, she leans forward and “bites” my cheek with her lips. “ _Nom!_ ”

“ _Ack!_ ” I’m taken by surprise yet again. It seems to be a recurring theme today. Though Sayori’s energy spiked, it seems it was but a momentary thing. She pulls away slightly, and I can tell that her demeanor is back to as it has been since she woke up. Still, I’m glad she showed such vivaciousness even for mere seconds, not to mention admitting that she needs sustenance.

“Ehehe…” Sayori’s softer-than-usual giggle makes me yearn for her to be in an even better mood. I know it will come again. It will happen countless times, in fact. The way I look at it is that it can’t happen soon enough. I take her hand in mine, give her palm a kiss, and use it to wipe my cheek where any of her saliva may have been left. “ _Hey!_ ”

“Haaahahaha!” I flash Sayori a cheeky grin. She gives me a playful scowl and nudges me with her hand, wiping it on my shoulder in the process. I stick my tongue out at her. She responds by doing the same. I stick my tongue out further and more intensely, and she matches my strong spirit. “Nyeeehhh!” I let out, aiming to assert my dominance. Sayori, not to be outdone, enacted a plan I could never have account for. She leans in and touches the tip of her tongue to mine, causing me to jolt backwards, surprised. “ _Ack!”_

“Ehehe…”

“…Haha, hahaha…” I have to admit, that was pretty funny. I ruffle her hair gently. She lets out a squeak. My attention is on her face, so I don’t notice that my ruffling almost knocked her bow right out of her hair. “Whoops! My bad. I’ll fix that…” Wait. Wait. Wait. “You sleep with this on?”

“I wear it always… _Always_ …” Sayori seems peculiarly insistent with her tone, but of course she would. I knew how important her bow was to her. As far as I knew before today, she only took it off when she went to bed and when she bathed. Now that this revelation has occurred, I wonder if she even takes it off doing the latter. I guess it wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t. She gives me a curious look. “You didn’t see it earlier…?”

“Nope. Eh, sssort of? I was too preoccupied with your cute face.” I smile. She blushes. “Plus, I’m so used to seeing you with it on. I didn’t even think about it.” I remove the bow completely from her hair. The segment of hair that it was attached to is easily distinguishable from the rest of that charming mess of coral-pink. I haven’t seen this in practically forever since she never has it off in front of me, but the bow has a simple plastic clip attached to the back of it that lets it attach to where the wearer wants it to be. Age has worn the clip, so it doesn’t close as tight as it used to. As long as no dumdum like me messes with it though, it will stay in place. I delicately take the segments of hair the bow belongs on, hold the clip open with my fingers, and reattach the bow.

“Thankies…~” I receive a kiss on the cheek- where she licked me, no less- as my reward. “Can we go get some food now…?” Sayori’s puppy-dog eyes and pout don’t need to be used on me at this point in time. She still likes using them anyway. I smile at her adorableness.

“Of course. Come on, let’s go. Cuties first~”

“Ehehe…!”

* * *

_Irregular heartbeat._

I know how this goes. I’m becoming even more aware. Even my speeding heart slows to its natural rhythm within a matter of moments.

_I must be dreaming._

“ **Yes.** ”

_GAH!_

I topple out of my desk chair like a goddamned buffoon. Muffled cackles greet my ears. As I pull myself to my feet, utilizing my desk chair for assistance, I notice that the Dream Twins- I guess I will christen them that officially- are already seated on my bed. They spoke in tandem again, and this time it seemed to penetrate my mind.

“Good job, Bozo!”

What’s with the women of my life teasing and making fun of me lately? Her words also seem to focus in on my consciousness more so than previously. Well, subconsciousness, I suppose. Is this a side effect of being in their proximity more? They are literally figments of my mind from what they said last night, so I guess that makes sense. I pull myself up and seat my butt back in the chair.

“Thanks,” I remark dryly, turning in the chair to face them. “So, things are… _interesting…_ ”

“Yeah,” the boy says, clasping his hands together in his lap. His voice also echoes a little more inside my brain than last night. “You give us as a duo a title but not individual names?”

“Is this going to be a recurring thing, reading each other’s thoughts?” I ask with narrowed eyes, leaning one elbow on my desk and propping my head up in my hand. I may have been able to anticipate some of what they said and did earlier, but they seem to have a greater aptitude for this.

“We are a collective consciousness controlled, as you will see.” The girl wags a finger in my direction. “Better get used to it. We are one.”

“On the upside, once we become more in-tune with each other, we will be able to go over things much, _much_ more quickly. That is to our benefit. Our time is limited, after all.” The boy lets out a disappointed sigh. I know what he’s getting at.

“Right. Well, first…” I know you’re listening. Come on. Read my mind. Tell me what names I’m giving you.

“Cee,” the boy states.

“Em,” the girl remarks.

“Punks…” I mutter, giving a glance to the opposite side of the room.

“I _SAID_ get _USED_ to it!” Em huffs, putting her closed fists on her hips and leaning forward. Even seated cross-legged, she still came off as at least a bit intimidating.

“Easy, _easy!_ I’m just messing!” I lean back a bit and put my free arm up defensively, surprised at her abrasiveness. “Maybe I should have proposed En for Natsuki, ‘cuz you sure sound like her right now.” Em merely rolls her eyes and takes a figurative chill pill, though not without folding her arms over her chest. “I mean, how often are we really going to use those names anyhow?”

“Validation is nice,” Cee says bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“All of us right now are thoughts, and _we_ count,” Em adds.

“I suppose you have a point.”

Being able to remember my dreams comes quite easily to me when I’m already dreaming. Funny how that works. Come to think of it, am I lucid dreaming? Usually you only become aware of being in a dream when you’ve become lucid and can take control. How disgustingly horrible would it be if I _was_ lucid dreaming this whole time and was trapped, not realizing I could control things while the same nightmare plagued me over and over? Well, to hell with that. No more will I be burdened by that. Hopefully. Maybe when not in that horrible place, I could take advantage of  any lucidity. _If_ I remember that I’m lucid, anyhow. In hindsight, it’s almost annoying how much was vivid about the earlier dream. I could live out my greatest fantasies in other dreams and not remember anything about them 5 minutes after waking up, but I get to recall the weird-ass, almost surreal _experience_ I had while napping with Sayori in the afternoon. How peculiar.

I hear a chuckle. “What’s so funny, Cee?”

“Your greatest fantasy right now is being with Sayori!”

“…You got me there. I ain’t even mad. I get to live out my greatest fantasy.” I give an enthusiastic thumbs-up in their direction.

“Rockin’!” Em beams while the two of them fist-bump. “Now, as you were saying- or thinking, rather- it _is_ peculiar that you had a normal dream after going so long without one. The obvious thing to take away is that, while we can help you sort through your thoughts, our presence is not guaranteed.”

“Right,” I say with perfect understanding. “I had my usual nightmare 2 nights ago, and it was broken by your existence. It feels so strange now. It almost feels like it was a point of recovery for me. I wish I knew what changed. _Did_ anything change? Or was it just my mind giving me a break? _Wait-_ “

The Twins look at me with knowing eyes. They probably know what I’m going to do, but they have nothing to respond with in the interim. I stand from the desk chair and make my way to the bed. “At ease, soldiers. We have stuff to discuss. Let’s lay down and get in sync.”

I crawl onto my bed and lay down between them. They follow suit, and we all come to a rest. It doesn’t matter who is speaking at this point. Did it ever matter? We are the same person, just from slightly different perspectives. I guess we are also slightly different temperaments, too. I’m more neutral, more like how I am in the waking world. Em seems to be more hot-headed. Cee is more relaxed. That’s only what I’ve been able to gather from basically two sessions like this, though. I wonder why they are different like that and if it’s significant somehow. I’ve got enough things to think about as it is, so I’m just going to store that one in the back of my mind for the time being.

“So, was my mind giving me a break? The only thing that has changed is time marching on. I guess you could say Sayori and I have grown even closer since _the incident_ , but that’s just another product of time. And what about what happened when I was asleep in the Literature Club room?”

“Alright, slow down. One thing at a time. To address the nap in the club room, we can talk about that but there’s no way it was an ordinary dream. That will remain excluded.”

“First, our debut dream, if you will. The nightmare you had 2 nights ago. It could have simply been a natural progression of time thing. The only other options… Either your brain has forced you into tapping into subconscious power and given you us, these figments of your mind, as a coping mechanism, or… the trauma has gotten to you so much that your subconscious mind simply… _split_. Fragmented. Basically, you got FUBARed.”

“Ugh… Can’t it be both the coping and the trauma?”

“I suppose…?”

“The trauma bit we don’t like either, but we can’t leave that out as a possibility.”

“Yeah…” I sigh and bring my hands up to my face, rubbing at it. “I’m tired of this.”

“So are we.”

“You said it, dude.”

“At least if it’s both, I get the coping mechanism thing alongside the trauma. I just don’t want it to be from trauma alone. I need a positive to balance out the negative. I have an angel to protect.”

“And-“

“ _No._ I’m not bringing anything up to the girls unless Sayori talks to me. I poured my heart out to that sweetheart. She knows exactly where I stand. I said all I can say, and then I kissed her. It’s not something she’s going to forget.”

“Huh. Alright. We can tell you’ve made up your mind.”

“I sure have. If this is a missed opportunity, then so be it. Well, I don’t think it can really have been an opportunity in the first place if Sayori wouldn’t have been on board. Yeah… That’s right. It isn’t a missed opportunity if I could never have taken the shot in the first place. I’ll learn to deal with that. I made a preliminary move. The ball is no longer in my court. I tried, and that’s what matters.”

“You sure did.”

“But you would still help and protect the other girls if it came down to it. They may or may not be potential lovers, but they are still your friends.”

“…Yeah. I would. Sayori still comes first, but I will not ever turn a blind eye to their problems.”

“Good man. So, after a month of suffering from almost the same exact nightmare whenever you dream, suddenly your brain is all, ‘Well here’s something to help assuage this whole situation,’ and here we are.”

“It’s a travesty that we don’t have more answers here. All we can really know for certain is that this just kinda… happened. If you had any idea, we would have some inkling of that thought. Unfortunately, dude, we got nothin’.”

“The only thing we can stand by is that it happened at all, and now we are taking advantage of it. Whether it is a coping mechanism, trauma, both, or some other option that hasn’t become apparent to us, we are going to use it to its full potential.”

“Yeah. If nothing else, I’m grateful to be away from the nightmares. You could have come up to me and started spouting nothing but randomly strung-together words as long as it got me out of that cycle of madness.”

“And we are all grateful for that cycle to be broken. To hell with that!”

“Agreed. So, there was that, and then next was the club room nap.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Not a goddamn clue, huh?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Wait. Isn’t there something, like… ugh, something about being able to travel outside your body? I don’t even know what it’s called.”

“That sounds familiar, dude. You may be onto something. But, wouldn’t that require purposeful intent? You can’t just do that accidentally, can you?”

“Not a gosh-darned clue.”

“Cute, Cee. Real cute. I hear you making fun of me. I’m right here. We _share_ the same thought processes!”

“Don’t take it so personally, Em. I’m just teasing you.”

“Oh, holy crap. Are you two, you two who are literal parts of me, about to get into it with each other? _How?! We’re the same person!_ ”

“Erm…”

“Well, you know how people don’t always like parts of themselves?”

“…Oh. _Oh._ Great. I’m glad I- I’m glad I learned about that. Makes me hopeful for my future.”

“Eeehhh… Yeah, that’s an appropriate reaction.”

“Sorry to be the progenitor of that.”

“Progenitor? If I’m Natsuki, you’re Yuri, Cee.”

“Well I am more collected.”

“I’ll give _you_ something to collect.”

“Oh for- _okay_ , back to the task at hand. We have a faint thought on what that club room nap might have been, but we don’t have anything else. This morning is the next stop. The only thing out of the ordinary is that presence. It didn’t feel malicious, so what’s the deal?”

“That one is out of my realm of understanding.”

“Yeah, I gotta say I’m even less sure about that.”

“Okay. Cool, cool. So, barring this dream, the last one to look at is the one I had this afternoon. That had to be the most normal dream I’ve had in what feels like decades. The most significant things were that I was greeted early by Sayori, I was enjoying the company of the girls, and I wound up saving them.”

“I almost feel like analyzing what seems to be a regular dream will get us nowhere. We can glean literally anything from it if we look hard enough. The most obvious things are what we take away, and that’s what you already said.”

“I’m with Cee. If you dream about spending time with your friends, then either you clearly enjoy it if you do it frequently, or you miss it if it’s been a while since you last did it. Sayori is a typical fixture in your life. The girls are, also. Instead of that last thing being something that’s already part of your day-to-day routine, you pine to save them. It might be more from themselves than any outside threat like the dream had, but you want to save them, help them, nonetheless.”

“…Yeah, that sounds about right. I want Yuri to grow some confidence and feel like she matters. I want Natsuki to feel cared about and that she has people she can be softer around. I want Monika to not be plagued by her reputation becoming bigger than she can handle. And, I don’t need to speak about what I want for Sayori…”

“ **Totally.** ”

“Agh, Jesus! It’s even worse when you two do that right next to my face like that. Hey hey hey, stop laughing. This is not being at ease, you dingbats!”

“Haaahahaha, sorry!”

“Heeehehehe, can’t help it sometimes!”

“You two, geez… Okay, so uh, is that it?”

“For analyzing these recent dreams, yes.”

“Good. So, one last thing here. This morning we went over Sayori not taking too kindly to being doted on when she is in a depressive mood. I didn’t seem to have too much of an issue with that this time. There was some persuasion needed, but not an unbearable amount self-loathing _or_ resistance.”

“That’s good. We are glad to be wrong in this case.”

“You know it, bro! Consider it a victory! It _has_ been some time since her last episode, and things have changed even in the short amount of time since then. With how short it seemed to be, I guess those meds are doing well for her.”

“Yeah. Good… Man, this is a lot to take in. I never thought I’d experience fatigue in a dream, but here I am dealing with it. It’s a mental thing, of course, but still.”

“Time to take a break?”

“Yeah, for sure. Uh… So, I know we talked about having limited time and all, but breaks are going to have to be mandatory if we go through a lot of stuff in one session. If these things go on for too long, it’ll become overwhelming.”

“We completely understand that, of course. These things are for taking refuge from reality and collecting yourself. Were they to become stressful, that would be… detrimental.”

“It would suck big donkey balls.”

“ _Em!_ ”

“ ** _Heeehehehe~_** ”

“Oh, dear lord, I synced up my laughter with hers by accident. Is that going to be a thing now?!”

“Oy vey… I guess so.”

“I will have to brace for that. Okay, so Cee has been influenced by Yuri and Monika’s personalities: professional, reserved, and straight-laced. Em has been influenced by Sayori and Natsuki’s personalities: fiery, mischievous, and unapologetic.”

“Unapologetic?”

“Sayori is always unapologetically cheerful. Natsuki is always unapologetically honest. Something like that stuff. You know what I mean.”

“She will get it in a moment, if she doesn’t already.”

“Right. Anyhow, um… Since I need a break from all this, can I just… end it at will?”

“Pfft, you can try, dude.”

“I wonder if I will wind up in some other dream.”

“Only one way to find out.”

“Guess I’ll just think really hard about this coming to a close. See you next time.”

“Heeehehehe... _See_ you next time. I _see_ what you did there.”

“Don’t leave me alone with her. Please.”

“Can’t help you there, Cee. We’re all the same person, so you’re stuck with her either way. Later! If this works, anyhow. Just gotta focus…”

_It’s worth a shot._

…

* * *

I feel pretty rested. I guess there was nothing after that retrospective session. That, or I just don’t remember it. No matter. I have Sayori in my arms. I’ll just lay here since it seems early. Maybe I’ll even fall back asleep. No guarantee I will dream at all, but more sleep can’t hurt. The angel is facing me, curled up on her side, laying in my arms. Right where she belongs. I give her a kiss on the forehead and relax myself, letting her face fill my heart with happiness as I drift back off.

Recurring nightmares. Weird lucid dreams, if they were even lucid. Being outside my body, if _that_ was what that was. Now it’s back to normal dreams.

_Man_ , this stuff is _weird_. Who knows what’ll happen next…

* * *

End Chapter 4

* * *

Boy, do I love making references. I also enjoy figuring out how to put them into a context in which they make sense on their own without looking out of place.

Do I need to attribute using a single line from a song at the end here? I am not sure but better safe than sorry, I suppose.

Song lyrics are present in this chapter. In order:

Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down (“If I go crazy…”, “If I’m alive…”, “I’ll keep you…” lines)  
Collective Consciousness – Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance OST (“…collective consciousness controlled, as you will see.”)

_Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	5. The Confession

Notes & Responses

* * *

Don’t be surprised to see a little bit of minor grammar inconsistencies—improvements if I do them correctly, not just inconsistencies—the more I write compared to in earlier chapters. Various things are a stylistic choice, apparently, but I’m still learning more.

 **RandomIdiot1816** – Hahaha, I have no intentions of writing smut for this fic. Safe-for-work intimacy is good for fluff and such, but anything beyond that is a hard no. ~~Mother and Sister are reading this (HI Y’ALL).~~ I mean, I wouldn’t have pushed further even if they weren’t reading; I’m pretty good overall but writing quality lewd stuff is outside of my expertise. Besides that, I’d already planned to have some flashback scenarios take place of where the lewd stuff would be implied to happen. And yesss, the wholesomeness level being astronomical is precisely the kind of thing I’m shooting for. Cheers, mate!

 **FireClaw90A**  – Aaaaa you commented! Cheers! Yeah, I’m trying to go for a good balance of angst and fluff. Hell, Mother’s comment was along the lines of like, “It’s scary and sad how well [Sayori’s depression] is presented in this chapter, but you would know,” and I was like, “Yeeaaahhhh…” But hey, my experiences helped me write something like this. Suffering for your art, and all that. I appreciate your interest. I know you said you were going to read but I appreciate the kind words nonetheless! **Also, we just realized recently that you left the server D:**

 **itsyourboi12345doritos**  – Cheers for the comment, even if it is pretty ambiguous what you could be responding to. I have a feeling that repeated, “Ow,” is for the emotional pain I’ve inflicted, ahaha~ Well, the situation got better, so the pain fades and is replaced with a wistful hope for something more positive down the line, or something like that!

 **Yoywero** – Hahaha, yeah, I gave a little chuckle myself when coming up with that line. As for Yurika… There’s a lot of stuff that I have planned out for this fic, but there’s some things that are beyond my scope of knowledge that I’ll have to think about the further in I get. Until a little while ago I had… I don’t want to say I INTENDED for it to be completely from MC’s point of view, but it’s more along the lines of, like, I simply had not put active effort into planning for any other point of view being used. Now, however, there are at least a few scenarios I have that intend to make use of a third-person perspective with MC as mostly the focus, so it’s not like going outside of MC’s point of view would not fit what I am planning to present. That said, while it’s true all the planning I’ve done has been for MC interactions with the girls (one-on-one or otherwise), I won’t deny that there is plenty about the contents of this fic that I myself don’t even know. I would certainly like to give some attention to multiple different pairings, so writing stuff that doesn’t involve MC should be just as simple as what I’ve already written and planned. I’m sure I can come up with The Good Stuff™. “I am confident in my abilities to successfully succeed.” Cheers for the comments!

* * *

Chapter 5: The Confession

* * *

“So, about what you said Friday night…”

Sayori’s words interrupt our playtime, which in itself was a disappointment. I froze up once I registered what had been said. Launching a bit further into physical intimacy had come so, _so_ naturally once we had our first kiss. Now that dinner was over, we had retreated to my room where we could relax in bed while our bodies processed our newfound fullness. I decided during this time to satisfy Sayori’s request from yesterday. She may not have even remembered it given her breakdown immediately after, but I did.

We were laying on the bed—her face-up, myself face-down—and I was between her legs. _Further up than that._ Her pink shirt was raised some, exposing from her ribs down to her waist. Despite the unreal metabolism Sayori has had since childhood, her recent years’ decrease in activity combined with binge-eating, both coping mechanisms for her depression, had led to her developing a belly. It wasn’t immediately noticeable, but it was there. She seemed embarrassed at first, especially once I started planting small kisses all over her tum, but she seemed to relax and enjoy it the longer it went on. Giving affection, platonic or otherwise, to someone who was insecure about themselves was a delight unto itself. Giving it to someone you love just sweetens the deal.

So, there we were, myself in the middle of kissing her stomach, her legs wrapped around my body as though to keep me even closer to her, and she has to go and say those words that make me dread what comes next. Fantastic. It has been almost 48 hours since that talk. Yesterday morning, I resigned myself to not taking that chance after seeing the kind of horribly depressed episode Sayori experienced. It seems that she was not content to let it be. I wouldn’t have blamed her for not bringing it up. Hell, I would have abandoned the thought entirely if I was her. That is, as long as fear of the unknown and not finding a conclusion on the topic didn’t tug at me. Maybe that’s what’s on her mind.

“Y-yes, sweetie…?” My voice cannot hide any nervousness. I suppose being open and honest was the best thing I could do. I try to sit up, but I feel a hand stop me mid-movement. It presses my face back down into her tummy before I can do much.

“Nonono, don’t worry about sitting up. Just… rest your head there. Um, well, if you want to. It’s comforting. Er, at least it is for me, ehehe…” Once Sayori detects that I’ve gone still, she runs her fingers through my hair. I’m not fully at ease due to nerves, but that sensation will never fail to relax me at least a little bit. I let out a deep exhale through my nose and feel her stomach twitch from it. My head turns to the side and I accept her as my pillow, nuzzling my cheek for a moment to achieve optimal comfort on her.

“It’s comfortable to me, too,” I reply, my face and her tum exchanging heat between each other. I can no longer hear out of one ear. That one is pressed firmly against Sayori’s midsection, hearing the muffled and subtle sounds of her body. That won’t be a problem when it comes to listening to her, though. “So, you were saying?”

“Right! Um…” Sayori’s hand does not let up playing with my hair. I appreciate her consideration, though I am sure it is something to keep part of her physically occupied so she can focus on the task at hand. “I know Friday night and pretty much all of yesterday weren’t great times for thinking about this, but I decided that I didn’t need to put a lot of thought into it.” Part of me still feels like we should be sitting up and facing each other for this conversation, but I’m not about to take away Sayori’s comfort. Plus, if she is fine being at ease, then I won’t do anything to the contrary.

“I don’t know if yesterday morning was because of what you told me, even if…” I can hear her hesitate. Her breathing fluctuates. “…even if what came later on Friday night was a dream come true, ehehe~”

“Pfft. You make it sound like we had sex.”

“He-hey! Is that actually what all boys think about?!” Sayori’s response throws me for a bit of a loop and I feel her sit up slightly. Her hand stops moving through my hair. “Was Natsuki right? Look, if— I mean, I know we didn’t! Just us hugging and kissing and laying together with you _was_ a dream come true…”

“Sayori…” I take her hand and move it off of my head. When I look up, she is blushing furiously, looking off to the side, and pouting, not to mention that her shoulders are hunched. She looks exceptionally defensive. I take her free hand and set both of hers down on her ribs, rubbing the tops with my own. “I was just making a silly observation. I meant absolutely nothing by it, Angel. If…”

Suddenly, I can feel heat flooding into my own cheeks. It took a moment to register her words because her response was so powerful. A dream come true? “Oh, oh goodness…” I speak quietly. Her eyes narrow at me, and now I’m the one looking away. “Do you— do you really mean that?”

“Huh? You’re darn right I do!”

Instinctively, I bury my face into her stomach and clutch her hands tightly. This girl is going to make my emotions go all over the place. I have to get this out. I make myself act. My head tilts back up and I meet her eyes with mine. “It’s… It’s _my_ dream come true that I made _your_ dream come true.”

Sayori’s response isn’t immediate. It seems like she had to process what I said, just like I did moments ago. Her pout recedes into a wide smile; her narrowed eyes relax and light up. She takes back one of her hands and covers part of her face as if she’s about to start crying. She doesn’t, and instead she kisses her palm and starts rubbing it all over my face.

“Ack! Haha, Sayori, what the heck?”

“You deserve kisses all over your cute face for saying something like that!”

The commotion dies down after a moment. We lock eyes. I know she feels just as strongly about me as I do for her. I can see it all over her. _God_ , how much more precious can she get?

“I love you~”

“I love you, too, Angel.”

After our exchange of words, Sayori kisses the air in my direction and lays back down. I find her hand once again running its fingers through my hair. My near hand has taken up residence holding her side. Our other free hands are still clasped together.

“Anyway, how I look at it is that… this, uh… well, I’ve known you all my life. I trust you with that life, and I get the feeling you feel the same way.”

“You bet y— You’re darn right I do!”

“Ehehe~ Don’t think I didn’t catch that, mister!” Good. “So, neither of us know what could possibly happen if you take this chance, right? But I want you to take it. I know you love me, and I love you. Whatever else happens is just a bonus, you know?”

“That’s pretty much how I look at it. I think I even said something similar. Hard to remember.”

“Yeah… Well, besides that, I think that being around my friends more often and strengthening our bonds could serve as a good thing for me, too. More people to help keep the rainclouds away, right?”

“That’s a pretty optimistic way of looking at it.”

“I know that, for the past while, we’ve been separated by our own issues. With how quickly we’ve improved from where we left off, I can’t imagine that this won’t last far beyond anything else. I trust you. I really, _really_ do. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the reason I’m even _alive…_ ”

We both go still. Saying something like that still evokes emotions not unlike the exceptionally strong, exceptionally sad ones we felt that night. I’m the first to act, tightening my grip on her hand. That must have brought her back out of her own head because I feel her return the action.

“I owe you everything. My heart doesn’t ache anymore because of my fear of the unknown. I don’t lay in bed for hours wondering if you really mean the things you say when you tease me. I don’t wind up feeling like too much of a coward to do anything other than meekly say you’re being mean in those moments. I don’t fear telling you about my emotions. I may still feel like heck, but that’s to be expected. I’m used to it, and we’re both working on helping me.”

“We sure are. Fifteen long years and we are back to being inseparable. We are intrinsically linked. There’s nothing we can’t get past, and we’ve proven that lately. Even if the world came crumbling down around us, we would be in each other’s arms enduring it together.” I pull her hand towards me and kiss the top of it. “I love you.”

“I love you too… I know I say it to you a lot, but it feels so much better when I hear you say it to me first.”

“I’ll have to remember that.”

“Ehehe~” She pulls her hand out of my grip. It joins its twin, and I can feel both start mussing my hair. Not like it was looking particularly good in the first place. We can be bed-head buddies together. “See? You’re always thinking of me, even in the smallest ways. You’re so good to me.”

“You deserve nothing but good things, and I’m blessed to be able to provide them to you.”

“Oh, _yoouuu!_ ” Suddenly, I feel Sayori try to pull me up. I go along with it until we are face-to-face, at which point she squeezes my head between her hands and pulls me into a deep kiss. We hum contently into each other and let our emotions flow freely. We are both crimson-faced when we let go. Even though we are nearly the same size, I take the initiative to roll us over so that she is on top of me. That feels more appropriate. I do become curious when she takes my wrists in her hands and raises them above my head. Before I know it, she’s laying half-on and half-off of me. Her near forearm is pinning my near wrist down, far wrist pinned in her hand.

“So! Mister, mister, mister…” With Sayori’s free hand, her index finger traces an unrecognizable shape across my chest. “If our roles had been reversed, you would have supported me in pursuing the others, right?”

“Of course!” My response is instant, no second thoughts needed.

“Good! It’s only fair, after all.” Her digit traces up to my chin, which she grasps ever so softly with her thumb and index finger. She plants the smallest of kisses upon my lips. “Mmmch!” The smile that spreads across both of our faces is enough to fill us both with happiness beyond imagination. “I ask that ‘cuz, uh…” I can tell by the look in her eye that she’s getting flustered. “I don’t mean to be a butt, buuut… If given half the chance, I would be so much more touchy-feely with my friends as long as they and my boyfriend were okay with it. You, ehehe, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Heh-heh-heh…” I wonder if I can exacerbate this embarrassment. She’s so adorable when she’s flustered. “Well, it’s about this time in our lives that we’re expected to experiment with things, right?”

“Exactly!” No dice. Instead of progressing her shyness, she only grows elated. “See this is why I say you’re sogoodtomethankyouthankyou!” I can’t say anything in return. She starts planting a flurry of kisses on my lips. This one is definitely a flurry. Rapid, non-stop smooches of endearment, and she’s got my arms pinned down. I’m defenseless.

“Mmmph! Aha, oh my God, dude! Hahaha!” I start giggling the longer this goes on. Sayori’s overwhelming energy and emotions are something I could live on. She lets up eventually, beaming down at me.

“Oh, uuuhhh, thanks!”

“You’re welcome. I didn’t expect that to make you so happy. Then again, Monika confirmed—and I already knew—you like showing platonic affection. She even mentioned you kissing the back of Natsuki’s head one time.”

“Oh, di-did she? Ehehe…” Sayori looks off to the side. Oh, okay, so that’s what gets her flustered further? “I couldn’t resist! She’s adorable!”

“Oh, I know. Seems like you’re the only person she will ‘accept’ saying such things about her.”

“Right?! That’s why I always try to throw a compliment her way when I hear someone else remark about it. Usually that’s you, though.”

“I thank you for the help, sweetie.” I lean my head up and give one kiss to each of Sayori’s cheeks. She giggles and returns the favor. I’m so glad we have what we have. “So, we are in agreement that we can both do whatever we want with regards to bonding with any of the girls. Does that sound good?”

“Sounds perfect!”

“Good,” I respond. “Let’s just hope this goes well. Now, when do I tell them?”

“Why not tomorrow?”

“Hm…” I had a plan for tomorrow, but it wasn’t telling the girls. I guess it makes the most sense to tell them as soon as possible, though. “Perhaps.”

“Just do it. Get it over with.”

“Mmm… Yeah… I really should, huh? Alright.”

“Good boy!” Sayori gives me a kiss on the forehead. She finally unpins my arms and scoots down, resting her head on my chest. I bring my hands down and play with her hair, which earns a happy hum from my girl.

“So, about your therapy and meds. What’s been going on?”

“Um… I forget what I’ve told you, ehehe, so I’ll take it from the top.” This time, it’s her resting contently on my body while I run my fingers through her hair, making sure I don’t mess up her bow. “As you know, your parents and my parents came home from their business trip as quickly as possible once I told mine what happened. Mom and Dad helped me get an intake appointment at a clinic that took our insurance. Therapy has happened twice a week since then, and I started on meds about two weeks ago. I go up a dose this week and gotta get a new subscription on Tuesday.”

“Subscription? Sweetie, it’s a prescription.”

“That’s what I said: pull ships in!” I swear she does this on purpose, but it is entertaining. She must know this by now, and she must have heard the chuckle I let out.

“I’m going to have a _conniption_ if you keep messing with me.”

“But messing with you is so fun! It’s an _addiction!_ ” Okay, that one made me laugh, and it seems it made her laugh too. I tap her on the noggin with my fingers a little before rubbing at her scalp. Silly girl. Once we settle down, she resumes talking. “Because of how bad things were, I was kind of bumped to the front of the line. That’s how I got appointments that same week. Therapy has been mostly talking about when this all started and my self-esteem. Things are going okay, I guess. Stuff like yesterday is still bound to happen, but if the worst stays away from me then that’s good.”

“Definitely good. I’m glad you’re getting professional help.”

“I am, too, and I’m glad I have you by my side. Professional help is nice but having someone you love supporting you is nicer. It’s even better when you can kiss their cute face whenever you like!”

“If I ever need additional help, you can be sure the sweetest part of it will be the taste of you on my lips.”

“Ehehe~ Where’d you learn to be so sappy and romantic?”

“Well…” If I’m being honest, she asked me. “I hope you didn’t think all I watched was action anime. Some of the stuff I have contains emotions and such. It’s only recently that I’ve been able to properly connect with what I’ve seen and use it to my advantage.”

“I’m glad. Really glad.” Sayori brings her hands up and places them on top of mine. She doesn’t stop my hands though, enabling me to continue playing with her hair. She just wants to feel my touch. I want to feel her touch, so it works out. “Friday night. Your help. Things like what’s happening now. This all just… It feels so right, you know?”

“I know. Nothing could feel more right. I love you so much.”

“I love you just as much, if not more.”

* * *

_It was Monday, the morning of the festival, and I had awoken with a start just after midnight._

I lurched upwards in my bed, terrified. I had a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. Sayori was in her room, standing on her desk chair. A noose was tied to her ceiling fan, and she was in front of it. I can’t remember how I got there, but I was close enough to walk there. I wanted to see how she was doing.

_I tried to shake it off, but I simply couldn’t._

It was too surreal, too eye-catching for me to simply dismiss it as a dream. Absolutely no part of me accepted it as just something that happened. I had spent as much time as possible with her that weekend and even though I saw how vulnerable she was, she still didn’t seem like the kind of person who would do such a thing. It was true that the club had initially intended me to only help one person during the weekend before the festival, but I was adamant about helping everyone. With some amount of arguing, I was able to persuade them before we left the club that Friday. I would help Sayori and Monika Saturday morning, Yuri Saturday afternoon, and Natsuki Sunday afternoon.

_There had to have been some clues I wasn’t seeing, something I glossed over before she admitted her depression to me._

I checked in on Sayori unannounced after school to comfort her. In her own home, she was unable to hide behind anything, and I learned about her dark secret. I knew not a damn thing, but I was intent on helping her in whatever way I could. Something in me just clicked at around that time. It was like a part of me that had been lying dormant for way too long had woken up. I had been preparing for a boring adulthood of loneliness that a loser like me would have fit right into for so long that it took something like that to snap me out of it.

_Maybe I still feel like a loser and that my life is boring, but I’m no longer lonely._

Within a matter of minutes, I felt like a kid again. Maybe that’s an odd take on what took place, but it wasn’t a childhood sense of wonder and imagination. No, it dawned on me that I had become pessimistic and embittered by my experiences the older I grew, never fitting in and being teased and bullied for my nerdy demeanor and interests. It was no wonder Sayori was my only real friend growing up. Instead, what woke up in me was my sense of compassion. In an instant, I felt an overwhelming urge to protect Sayori. When I said I felt like a kid again, it was because I was always protecting Sayori when I was younger.

_Truthfully, she wasn’t an annoyance, even if she tended to look after me more than I looked after myself._

I took care of her so much when we were kids. I didn’t ever want anything bad to happen to her. When she got injured, I was there comforting her. I would bring out the first-aid kit so no one else had to know she got hurt and try to clean and cover any small wounds she got. That didn’t always work, but I tried. It’s no wonder she eventually started to take care of me and get me to engage in better habits of self-care, socializing, and stuff like that. She got it from me.

_I was her only real friend growing up, which she did not deserve._

Not only did Sayori have trouble making friends, she had even more problems keeping them. It was like winning a championship, and then finding out it was even harder to keep it. Her boundless confidence, infinite energy, and somewhere-out-there nature meant that plenty of kids thought she was too weird. No one dared to pick on her, thankfully, but it still was a horrible situation to be put in. She lived in her own little world, and everyone else was content to let her be in that world. The few friends she did pick up here and there didn’t last. Sometimes they would drift apart. Sometimes people would move. It wasn’t fair.

_And I was always there to comfort her._

Maybe that’s something that contributed to her depression. She could have seen that everyone else was better without her or didn’t want her. Why wouldn’t she think the same about the club, about me? That was an utterly repulsive thought, but it made absolute sense in that moment. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Thoughts like these flew through me. I found the energy to start moving.

_As I left my room, the past few days flashed through my head._

Even though I’d spent more time with Sayori that weekend, it wasn’t enough. Saturday evening, Sunday morning, and Sunday evening I would go to her place and try to cheer her up. It wasn’t very successful, but she assured me everything was fine and that it was sweet of me to try to help even when she had admitted it only hurt her to see others waste their energy on her. I didn’t entirely believe it, but she was adamant that she would just feel worse while I was there. She wanted time alone, especially once night rolled around on Sunday. She said she needed to sleep. Stupidly, I had relented, and she told me to go home.

_Everything started to come together._

Maybe it was the time I spent with her that caused that dream. Either way, it may as well have been a premonition. It may as well have been _real._ I grabbed my keys, forewent my shoes, and bolted over there as quickly as I could, and I was made all the more panicked when I saw her bedroom light on. Fumbling with my key ring, I shoved the correct one into the door and made my way into her house. I made so much noise leaping up the stairs, but I didn’t care. Her bedroom was just around the corner.

_I burst into Sayori’s room to see her hanging._

**_What? No! That isn’t what happened! Her limp body staring straight at me was the stuff of nightmares. That_ ** **can’t _be what happened! She’s alive and well right now, in my arms!_**

_I feel a presence._

**_…Isn’t she?!_ **

* * *

“—etie? Hey! **Wake up!** ”

I awake with a hell of a start. I can feel my chest going and I pull away from anything touching me. The blanket gets tossed, I scramble away from my pillow, and Sayori recoils from my movements.

Am I awake? It takes me more time than it should for me to determine that I am back in reality. My senses are discombobulated. I’m overstimulated. I want to crawl away from myself, but I lack the energy to do much. My hands cover my face and I flop back down on my mattress, heaving every breath I take.

I can hear Sayori’s body beside me. She’s making subtle movements, probably unsure of what to do. I’m surprised I’m aware enough to be able to tell she’s there at all.

“Sweetie? Please, take my hand.” I hear her words clearly, so I guess I’ll be okay. “…Do you want my hand?” She asks this time, rather than telling me to. My right arm covers my face, allowing my left to reach out. Our palms meet. She gives me a gentle squeeze.

“Someday or another, we’ll be free of these Goddamn nightmares.” I grumble out my words in an exasperated, gravelly voice. Sayori lets out a disappointed hum beside me. She lifts my hand slightly and takes it into both of hers.

“I’m sorry you have to keep going through these…” Her tone is rather quiet but caring.

“Thanks…” I exhale, still breathing a bit heavily. “I’m sorry you are still experiencing them, not to mention you’re the one who had to endure your depression and suicidal thoughts in the first place.”

“You’re sweet, but you should focus on yourself.”

“N-no, what?” I instinctively squeeze whichever hand of hers is in mine and remove my arm from my face. My eyes meet hers in the relative darkness of my room. “I’m focused on you! You have the worst deal out of anyone I know! No one else in my life has come that close to killing themselves!”

“I get that, but…” Sayori shakes her head. “You’re the one who just had a nightmare. I’m not. You can care about me overall. _But!_ When you’re hurting, and I _know_ you’re hurting, I want to focus on _you_. I want to help you just like you want to help me.” She squeezes my hand in return between both of hers. “ _Capiche?_ ”

“I… Wh-what?” I narrow my eyes at Sayori. What was that last word?

“ _Capiche!_ ” Sayori exclaims proudly. “It’s Italian for ‘Do you understand?’ ”

“Where—”

As if seeing my question coming a mile away, Sayori jumps the gun. “Monika taught me! I guess she knows some. She says that sometimes words or phrases from other languages slip into her speech, and that happened one day in front of me.” I blink a few times.

“Alright. That makes sense. It’s like, what can’t she do, you know?”

“ _Mm-hmm!_ ”

The distraction from our previous topic allowed me to put some distance between myself and the stress caused by the nightmare. Did she plan for that? If so, she is truly brilliant. I shake my hand free of Sayori’s grip and pull my pillow down under my head. I also lean over to pick my blanket up from the floor where it landed. Now laying on my side, I toss the blanket back over us. I openly yearn for Sayori’s embrace, arms outstretched. She gladly obliges, pulling me tightly into a hug. I wind up just under her chin, face nestled into her upper chest. I can feel a hand rubbing at the back of my head, lulling me into a sense of ease.

“Nothing bad like that is ever gonna happen again, not as long as I can help it.”

“I’m glad. I love you, Angel.”

“You’ve used that a lot lately. Is that your new nickname for me?”

“It sure is.”

“Good. I’ll keep the nickname Sweetie all to myself for you, then! And I love you too, Sweetie!”

“I’m grateful for that, too. Thank you for being here for me.”

“Glad I can be of help!”

* * *

_I burst into Sayori’s room to see her on the chair, steadying herself from falling over by holding onto the noose._

Her head wasn’t in it, thank goodness, but just the fact she was this close caused untold agony inside my head. I was nearly catatonic, and she looked like she regretted me finding her in this state. When I finally asked what was going on, she tried to brush it off, saying that the noise I made rushing up the stairs spooked her out of her thoughts and she almost fell off the chair. No mention of what she was about to do came out of her mouth.

_I didn’t know what kind of emotion I should have felt, but there were many all at once._

Slowly, I had started to shuffle my way towards her. The grim realization of the situation had taken firm hold of both of our minds. It had immediately latched onto mine. The closer I got to Sayori, the more it looked like she was about to crack. By the time I pleaded with her to get down, she was practically hyperventilating. I reached out to her with my hands and she nearly fell on top of me. I felt no physical pain as we hit the ground. Instead, all the suffering was in my head. The wails of despair she let out while devolving into a mess of a human being were something I will never forget as long as I live.

_And even though I should have been strong for her sake, we wound up sobbing in tandem._

To be honest, much of what happened after that is a blur. Maybe nothing happened. Maybe we didn’t say anything. Maybe we just dragged ourselves into her bed while I held her close.

_By the time I woke up, Sayori was getting ready and the noose was nowhere to be found._

Sayori assured me she got rid of the rope and ushered me to get ready while she made breakfast. I tried to reason with her about seeking medical attention that morning, but she said she’d already talked to her parents. They were coming home as soon as possible. She, on the other hand, was not going to be deterred from the day. I had promised her that our first date would be the school festival, after all. I worried about her with all my heart but was at least relieved she wanted to see the day.

_The Literature Club’s part of the festival went off without a hitch._

I was very withdrawn that day, opting to not speak much unless necessary. I held Sayori at every opportunity, be it her hand or more of her. Sayori wouldn’t go on to tell the others what happened until some time in the future, during a club meeting after she had just started meds. It took me some time to recover, but Sayori seemed to bounce back alarmingly fast. I could only hope that having finally admitted to someone—to me—that her depression plagued her and having that breakdown in the arms of someone she loved helped relieve and stave off the worst of it. I couldn’t know for sure, but I could hope.

_That night, we both cried in each other’s arms again._

We apologized profusely and hugged tightly. Our emotions were a mess. She regretted me seeing her in such a position. I told her I would have been even more devastated if she had succeeded. She was irreplaceable. I made sure she knew she was loved and that she had finally found the crowd of good friends she always wanted thanks to the Literature Club. I told her she would always have me and that I wanted to be there for everything involving her. We said we were sorry an untold amount of times for everything, major and minor, until we were practically out of things to apologize for.

_It was the most grueling thing we’ve ever gone through, but we both agreed we would suffer through it again as long as it meant Sayori was alive in the end._

* * *

“Ta-da!”

I presented two boxes of cinnamon buns that I had kept in my locker that day to the club. The girls all looked pleasantly surprised. Sayori was staring at them with wonder in her eyes. I had to sacrifice my walk to school with her and leave early this morning, but I assured her it would be worth it. She gave me a big kiss goodbye and waved me off. The local bakery wasn’t somewhere I was used to visiting, but it was a special occasion. Well, sort of. This morning’s dreams must have been because it had been 4 weeks since _the incident_. Close enough to a month, though I never want to think of it as anything remotely close to an anniversary. There’s nothing good there. Well, besides the fact that Sayori is alive. Okay, I guess in a way there is something to celebrate.

Sayori squeals with delight and grabs my face, pulling me in for a big, dramatic kiss. “ _Mmmmmwah!_ ”

“Wooo-ho-ho-hoah! Looks like someone’s weekend was bizzay!” Natsuki’s remark was about what I could expect out of her mouth. I offer Sayori a warm smile before turning to address Natsuki. “You two slept together yet?” And there go my words. I stammer out syllables for a few moments, trying to figure out how to form a sentence. Yuri looks halfway between amused at my reaction and wanting to scold Natsuki. Monika, on the other hand, looks wholly entertained, if a little worried for my sanity.

“Duh! Couples do that all the time, don’t they?” Sayori responds. Natsuki’s wide-eyed expression and flushing cheeks tell a certain kind of story. I’m left looking between the two, trying to resume functioning properly.

“Holy shit! I wasn’t expecting you to admit that! I was just messin’!”

“Huh?”

“Sayori, sleeping with someone is another way of implying that you had…” Yuri speaks up for me, and it is obvious at her pause that she now regretted it. After all, the next word is a difficult one to get out when you’re shy and awkward. “…s-s-s-sssssex.”

“ **Ooohhh!** No, that didn’t happen.” Sayori’s casual method of responding, hell her whole outlook on this entire topic, has me bewildered, especially when we did have a moment of confused embarrassment last night. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in her head. Okay, I do that more than just sometimes. Now that I’ve settled back down a bit, I can see that Monika is still amused. Yuri looks embarrassed, cheeks a bright pink.

“ _Yet!_ ”

“Cinnamon buns, yay!” Sayori elects to ignore Natsuki’s confident rebuttal. The pink-haired girl simply grins our way. Thankfully, I can proceed from here without the ability to talk. I pass out plasticware and napkins to everyone. Yuri has already made tea and poured some out for all. With an extra fork, I deliver a cinnamon bun that’s literally the size of my fist onto a paper plate and pass it off to someone. The desks in the middle of the room have been joined together. 4 form a square, with a 5th off to the side and facing the rest. I was in that 5th desk. Clockwise from me were Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, and Monika.

“There’s 6 per box. Sayori gets 4. The rest of us get 2 each.” I don’t give my reason for Sayori getting the extras, but no one questions it. I think they are just as aware of the passage of time as I am. Once everyone has a plate in front of them, we begin feasting. Sayori’s eating methods are unreal, and I find myself plopping an extra cinnamon bun onto her plate once half of her first is gone. I’ve barely taken any bites of my own and she is scarfing hers down, foregoing the plasticware in favor of just picking it up and biting into it.

“Frrnks, Swrrtrr!” Sayori’s inelegance may not have been becoming of society’s typical woman, but it had a charm unto its own that endeared her to me all the more. I was used to deciphering words while she had food in her mouth, so I gave her a big thumbs up.

“Mmm! Thank you so much for this surprise,” Yuri follows, setting her teacup back down.

“I could stand to learn a thing or two from you!” Monika smiles in my direction. I’ve finally gotten used to seeing such things from her. A month ago, I felt like any positive emotion she would show me was forced due to the differences in our school status, but it seemed natural now. It wasn’t that she was the star of the school and I was some dumb loser. We were friends. “Even though it’s been a month since you joined and a month since we started sharing poems, I didn’t have anything planned.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about those, truth be told,” I respond, cutting another piece of my bun. “It was just coincidence that all these things kind of happened at the same time.”

“Oh, I know. I’m just saying, though! I could have done something special.” Monika finished cutting her pastry up entirely and just now decided to take her first bite. “Mmm!”

“I guess…? Would you wind up doing that for every new person that came through, though? You’d set a high precedent for yourself.” My words earn a grunt and a shrug from her while she chews. “Not like you don’t already do that everywhere else. You need time to breathe, Monika.” This time, she wavers her hand in the air and lets out a hum of… I’m not sure what tone that is supposed to be. I wasn’t exactly looking for a response, so I just nod.

“These are pretty good!” Natsuki is number two behind Sayori as far as eating speed is concerned. Unless you knew about some of her issues, you would think her actions would be slower and more casual. “Not as good as my cupcakes though, huuuh?” A cocky grin spreads across her face just before she cuts off a huge bite and shoves it into her mouth.

“Fishing for compliments?” Yuri takes her sweet time enjoying both her tea and bun at about the same pace. “Well, none of us are going to argue against you. Something made with emotion from home is going to outrank a restaurant any day. You outdo commercialism, Natsuki. You should be proud.”

“Crrmrrshrr-rrrsmmm?” Sayori seems to have taken a bit too much of a bite out of her second cinnamon roll. She takes a sip of her tea to help soften up what’s in her mouth.

“Commercialism regards practices and attitudes utilized in decision-making where maximizing profits is the goal at the expense of product quality,” Monika speaks up, a pointed finger raised beside her head. “Big-name corporations are all about commercialism. Profits for its big wigs come first. Grocery stores, retail, services, entertainment…”

“Schools…” I mutter. Monika gives me a glance, acknowledging our talk from Friday.

“Schools are a big one. It’s terrible! The younger generations deserve better than having to deal with for-profit educational systems hampering their learning.”

“It sure does.”

“Rr-hrrrm!”

“I succinctly agree.”

“And pay your teachers, damnit!”

The rest of us look at Natsuki, who was the last to speak. We all seem to realize our staring in unison, so we let up and focus back on our food. “You heard me!” Natsuki shouts proudly just before shoving another huge bite into her mouth.

“Very well said, Natsuki,” Yuri agrees, wiping the side of her teacup as she sets it back down. “That’s an enormous problem within the system.”

“Hopefully our generation can overturn the damage. It’s up to us to make a brighter future, you know?” Monika’s words earn an eager fist-pump from Sayori and nods from the rest of us. “To the future!”

“ **To the future!** ”

* * *

“…”

I am anxious as all hell. The club has been lulled into a state of tranquility. Everyone has finished their cinnamon buns and tea, and that’s about all I’m paying attention to. Now that we are at the time of action, I find myself unable to _take_ action.

“Uuuaaahhh, I’m stuuuffed!” Sayori exclaims from near me. I eye her momentarily. She is leaned back in her seat with a hand on her stomach.

“4 cinnamon buns is nuts, dude! Those were huge!” I can hear Natsuki from the seat behind Monika’s. “You’ve got icing on your face, too! Heeheehee, I guess you are what you eat!”

“Ehehe~ I’m a cinnamon bun!” I hear movement and see a napkin nearby be snatched up. I then hear audible regret from said movement. “Bluuuh, I should be more careful…”

“Heh-heh-heh, yeah, my little cinnamon bun…” I speak. My tone is quiet. My head is down. I think everyone else noticed. I feel a hand to my left, which would be Sayori’s, patting me on the shoulder.

“It’s okay, Sweetie. You got this,” she whispers to me. I grasp her hand and give it a squeeze of thanks before she returns it to her lap.

“Thanks…”

Well, here goes nothing. It’s time to change our lives, for better or worse. I clear my throat loudly and deliberately as a way of both catching everyone’s attention and forcing me into action. My head rises, I clasp my hands together in front of me, and I prepare to speak once all eyes are on me.

“My poem from last Friday was from the heart. Every bit of it, every word I wrote, was intentional and truthful. You all seemed to understand this. Well…” I pause and take a deep breath. This is the most intense I’ve ever been about speaking while seated. “The past month of our lives has been eventful. Thankfully, everything has worked out for the better. As you know, Sayori and I officially hooked up some time ago stemming from her confession and my acceptance. Now, I have a confession of my own to make.”

I grab a nearby napkin and begin rubbing it between my hands. “After… what happened last month… I began to re-experience things I had long since been accustomed to shoving towards the back of my brain. Before that, I had grown numb to life. I had long since accepted my role as a shut-in loser, and I had begun pushing my best friend away out of apathy. A little more than four weeks ago, I felt my entire world open back up purely because I gained awareness of how much Sayori was suffering. I had taken too much for granted and wanted to take care of her. I had felt true emotion, purpose, and happiness again. I longed for something more. I may still be engaging in the same loner hobbies I’ve had for years, but I’m not just passing time until the next stage of life. I’m genuinely enjoying my days and I have my best friend by my side.”

Sayori and I exchange a heartwarming smile. I give a nod and return to addressing the others. They’re all listening. I avoid looking at them directly for more than one second at a time due to anxiousness. “Somewhere in that time, I found myself being drawn towards the rest of you. It felt otherworldly, like it came from out of nowhere, but that didn’t make it any less valid. I don’t know where this came from at all, but right now my best guess is that my heart is yearning to make up for all the years of keeping my emotions locked down, and so it looks towards the few people I’m closest to. Sayori and I talked, and maybe this is too early to do this, but I may as well bring it up early just in case…”

I let out perhaps the biggest sigh of my life. “I want to be a deeper part of your lives. All of you. I meant it when I said all of you are an important part of my world. God only knows where I’d be without every single one of you, even in such a short amount of time. You’re such amazing and interesting people. I want to be there for you. I want to share the experience of life with you. I want all of us to share an unbreakable bond. I… I want…”

With reluctance, I stop talking and lower my gaze. The napkin in my hands has been folded a few times and I continue to mess with it. I ran out of words and realized that I had begun rambling a little.

“We **both** want all of you to be more involved with our lives,” Sayori pipes up with an addition I wholeheartedly welcome. “We love each other, but I know from my emotions that love means a lot more than just two people being together.” I can’t look up. With silence filling the club room, I wind up recalling the dream I had in this very room on Friday. If it was real, would their reactions be similar here as they were then? I’m not sure if I like the thought of that, if only because it wasn’t a unanimous positive response.

“Um… w-wow…” Yuri is the first to speak. “I would have never thought someone would show this much interest in me…” A moment’s pause. “Um! I-I know you said all of us! I just, I mean, I was jus-just caught up in my own thoughts for a moment. My apologies…”

“Ahaha, oh gosh, I’m not sure how to take this!” Monika is next. I didn’t expect Natsuki to be the last to respond. “I’m very flattered! Like, I always counted Sayori so lucky when she spoke of you before you joined the club, but to hear you say something like this is… is…—”

“ _Unbelievable_ , right?!”

I cringe. Natsuki’s interruption was not a pleasant one. I’m forced to look up and see what’s going on. The others all have their eyes on Natsuki, who is leering at me. I’ve never felt more threatened by the color pink in my life. “You know, I was _so_ glad to have someone I could pal around with, who treated me like an equal, who wouldn’t pull any punches when we messed with each other. I _respected_ you. So much for that! You have to go and pull something like _this_. Why?”

“Natsuki—”

“No, Sayori. See, I don’t know if it’s better or worse that you’re here! He’s saying he wants to love, what, all of us? You two _just hooked up!_ How long have you known each other? More than half your lives? And _you_ had to tell _him_ about your feelings instead of the other way around? _And a month later he tells three other girls he wants them too, right in front of you?!_ That’s perverted! That’s _twisted!_ That’s crap the whole way through!”

“Natsuki, that’s—”

“ _No, Yuri!_ Don’t give me any lip!” By now, Natsuki has gotten out of her seat and is standing opposite me, leaning forward on the desk. Any time she isn’t shutting anyone else down, her eyes are dead set on me. “Remember the day you joined the club? I was onto you ever since you implied that you only came to check us out because of the cupcakes. You said you had never agreed to actually join until you saw us disappointed. You only came because Sayori asked you! Hell, you basically admitted that you weren’t really interested in literature! You said you were interested in manga and, what was it, you ‘ _read a horror book once_ ’? I remember!”

“Natsuki, _please_ —”

“I’m not done, Sayori!” Natsuki has balled her hands up into fists and is leaning on them with enough pressure to turn her knuckles white. “You came through here and you saw an opportunity. You saw your naïve childhood friend who would do anything you wanted. You saw a tough pipsqueak you thought you could soften up. You saw a beautiful but awkward bookworm you could take advantage of once you treated her with an ounce of human decency. You saw the star of the school and thought you had a shot. And all you had to do was sit with us for half an hour before you said to yourself, ‘Thanks for leading me to this club of girls, Sayori. It’s nice to meet and eventually _fuck_ all of you’!”

“ _Natsuki you are way out of line—_ ”

_BANG!_

“ **I don’t wanna hear it, Monika!** ” Natsuki pounded her fist down on the desk she had been sitting at, startling all of us. Her face was red, she was huffing and puffing, and there was _something_ in her eyes that I couldn’t get a good enough look at. By now, I was mortified. I didn’t have half a chance to think, let alone respond. Out of the corner of my eye, Yuri looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here. I hated that I related so hard to her in this instance. I couldn’t look away from Natsuki enough to see Sayori or Monika’s expressions.

“ _A month! A fucking month!_ Don’t you know how short of a time that is? He doesn’t know us at all! We don’t know _him_ at all! We’ve seen him outside of school, what, once? Dude—and me still even calling you _dude_ is a blessing to you right now—what you’re doing is so shameful that I can’t believe how open you’re being with this!” She pushed herself away from the desks and started to walk around hers. “This is a joke!” She passes by her chair. “In poor taste!” Monika looks displeased as Natsuki moves behind her chair. “An insult to everyone’s intelligence!” She’s standing over me now. It’s like I’m an inch tall compared to her. “A manipulation of everyone’s feelings!” She gets in my face and I feel sick to my stomach. “And I bet, I fff—I bet that you’re, y-you’re doing this just… j-just… _in the ev-event—_ ”

All at once, Natsuki’s demeanor changed. She was piercing my soul with her gaze just a moment ago; now it seemed like she couldn’t look me in the eye. Her breathing was messed up. It looked like she was about to cry before she lowered her head. She was hunched over, holding herself up on the corner of my desk while she hid her face behind her hand. Her last words came out raspy and cracked, and I could hear more of that in the unintelligible whispering she was doing. I feel like I should say something. I have no clue what that would be, but I feel like I ought to speak. She’s clearly distraught. There is something eating away inside of her that she can’t properly communicate, that’s just spilling out as anger. I want to get that to the surface. I want to help her. I don’t care that she just tore me down.

“Natsuki…”

“ _Fuck you!_ ” Without warning, she grabbed one of the empty cinnamon bun boxes and clamped it over my head. I felt her shake and jerk my head around before shoving me down. My face slammed onto the surface of the desk, and before I could register what happened I felt something pound the back of my head.

“ ** _STOP._** ”

I heard Sayori shout. There was movement from my left, then behind me. I groaned from the throbbing I now felt on both the front and back of my head. I actively tried not to think. Whatever just happened was beyond me. No, I just wanted to deal with the pain and move on. My head was throbbing. I think Natsuki punched me after slamming my head down. I was expecting rejection, but I could not have anticipated pissing someone off like this.

“Wh-wha-what d _o you_ ha- _have to s-s-s_ ssay for yours- _self?_ ” Natsuki’s voice lacks the power and ferocity it had before. She can barely keep composed. If I could give one of my kidneys for a superpower right now, it would be telepathy. I desperately needed to be able to see inside this girl’s mind. I needed to know what was going on, but there was no chance of getting an answer here. She’s too rattled, I’m too shaken up, and we have an audience that would detest it.

“Urgh…” I finally open the pastry box and lift my head out of it. I know I have icing here and there on my face, in my hair, probably around my collar and shoulders. I can’t bear to face anyone, but I can see in my peripheral vision that they are all standing. Yuri and Monika are near their desks. Sayori is to my right, separating Natsuki from me. I keep my head down. All I can do is give the most pathetic, confused shrug of my life.

“This is one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.” I hold my forehead with my left hand and steady myself with my right. Even though just my head was hurting, the rest of my body felt sluggish. It was probably the emotional toll this ordeal took. I get to my feet and start walking. “Thanks, Angel,” I say dejectedly as I pass Sayori, patting her on the shoulder. “I’ll wait for you by the school entrance.”

Without another word, I grab my bag, slide the door open, and make my way down the hall.

* * *

_…_

_What’s Natsuki’s deal?_

_Am I really the kind of person that people ought to distrust?_

_Even with Sayori vouching for me for longer than I’ve been in the club, I found myself up a creek without a paddle._

_…_

_I guess it really was too early to say anything._

_Whatever._

_What’s done is done._

_My head hurts._

_…_

_I shouldn’t still want to know what happened._

_That’s messed up, right?_

_I should be angry at her._

_Furious._

_But…_

_…_

_Kids in middle school and high school go from not knowing each other at all to sometimes dating in a matter of months, right?_

_Is what I did really that wrong?_

_…_

_I knew the risk._

_It’s my fault._

_So be it._

_…_

* * *

I feel something on my shoulder. Wait, where am I? I must have zoned out for some time. I remember bits of walking home with Sayori. I vaguely recall coming in and sitting down. Well, I guess I’m not surprised. My head aches from two different angles and I’m mentally exhausted. And it’s only Monday.

I look down to my right and see Sayori’s head resting on my shoulder. Her arms are wrapped around my body. I want to rest my head on top of hers, but I don’t want to mess up her hair with any icing I have on me. I’ll settle for kissing the top of her head instead.

“You ready to talk now?”

Once the kiss ends, Sayori sits back upright and takes her arms back. Her expression clearly reads concern. I’ve only just noticed we’re seated at my kitchen table.

“Eh, what’s there to talk about?”

“I’m sorry that went so badly, Sweetie…”

“It’s not your fault, Angel.” I sigh deeply. It rivals the one I previously thought was the biggest of my life. “No matter what happened, I want to thank you for the opportunity to do that. You’re amazing.” I kiss two fingers on my right hand and bring them to her lips. She takes the cue and kisses my fingers, which I bring back to my own lips.

“I just wish this worked out for you. I don’t want you to hurt because of this.”

“I’ll get over it.” Natsuki’s points were too valid, even if she let loose all of those things in a hurricane. I can’t imagine this will come up again. Enough thinking about that. I shake my head and focus on Sayori. “After all, I have you.”

“You’re too sweet…” Sayori leans in towards me. I begin to pucker my lips, but she instead licks my cheek. “Literally!”

“Wuh…? Oh, yeah, huh.” I still have icing on me. She must have licked some of it off. I let out the faintest of chuckles.

“Ehehe…”

“You’re adorable,” I say to her, ruffling her hair a bit.

“Thankies~” Her smile lights me up. I may be disappointed, tired, and down, but a little bit of my angel goes a long way. “Now come on, go upstairs and shower. I’m gonna go take one and change at home, and I’ll be back over after!”

“Okay. See you later, Angel.”

“In a while, Sweetie-dile!”

I let out what definitely counted as a giggle. She pulls me to my feet, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and rushes out of my place. I grab a water bottle out of the fridge, snag my bag, and make the trek upstairs to my bedroom.

So, today sucked, but I mean what else can I do about it? Nothing. The sting will wear off, both physically and emotionally. I strip down, toss my clothes in my hamper, and make my way to the bathroom. Water bottle and phone in hand, I toss on some music and open the medicine cabinet. The physical side of things can be dealt with a little more easily. Off pops the cap of an OTC pain reliever bottle. I take a few pills with a swig of water. Hm. Another swig of water. Eh. I chug the rest of the water bottle and put the medicine away. As I do, I get a text from Sayori.

 _Sayori:_ [hey hot stuf! wanna c somethin real naughty? ;) ]

Before I have time to react, I receive another message. It’s a picture. “ _Pfft!_ ” It’s a close-up of Sayori. She’s making a ridiculous face with a finger up her nose.

“Heh-heh-heh…” I tap the voice-to-text button and hold my phone while putting my towel on the rack and tossing my washcloth into the shower. “Never change, comma, Angel, period. Never change, period. Hopping in shower now, period. Thanks for trying to cheer me up, period. Just come over when ready, period. Love you, exclamation point.”

I send the message, resume my music, and let the water wash away the remnants of the day.

* * *

End Chapter 5

* * *

 _Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	6. Reconciliation

Notes & Responses

* * *

**FireClaw90A (AO3)** – Cheers again! Haha, I had good timing I suppose. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your interest to the point of re-reading this. And yeah, Natsuki was always going to be the one to react the worst to something like this.

**V0pT (FF)** – One part of only having so much planned out is not entirely knowing when I will get to explaining things that have happened prior to the beginning of the story. Answers are nice earlier but for the sake of spreading things out through narration, things can’t always be written in chronological order. Chapter 1 for example I feel _needed_ to be that first chapter. Give a hook or two to pull people in. Use some deliberate wording. Put to use my loquaciousness so people know right up front what I’m capable of. Maybe it leaves a month of in-story time missing between the end of Act 1 and where the fic begins, but it serves many purposes. It gets you wondering where in the timeline this happens and what came before it, then makes you interested in following along. Things not yet spoken of can always be expanded upon and clarified later.

As for Natsuki, we will most certainly get to that. Sooner than you think, in fact. Maybe not _all_ of it but a good chunk at least. Monika and Yuri didn’t have much time to give more than a fleeting first impression on the whole idea due to Natsuki, but shit happens haha. Likewise, MC didn’t have much time nor the mental fortitude to respond to Natsuki considering how blindsided he was by her response. A meek acceptance of rejection to her distrust would have been down his aisle but being exploded upon was the last thing he was prepared for. Not even Natsuki was in control towards the end, which may or may not have been apparent. And I TOTALLY get what you mean about Sayori and MC having that sort of desirable relationship. I’m right there with ya. In some ways, we write what we want. Gentle, simple love is my jam, and I’m a firm lover of fluff so I throw it in whenever I can. Gotta keep the humor muscles going too, hence the selfie.

**Natan R. (FF)** – Cheers! Yeah sometimes you can’t have good things without bad things getting in the way. It just serves to make the ensuing good things all the sweeter. Thank you for the kind words!

**RandomIdiot1816 (FF)** – Succinctly well-said, haha.

**TheDemonWithin115 (WP)** – Hahaha, holy crap! Thank you for the kind words mate! If only I had more stories written than just this (lol), but damn if I ain't proud of what I've done with this so far. Many cheers :D

* * *

Chapter 6: Reconciliation

* * *

“So. This sucks ass. On ice.”

_We_ are here in the dream bedroom, and we aren’t alone. My bed has conveniently expanded its width to accommodate the fact that Sayori is with us. I don’t think our dreams are connected this time around. Instead, her presence is likely born out of a subconscious desire for comfort. She is curled up next to me, head on my chest, asleep. Her very existence is a positive influence on my psyche, so it’s no wonder she’s here. I cradle her in my arms.

“You said it, Em,” I muttered. “But it was outside of my control to begin with.”

“What’s her deal? _She_ is the one who has her panties in a twist.”

“Hey now, don’t say that,” I respond to her. “She could have been wearing boxers.”

“Look who’s been paying attention,” Cee chimed in, giving my shoulder a playful nudge. Cee was to my left. Em was to my right, and Sayori was curled up between us two. I paid no mind to the twins, letting my eyes drift across the ceiling. I think they were laying on their sides, looking at me expectantly. That enigmatic mental link we had going on, the thing with, y’know, being the same person and all, was present but not terribly strong. I had a distraction taking up my mind, so it made sense.

“Yeah…” For all intents and purposes, therapy was in session for me. I just needed to focus a little harder.

“I still don’t like her attitude.”

“Sis, she’s obviously distraught.”

“Pfft. Look, _Bro_ , I can still feel the sting from her punch, and I don’t mean physically.”

“We’re all hormonal 18-year-olds. Emotions are bound to run rampant here and there when we feel strongly about something. It’s not like we haven’t made mistakes. We’re all allowed to mess up here and there… Right?”

Em is still audibly huffy, but she relents. Her arms are crossed. “I guess. Doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. I don’t like it when others make mistakes. I don’t like it when _we_ make mistakes.”

“I’m with you on that one… Hey. Say something.” I receive another nudge from Cee, this one less than playful. My head jolts upwards for a moment, but I simmer down. I don’t want to disturb Sayori. I don’t care if she is the real deal in a connected dream or just another figment of my imagination; I don’t want to wake her. I heave a sigh and look left. I stare upon Cee’s face for a moment before turning my head in the opposite direction. I capture Em’s gaze with my own.

“She needs the most help out of all of them. I can say with relative confidence that Sayori is safe now and getting better. Natsuki has been keeping her problems hidden.” I return my eyes to the ceiling and pet Sayori’s head. “Monika’s overburdened, but she’s the most intellectual of the club. She will be able to come to terms with her limitations after some support. Yuri is shy, sure, but she’s intelligent. She’s also breaking out of her shell bit by bit with the club’s companionship. I mean, Natsuki is, too, but…”

“But she and Sayori have shared the trait of hiding behind a mask. Sayori’s was happiness. Natsuki alternates between hostility, overconfidence, and this combination of disbelief and distrust. She hesitates to open up and can’t bring herself to fully accept positive responses. It’s like she’s waiting for things to go wrong. In a way, I guess things did indeed go wrong for her.”

“We gotta rip that mask off by force! Get her to expose her true feelings. Open up a can of whoop-ass!”

“Metaphorically.”

“I don’t mean literally! Duh! _Obviously!_ Let’s _not_ beat the crap out of her. She needs compassion.”

“Man, I’m sure glad I can zone out some while you two focus on the important stuff.”

“Well, bozo, this _is_ entirely your mind hard at work.”

“Yeah, I know. Dreams are pretty much exclusively a product of subconscious thought and stuff. It just feels different when I’m inside my mind like this and the ‘core’ me is just… here… like I am now…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…?” Our collective silence is staggering. “Um…” I attempt to speak up, but I’m unable to focus. “What… what else to talk about on this…”

“Nothing, apparently. We’re out of thoughts,” Cee remarks.

“This bitch empty,” Em chirps, giving me a knock on the noggin.

“ _Ow!_ ”

“Oh, come the hell on. I barely touched you! Huh…” Em’s thought process shifts. “How does pain even register in a place like this, anyway?”

“Beats me.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth, Cee.”

“That’s kind of what I’m here for.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” I purse my lips and bring my attention back to Em. “So where did you come from, anyhow?”

“ _Excuse me?_ I’m from your dumb-ass brain, you know!”

“I know that, you impulsive… Oh!” Eureka. “Cee is more my rational, logical side. You’re like my impulsive, emotional side.” … “I wonder what it says about me that the guy is logic and the girl is emotion.”

“Don’t hurt yourself thinking about it,” Cee remarks. “Society influences us all in subconscious ways independently of our conscious thought. It’s as simple as that.”

“Sounds like something Monika would say,” I chuckle.

“Well, the people we spend time with also influence us. Sayori influences our emotions, Yuri our intelligence, Monika our awareness, and Natsuki is kind of like a jill-of-all-trades depending on what side of her has been showing recently.”

“I guess that explains some of Em’s aggression,” I chide in her direction.

“Oh, go screw yourself.”

“Her ruthless aggression,” Cee adds.

“I’ll wallop you!”

“ _R-U-T-H-L-E-S-S!_ ”

“ _Stop hiding behind us and our girlfriend and say that to my face!_ ”

“Pfffahahahaha!” It’s amazing how much one can argue with themselves. It’s a much-needed moment of levity to hear them—me—banter. My unintended interruption seemed to settle them down, but Sayori stirred in my arms. Ultimately, she remained asleep. Just like in reality, she was the heaviest sleeper in the history of heavy sleepers. I could probably blow an airhorn next to her face and she’d just roll over.

“Hahaha, ahaha, hah… Anyhow, what I meant was, like, where did that aggression come from?” I mused in Em’s direction. “I was never really an angry person.”

“Maybe not, but you sure suppressed it just like the rest of your emotions the older you got.” Cee’s logic is flawless. Well, I guess I would think that something I was essentially saying to myself would _seem_ flawless, even if last time we were here I wasn’t so sure of myself. “Plus, having grown up alongside Sayori, you would have tried to keep any anger hidden so you didn’t upset her.”

“I guess. It’s just… I should’ve been angrier at Natsuki. What stopped me?”

“Rejection is a bitch! And as much as maybe she deserved some kind of retribution for her actions… Cee’s right. She was hurting something fierce, and it showed. Maybe if she had been mad the whole way through we could have been less sympathetic towards her, but her façade was starting to break towards the end. We should figure out what to do.”

“We will cross that bridge when we come to it. I don’t think we will make much headway over the next few days.”

“I’m not sure I _want_ to tackle this. At all.”

My words earn a spat of silence between the other two.

“Come on, dude.”

“Don’t say stuff like that.”

“You two agreed that it _could_ be great. It wasn’t. My proposition failed. Plus, as much as I want to help Natsuki, it’s better that we just let this be. She won’t show us more than she wants to, especially after losing control. She doesn’t like when that happens. Giving up on this whole thing doesn’t seem like too bad an idea. I’ll get over my emotions. We can reconcile with Natsuki, continue being friends, and just put this behind us.”

“Bullshit!”

“Yeah, what she said. You’re so focused on Natsuki’s overwhelming response that you haven’t thought about Yuri or Monika at all.”

“Is there a point to that now?” I groan and plant one hand over my face. “I don’t know if it would be the same. I wanted all of them, not just some of them. Besides, that would make things insanely awkward between those who I did wind up with and those who I didn’t. Even if she thought I was heinous for my actions, if Natsuki was the only one who wound up outside of the relationship… Ugh, can someone else finish this train of thought?” I retreat into silence and close my eyes. I don’t want to talk right now. Em, Cee, one of you talk. I feel my energy wavering.

“Uhhh…” Em utters. Cee remains silent. Their hesitation spells out reluctance. I guess I can’t force them to continue on something I don’t want to converse about. “Hey, Logic Man, this is more your territory. I’m not feeling so hot about this one.”

“W-Well…” Cee is unenthused, but it feels like he’s going to try. Thanks, man. “If Natsuki was the only one outside the relationship because of whatever her issues are, that would be a devastating blow. Even if it was her own insecurities and hostility towards the idea, it would still be rather… shitty…” He cleared his throat. A wave of discomfort washed over us. “It’s possible things could change down the line or her opinion could be swayed. I just… I get resisting things, but we all know this attraction to them came from out of nowhere. If we were to give up so easily, would it really have been that big a deal to begin with? Now we would have led Yuri and Monika on without taking their feelings into account, gotten Natsuki up in arms over nothing, _and_ Sayori would be disappointed because she came up with a positive outcome specifically for her.”

“Goddamnit, I really messed this whole thing up.” I groan and rub my face exasperatedly, tugging at my short hair. “I shouldn’t have said anything, or better yet I should have given it more time. I should have talked to them one by one. _Ugh_ …”

“You’re gonna stress yourself out, you idiot! No matter wh—"

* * *

I open my eyes and promptly shut them tight when I realize what happened. My hands instinctively come up to my forehead and squeeze.

_Well isn’t that fantastic? It’s **morning**_. _I woke up in the middle of that!_

Ugh…

Well…

At least Sayori is here. I grab my phone and see that it’s only a few minutes before my alarm would have gone off anyhow. I try to gain some semblance of composure before snuggling her sleeping body close. The extra minutes spent with her before we have to get going will be nice. My head aches from the unfinished session as well as from Natsuki’s wrath, so I’ll have to take some pain relievers. Maybe I’ll ask Sayori to kiss the boo-boos. She would be so excited to do that. Heh, that sounds so cute…

* * *

It’s Tuesday. I decide not to go to the Literature Club today. Sayori is disappointed but understanding. I tell her I’ll wait around towards the front of the school and keep to myself. I have my phone and the school wi-fi. I can keep myself occupied and try to ignore my headache until she finishes.

I just can’t face the rest of the girls right now, especially Natsuki. I don’t know what to do yet regarding her, but I’ll figure something out. I’m a little surprised Sayori had no qualms about going to the club herself. I suppose she would want to try and set things right. She detests conflict, but she does her best to work past that and make things right between everyone. Well, even if she doesn’t do anything, it’s her decision to go. We may be an item, but we are still two completely independent people.

Once we leave the school, we head to the local pharmacy and convenience store to grab Sayori’s prescription. I pick up some of my favorite ice cream even though prices are higher. Money be damned, I’m not going to the grocery store unless it’s a full shopping trip. This is what puts the convenience in convenience store. Not like money is a big issue anyhow. Mom and Dad earn enough from their business ventures with Sayori’s parents to both keep her and I living comfortably as well as constantly be traveling around. We are privileged, and we have done our best to not take that for granted.

We loiter around the stop near our homes for the next bus to come. Sayori’s therapy days were Tuesday and Thursday, and convenience was again the significant word as she could take public transportation straight downtown and walk a small distance to her clinic. I wait for her to board the bus and head inside to unwind. We text while she waits to get to the clinic and to be seen. Among our conversation, we decide that there’s no real reason for us to sleep alone in different houses. Initially, this past weekend’s plans were just that: plans. They were one-off and out of the ordinary. It was going to be a special time for us, and oh, how special it turned out to be. Talking about it some, we recognize that we are close enough as friends and as a couple to spend time essentially living together. The past few nights of sleeping in the same bed, experiencing each other’s warmth and love when sleeping, was so much better than sleeping without those things.

Once Sayori gets back from therapy, we migrate a few essential things to my place and spend the evening making sure hers is tidy. The vast majority of her belongings will remain there, with clothes being swapped out as needed. School stuff, laptop, and other things used on a regular basis are brought over with us. Even some of her food is transferred, particularly stuff that would spoil so we can go through it faster. She will wind up bringing whatever else as she sees fit. Visiting home once a day is the likely route she will take to change clothes, shower, get the mail, and overall make sure everything is in order. The most important thing for her, however, would be making sure she said hi to Mr. Cow and Mrs. Duck. They got a great big hug each and were tasked as being guardians of her home. They would not fail her!

Wednesday comes and goes, and I didn’t go to the Literature Club again. I want to make sure I’m in the right state of mind, not to mention that the time away might help Natsuki as well. I’m thankful for Sayori’s understanding. Not much happened throughout the day. We went home, ate, did some homework, and lounged in bed together. Sometimes a whole lot of nothing is exactly what you want. After the recent week of excitement, I was all too happy to be able to relax and take my mind off of important matters. It was just my angel and me watching cartoons and sharing my ice cream, and my head is feeling better on top of that.

Thursday comes around, and I’m not really thrilled. My dreams were, well, dreams. There was nothing noteworthy, but that isn’t what I was hoping for. After our interruption, the twins and I didn’t have another meeting. I was really hoping to continue that session and root around through my brain for some more stuff to easily sift through. It was far more bearable than dealing with it during my waking hours.

I found myself unable and unwilling to focus on what happened, which is disconcerting. Avoidance isn’t the healthiest coping mechanism. I suppose I would be able to improvise my way through it. I seem to have a certain talent for that. I don’t exactly _want_ that to be the case, though, but I am trying to be avoid ruining my good mood by dredging up the negative feelings associated with the conflict. One day at a time. Just take it one day at a time.

I refrain from attending the club again. Sayori tells me the girls want me back, but I have her assure them that I’m not leaving. I just needed some time to myself. Club time comes and goes. Before I know it, Sayori is snagging me from the front of the school building so we can walk home. Without as much excitement happening in our lives, we are rather quiet. Small talk isn’t a big thing between us. I, as an introvert, am fine with not conversing much. The fact that I can share such comforting silence with Sayori is a blessing for me, and I know that when she is comfortable being silent, it is just as good for her. We hold hands while we walk, kiss before she boards the bus to therapy, and wind up constantly in arm’s reach of each other once we are both at home.

Sayori’s words from Sunday night held true. Everything about our bond felt so right. She and I have vastly different experiences on what we expected and hoped out of our relationship, but it all lined up so well. Hell, I never really thought about anything along those lines to begin with. Sayori had clearly been dreaming about us for a long time, however. All in all, it just worked out so well. I believed that people weren’t just existing to search for a better half or anything like that; we were our own person. If we found someone that complimented our personality and life to such a positive degree, then so be it. Revel in that blessed outcome. I was. Sayori was.

Sayori and I are screwing around on our laptops in my bedroom when I receive a text.

_Natsuki:_ [Please come to the club tomorrow. We should all talk.]  
_Me:_ [Okay. I’ll be there. I’m not mad. I want to pretend this never happened.]  
_Natsuki:_ [Don’t. You had your reasons. I had mine. Don’t let me dissuade you. I’m sorry.]  
_Me:_ [It’s okay. I forgive you.]

The lack of typical cutesy flair Natsuki usually texted with and proper use of grammar displayed her seriousness regarding the subject matter. I used the same in return and showed Sayori the brief conversation. “Well, I’m still nervous about going back there, but at least that’s a huge weight off of my shoulders.”

“I’m really glad,” she responds. She removes the computer from her lap and scoots closer to me. Her head quickly finds my shoulder. I offer my hand to her and she takes it.

“Thanks, Cinnabun.” Another new nickname, short for cinnamon bun. Sayori took to it quickly after Monday’s treats, Natsuki’s “you are what you eat” remark, and her licking some icing off of my face. I nuzzle my cheek against the top of her head and stroke my thumb across her hand. “We just needed to let the passage of time do its thing. Sometimes the best thing is to leave a situation be.”

“Yeah. Even a formidable cliffside is no match for the unrelenting winds of erosion.”

“Whoa. That’s pretty profound.”

“Thanks! I totally came up with that line on my own after remembering Yuri say it and _oops_ I lied I’m just plagiarizing at this point, ehehe~”

“You’re such a goon, you know that?”

“You love me though!”

“I sure do. So, Monika teaches you phrases in other languages and Yuri teaches you about things like space and some good quotes. What does Natsuki teach you?”

“How to swear! HECK! FRICK!”

“Aaahahaha, oh my God, Angel. I love you so much!”

“Ehehe~! I love you too-ooo!”

* * *

Well, Friday afternoon is here. Entering the club room, even with Sayori by my side, was an ordeal for me. I knew things were a bit better now than they had been before last night, but my nerves were still spiking. Yuri had made it to the club room first and set out tea for everyone. No snacks this time, just something warm to comfort us. We thanked her for her effort.

The desks in the middle of the room were situated in a small circle. This made it easier for everyone to see each other. There wasn’t as much craning of one’s neck to see the person furthest from you when you were on either end instead of the middle, unlike with the desk setup from Monday. We had only set up that way so the pastry boxes could be out of everyone’s way in the middle of the desks. Without something like that, a circle had become our usual sitting pattern after some time. We remain in the same clockwise order: me, Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, Monika.

“First off, sorry about just leaving on Monday. I left the rest of you with the mess.”

“Pay no mind to it,” Yuri dismisses. “We were all frazzled by what transpired. It happens.”

“Yeah! As they say in New York, _fuhgeddaboudit!_ ”

“Monika… What? I mean, I understand what you said, but…”

“Bless you?” Sayori responds quizzically.

“I’m afraid your Brooklyn accent needs some work, Monika,” Yuri offers, hiding the beginning of an amused smile behind her teacup. I rather enjoy how Yuri’s shyness has turned into a comfortable but stoic persona around us. She is much more at ease when the attention isn’t on her and harmonizes well with her observations on everyone else’s shenanigans.

“Ahaha, sorry! Just trying to lighten the mood,” Monika says nervously.

“It’s much appreciated,” I respond, throwing a smile her way. “Anyhow… Uh… Uuuuuhhhhh…”

Ah. Crap. Now that I think about it, I didn’t come in with anything particular I wanted to say. That was precisely the reason I wanted a follow-up dream session with the twins. I literally clasp my hands together on my desk and twiddle my thumbs. “Um…” Oh boy, things just got awkward.

I take a look towards Natsuki. I’ve been trying not to face her until it was time to address things, so I was a little surprised to find that she has her head down in her arms. The rest follow my gaze. I can’t see Natsuki’s face, but she is looking in Monika’s direction. Monika leans back a bit to try and make eye contact.

“You okay?” Monika asks. Her response is a silent nod. Monika looks back to me with a look of sadness.

“For the record, she requested my presence and apologized to me last night,” I mention. That allows my train of thought to start chugging. “I was thinking about asking us all to pretend that Monday didn’t happen, but that’s messed up for a few reasons. The most prominent that came to mind for me was that, well, if I gave up so easily on what I implied were strong, sudden feelings for all of you, that would have just proven how full of crap and uncommitted I was. Plus, Natsuki told me to not back off because of how she reacted.”

I raise my teacup and slowly sip from it. The others are silent as they wait for me to continue, glancing between Natsuki and myself. Yuri traces the rim of her teacup in a deliberate manner. Sayori has her head in one hand, staring solemnly at Natsuki. Monika’s lips are pressed firmly together. She’s slouched back in her seat, an unusual sight for someone so professional.

“So, we’re not doing that. I stand behind every word I said, and I’ll keep things short this time. I do want this. In a perfect world, we would all be together. Not that I would be with all of you, but we would **_all_** be together. We would all have much better bonds with each other, and we would commit to every single other person. We would help each other out, work on everyone’s shortcomings and flaws, become better people, and have fun doing it.” Wait, that didn’t come out right. “Um, have fun doing all of that.” That’s better. “I think this would be good for me. Sayori thinks it would be good for her. We both think it could be advantageous to all of you. I guess we can’t speak for you, but there are both pros and cons to it, as there are to most things.”

Sayori sits up, which grabs the attention of everyone. “It may have been his idea, but I’m completely on board with it. Please don’t think I’m just blindly going along with the idea because of the person it came from. My therapist and I have been talking about my lack of friends throughout my life. This club means a lot to me because of the friendships I’ve formed with all of you. Even though we’re all such different people, we were brought together by a single common interest. We have our strengths. Our weaknesses. Our flaws. Our… problems…”

Sayori leans back and folds her arms across her chest. She looks proud, yet sad. Bittersweet, just like what she enjoys. “This club is the best thing that could have happened to me. It brought my childhood sweetheart closer to me and saved my life. I’m only at the beginning of my adulthood journey, but it could have ended so much quicker.” How nonchalant she is being about this is unnerving. Monika and Yuri droop their heads as a result, but Sayori isn’t deterred. “I don’t feel weird about saying this at all: I want that kind of improvement for all of you. We’re at a point in our lives where most of us don’t know a darn thing, but at least we can all know not a darn thing together, right?”

“Well said, Angel,” I affirm in Sayori’s direction. She smiles before continuing.

“I guess it would be better if we knew what was going on, but sharing our lives and experiences would help, or something like that. We are all just different enough to offer each other a unique perspective on things while being similar and good-natured enough to want the best for everyone. At least, that’s what I feel.”

Finally, Natsuki’s head rose up a bit. She rested her chin in her arms, looking tired. “How come it had to be brought up this way? Why couldn’t we all just… stick to being friends?”

Well, that’s where I have to bring some input to the table, don’t I? “It’s really just as simple as how I explained it Monday. I felt this crazy attraction to all of you from out of nowhere. I didn’t want to remain platonic friends. Don’t get me wrong, platonic friends are underappreciated in a world where romance is, well, romanticized as being the end goal of any bond you can make, along with it being all about love and sex and that sort of stuff. Platonic friends are important.” I sip from my tea again. Natsuki is eyeing me warily. “But in this short span of time, I couldn’t fathom the idea of just being friends with all of you because I felt like that ran a greater risk of us parting ways or just growing apart down the line. Significant others tend to stick together and be part of their partners’ daily lives. _Just_ friends can… drift away, leave, stop being any part of your life after a while…”

“And that sucks! It’s horrible! I don’t want that for us!” Sayori’s interjection comes as no surprise to me. Her tone edges into desperation, and the others look a bit taken aback. “I’ve gone through that more times than I should have had to, and it started to happen with the most important person in my life. I never want to experience that again. I don’t want any of _you_ to experience that!” Her heartbroken expression tells a story spun of grief.

“And I second that notion,” I add, reaching out to give Sayori’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. Her happy, yet still sad in a way, smile makes me feel a wide range of emotions that I don’t have time to focus on. I give her a few pats and sigh, resuming my focus to the group. “Something made me think we were all meant to be together. Nothing has to happen now. I’m not _expecting_ anything to happen now. Maybe not for a long time—maybe not ever! At least, not in a relationship sort of way. I still thought it was too good an opportunity to pass up. Sayori and I are bursting at the seams with excess love and emotion as of late. Well, she’s always been like that. I’ve only recently come to be oversaturated with so much of it that I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.”

I empty the remnants of my tea into my mouth and gulp it down. “It wasn’t until Sunday night and admitting this to Sayori that I found out I was fighting for this alongside her instead of her just being a spectator to the concept. Neither of us wound up having close friends except for each other growing up. Everyone else kind of just drifted away. I didn’t put in the effort to keep in touch with others. Others didn’t put in the effort to remain friends with Sayori. We don’t want that to happen with any of you, even though none of us have known each other for very long. We don’t want to lose you. We don’t want you to lose each other.”

I pause for just a moment. I’m on a roll and don’t want to stop, but I do need to breathe. “We were just talking about how happy and proud we were to know one another last week, and that made things click for me. When you form a bond that strong in no time at all, that’s something special, _especially_ when we have only shared fractions of ourselves with each other. Even if we’ve been sharing pieces of our heart and soul, we truly only know so much about the rest of us. The future is uncertain. It’s scary. I wanted to capitalize on what we already established, and so did Sayori.”

I sigh. Man, I’ve been talking an awful lot. So much for keeping it short. “That’s why I wanted to get this out there as soon as I could. It took some persuading myself, and Sayori helped with that, but I figured what was the harm? What was going to happen at worst, right? You all say no and that would be that, but at least I planted that seed for the future. At least I _tried_.” I take a deep breath. “But then something unexpected happened, something I don’t think anyone could have predicted, and something I certainly didn’t intend to happen.”

Finally, it was time to address what we came here for. Natsuki’s expression was weak. She was attentive but looked as though she was dealing with something in her head.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Natsuki.” I swipe a hand through my hair and clear my throat. “It wasn’t apparent until the end of your tirade, but it’s clear that I _hurt_ you. I didn’t just upset or anger you. I. **Hurt**. You. I can’t be entirely sure how, but all I know is that it happened. That’s all I _need_ to know.” Natsuki’s head rose up. Her expression was returning to something more typical of someone nearing their twenties and less like a 40-year-old, sleep-deprived single mother of three.

I continue on. “I’m not trying to play with anyone’s feelings here, I’m not trying to manipulate anyone, and I could care less about trying to get inside someone’s panties. Or boxers.” That running theme from my head makes its way to my mind and slips out. Darn those two. “To use a phrase that belongs right at home in the Literature Club, I’m… being an open book.”

My wit earns a few snickers from the girls. Monika squints her eyes at me and flashes a smile. Her recent usage of it on Friday is what spurred me to use it. I wag an affirming finger in her direction. Natsuki is the only one not amused, but she doesn’t respond negatively so there’s that. Nonetheless, she speaks up. “I verbally beat the hell out of you, then slammed your face into a desk and punched you, and _you_ are apologizing to _me?_ ”

“Don’t forget the cinnamon bun box over the head!” Sayori chimed in, but it wasn’t anywhere near malicious. In fact, she was doing that thing again, the thing where she poked her fingers together. “Though that part was probably better. Extra icing to taste once we got home, ehehe…” _Oh, Sayori. You goof._ Her attempts to lighten the mood now that serious business had been tackled some were more effective. Sorry, Monika. Sayori’s just too good at what she does.

“Um, yeah, she kind of swiped some of it off my face. And then just licked it off directly.” The rest of the girls blushed to varying degrees. Natsuki looked almost grossed out in addition. Almost. “Hey, don’t forget what happened when we were baking for the festival,” I spoke in her direction, an attempt to take advantage of her less serious state to further lower the tension. Natsuki froze up, staring at me wide-eyed in shock.

“Huh?” Sayori’s audible curiosity made me freeze up now. Uh-oh. I hadn’t ever mentioned that to anyone. I doubt she would mind, especially with what we are proposing now, but I still would rather not admit what happened.

“Uh, s-so we kind of got in-into a bit of an icing battle when we were making the cupcakes, y’see? An-And at one point it wound up on our cheeks. We didn’t, uh, um, have a qualm about wiping it off with our fingers and eating it, like you did with me Monday night.” Good save. “Well, you, aaahhh, you licked it directly off of me, but still.”

I mean, well, technically that _is_ what happened. I just left out the part about me licking some icing off of _Natsuki’s_ finger rather than my own. Good lord, I better not slip up and mention what happened with Yuri. While I perish the thought, Natsuki tries not to look embarrassed. The others blush even further, and Yuri tries to hide her face a little bit. Monika doesn’t look as fazed even with pink in her cheeks. As usual, I can’t tell much with her. The inner machinations of her mind are an enigma.

“Anyway!” I cleared my throat and resumed looking at Natsuki. She looked flustered but didn’t dare say anything about the now-previous topic. “You already apologized to me. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t intend to hurt you. I did. That’s what matters. I’m taking as much responsibility for it as I can. I’d like to talk about it more in-depth at some point, if you would like. I want to help you.”

“Hmph…” Natsuki huffed deliberately, narrowing her eyes at me. “You don’t have some sort of savior complex, do you? That shit isn’t gonna fly with me, butthead!”

“Whoa, n-no, I don’t.” I let one arm hang from the back of my neck, rubbing at it. I can almost feel a headache coming on. Natsuki is stressing me out. I just don’t want to get anywhere close to what Monday was like. Her tame method of addressing me offsets the instance of vulgarity, thankfully. “But friends help friends. Talking things through can help lead to an improvement.”

“Yep! Therapist says this all the time!” Sayori proudly adds. Natsuki ceases to look as defensive.

“Not to mention the fact that I’d like to know where all that came from so I can avoid setting that fire again. None of us needs that kind of anger, especially not you since you’re the one who would be experiencing it.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Natsuki pursed her lips, looking away from us in silent contemplating. “Maybe… Maybe at some point.”

“Thank you.” That’s better than nothing. “I just don’t want our friendship to be damaged. I don’t want anything here to be damaged. We all have something good going on.”

“Heck yeah!”

“ _Hell_ yeah…”

“I wholeheartedly concur.”

“Ahaha, we most definitely do!”

Natsuki’s exclamation following Sayori’s was a little lacking in enthusiasm, but it’s understandable. It’s still a positive that she was reacting in the first place. I let out a huge sigh and lean back in my chair while pretty much everyone takes a sip of their tea. My eyes wander up to the ceiling. My mind has had to put in a lot of work over the past little while, and it isn’t done. This is a draining conquest. Thankfully, things are wrapping up. I think.

“I still want this to be a thing, but I won’t bring it up again. Anyone who is interested can talk with Sayori and me at their leisure, and I’ll leave it at that. As long as we are all friends here, that’s the biggest thing I’m concerned about. Anything beyond where we already were before Monday is just a little more icing on… my face.” This time, even Natsuki joins in on giggling at my misdirection. Whew, thank God.

“You know you’re a freakin’ idiot, right? You’re way too nice and forgiving! I would _hate_ someone if they did to me what I did to you.” Natsuki starts off with a sense of overconfident pride at her verbal jabs to my character but reduces back to normal towards the end. No joking about hating someone, especially since it should have been easy for me to despise her for attacking me. I bet she feels like that was what would have happened.

“Yeah, well… I learned from the best,” I explain, nodding my head in the direction of the angel sitting next to me. She giggles and smiles. “Put it this way: if it helped you, I’d let you punch me more.” I can already feel Natsuki’s face scrunch up in disbelief before it happens. I prepare to expand on what I’ve said.

“I’d rather you actually beat me up if that would improve things, even if it was only for you to blow off some steam for something completely unrelated. I know I’ve never had an appropriate outlet to vent my frustrations. That just served to help numb me because I forced that kind of emotion away and pretended it didn’t exist so as to not worry anyone. I may not be a physically violent person, but it’s nice to have a healthy method of getting rid of that sort of stress, right?” Thank you, twins, for making me aware of such a concept so that I could relay and relate that to someone else’s experiences.

“Ahaha, I wouldn’t call beating someone up a healthy method of dealing with frustration,” Monika speaks up matter-of-factly. It seems that she tends to giggle nervously when not in control of a situation. As I understand it, it’s an automatic response that both kicks off verbalizing a thought and tries to cover up the obvious anxiousness. It doesn’t do too good a job at the latter.

“Well, I suppose not, but if you are sparring with someone else and agree to it, then that’s all well and good.”

“He has a point,” Yuri remarks, playing with the empty teacup in her hands. “It’s better than doing something rash like hurting yourself…” Suddenly, she sucks air in through her teeth and starts tripping over her words. “Uuu… _And_ hurting yourself, l-like pun-punchi-ing a wall, o-or headb-butting something!”

Without warning, Sayori gets out of her seat. She maneuvers herself quickly, yet gently, behind Yuri and places hands on her shoulders. Natsuki, Monika, and I all exchange glances while Sayori whispers something. Clearly the rest of us don’t know what’s going on. Well, we don’t know _for sure_ what’s going on, but thinking for a little bit on Yuri’s words could lead to some… _razor-sharp_ guesses. I say that—well, think that—in a despairingly sickened and concerned way. It’s not the first time Yuri accidentally said something she didn’t mean. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else didn’t already come to the same conclusion about what she was implying.

I still remember not only Yuri licking the blood off my finger when I accidentally pricked it on her knife during our festival prep, but I also recalled her rolling her sleeves down in a hurry when I came back into my room at one point. It also occurred to me that I’ve never seen her without long sleeves. When she licked my finger, it was somehow both like an impulse and like she knew what she was doing. I didn’t look into it, but I knew of the old phrase “licking your wounds,” or something like that. That always seemed like an odd phrase to me. Maybe there’s some legitimacy to it that I’m not aware of? That seems like the kind of science-related thing she would know. I should remember to look that up later.

After a bit of time, Yuri begins to calm herself, setting her teacup down in an exceptionally timid manner. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think any of us are going to approach Yuri with anything on the topic unless she chooses to disclose it to us. It would surely be extremely upsetting to just come to her with something like that. If we were vague enough about it where we could be asking her to trust us enough to disclose _anything_ to us that she might want to, maybe that would work. It may be better to just let her approach it at her own pace. Hell, we could be completely wrong! I would rather be wrong about this.

Sayori and Yuri exchange some words that are too low to hear. The rest of us look away so as to give some semblance of privacy. Natsuki, having not touched her tea, focuses almost exclusively on it. Monika and I seem to communicate with our body language in total silence. It’s very subtle, but I think we’re together in showing our concern for Yuri and admiring Sayori jumping in without hesitation to comfort our mysterious maiden.

“Thank you,” we, or at least I, hear Yuri utter softly. Sayori offers her hand. Yuri kindly accepts and gives it a tender squeeze before motioning her helper back to her seat.

“While it’s relevant,” Sayori begins as she takes up residence in her desk again, “I want to say again that all of us should help every other member of this group. That’s what friends do. It can’t be stressed enough that everyone wants the best for everyone else, no matter what we think about ourselves. Those around us are the ones we should be able to trust to help us feel better about ourselves when we can’t.”

I can hear Sayori take a long, slow inhale through her nose. She closes her eyes and lets it out over a good number of seconds. “That’s something I wound up finding out only after ending up at the worst end of things. It’s still difficult to imagine that sort of thing, to imagine that you’re worth enough that people not only put up with you but _want_ to help you. Um, it’s a shame that it’s so hard to learn that lesson without really bad things happening beforehand…”

Sayori opens her eyes and starts making eye contact with each of us at random. “Ehehe, we may have strayed far from previous topics, but it doesn’t hurt to talk about this sort of stuff, right? Try to reach out for help if you can. If you can’t, we will try to help when we see you ailing. Just let us actually be able to see that, if you can. Swallow your pride and let it happen. Help us help you. I promise it’s worth it. No one… No one wants…” Her tone softens. “…wants to wind up with a rope around their neck.”

We all give respective nods. Grunts of affirmation harmonize between us. It is I that gives Sayori’s hand a squeeze now, this one offering positive vibes rather than as thanks for being on the receiving end of them. She responds with a small smile and a shimmer in her eyes. I get lost in them momentarily.

“And none of us want anyone else to be in that position, either,” I tack on for extra emphasis. I keep her hand in mine while my attention turns towards the group as a whole. “Being a couple that has experience in both of those positions, we will do anything to prevent that and would be utterly devastated if anyone came close to _anything_ of the sort.”

Sayori removes her hand, gives mine a few pats, and leans back in her chair. I can see she is tired as well. The others must be, too.

“Damn, this conversation went all over the place,” I muse aloud. “Uh, I’m sorry about that.” The rest practically wave it off in tandem.

“It happens,” Monika reassures.

“Lord knows I’ve prattled on about fundamentally less important things than mental health and the importance of friends,” Yuri remarks.

“Not that those things aren’t still important from a sub…subje… I’m tired,” Sayori admits. Subjective is what I’m assuming she was aiming for and isn’t that hard of a word. To struggle with it, the poor girl must be more exhausted than she’s letting on. Fatigue can do that to you. You’ll just find your brain utterly fried and have trouble with even seemingly simple tasks. “From an opinion-based point of view.”

“Yeah. Could be worse. Your prattling on, as you said, could have been undeservedly coming down hard as hell on someone who didn’t deserve it.” Natsuki furrowed her brow as she spoke. She must have mentally checked out some as well, as I pick up on what was essentially the redundant use of words.

“I appreciate your regret over the situation. Don’t worry. I completely forgive you. Let’s try to make it a thing of the past.”

“…I’ll try.” Natsuki finishes her tea and puts the cup down. It’s less gingerly than how Yuri or I have during this session. “And I’m sorry to the rest of you for causing a scene. I know I’ve kept to myself in the club the past few days. I, um…” She hesitates. “I was not thrilled about the idea of bringing anything up, and I’m still not as I say this since I was the one that flipped out.”

“As has been the theme today, I think we can all regard these issues as obsolete.” Yuri’s confidence is unwavering. I’m glad it seems that way.

“Agreed. Mistakes are made. Emotions are complicated. We’re only human, after all!” Monika contributes.

“Right… And, Sayori…” Natsuki gets Sayori’s attention. The bow-wearing angel tilts her head forward. “Thank you for forgiving me pretty much immediately and trying to not let me feel as bad about all this. You’re a more wonderful friend than any of us can grasp, and…” There’s some hesitation. Natsuki still has problems apologizing and owning up to things when she’s actually with people. I guess it was easier over text since she didn’t have to face anyone, even if it took longer to get around to it. “…you’re more of a friend than I deserve for being a hotheaded bitch.”

“Don’t say that about yourself,” Sayori responds with a scowl. I am unaware of any details between the two, but I’m not surprised that Sayori made peace with Natsuki as soon as possible, if Natsuki’s words are any indication. That’s not my concern or my business. Some might think it involves me since I was at the center of the conflict, but I’m not going to be fussed about that. It’s all semantics.

“Look, it’s no secret I’m not always the most pleasant person. You can’t change my mind about that. If I’m not a bitch, then I at least have an _awesome_ talent for acting bitchy. That much is true.”

“Feh. I still think you shouldn’t look at it that way… But you’re welcome.” Sayori forms a heart with her hands. Even if she is lacking pep in her actions, it’s still a nice gesture. Natsuki lets out a breathy giggle and responds with a thumbs-up.

“So…” I sit forward and lean my elbows on the desk. “What have we gone over now? Apologies… Forgiveness… Expanding on our proposition…” Even though I didn’t come in with a checklist of things to talk about, I list them off with my fingers as though I did. “Positive vibes all around… Friendship… You know what, I think there’s more, buuut I’m not concerned. It’s been a long conversation that’s gone up, up, down, down, and all the freakin’ way around.”

No one questions my repeated use of up and down back-to-back. I think they caught on what I did with that rhyme, which was my intent. Doing small, silly things like that just because I can, now there’s a Sayori-ism.

“I just have one more thing I want to address. Natsuki.” I summon the attention of the girl with the cotton-candy hair. “Hooow… cooome… Sayori got a text about what I put on social media on Saturday, but I didn’t?” My tone crept from serious into teasing the further into my sentence I got.

“He-Hey, how do you know about that?!”

“We were together. In the same room. On the same bed. It wasn’t all that long after my post that you messaged her,” I point out.

“Uh, rrr-right! I figured something like that!” I mean, I guess it wasn’t that hard to think of, but Natsuki is likely deflecting some of the topic away. “Sometimes a girl just wants to compliment another girl, ya get what I’m sayin’?! No gross boys allowed!”

“Love you too, Princess.”

“ _The Royal Commander shouldn’t be allowed to say things like that to the Princess so casually!!!_ ”

“Wuuuh?” Sayori is still confused about this whole medieval royalty scenario Natsuki and I came up with on Friday. If Monika and Yuri are, they aren’t responding as such. They are generally regarded as the smartest in the club, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they make their own—possibly correct—thoughts on the context.

“Just silly stuff Natsuki and I came up with last week,” I summarize. “And what’s wrong with professing such? The Royal Commander must not only pledge their undying loyalty but also their utter love for the Royal Family. That would qualify as platonic love, right?” I grin and shrug. “Plus, I mean, we are largely messing around. We are just friends palling around with each other at the end of the day, not to mention there was plenty of sarcasm intended with those words given what you just said. Words like that can mean as little or as much as you want them to.”

“It’s just so friggin’ _weird_ to hear someone that I’ve only known for a month say that!”

“I totally get that. Well, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop.”

Natsuki grows silent. She’s in thought. I wait for an answer, but nothing comes out of her. She settles on giving me an expression that reads like the equivalent of a shrug.

“Alright,” I say, my tone the verbal equivalent of a shrug to line up with her response. “I don’t think I have anything else to say on the many topics we’ve covered. Anyone else?”

“Uuuaaahhh, I’m a spent cinnamon bun,” Sayori lets out with a yawn.

“Nah, nothin’ else to say here,” Natsuki confirms.

“…” Yuri is silent but shakes her head.

“Okay, everyone! This is as good a place as any to end the club meeting for today,” Monika points out. “I’m glad we are all on the same page with our friendships, support, and reconciliation.”

“The same… _page?_ ”

“Sayori, get him!”

Without a moment of hesitation, Sayori comes alive. She springs out of her seat and zooms in behind me. Before my tired behind can respond, I find her fingers wiggling under my arms. “Naa, naaHAAhahaha, quiihihit it! Cuhu, cuhuhut it ohout! Monihika, whyyyehehe?” I can hear Sayori giggling in as menacing a way as she can along with me. The rest join in, clearly entertained by my squirming and protests.

“Ahaha! I just wanted to see if she would actually do something and what it would be. Thanks, my loyal Vice President! That will do. We do need to get this place back in typical school order and head into the weekend.”

Sayori relents, leaving me to recover. She does lean on me and wrap her arms around my shoulders, which I’m more than fine with. A little bit went a long way, and Sayori and I knew each other inside and out. She can be surprisingly ferocious about some innocuous things. She knows my weaknesses and won’t hesitate to go for the jugular. Well, metaphorically, I mean. I much prefer when she plays with my hair or neck, though. _It’s so soothing!_ Sometimes she bargains, offering to play with my hair in exchange for me getting her food. I don’t mind as long as I get some of that sweet, _sweet action…_ Whoa now brain, easy there!

“And I told you if you kept acting up, I’d sic her on you!” Monika apparently was not messing around when she said that. This time it is her, not Natsuki, who is a rumpus. Monika points her index and middle fingers at her eyes and redirects them towards me. Yeah, yeah, you’ve got your eyes on me. I try to do the same, except I only get as far as pointing my fingers at _my_ eyes. I let my strength give out and my hand flops down to my side. I give a weak shrug to end my actions, prompting Monika to giggle.

While my breathing steadies, I look around. Yuri is staring in our direction. Her eyes are focused, but unsteady. I must admit, it’s a little unusual to see her so composed in spite of her blushing. She takes a big gulp of air and lets it all out. It seems like she’s got something to say.

“Yes, Yuri?”

“Well…” Another sharp inhale, and an exhale follows. Hm. Sharp. That wasn’t intended to be a clever remark on my earlier thoughts. She begins properly. “I would like to accompany you two home and speak with you about this relationship business, if that isn’t too much. Erm, and if the others don’t mind…” She looks towards Monika and Natsuki with intent.

“You’re your own person, Yuri. It would be indecent of us to stop you for any reason, especially our own feelings on the situation.” Monika is as concise, yet insightful, as ever.

“Dude, go for it.” Natsuki’s response is simple and accompanied by a lighthearted slap on the shoulder. Maybe slap is too hard a word to describe it with. A bap. A lighthearted, open-handed bap on the shoulder. Yuri jumps slightly, but nods understandingly.

“I greatly value your blessings,” Yuri says. She rises from her seat and gives the two a slight bow before turning to us. “What abo—”

“Yeah!” Sayori cheers with energy left over from following Monika’s command, cutting Yuri off. Most people may remark about interrupting someone when they are talking. In this case, I think Sayori’s enthusiasm is something that even Yuri would recognize as a positive.

“We’d be delighted for you to join us, Yuri.” Though tired, I ushered in a smile that spoke volumes. I hope it did, anyhow. I can’t be sure that I look as genuine as I’d like to. Damn fatigue. I hear Sayori, still wrapped around me from behind, giggle and gently pat my shoulder some. I look up to see her wiggling her eyebrows down at me. I give her an affirming glance in return. We return our gazes to Yuri and ball our fists up, rhythmically banging softly on my desk.

**“Join us, Yuri. Join us, Yuri. Join us, Yuri! _Join us, Yuri!”_** Sayori and I chant in tandem.

“ _Haaaaa_ hahaha— _SNRK—_ hahaha!” Oh my god, did Natsuki just snort? That was adorable as all hell. Amazingly cute. I need more words than I know to describe it. She flushes furiously and covers her face up once she’s done laughing, seemingly embarrassed by that noise. By now, Monika and Natsuki had risen from their seats, but Natsuki wound up bent over her desk, leaning on it with her free hand from the sudden laughter. Yuri let out a small but unsure chuckle of what I assume to be bewilderment. Monika stared quite hard as us. She had one hand on her hip and one hand gesturing to us wildly as though asking what in the hell she just witnessed.

“Jeeheeheesus, that was, that, haha! What is wrong with you two?” I’ve never been more relieved to hear Natsuki making fun of me. Well, of us. Sayori and I hum and shrug, grinning widely at her. I assume she’s grinning, anyhow. I was. Sayori’s head was hovering just behind mine now so I couldn’t see her expression. “Dude, Yuri, are you sure you wanna go home with these weirdos?”

“I’m quite certain. They are, after all, quite entertaining, as you just witnessed.” Yuri’s eyes narrow towards us a bit. “Unorthodox, most certainly, but entertaining nonetheless.”

“Whatever, girl! If you come in on Monday doing wacky shit like that with them, at least we will know how strong their influence is! _Pfft_.” Natsuki looks like she’s holding back laughter. Being on the same wavelength as Sayori and doing stupid, fun stuff like that was a life-giving experience.

“Wacky poop, missy!” Sayori lightly reprimanded, pointing in Natsuki’s direction. Finally, now that we weren’t caught up in serious conversation, Sayori made it a point to, uh, _point_ out the harder cursing. Natsuki just sticks her tongue out at us. I pretend to be offended and stick my tongue back out at her.

“Alright, my zany crew. Let’s get moving. The sooner we organize the room, the sooner we can start our weekend!” Now that shenanigans have seemed to cease, Monika was successful in rallying us. Sayori bounces around a bit while I stand from my seat. It feels good to stretch my legs. I think the stress from earlier manifested itself as tension throughout my body.

“Yaaay! Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere! Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share!” Sayori sure was excited. Monika’s command, then Yuri’s request, seemed to rejuvenate her. I guess she was ecstatic to have Yuri join us. I was as well, but it didn’t prevent me from being tired.

“Heh-heh-heh, what a lively girl.” I smile to myself, shaking my head. What a lively girl, indeed.

* * *

The trip home is an unusual one. I lead the way and mostly keep to myself while Sayori walks alongside Yuri, trying to make small talk with the quieter girl. It’s mostly school stuff. I can’t help but ignore this chatter in favor—and I use the word “favor” loosely—of pondering whether Yuri is about to accept the proposition. What else could it be? Why would she otherwise want to accompany us home after two different days of such a significant topic? I need to chill out about this. It’ll cause some anxiety. I mean I can’t imagine she would come with us just to turn us down.

Since we just decided to leave Sayori’s home alone and tidy, we enter my place. The front door leads into the living room. It’s pretty modest, all in all. I hardly spend time down here, but that might change. Even Sayori and I only really use the kitchen and my bedroom. Bedrooms are less comfortable the more people you have around. Two is perfect. Three might be an issue, but whatever. I’m getting ahead of myself.

The wall across from the front door houses a TV and the small dresser it sits on. Two cabinets stand on either side of those items, and two sofas face each other in the middle of the living room. Behind the inner sofa is the large archway into the kitchen. The twilight sun peers in through the large windows behind the outer sofa, setting the mood for what is about to come. There are some small potted plants and doodads here and there, but I tend to pay them no mind unless I need to.

We kick our shoes off by the door and set our bags down. Sayori sets up a duo of TV trays while I get us some drinks. I come back to find Yuri and Sayori seated across from each other. I set the drinks down, careful not to spill anything since I’ve got mine held between my arm and body because I am not a mere mortal who carries two drinks at a time, and join Sayori.

The silence that engulfs us is displeasing. I’m still exhausted from earlier, and it seems like Sayori is as well. She practically chugs her drink and spreads out on the couch. I try to refrain from thinking about the potential negative outcomes that could stem from this afternoon’s conversation.

“Thank you for having me,” Yuri says politely, breaking the silence.

“Of course!” Sayori responds before I can. “Don’t mind me. Iii’m just a sleepy baby.”

“No worries at all.” Yuri’s more open and genuine smile seems to light up the room. It’s so odd to see her like this. Even among the club room she still remains reserved and doesn’t express her emotions as much. It is as refreshing a sight as I’ve ever noted it to be.

“So, what about this whole relationship thing did you want to talk about?” I may as well ask the question. I reach for my drink, expecting a question or an analysis of what the future could look like.

“I want in.”

I nearly spit-take.

“Mrr?!” Forcing what’s in my mouth down my throat, I set my drink back down. “I… wh-what? Just like that?!” I must sound incredulous, and Yuri looks a little apprehensive at my response. “I mean, like… We’d love to have you! That’s just not what I was expecting at all. No talking about it up front, no questioning it. Just. You want in.”

“That’s awesome!” Sayori is very pleased. She punches both fists up into the air. They soon flop back down beside her, thumping against the couch.

“I, uuuhhh…” I’m almost having trouble wrapping my head around this. “Um…” Nothing productive leaves my mouth for a bit. I run my hands through my hair, grabbing at my head. “I… I gotta say, every single bit of this experience has been the things I’ve expected the least.” When I bring my gaze to Yuri, she looks more relaxed. In fact, she’s smiling again. “I didn’t expect anyone to practically jump at this. I…”

Come to think of it, yeah. This sounded too good to be true. Even though I had been thinking about all this for some time, I was now completely blindsided by the fact that anything was happening. I felt, in a way, nervous. Hell, I didn’t expect to make it past Sayori with this. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought something peculiar was going on.

“Well…” My silence is enough for Yuri to speak up. “It’s like you two said: you feel as though this would be good for all of us. I, too, mean everything I brought up during our last poem session.” She clasps her hands together in front of her and closes her eyes. “I feel like I’ve found my social niche, and I do not want it to leave me. The universe has granted me an opportunity far beyond what I could have ever hoped. That’s why I’m coming forward so bluntly.” She opens her eyes and wraps her arms around her midsection. “Um, I h-hope my forwardness isn’t—isn’t off-putting.”

It’s amazing how quickly Yuri can go between talking perfectly eloquently and going back to stammering. I suppose it’s a double-edged sword having gained some level of confidence in speaking your mind without a second thought.

“No, not at all.”

“ _Fuhgeddaboudit!_ ” Oh my freaking God, Sayori. She notices us looking at her as though she has two heads. “Whaaat?”

“Pfft. Nothing, silly girl,” I say, patting her on the head.

“Monika seems to have left an impression you easily, Sayori,” Yuri remarks, taking a sip of her drink.

“Tell me about it. Sayori used the word _capiche_ the other night.”

“Ah, I’ve heard Monika let out some Italian words here and there. You know, Italian is grouped alongside Spanish, French, and a few other languages regarded as being romantic.” Leave it to Yuri to smarten the room up. “Monika’s dedication to anything she wants to do is incomparable. I don’t think I would have the aptitude for learning another language, if that’s indeed what she’s doing. Perhaps she is just dipping her toes into the foreign language ocean, learning words and phrases here and there. I would rather master the language I already know, both in verbal and written form.”

“You’ve got a great hand on that already,” I remark. “Your poems never failed to blow me away!”

“They’re so amazing and well-crafted!” Sayori’s addition causes Yuri to look away, embarrassed.

“Tha-thank you b-both,” she responds, messing with her hair. “It means a lot th-that you appreciate my talent s-so much.”

“Yooouuu’re welcome!” Somehow, Sayori finds some energy. In fact, she found enough energy to jump up from the couch and sit beside Yuri, leaning against and hugging her. The sudden close encounter with the silly kind alarms the taller girl. Her eyes find mine and seem to cry out for help for just a few moments. It looks like it’s my turn to save the situation.

“Um, Sayori…”

“Huh?”

“You might want to let Yuri have some space. She isn’t used to this.”

“Oops!” Sayori releases Yuri and scoots a good foot away. “Sorrysorry!”

Though having had that bit of a startle, Yuri is able to come down from the surprise with little difficulty. “It’s quite alright, Sayori. It may take some time to get used to physical affection for the sake of physical affection, but it will happen. I appreciate your eagerness.” To my surprise, Yuri turns towards Sayori and places a hand on her shoulder. “I wanted to thank you again for earlier, by the way. I am eternally grateful towards the graciousness you showed me.”

“Anytime!” Sayori responded, beaming and throwing two thumbs up into the air. “You’ve got my number and you know where I live. Uh, well I might be here more often than not, but you know where to find me if you need to talk about… _stuff_ …” I’m not about to inquire. I may be in clear earshot, but it isn’t my business.

“I won’t forget that.”

“Good. You better not. I wanna make sure things get better for you.”

“As do I, believe it or not.”

They smile at each other before returning to normal. Sayori opts to remain where she is, already spreading out. “Sweetie, can you throw me my drink?”

I look over to the plastic cup said drink is in. It’s an ordinary cup. No bottle. Just cup. I stare deadpan towards Sayori.

“Nnn… No???”

“Ehehe~ Could you bring it to me then?”

“Fiiine. That’s sooo much work, but it’s worth it I gueeessssss.” The obvious teasing tone let’s Sayori know I’m messing with her. I stand up and begin to take off my blazer. Holding it in one arm, I grab Sayori’s cup with my other hand and— It’s empty. How did I not notice? I saw her down it in one gulp not too long ago! Man, I’m tired.

“Oh, you chugged it.”

“Can I have yooours?”

“…Heh.” I bring my cup over and place it on the TV tray between Sayori and Yuri. “Drink delivery service, plus shenanigans!” I quickly drape the open blazer over Sayori’s face.

“Aiyee!” That squeal was worth it. I retreat back to the other couch, giggling like a doofus.

“Mhmhmhm, I told Natsuki you were entertaining,” Yuri remarks. Sayori removes the blazer from her head and pokes her tongue out in my direction. I only give a smug grin. She faces Yuri, meeting the taller girl’s smile with her own.

“Shenanigan delivery service!” Sayori cries out, tossing my blazer on top of Yuri’s head now.

“Eek!”

Both Sayori and I burst out into laughter. Yuri has a bit more difficulty getting the blazer off. Must be all the hair. Once it is off her, Yuri sets it down in her lap and smooths over her hair with her hands.

“What a mischief maker,” Yuri says, not bothering to hide a small smile. Thankfully, the “damage” to her hair is minimal.

“You said it. You may have to deal with some of that, you know.”

“I won’t bug Yuri. As much, ehehe~ It’s just way more fun to tease _you_ , Sweetie!”

“Thanks, Angel. You butt.”

“It looks like I may have the privilege to bear witness to an inseparable bond. That sounds delightful.”

“And become part of one! Yaaay!”

“Eh-heh, yes, th-that as well.”

The lull in the conversation allows us all to take a moment. Sayori and Yuri sip. I simply lean my head back. I still am not sure how to proceed. Thankfully, Sayori seems to have a better idea of things.

“So, Yuri, would you like to come over tomorrow?”

“I’d be delighted!”

I see an opportunity and quickly clear my throat. “You know, you may be staying here most of the time, but this is still my home, Sayori. Perhaps you should ask me if she _can_ come over.”

“Bwuh?” Sayori’s confused expression is hilarious, but I keep a straight face. Yuri’s expression is blank and unsure.

“Well?”

“Um… alright, fine. Sweetie, can—”

“Yes!”

“Wha— _And you call **me** the silly one!” _ Sayori wasted no time calling me out on my antics. Yuri lets out a low laugh while I snicker to myself. “What’s around that I can throw at him…” My snicker escalates into a guffaw.

“I was genuinely worried for a moment. I suppose I must remember that you two enjoy messing with each other. It must be special, being that close with someone else.” Yuri seems to be daydreaming out loud, having closed her eyes. She’s clutching my blazer in front of her chest. Sayori has taken to hastily removing her knee-high stockings, but she’s having some trouble. I assume it’s what she settled on throwing at me. How gracious of her to choose something that won’t do any property damage if things go awry.

“Having problems, Angel?”

“Shush, you!” Sayori reprimands, struggling to pull the stocking off from the foot end rather than slip it off starting at her leg. She finally tugs it free, but her arms go flying back. The stocking slips out of her grip and gets flung into the kitchen somewhere.

“Ten outta ten,” I grin, slowly clapping.

“Oooooh! Just you wait, mister!” Sayori blows a raspberry at me and leans back into the couch.

“I’m waitin’ for you.”

“ _Oooooh!_ ” I’m not sure that anything could be as entertaining as teasing Sayori. On the other hand, I’m sure she feels the same way in my direction. Monika seemed to get a disproportionate amount of joy from poking fun at me, not that I mind. All of this is friendly fun, after all. Sayori whispers something to Yuri. Whatever it was prompted Yuri to come over to my couch.

“Um, I wanted to thank you for coming up with this. I don’t know where this sudden attraction you speak of came from any more than you do, but I welcome it with open arms. I can’t rightly say I’ve ever thought about being in a polyamorous relationship—” Yuri looks down and clutches my blazer tighter. I didn’t even realize she still had it since she is wearing her own. The colors blend together. “Or any relationship, really, but that’s no longer relevant. I’ve grown exhausted at being the last to cross the finishing line of any social situations. I finally fit in somewhere, and I feel _good_ about it. I want to ride this feeling as long as I can.”

“We are glad to have you on board. I’m happy to be able to contribute something so meaningful to your life.”

“To be truthful, I would have brought this up on Monday but… I thought it best to wait. The whole thing with Natsuki was not pleasant to behold.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.”

“I can’t say I’m fond of her actions. The lack of explanation doesn’t help matters, but it isn’t my place to pass judgement or blame. If you are on good terms with her, then that’s all that matters. I just wish she would open up more.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.”

“You seem to repeat yourself quite often.”

“ _Ugh, tell me about it._ ”

“Sayori is not the only silly one around here, uhuhu~”

“ _Got’cha!_ ” We both look towards Sayori just in time to see something white pass above us. “ _No!_ ” I hear it make a very soft thud against the window and bounce off. I look up just in time for it to land on my face. “ _Yesss!_ ”

I hear Yuri let out another one of her particular giggles. Ah, Sayori’s other stocking. How kind of her. I remove it from on top of my head. “I think I’ll hold onto this for a bit,” I remark, glancing over at Sayori. She’s doing a little dance in her seat. “Do you see that?”

“Yes, I do,” Yuri nods.

“I fell in love with that. Can you imagine?”

“Oh, I do believe I can. There is plenty of charm in someone who can make you laugh at a moment’s notice.”

“You have no idea.” Wait. “Well, soon you will have an idea about it, anyhow.”

“Perhaps I will.” Suddenly, Yuri leans in and starts whispering. “Um, I hope neither of you take this the wrong way, but I don’t know if I will bond with Sayori as much as I will bond with you. I’m not, um, imp-implying I won’t try. I just— I never thought of myself as being in a relationship with anyone other than a boy.”

“Well, that’s not unheard of,” I shrug, keeping my voice low. “I don’t think Sayori is looking for an additional romance partner, to be honest. She just wants another close friend, close to any extent. Don’t feel like you have to do anything particular. We are all going to be figuring this out by the seat of our pants. As long as boundaries and such are respected, and we make sure to make our own boundaries known, we will figure this all out.”

“I’m glad. Sincerely. I don’t want her to feel like I’m neglecting her.”

“Oh, trust me. She will pal around with you enough on her own. You two will bond.”

“ _Heywhat’chatalkin’bout?_ ”

“GAH!”

How Yuri kept composed was beyond me, but Sayori’s sudden appearance practically right next to us surprised me. It was enough of a shock that I instinctively threw the stocking I still had in my hand at her. It bounced off of her chest pathetically.

“Aaah!” Sayori cried out. “Right in the tits!”

And that is the point where I firmly lost my shit. _That_ phrase coming out of _her_ mouth, I just… I was done. I fell off the couch, wheezing with laughter. It was a miracle that I could hear Yuri openly giggling over my own fit. I would love to have born witness to her showing that much emotion in general, but I suppose I’ll just have to admire it from a distance while collapsed on the ground.

“Ehehe~ Boyfriend conquered!” As I lay dying face-down on the ground, I felt Sayori plant one foot firmly on my butt. She was probably striking some kind of triumphant pose, as though she just discovered new land. The land of my butt.

“Aahaahaa, mhmhm~ Sayori, I’m surprised at you! You usually never use such language!” Yuri’s voice had remained an octave higher than usual. It was likely the entertainment of hearing Sayori say words.

“Well, it’s not a bad word! Just slang! I only go after people who curse. It’s like, what the heck, yanno?”

“In-Indeed it is like that, I supp…suppose?” It doesn’t sound like Yuri is quite sure of what Sayori is getting at. Admittedly, neither am I. What _is_ like what the heck?

“Haaah, hahaha, haaa. She’s just babbling. Don’t mind her,” I say between catching my breath and the effects of lingering giggles. “ _D’oohoohoof!_ ” My teasing caused Sayori to kneel over me. My ribs were being straddled.

“Say that again, mister!”

“ _No thanks, I’m good!_ ” Sayori isn’t exactly heavy, but the surprise of her basically plopping down on top of me winded me a tad. I could tell she also had some kind of plan to pester me if I boasted about not having had enough, and I was too tired to engage in her level of activity.

“Good!” Without much time at all, Sayori stood back up, ruffling my hair as she did.

“Hoo-boy. I don’t know where you get all this energy after being clearly tuckered out. I think that last fit of laughter expended me completely.”

“I can feel exhaustion on the horizon just by watching her.”

By the time I look up, it seems Sayori has wandered off. I can hear her calling out for something in the kitchen. Must be her other stocking. “Hey, catch!” I sit up and toss the stocking still with us into the kitchen.

“Eek! My booty!” I fall back over onto the floor and try to keep composed this time around. I fail.

“I am grateful to have picked such a lively day to join you two,” Yuri speaks in my direction. It seems she may have run out of laughter to be had, but she was clearly as amused as I’ve ever seen her. I work towards catching my breath again.

“Hah, haha, as are we, heh, heh…” I clamber back up to the couch and re-take my seat. “Not gonna lie, I think she’s putting on a show out of excitement. I mean, maybe I’m guilty of that as well, buuut she’s much better at it.”

“To go out of your way to entertain a new member of your relationship is an awfully sweet thing to do. You are both darlings.”

I cup a hand to my mouth and holler towards the kitchen: “You hear that, Angel?! She called you a darling!”

“ _Awwwwwwwwww!_ ”

Yuri blushes. “As m-much as I’d like t-to stay, I must get home soon.” She rises from her seat, finishes the drink she left on the TV tray opposite this couch, and beckons me towards her. “Sayori, I’m afraid I must leave.”

“Awwwwwwwww!” Sayori re-enters the living room and almost, _almost_ , wraps Yuri up in a tight hug. She stops just short, however, remembering what happened earlier. “Oopsie, almost made you uncomfortable again. Sorry, Yuri!”

“It’s quite alright, Sayori,” Yuri reassures. “Actually, I was thinking about asking… um…” Her tone lowers. Her shyness catches up to her. “C-could I… ha-hav-have a… _hug?_ If it-it’s n-not too much— Ah!”

Sayori wastes no time complying. Yuri still yelps out of surprise, but it is obvious that Sayori is not holding her as hard. “Of course!”

“Tha-thank you, Sayori,” Yuri responds. She’s clearly not used to this, but she wraps her arms around her affectionate assailant nonetheless. “You’re a precious little doll, and no harm should ever befall you.”

“Oh my gosh that’s such a sweet thing to say! Thanks, Yuri!”

“You’re quite welcome!” The hug is broken. It looks like it’s my turn. Uh… I can feel my cheeks reddening.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? You look all flustered!”

“Uh— N-No I don’t!” I lied. As if to expose my lie even more, I add, “It just dawned on me that I’ve never really shown physical affection to anyone other than you in my adult life or something like that.” Man I can put a good run-on sentence together when I’m out of sorts.

“Oh. Is— Did my request make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry!”

“N-No, Yuri! You’re fine.” I wave off her self-doubt. “I just… I’m so used to Sayori that, well, even with the little relationship adventure we’re all embarking on, I didn’t think about the physical affection side of things. I just— I, uh… I…” Oh to hell with it. To save myself further embarrassment, I step forward and wrap my arms around Yuri’s waist.

“Ah!” It takes a moment for Yuri to register what happened, but I feel her return the gesture. Her taller stature means her arms go around my shoulders. She pulls me in a bit tighter than I thought she would. My head is made to rest against her shoulder, and her _posture_ presses up against my own. My lack of posture, rather. Yeah, that’s more heat coming from my cheeks right there.

“Thank you both for a wonderful time!” Yuri’s happiness is a wonderful thing to behold. The hug comes to an end and I find that all three of us are smiling. “I suppose I will see you two tomorrow.”

“Yep! Text us whenever. We’ll figure out the rest at some point, ehehe~”

“Yeah, we’re kind of a boring couple.”

“Uhuhu! Not to worry, I’m plenty boring myself. I’m perfectly content with lounging around inside and just basking in comfortable silence. Or watching you two engaging in aimless shenanigans.”

“Heck yeah! Sounds like fun!”

“It sure does. And again, sincerely, thank you.”

“Thank _you_ ,” I return with emphasis. Yuri kicks on her shoes, snags her bag, and makes her way out the door. Our goodbyes are brief, and I lock up once Yuri is out of sight.

I sigh. I can’t imagine that anything good would have come from this, not to mention how soon it was! I threaten to get whisked away into a daydream.

“Hey, by the way…” Sayori prevents that. I turn around and get pelted in the face by something _again_. “Found my other stocking, ehehe!”

“Angel?”

“Ehehe, yes?”

“I’m giving you a three-second head-start.”

“EHEHE! Heehee, eeheehee!” Sayori promptly runs away. Her abundant laughter is causing me to crack up. I hear her charge up the stairs, still giggling away.

“ _Okaaay, I’m comin’ ta get’cha!_ ”

If she wants something to laugh about so badly, I’ll _give_ her something to laugh about.

* * *

End Chapter 6

* * *

_Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	7. Reassurance

Notes & Responses

* * *

I want to make it very clear right now that **I will not be letting this go** unfinished. I may work slow at times, but I am doing this primarily for myself. I ask for your patience while I work on this endeavor. Even if it takes way too long, I intend to end this. I already know how it’s going to end. I just need to get there.

Ah, and I forgot to mention at the end of last chapter: I based the description of MC’s living room based on a certain background that’s openly available for use in mods. I did this in case I make this into a mod so I don’t have to adjust any writing scenery for it to fit. If you google “ddlc backgrounds living room” and click the topic “Back with a new home made background! A living room in the style…” towards the top, that goes to a Reddit topic, and **_that_** goes to a dropbox. Through the dropbox, you can see the background itself. Credit goes to Nuxill for it.

 **FireClaw90A (AO3)** – Hahaha! And yeah, things are back to normal. For now. I too am waiting for the opportune moment for Sayori and Natsuki to interact like that.

 **Yoywero (AO3)** – shrug.jpg

 **randomidiot1816 (FF)** – Hahaha. Expect more cursing. And wow, the bulk of that comment blew my mind. Very colorful and imaginative. That was amusing and a delight to read. And yeah, that’s pretty much how it will have to go for the time being. Glad you are enjoying!

 **TheForgottenRune (FF)** – God only knows what kind of underpants Natsuki wears. She certainly has been through the ringer a bit. Waking up in the middle of dreams suuucks, especially when it’s plot-important like here lol. And yeah, I focus a lot on Sayori and MC because they have history and I want to make that apparent. Plushies!

Need some time to cool off from the conflict. It worked out though, eh? And Sayori definitely has her moments. She’s way more intelligent than she lets on (and then admits to silliness). To line break, upload the document, go to doc manager, edit/view, and right after the align left and align center buttons will be “horizontal line.”

Monika has said she isn’t the best with conflict, but she has gotten through to trying. Sayori’s influence helps. A lot of MC’s strength comes from Sayori. Since he’s fighting for her now, it helps him power through. He can be both brave AND stupid though hahaha. And yes, it did work out. Without being railroaded by the plot, MC is free to be a better version of himself. I wonder why you’re concerned about Yuri though. Hmm… Anyhow, cheers for the kind words!

 **Natan R. (FF)** – Yuri coming out of her shell. Heck yeah. And yeah, chapter length is something I’m… _trying_ to work on. I’m not exactly having much success. Or am I? We will see going forward. It takes some work to convince myself that shorter chapters are okay, and then I actually have to write them when I am not as sure with what I’m doing at the moment. Cheers, mate!

 **Shogunyan999YT (FF)** – I didn’t know that character even existed. Good lord! Thank you for the kind words. Much appreciated!

 **Enigma2187 (FF)** – EY, YOU’RE HERE! And yeah, I know not to take things too seriously or personally, even if my “tone” might indicate otherwise. Text by itself has no inherent tone so it can be difficult to understand someone’s intentions when reading just text by itself. I’m just a big ball of hot air, so no worries. I try to spice in the occasional lol or hahaha to indicate as much but it doesn’t always work.

I know all about depression-fueled binge-eating lol. Sayori’s metabolism seems unnatural, but I love the idea of having a bit of a tum. Soft, kissable tums are lovely. Though lol, maybe that could be why she said her boobs got bigger in the base game. Can’t say I’m familiar with that meme but sounds lulzy anyway haha. And yes kissing, not… “cunninglus” hahaha. I prefer Metalingus, myself. _On this day, I see clearly…_ Ah me and my love for references. And thank you for the depression chapter compliment! And no they aren’t having sex! XD I’ll make it a lot more obvious later on hahaha.

I definitely know about thinking about things other than sex. I rarely think about it, myself, but I have other interests I prefer compared to things involving genitals lol. Dare I say I might share one with you based on how much something else came up in your stories… But I might just sound like a buffoon lol. Natsuki’s influence on Sayori is ruining her innocence just a little bit, but Nat memes about it at least half the time. Not gonna lie though, I don’t know about that Arnie line. It all depends on what you prioritize. I’d sure rather be cuddling in bed with someone I love than having sex. I know that wasn’t the point of bringing up that quote but still haha. But then I’m also desperately touch-starved and lonely and lazy. And somehow, I figured Val being a gym rat was influenced by your own real-life persona. I can say that I am rubbing off on MC here in a few ways, even if I’m trying not to too much.

As far as nicknames, there’s a reason I’m using them a lot. I mean, again, me rubbing off on MC, but that’s beside the point. I’d use hella pet names if I could. I plan to make it pretty well-known who uses what nicknames for what other person to help dialogue-only bits, especially later on when I use intentional vagueness to mess with the readers. But you didn’t hear that from me ;p Lol though, something “sweet.” Nice. Cinnabun is gonna be more prominent. I haven’t fully worked out all possible nicknames for various people addressing various others, so I’m trying to keep reserved on that a little bit. Perhaps I ought to hold back on using nicknames in narration and save it for dialogue, though.

Luls Battle Network. I’m actually restricting myself to the best of my ability of referencing proper nouns. That will become painfully obvious later on with more stuff. Songs, mentions of games, celebrities, wrestlers. Stuff like that. I feel like that can take one out of the experience. The base game namedropped Shel Silverstein but that was very much on-topic because literature. Fanfics I feel are a little more complex when it comes to mentioning real-life things. Even memes I try to not explicitly reference, and references I make are more in a vague sense (and in a way that it makes sense in the story instead of being for no reason) so my readers aren’t feeling left out.

Oh I will be bringing up past memories of MC and Sayori. Met at the young age of three. SO PRECIOUS! Fluff is the stuff! And hell I use dude as a gender-neutral term all the time myself haha. Depression’s a whole bitch. Love is nice but love by itself doesn’t cure shit. If it did, you were depressed from loneliness but not suffering from the mental illness depression. Huge difference that is gaining more traction. I’m glad you were able to overcome it.

You keep using the word harem and it amuses me. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of both good and bad things happening. I’m not sure how much more I’m gonna mess with you in review responses about the whole harem thing hahaha. And yeah, poor Sayori ☹ Capiche hahaha. Mom’s side of the family is a lot of mixed Caucasian European, but Italian seems to be the most prominent. I’ve caught onto a few words over the years.

(It is at THIS POINT that I realize you were writing a review for both chapters 5 and 6. I’m a dummy lol).

Yeah that dream. He really ought to talk about his problems more than he does. Hmm… And that noose is definitely not hanging from Sayori’s ceiling anymore, I can assure you. Nonetheless, it lingers in MC’s mind, as it would. That shit is traumatizing. It almost seems like it has affected him in the long-term much more than it has affected Sayori. Hmm…

And of course Sayori would be a little oblivious to the implications of some phrases. I appreciate the compliment on that section being well-written 😊 And (and) yep, Nat’s got problems. Those will be expanded on. I appreciate the compliments my dude!

Yep, I definitely had Scout’s line in mind with that hahaha! As far as the Monika intelligent bit, I called her the most intellectual, with Yuri being called the most intelligent. On Yuri being the most intelligent, I feel she is because of the (or at least my own) connotations. Intelligence I tend to associate with book smarts, whereas I call Monika the most intellectual due to being quite well-rounded in terms of book smarts, life smarts, and stuff like that. Sayori definitely calls Yuri the smartest/most intelligent when Yuri is introduced. And yep, remember when I said not too long ago that I try to use memes in ways that fit what’s going on? Hence me excluding yeet but keeping the first part luls.

I mean, rejection, sure I wrote it that way but that seems to be what happened, or it can at least be summed up like that without having more knowledge. As for any yandere qualities as it pertains to Monika… Hmm… I do want to reiterate that she herself said she had more traditional thoughts when it came to relationships in Chapter 2. But… HMM… Big thonk right here.

Hahaha, yeah, I beat you to the punch 😉 Aggression that MC has is shoved to the back because of Sayori’s mere existence around him. Plus, he wants things to work out, so for his first interaction after the blow-up was Natsuki trying to reconcile, it would only make things worse for him to get angry back. Plus, sadness over the incident beats the aggression. He hurt and he got hurt. Sucks. And is it not a New York thing? I’ve only heard of it being a Brooklyn thing. I’m from Connecticut so kinda close but not close enough to have experienced it. I suppose the excuse I can use is that even Monika can’t know _everything_ , haha! Even Urban Dictionary tags it as Jersey and Brooklyn though.

And I, too, know that keeping tight with friends can happen if you put in the effort. Thing is, we know that MC is a loner and can infer from the base game that he HASN’T put in the effort to keep up with many people. He even drifted away from his best friend. He is not the most socially adept, seemingly setting himself up for a life of loneliness and letdowns. The only time the base game even implies that he has friends is in the Poem Day 1 Natsuki scene where she asks him not to rub in the notion that she could always share her manga hobby with her friends. Even with that implications of having other friends, it could be internet friends who he also still doesn’t really keep up with or past friendships that have drifted apart.

Plus, he’s being fueled by this “otherworldly” attraction that came out of nowhere, hence him trying to make a home-grown group relationship as soon as possible. After all the things that has gone on between his own social failures and almost losing Sayori, he wants to give love to the girls he cares about so that hopefully they can all help each other with their problems and no one has to hurt or kill themselves because they feel there’s no way out. That’s something else Sayori’s close call with death did to him. His narration doesn’t let onto all of his motivations. Yet.

And I tried with spacing things out better, as well as shortening chapters now that we are past the effective “intro” of the story where I had to establish MC and Sayori’s relationship, explain some of what’s happened in the month since, and tackle/set up what is mentioned in the summary. Natsuki snorting was inspired by Risemack’s “Tickling Every Character In DDLC” video, though others seem to like the idea that Yuri would snort due to, as you said, her rarely laughing. By the way, remember the nickname thing I mentioned earlier? I’m kind of trying to do the same thing with each character’s laughter. More subtle ways of allowing readers to identify who is talking when I get to dialogue-only sections where there is no narration. And oh, those segments will come.

I’m glad you are still enjoying this 😊 And as I said in my PM, no worries. You got real-life stuff to attend to. It happens. Many cheers!

 **TheDemonWithin115 (WP)** – Thank you again. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it!

* * *

Chapter 7: Reassurance

* * *

“Sooo, how did this happen?”

Sayori’s words stir me from my sleepy state. I open my eyes and give her a soft look.

“Uh… I wish I knew.”

As I expected, the living room was more appropriate for three of us to be in, compared to my bedroom. Sayori had taken some time to make her home trip to check in on things. Without school on Saturday, she didn’t have any convenient time to do it before we settled in at my place, which for all intents and purposes was her home as well as mine. It was closing in on evening when she did it, as we had been lying around through the morning until Yuri got here. By the time Sayori got back, Yuri and I were laying down.

Together.

My words to Sayori were 100% true in that I’m not entirely sure how this all happened. Yuri and I were sitting and reading. I remember feeling tired and exchanging words with Yuri, but I don’t recall what was said. All I remember was sleepiness overcoming me. My nightmares may have been getting less common, but sleep quality was still garbage to the max.

We had pushed the couches together so that all three of us could be close. I was completely taking up one couch while she was laying at about a right angle, taking up half of the other and resting her head on my exposed tummy. My shirt had been tugged up. The warmth from Yuri’s face spread across my abdomen. Now that I was conscious and aware, that warmth was being pulled into my face.

Without a doubt, we were both shocked. This was Yuri we were talking about. The shy, anxious bookworm. She _did_ say that she was tired of missing out on social stuff, basically, but this was beyond what I could have possibly expected. Yuri was being… **bold**. She must have been the one to expose my midsection because there’s pretty much no way that would just _happen_. And her face was just… there. On my stomach. And she was smiling.

As far as I could tell, Yuri had dozed off. I guess I had for a bit, but I wouldn’t have expected _her_ to. Then again, I didn’t know what kind of sleep she was getting. For all we know, she could have been kept up by her excitement. We all did bring up how forward she was being yesterday. Perhaps she regretted that. Perhaps it genuinely was excitement. Maybe it was nerves? It could have been any number of things.

“I was tired. I guess she was as well.” I tilted my head up. We’d also gotten two TV trays to put beside the couches. They were a bit far with the arms of the couches in the way, but they were still useful. I saw Yuri’s tea, held in a mug, next to the book she was reading. My phone was on the tray as well. We had been doing a whole lot of just sitting around and talking before Sayori took a break from us. Yuri grabbed her book, and I my phone. As was apparent, we didn’t last very long engaging in those activities. I stopped fiddling with my phone so I could try and wrap my head around her book, which I recall next to nothing about. When I fell asleep, she must have put her book away.

“That’s crazy, you know?” Sayori asked as she literally crawled over the arm of the couch opposite me. With the couches pushed together, going over the arm was the only real way to have a seat. She settled in, occupying the only empty space there was. “I know what she said yesterday, but still.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe it.” I guess Yuri had really been brought out of her shell over the past month. Sayori starts to extend her legs out, pausing so I can lift my head. Getting kicked in the face wouldn’t be too pleasant. Once she’s done spreading out across both couches, I rest my head back down, her near calf serving as my pillow. A very comfortable pillow, might I add.

“Well, I’m glad she’s so at ease. That’s a good thing, right?”

“It sure is, Cinnabun…” A pause. I start to play with Yuri’s hair. She’s got plenty of it, and every strand is majestic. It is like silk under my fingers. She must take meticulous care of it. Having hair this long has to be a chore. “You don’t think this is… strange, do you?”

“Maybe a little.”

“That’s what I was thinking. I mean, power to her. I just can’t help but think that this is… weird.” I’m getting away with a whole lot of vagueness. Sayori isn’t pushing for details, but I continue on. “So, we start a relationship. You and I. Right?” My other hand provides some light gesturing to accompany my words. “After 15 years of knowing each other, we start this relationship and almost immediately we feel like there is no boundary for either of us to cross. We just click. Now, after having known Yuri for a month, she is laying on me in a manner that suggests she and I have known each other for far longer.”

I smack myself lightly in the head with an open palm. “I just don’t get it. _Yuri_ , of all people! I mean yeah this is such a great thing to see and I’m glad she’s happy. I’m happy, too. This is really nice. It’s just like… _wow_ , you know?”

“I know all about that,” Sayori says sheepishly. She lets her bright smile shine on. “I wonder if she was being sneaky while you were out and kissing on your stomach. I really enjoyed it last weekend when you did that to me. That was a real _wow_ moment, ehehe~”

“I’m glad you did.” My own cheeks light up. I can’t fathom the idea of Yuri placing her lips anywhere near me, but I’m too distracted by Sayori’s existence to think on it. “It was just as enjoyable for me, if not more.”

“Oh staaawppit!” Sayori waves a hand at me and gives me a coy expression. “I was the one receiving the affection!”

“I don’t think you fully appreciate how satisfying it is to _give_ that exact affection.”

“I guess I wouldn’t. I show mine in other ways.”

“Don’t be afraid to do more,” I return, waggling my eyebrows. Sayori giggles. “On the other hand, don’t feel like you _have_ to do anything more than you already are. Momma didn’t raise no fools. It’s the duty of a good man to show his woman—uh, women—how much they mean to him. I’m more than happy to dispense way more affection than I receive.”

“Good boy!” Sayori leans forward and pats my head. My smile softens and I relax my eyes, closing them. I hear Sayori shuffle. “Man, she must be _out_.”

“Yeah, seems like it.”

“I hope this is time well spent for her.”

“Me, too, Angel.”

“Is it time well spent for you?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yep!”

“Nice.”

“You should be careful not to wake her.”

“Yeah…”

“…”

I hear Sayori shuffle a bit. I am not concerned until I feel her poke at my ribs. “ _Grrrfffmmm!_ ” My hands shoot up to stifle my response. Sayori’s mischievous grin is looking down upon me. What a troublemaker.

“ _You_ should be careful not to wake her, ehehe~” Sayori sits back in her seat and tries to look like she wasn’t just being a little devil. I reach out for her stomach with my near hand, but she intercepts it. “Ah-ah-ah! This is mine now!” Descending back into a properly angelic role, she starts to kiss at my fingertips. First she’s sour, then she’s sweet.

“Mmmmm…” I hum, returning back to a relaxed state. My hand goes limp in Sayori’s grasp. This must have been what she felt like when… Oh wait, no. When I was kissing on her hand this past weekend, she was asleep after her breakdown. I should make it up to her and give a repeat performance.

I almost wonder what Yuri would think if she were to wake up right now. She must be okay with something like this, right? After all, she knew Sayori and I were together. She must have known what she was signing up for. Plus, it would give her something to look forward to once we grew closer. Well, I guess. I would assume Yuri would enjoy the attention.

As I brought my other hand down to pet Yuri’s head, I felt a force pushing against it. “Aah!”

“ _Yaaah!_ ” Yuri was awake and startled. Her movements suggested she was ashamed of the position she found herself in. “ _Um, I-I’m so s-s-sorry! I m-mu-m-mmm—_ ”

“Shhh.” Thinking quickly, I sat up with haste and held a single finger to Yuri’s lips. Maybe that wasn’t the best response, but you don’t think well when thinking fast. “It’s okay.” Yuri resisted making any more verbal fuss, but she was fidgeting up a storm. Sayori and I, as though we were one, worked in tandem to ease her. We each took one of Yuri’s hands in our grasp and gently reassured the startled maiden.

“Everything’s okay! You didn’t do anything embarrassing. You shouldn’t feel like you did something wrong.” As usual, Sayori knew her way around others.

“It was a perfectly comfortable, enjoyable moment.”

“Dozing off and using someone else as a pillow is not a bad thing.”

“You do remember the part where I said I was suddenly drawn to all of you, right? I am quickly finding a sense of comfort in your physical presence.”

“We were just talking about how impressed we are that you were bold enough to nap like that!”

The way Sayori and I go back and forth, you’d think we shared a mental link with one-another. Well, perhaps we did in a way. You don’t know someone for 75% of your life and not know how to get on the same wavelength for a bunch of things. Yuri still looked a bit shaken up.

“I… A-are you sure? For us t-to just doze off l-like that…” Yuri looks away.

“I’m very sure, Yuri.” She’s so worried. I give the poor girl an affirming nod, only realizing that she was still looking away. Damnit. “It just goes to show that you are comfortable with us in that regard. Well, comfortable at least with me.”

“If you’re worried about me, it’s okay! Sweetie’s got lots of love to pass around. I know there’s always more than enough for me when I want it.” Sayori shuffles so that she can do the best she can at meeting Yuri’s gaze. In response, Yuri flinches. However, she seems to meet Sayori’s eyes fully after a bit.

“I… I haven’t overstepped any boundaries?”

“ **No!** ” Sayori and I respond in tandem.

“…” It still takes Yuri some time to accept this. She tries to compose herself, relaxing her hands and breathing deeply. “Ahem… Um, I’m sorry for that outburst. I really am. I’ve found myself getting a bit too close, too quickly, with people in the past.” She stirs in her seat, causing us to as well. We get comfortable yet remain within close proximity. “Those acquaintances were put off by my behavior and repeated incidents caused them to stop interacting with me. Those sort of experiences are why I acted how I did yesterday, desperately coming to your open arms seeking companionship.”

I didn’t expect us to be bonding like this so early in the relationship but looks like it was that time. I didn’t even have to look at Sayori to know what kind of expression she was wearing. She scooted closer to Yuri, keeping the latter’s one hand in both of her own.

“It’s okay. They didn’t deserve you. To reject someone as soft and sweet as you because you wanted to show them in your own ways that you cared about them… That’s awfully sad. They are missing out on something special.” I must say, I don’t quite know if I agree with those words. People do have boundaries and are entitled to them. However, I know Sayori is trying to comfort Yuri. I won’t debate anything right now. The past is in the past.

Sayori gestures towards me and then herself. “We understand. You are safe in putting your faith in us and letting your guard down. I promise, everything will be okay.”

I let Sayori handle this. She would know better than I what Yuri was dealing with. All I can do is keep my hold on Yuri’s hand. With Sayori speaking for both of us right now, I think that’s more than enough. Yuri is still hesitant.

“Um, thank you. Both of you. I can’t make any promises, but I will try to keep that sort of thing in mind.” Yuri finally shakes her hands free and takes _ours_ into hers. “Just… Please be patient with me, if that’s not too much trouble. I’m m-more than… a little ash-ashamed to ask something like that, but it was never something I was able to curb in the past. I just don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

This time, it’s my turn to speak up. “Yuri, let me put it this way. If I could have the entire club join me on a king-size bed _right now_ and all cuddle up and spend the night together, I would be absolutely ecstatic. I don’t think there is anything you could do that would push either of us away.”

“Well…” Sayori pipes up. “Just don’t go grabbing anyone’s crotch all willy-nilly.”

 _I’m freaking cackling._ “Aahaha, Saha—Sahayohori, whahat?!” I’m not sure if it’s because of Sayori or from my reaction, but Yuri develops a case of the giggles as well. Sayori joins in a few seconds later.

“Oh my goodness! N-no, no one has to worry about that!” Yuri recovers quite quickly from her fit of laughter, waving her hands at such a preposterous notion. She looks absolutely flushed, but she is handling it well.

“Ehehe~ Then there really _isn’t_ anything you could do that would spook us!” Sayori gives a double thumbs-up while I recover. I cough briefly, thinking to myself that Sayori had purposely found a way to ease Yuri’s anxiety. She’s such a crafty girl, even if she acts like a ditz. I guess it’s just easier to surprise people when it matters. Huh, come to think of it maybe it’s exactly that. Keep others’ perceptions of you low so you can’t disappoint them as easily. That’s rather bleak, actually. Is this how the depressed mind works? What a dismal outlook on things…

“Yeah, no, that’s— You’re quite fine, Yuri.” I give my own tired thumbs-up as well. As if on cue, all of us flop towards the back of the couch we are on, regaining our energy.

A moment of silence envelops us. Personally, I welcome it. As I’ve chronicled before, to share a comfortable silence between myself and others is something I hold in high regard. Never, ever take something like that for granted.

Suddenly, I blush. “Hey Yuri…” I capture her attention. “Would you like to lay back down like that?”

“Oh!” To no one’s surprise, Yuri’s cheeks tinted pink. “Actually, I was about to check the time.” Before I can remind her that my phone was on the TV tray, she digs her own phone out of her pocket. It has a simple starry sky case on it. She lets out a sigh. “Unfortunately, I must depart for home. Mother and I take turns making dinner, and tonight is my night.”

“Already? Aww…” Sayori is clearly disappointed, as am I.

“Well, not like we can’t do this again sometime. Plus we will see each other in the club.” I remain positive, knowing that good times lay ahead. We all disperse from the couches, Yuri with some difficulty. I guess it can be hard to coordinate her long legs, and she doesn’t seem the type to be very active or flexible.

Yuri gathers her things and shoves them into her bag. I’ve remarked on her sense of intensity before but I never expected her to wear the kind of knee-high boots she came here in. She looked like she was ready to go into combat now that she had them on. Natsuki was right; I suppose there’s so much I don’t know about the girls. My lack of knowledge on even small but basic things was a huge indicator of just how little we know each other. We may be friends, but we aren’t terribly close in the usual ways. Honestly, I think I prefer our bonds having developed the way they were. It’s much more important that I learn about what lies inside someone’s heart and mind. Other stuff can come later. Perhaps that’s why I’ve found myself drawn to all of them.

“It feels like we spent no time at all today doing things, and yet I can’t help but feel we were together for quite some time.” Once Yuri is ready to leave, she remarks on today’s activities.

“As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter if we’re actively doing much. Just the fact that we got to spend a healthy number of hours in the same vicinity is worth it,” I counter. “We could have been doing our own things the entire time. As long as we are close, that’s all that matters. It makes a huge difference compared to doing these things separately, and we can speak up whenever we want.”

“Yes, I suppose you are correct. We spoke as much when we were making the decorations for the festival.” Indeed, we had. “Introverts such as I best spend their time among loved ones in the very manner you described. I in particular am fine with lounging around. I apologize if it sounds like I’m putting a damper on potential future plans or activities…”

“Ehehe~ Nonsense, Yuri! As long as we’re with each other, it’s always gonna be a good time!”

“She’s right, you know.”

“Only if you are completely sure.”

Sayori and I extend our arms out towards Yuri. After a momentous smile, she approaches and accepts the group hug. The three of us are warmed and comforted by each other’s presences.

“Thank you for having me over.”

“Any time. We will figure out things as we go along, including when to next meet up. I won’t lie; I kind of hope that things go this way with the other girls.” Man, I sort of wish I didn’t say I wouldn’t bring it up anymore. If anything’s going to happen, a different ball is in each other girl’s court. It figures that now of all times my patience would be shortened compared to how I usually am. “That doesn’t put you off to this whole thing, does it?”

“Not at all! They are still my friends, after all. We may have our differences, but that just means we would have even more time and opportunity to grow closer.”

“That’s the spirit!” Sayori gives one last, firm squeeze before we break up the hug. Yuri opens the door and turns to give us a farewell bow.

“Take care, you two.”

“Be safe, Yuri.”

“See you later~”

Without further fanfare, Yuri makes her way out to the sidewalk and disappears down the street. I find myself staring after her, still in disbelief. Today did feel like it went by rather quickly. Time flies when you’re with loved ones, I suppose. Can I consider her a loved one? Surely, I can.

I hear a phone notification go off behind me. It’s Sayori’s. I lock the door and return to the main portion of the living room. She giggles at the contents of the notification while I tug the inner couch back to its usual spot.

“Look at this!” Sayori practically shoves her phone in my face.

 _Natsuki:_ [wtf when did yuri get so-o-o brave??? Get ‘im gurl!   =^.^=   XD   :3]

The comment was made on a picture of Yuri’s head resting on my midsection. Sayori must have taken it while I was resting. I blush.

“I guess that’s payback for last weekend, huh?” I ask.

“Ehehe, yep~” What a scoundrel Sayori is.

“You’re a butt.”

“I’m _your_ butt!”

“You’re a lot cuter than my butt.”

“How would you know? Have you seen your butt lately?”

“Nope, but I don’t need to know what my butt looks like to know you’re way cuter.”

“You’re such a sap! And you’re also a butt, too.”

“How many times is ‘butt’ gonna be said between us?”

“I dunno. Butt.”

“Haaahahaha! You’re a silly girl!”

“Yeppers! Ehehe!”

“Love you, Cinnabun.”

“Love you too, Sweetie!”

* * *

End Chapter 7

* * *

This still feels like too short a chapter to me. When you’re used to writing odysseys, anything shorter feels like a children’s book. It doesn’t help that I’m not wholly sure of how to connect where I am to where I’m going, but I’ll figure it out.

 _Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	8. Simulation Club

Notes & Responses

* * *

Oh my God I’m horrid hahaha. My motivation sank, which is a burden. Sorry for taking like actually forever to get this chapter up. Friendly reminder that even if I go slow as hell, this will not stop prematurely. I have a story to tell, damnit!

Shout-outs to Kuro/FireClaw90A from a DDLC Discord server I belong to for being inspired by my fic and drawing a small art for it. “A small art,” yes, I English good and proper. Hotlinking isn’t allowed on some of the sites I post this fic to, so google “fireclaw90a ddlc sayori mc” and the first result should be it (DDLC // Sayori and MC by FireClaw90A on DeviantArt).

**FireClaw90A (AO3)** – Butt. Also yes, Yuri being able to break out of her shell is nice to see. OR IS IT?!?!?! Nah, it is nice to see. Cheers mate :D

**Durphy (AO3)** – Cheers for the kind words! Polyamorous relationships definitely take a lot of work. It’s tough! But they can be just as worth it as any other kind of relationship. And most definitely a polyamorous relationship works way better when everyone is contributing to everyone else rather than everyone kind of being an offshoot of the “focus” of the group (in this case I suppose MC would fit as the center of the relationship if you were to look at it like that). Sayori thankfully is getting good things out of this, just as she surmised. And that whole girl crush thing will most definitely come up again!

**Natan R. (FF)** – I’m glad I could make your week so many weeks ago! And as always, I appreciate the kind words.

**TheForgottenRune (FF)** – A-hyuck! Nope, I’ll be _holding on_ to this one, as I’ve said. Luls :P I’ve not seen PDP’s playthrough of DDLC, and I don’t have plans to watch more people play it. I don’t wanna be SAD. I’ll only rewatch Game Grumps’ playthrough because it made me lose my shit laughing so many times. And aaa yeah MC and Sayori are cute and have a great relationship  <3 Cheers mate!

**Enigma2187 (FF)** – Hahaha, well naps are good. No sex! You and sex lol, such a thing :P And yeah, Act 2 is shining through for Yuri just a bit. A _teensy_ bit. And Sayori was actively for the polyamorous relationship in the first place so it makes sense that she’s easygoing about it at first. Fluff  <3 As for elaborating on Yuri, there’s plenty of time for that. Interesting to what you say, though… And everything comes in due time. Thanks for commenting my dude!

**The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF)** – Holy crap I am beyond grateful (a-hyuck) that I got the attention of _five new readers!_ Bless y’all. I can’t express with words how happy you lot made me with all of your comments. I appreciate it immensely 😊 😊 😊 I’m flattered, seriously! I suppose I’m lucky that you five seem to have very similar tastes because I got a huge platter of positive reactions delivered to me. It also seems like you all read this story in the span of a single night, which amazes me. It’s a shame I stopped writing for like two weeks, ahaha! Bless you all. I hope I can continue to do you (and everyone else) proud.

**TheDemonWithin115 (WP)** – The last segment of Chapter 6 contained MC, Sayori, and Yuri talking at MC’s place. The similarities run together so perhaps that’s why you thought this already happened haha. I can’t promise anything about no more nightmares. You’ll just have to see. As for his name, I haven’t used it in-story yet (I feel it sounds a little out of place), but I’ll freely refer to him as MC in notes and responses. Cheers mate, and no worries about rambling. This whole fic is basically glorified rambling hahaha!

* * *

Chapter 8: Simulation Club

* * *

It has been a few days since Yuri’s weekend visit. The Literature Club’s lack of activities has not bothered us one bit. In fact, it feels nice to spend an hour every day unwinding and chilling with friends. There’s no pressure to write poems. We haven’t decided on venturing into other forms of writing. It’s a really relaxing time.

I’ve found myself the first to make it to the club room. I deposit my bag on the nearest desk and pace around, unsure of what to do while I wait for someone else. This room has really become a third home, hasn’t it? I call it third because Sayori’s place is my second home. Even if I haven’t spent much time there in the past few years and even if we don’t plan on spending much time there going forward, I’m always welcome.

I inhale deeply as I saunter between the furthest columns of desks and pass by the windows. Monika was right; the Literature Club is our own little outer heaven. A place for us to do what we want. A place where individuals, outcasts united around a given hobby, can be free to be themselves. A place unlike what they were able to find elsewhere. It was the niche we fit into. It was our sanctuary.

The mid-afternoon sunlight pours into the room, giving it a lively glow. As I approach the open closet, the scent of worn books—and perhaps dust—makes its way into my nostrils. The dust I could do without, but I’ve found myself becoming fond of the smell of paper. It isn’t always apparent, but if you spend enough time around books, your olfactory system will pick up on such things. It helps that what Yuri reads tends to have scents like that. She can really get into some older works that reek of age. Sometimes it’s like she finds books that are the literary equivalent of an archaic, gothic-architectural mansion sitting on a steep hill that would be haunted. Well, one that would be rumored to be haunted, anyhow.

My thoughts come to a stop when I hear a noise. Sayori enters and closes the door behind her. A familiar smile, one that has captured my heart, faces me. I approach her as she sets her bag down. We embrace wordlessly and stand there for a good few moments.

“Mmm…”

“Aaahhh…”

Do hums of satisfaction count as words? Surely not. As we let go of each other, I take Sayori’s hands into mine and look her up and down.

“It’s been a month and you still haven’t gotten a blazer that fits you. You know that I could help you with that, right?”

“Even if I did, I probably wouldn’t button it up. I’m just so used to it being like this now!”

“Well, I guess you’re right. I’m used to seeing you with it unbuttoned. It’s your own little unique flair. It’s very you.” I give a lighthearted, nervous chuckle. “Do you remember when, um, I said…” I’m a little hesitant both because of anxiousness and because I can’t remember exactly what I said. “Um… to paraphrase, it was like, that if you didn’t look the part you would never get a boyfriend?”

“Yep! Looks like you were wrong about that!” Sayori’s fingers intertwine with mine.

“Yeah, I sure was. Well, um… I wanted to apologize about that. You were right. It was incredibly rude for me to say something like that.”

“Aww! Thanks. Don’t worry about it though. If you really wanna button up something of mine, I’ve got some nice pajama tops~”

“Haha. Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer. Assuming you don’t wear anything under it, I’d have to button it up while standing behind you.” I take back my hands and step around Sayori, embracing her from behind. “Unless you wanted to expose yourself to me.”

“A-Ah! Oh goodness, I don’t know about that!” I can just imagine the expression Sayori has on her face and I laugh a bit.

“I thought so. Oh well. I guess I could just close my eyes and let your hands guide me, but I prefer this.” I rest my forehead on Sayori’s shoulder. “That way you can still use your hands on mine while I work my magic.”

“Ehehe, is buttoning a shirt really magic?”

“Shh. I feel magical when I’m with you.”

“If you don’t stop sweet-talking me, I’m gonna hafta kiss you.”

“Hahaha, like you need any more sugar.”

By now, Sayori’s hands have indeed come to a rest on mine. We toy with each other’s fingers for a bit while the silence of the moment kicks in. As our relationship extended into the soft, fluffy stages of physical contact, we realized how touch-starved we were. It absolutely stemmed from loneliness. Sayori was able to quench the thirst a little bit with her platonic shows of affection, but it wasn’t enough. As for me, I had no real idea what I was missing. Now, I can’t get enough of it. I’m quite glad that Sayori is a bit of a clingy girl because I’m a clingy boy. We’re a perfect fit for each other in so many ways.

As we enjoy our respective positions, Sayori’s hands go limp at her sides. I remain embracing her from behind, exploring her clothing. The smooth edges of the tan-gray blazer, the upper portion of her deep blue skirt, the fleece of her brown-orange vest…

“You know…” My fingers tug at the vest a bit. “One thing I just realized about you leaving your blazer unbuttoned is that it’s easier for me to do this.” Sayori hums curiously as I tug, first at the vest and then at the white undershirt tucked into the skirt. Once I’ve made enough space for one of my hands, I sneak it under her clothing and pinch at her tummy.

“Eek! Don’t make fun of my pudge!” Sayori protests, her hands grasping at my wrist.

“Who said I was making fun?” I ask dryly, lifting my head. I let my lips hover right by her ear and practically whisper to her, “Remember how I was kissing on your stomach the weekend before last?”

“Mmmrrr… Yeah, I do,” Sayori admits, loosening her grip. “We talked about that for a second when Yuri was over, ehehe…”

“Even if I _were_ to tease you, I would only do it in a loving and endearing fashion. Then, I would show you some affection to hopefully help you become more comfortable with yourself.”

“…Thanks.” Sayori’s tone mellows out. She brings one hand up and blindly tries to, uh, pat my head. I think. Instead, she pats my face a few times. “You’re the goodest boy.”

“I’m glad you think so. No take-backsies?”

“No take-backsies!”

“Good!” Without much warning, I start sweeping my fingertips across her tummy.

“Wahaha? Hehehey!”

“You didn’t think I was going to let the perfect time for payback slip past me, did you?” Between Sayori obliging Monika’s “sic him” command and her pestering me when Yuri was resting on my stomach, I felt it was time to exact revenge. Vengeance. Revengeance for the heinous act of teasing her boyfriend.

“Sohomeone’s gonnahaha hear meeheehee!”

“Well then, we need to do something about that, huh?” As much as it pained me to do this, I take one of her hands with my free one and bring it up to her face. It wasn’t enough to cover her mouth with my hand; I had to make a dumb show of it by covering her mouth with _her_ hand. Admittedly, I’d feel a little weird and uncomfortable covering her mouth like that in the first place.

Though Sayori squirmed, she didn’t resist. She simply giggled quietly and accepted her fate. Her laughter had such a warm, fuzzy, and infectious quality to it that I was almost sad to not be able to hear it. It was like what her smile did to a room, but in audio form.

I don’t “torture” Sayori for too long. As much fun as we are both having, I don’t want to go overboard with any level of horsing around, especially in public. Instead, I start rubbing my hand across her belly. It isn’t long before Sayori settles down. I let go of her hand to keep her steady and upright with my other arm, knowing that a rub or massage of any kind runs the risk of Sayori practically falling over. I’m pretty sure she does it for dramatic effect, but she nonetheless has this habit of leaning into me with most of her body weight. It’s like she’s trying to force a trust-fall or something. Maybe she just loves being in my arms. To be fair, I _love_ having her in _my_ arms.

“Mmmhhh…” To my surprise, her voice is still muffled. She’s keeping her mouth covered by herself this time. I guess I understand that. “Rrrrhhhh…” Wait. She just got louder. What the heck? I did not think something like this would have such an effect on her. Maybe it was the location. Something about messing around in public was an enticing prospect. It’s the thrill of it all, and it can get the adrenaline pumping. Supposedly. I wouldn’t know. “ _MMMmmmmm…_ ” Okay, she has to be screwing with me. I rest my forehead on her shoulder and feel warmth in my cheeks.

“ _RRRrrr~ RRRrrrmmmsssSSSRRRrrr!_ ”

Did… Did Sayori just… try to moan out what I think she did…? I blush _hard_. Part of me wants to laugh. In a more private situation, I think I would. Being in school, in the club room, is a different story. Now I know Sayori is 100% playing mind games with me. I go still and stop my rubbing. If she continues any further, I might just die.

“ _Omae wa mou shindeiru,_ ” I hear in a gruff, yet feminine, voice behind me. My blood practically freezes. I know that phrase.

_It means I am already dead._

My spine shivers and I cringe harder than I’ve ever cringed in my life. I am not exactly prepared to face the consequences of what just happened. My head practically rotates slower than Earth itself. I see Natsuki leaning with her elbows on a desk, an evil, fanged grin spread across her face. I didn’t know she had the ability to alter her voice like that. Our backs had been completely to her, so she could only imagine what was going on. Considering it was Natsuki I’m talking about, I fear what kind of things she might think or say.

“Hhhhhow… l-long…” I can hardly speak out of embarrassment. Sayori’s fooling around has made things seem far more inappropriate than they were.

“Sayori was still laughing at the time,” Natsuki hisses, her expression suggesting that she was on the verge of laughter. Though she manages to keep it within her, she is practically sneering. I’m not sure what to make of that. “That’s why you didn’t hear me come in. I figured I’d let this play out. Call it morbid curiosity. I sure didn’t expect you to be getting acquainted with Sayori’s boobs, that’s for sure!”

Sayori, who had been silent up until this time, burst out into such raucous laughter that she fell completely out of my arms and sunk to the floor. She was roaring, going down onto her knees before collapsing on the floor in a heap. I’m glad she’s taking this in stride. I, on the other hand, feel like my face is turning into the sun.

“N-nothing l-l-like th-tha-that was hhh- _hhhappening!_ ” It doesn’t look like Natsuki is convinced, unsurprisingly. I furiously remove my blazer and shove it, balled-up, against my face to hide just how flustered I am.

“You know, of all the things Monika was right about, I didn’t think learning more about Sayori’s boobs from you was _actually_ going to be on there.” While Natsuki recalls what Monika teased me about on our last poem day, Sayori’s laughter redoubles. She is _howling_. I am groaning. I want to ask why it had to be Natsuki who walked in on us, but I don’t know if Monika or Yuri would have yielded a better outcome.

“Maybe I’d be way less of a pissy grouch all the time if I had someone do that to me during the day.” Natsuki doesn’t let up. And she calls _me_ a pervert. I’m surprised my blazer hasn’t caught fire. Sayori has devolved into a wheezing mass of flesh on the floor. She’s laughing so hard that she’s gone silent. This is not a terribly common thing. I sure hope she’s enjoying it, because it’s totally at my expense. I’d say it’s at _our_ expense but I don’t think she is going to come out of this fazed at all.

“Sooo, what’s going on in here?” _Oh no._ That’s Monika’s voice.

“A little bit of a tit fondle happened.” Natsuki has gotten absolutely vicious. She will actually injure me if she doesn’t stop soon. I regret getting myself into this situation.

“Huh…” _Huh?!_ How does Monika react to Natsuki’s words like _that?_ “I didn’t think Sayori had it in her. She finally touched her first pair of boobs!”

“ _PFFFAAAhahahaha!_ ” Natsuki starts laughing now. Good one, Monika. I don’t think Sayori would have the nerve to bring her hands close to my chest if she wanted to. Why would she want to in the first place? I have nothing special there, or anywhere, really.

Every few seconds, I hear Sayori inhale sharply before her fit of laughter continued. It seems like she’s coming down from the extreme side of things. If only I could enjoy her laughter more than I have the ability to right now. Does anyone have an empty cinnamon bun box they can clamp over my head? I need my face to be slammed into the nearest desk until I’m unconscious.

“W-wouldn’t that be her s-sec-second pa-pair?” _Not Yuri, too!_

“Ahaha~ I suppose you’re right!” Someone please end me.

Even if this is all at my expense, some part of me is glad that we’ve returned to the Literature Club’s regularly-scheduled friendship and general dumbassery. However, I’ll feel more relieved when my face is not filled with _all_ of my blood.

* * *

“Oh, come on! What a cop-out!” Natsuki wasn’t thrilled. “Are you seriously telling me nothing happened?!”

“Nope! I was just messing with him, and you happened to be there! It was really funny though, ehehe~”

“Sayori, you’re such a buzzkill sometimes, and that’s saying something when one of the tall people can fit that role quite nicely.”

“Aww, I’m sorry for ruining your good time. You got in some good jabs though, so cheer up! You had fun, right?”

“Yeah, yeah I guess so!” Natsuki grinned, proud of her earlier wit and teasing us. Well, teasing me. Yuri glowered a little but shrugged off the comments. Monika glanced quizzically at Natsuki.

“What was that, Natsuki?”

“You heard me! Sometimes you had garbage timing when it came time to share poems!”

“Well then, sorry for trying to get everyone involved in group activities.”

“Hey hey hey, come on now,” Sayori interjected. “You two are better than that.”

“…I’m just screwing around anyhow. Mostly.” I can’t tell if Natsuki was being earnest, but she was quieter and couldn’t meet Monika’s eyes. “I guess it doesn’t matter. We’re all friends, and I know I can talk with one of the lovebirds individually about whatever manga I’m into. So, uh, I guess it worked out. Good job, Monika.”

Natsuki was still looking away, but Monika gave the short and short-tempered girl a small smile and a nod. “Thanks, Natsuki.”

“If I may inquire…” This time, it was Yuri speaking. “How am I a buzzkill, exactly?”

“I’m a girl that runs on emotions, and you bring in your big-girl intelligence and make me second-guess myself!” Though we were all seated in our circle of desks, Natsuki leaned towards and tapped the side of Yuri’s head a few times. Yuri recoiled, somewhat taken aback. “Stupid Yuri, bein’ all smart and shit, making me rethink my actions and why I act the way that I do…”

“Language, Natsuki!” Sayori reprimanded. The smaller two girls exchanged looks, sticking their tongues out at each other. Natsuki sat back down

“…Um…” This time, Yuri’s leer remained trained on Natsuki. Her lips formed a thin line, and it looked like she wasn’t sure how to interpret Natsuki’s words.

“Yuri, I think what Natsuki means is that you’re a wonderful alternate perspective to her usual outlook on life.” As usual, Sayori has a grip on the situation. “She’s just put off by being outside of her comfort zone. It’s scary when someone else can figure out why you are how you are when you don’t know yourself.”

“I never said I don’t know myself!” Natsuki folds her arms across her chest and huffs adamantly. “I just…” She shakes her head. “Never mind. Why are we talking about this, anyhow?! We have better things to do, right?”

“You mean like… talking?” Yuri inquires dryly.

“Ssshhhut up, Yuri! You know what I mean!” Natsuki throws her head back, facing away from Yuri.

“Uhuhu, I’m only… _screwing_ with you, as you so eloquently put it.” Natsuki turned back, looking dumbstruck from Yuri’s words. She was met with Yuri’s face close to her own, a finger tapping where Natsuki had earlier. Natsuki babbled something incoherent before practically climbing on top of her desk.

“Gimme that!” My blazer was snatched from my desk. Natsuki wasted no time burying her face in it once she was seated again.

“Hah, couldn’t use your own?”

“I’m not letting you get a better look at my body, you dumb boy! And I don’t see you using it!”

“Touché…” Never a dull moment. Sayori by herself could be a handful, but it’s astonishing that this club has such a zany amount of unique moments. The contrasting personalities were chemical reactions waiting to happen when introduced to each other. Thankfully they became less volatile as time went on. It’s a lot better when good things are happening, and I will admit that seeing Natsuki flustered almost made up for what I dealt with earlier.

“Erm…” Yuri fiddled with her hair. “About what you said, Natsuki. I appreciate the compliments, nonetheless. I just have to say…” She cleared her throat. “ _Stupid Yuri, being all smart and…_ ” A quick glance to Sayori. “… _stuff…_ Quite the oxymoron, wouldn’t you say?”

“Ahaha, I was waiting for a good opportunity to point that out!” Monika giggles.

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it!” Though embarrassed, Natsuki tried to take some kind of pride in her words. That’s what it sounded like, at least. Was she trying to do that? Did she think it was clever? I suppose it was amusing, so maybe that was her version of comedic genius.

“For someone who thinks Yuri is so much smarter than her, Natsuki knew what an oxymoron was though.” Monika raised a hand, smiling towards Yuri. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“I never said I was dumb, just that Yuri was smarter than m—” A hesitant pause. “Um, smart! She’s really freakin’ smart!” Natsuki removes my blazer from her face. “But I’ve got something on Yuri, you know! I’m not afraid to be assertive! So take that!”

“…” Yuri looks like she’s contemplating something. “Thank you, again, for your kind words. I must tell you, however, not to underestimate me. When I want something, I can be rather direct about it. You simply haven’t seen me in such a position. I’m… _afraid_ … um, that I could give you a run for your money.”

“Pfft. I’d pay that money to see it,” Natsuki retorts.

“Just make sure you leave enough for—” Yuri stops short suddenly. “Uuuuu… N-Never mind! What s-s-sssay we get this mee-meeting underway, shall we?”

A quick scout of everyone else’s faces showed that they were curious where Yuri was headed with that. Natsuki’s eyes could be seen poking out from behind my blazer. She shook her head.

“Yeah, let’s do that. I’m listening.”

“Great!” Sayori cheers, practically jumping out of her seat. “Oh, and Yuri, I’m so proud of you for speaking your mind more! Just like I’ve been saying, it’s a fun side of you! As long as you and Natsuki are on good terms, it’s fun watching you two go at it! You’re like vitriolic best buds!”

“Geez, Sayori. Vitriol? I guess everyone’s breaking out the quality words, huh?”

“Hey now, you shouldn’t underestimate your girlfriend!” Monika scolded. “She’s got a great head on her shoulders, you know!”

“Pfft. I know. Very smart in ways I can’t fathom, and very cute! I’m lucky.”

“Aaah! Why are you saying such embarrassing things?!” Sayori half-reprimands me, almost hiding her face behind her hands. Almost.

“Oh, so you going on a moaning spree and sharing untold details with others doesn’t faze you, but this does?”

“This is different! I was in control of that! You’re gonna make me blush in front of all our friiieeends!” Sayori whines and gives my shoulder a little shove.

“Hah, hahaha. Sorry, Angel. Can’t help it, especially after the stunt you pulled earlier. Call it retribution.”

“Aaahhh, how long until I pay my restitution?!” This sounds familiar… I hear Yuri let out a low laugh.

“Heh-heh-heh. Well, I don’t know. That was a fairly sizeable bunch of mischief you were up to. It might take some doing.”

“Aaahhh! Whyyy~?” Sayori whines again. I reach out and pet her head.

“It’s okay. I’ll go easy on you.”

“Ahhh… Fiiine, I guess I can accept that.” That pout is so cute. God, everything about her is cute. Except the way she messes with me.

Okay, that is cute, too. To pull a stunt like that… Even considering Natsuki’s attitude, I think it’s truly Sayori who has the biggest set of—

“Okay, everyone!” Monika rouses me from my zoning out. “As has been discussed, we’re all a group of friends at this point, not just a club. To help us bond, let’s each share a topic we want to talk about. It can be anything, but I guess it makes more sense for it to be something you’ve put a lot of thought into, or that you’re passionate about. Everyone’s had some time since we agreed on this to think of something. So! Who wants to go first?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Me! Mememememe, meeeeee!!!”

“Ahaha, well I suppose you’re up, Sayori!”

* * *

“Ehehe, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should have thought more about this before today…”

“Sayori. From President to Vice President, are you saying that you didn’t come prepared?”

“I know what I wanna talk about! I just haven’t really thought about _how_ I wanna talk about it.”

“Well then, just improvise! We’ve got time.”

“I guess that’s all I can do, ehehe… Okay then! So I wanted to talk about love. I’m not talking romance, either. I’m talking about platonic love, too! Humans are really social creatures. It sucks being lonely. Sweetie himself has confided in me lately that even after practically being a shut-in for so long, he wasn’t too fond of it. He just didn’t feel like he could succeed in breaking out of that and didn’t want to deal with disappointment. Oh, uh, maybe I should have asked you before bringing that up, ehe…”

“You’re fine. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks. Anyhow, friends are important! Showing your love to others platonically is even more important! Nothing can fill a void like being around people you care about, you know? It’s a huge, _huge_ deal, and it’s a need a lot of people either don’t think of or outright ignore! It’s… a really sad thing. And it’s a shame when you have to tone yourself down because others can’t handle you.”

“If I may, it’s an even greater disappointment when you actively push others away due to your intensity…”

“I know that feeling, Yuri. I know it more than I’d like to admit, but I’ve been there. So I gotta say, make sure that when you meet someone—anyone—and start talking to them, tell them that you care. Tell them you appreciate their company and that they chose to have a conversation with you. Never stop that. Maybe you don’t have to tell them after a while; you will just naturally bond when spending time together and you will both just _know_ your time is well spent. Don’t be afraid to show it!”

“You’re really good at showing it, Cinnabun. And I don’t mean just to me, be it now or in the past. I know how you spend time with the other girls. You make sure they feel valued, feel important, feel good. That’s what it’s about, right?”

“Exactly, ehehe! Maybe it’s scary, and maybe you _do_ have to hold yourself back for someone else’s sake, but please never ignore your need for platonic love. Friends are so important. I know they say to not change for anyone, but sometimes… it’s worth it to not be lonely. Eventually, you will be able to be your true self around them without weirding them out. Obviously, it’s a lot better when you can do that from the beginning, but if you’re left without any friends because of that… Um! A-Anyway, yeah! Friends! Platonic love! We all have that. Make sure not to lose it! And make sure you let others know you appreciate them. They will appreciate you even more in return! Whew! Okay, I think I’m good.”

* * *

“People can freakin’ suck sometimes! I mean, each and every one of you oughta know that by now! I can just be seated in my own little corner of the world, and bam! Up comes some pain in the ass to ask why I’m reading kiddie stuff. Like, get off your high horse man! Let me enjoy what I want to. I don’t go around to others and take them to task for their interests. I just wanna sit and read my manga and enjoy things. Not like you’d know what enjoying things innocently meant. You’re too busy putting other people down for enjoying something. You must be a real joy at parties, huh!”

“And I’m not done! You seriously gotta come pick on the shortest girl in the whole school? Uh, _probably_ shortest, anyhow? What kinda balls you got, dude? Cuz I think mine are bigger than yours!”

“Wh-whaaa?”

“It… It’s just a figure of speech, Sayori!”

“Oh! Sorry!”

“Let me guess: if they’re gonna judge, they can do it through the glass on the class windows, huh?”

“ _Pfft!_ I mean, _yeah_ , dude! Of course! I have better, more enjoyable things to do than listen to you make fun of me for liking what I do! Like read my freakin’ manga and be happy about it! So buzz off! What are you, in middle school or something? Sheesh! If you get your jimmies rustled from some girl enjoying herself, you aren’t getting far in life without having aneurysm after aneurysm! Ugh. No wonder I keep my hobbies to myself. Who knows what people would say about my other interests.”

“Other interests? Perchance, would you be willing to share?”

“Uh… N-no, not really. Maybe some other time! I just… I had to get all that off my chest. That feels better.”

“That’s quite understandable. Actually…”

* * *

“I admire you for being able to stave off the approach of those who are less savory, Natsuki. I’m not so good at confrontation. I do find solace in people leaving me alone when I’m off in a corner reading. However, it’s when I’m wandering around that others take the time to make snide comments about my appearance. Sometimes I think these kinds of folks are a few brain cells away from Neanderthals with how they can act. I know I’m socially inept, but at least I’m not crass and rude to a total stranger just because they have… uuuuu… large breasts.”

“Ahaha, I know the feeling of superficial attraction, not to mention the sour words that come after when you won’t let them have whatever they’re seeking. That is, _if_ they are trying to solicit you in the first place and not simply look to pester you.”

“For me, it leans more towards the pestering side of things. For being so quiet and trying to seclude myself, I am quite an easy target. After so many failed attempts at socializing in the past, I simply decided that I was better off keeping to myself than risking getting hurt again. Isolation is disgusting, and I say that having chosen that path for so long. I may be used to it, and I may enjoy being in my own world, but that doesn’t mean I prefer it. I long for the days where I used to be less afraid of making a fool out of myself. Now, I’ve merely accepted the way things are. No sharing my passions and pastimes with others. No friendships being born out of chance encounters. I’ll just progress on in my own way.”

“That sounds incredibly disheartening. But, now we’re all here for you.”

“And for that I am exceptionally thankful, Darling. I aaa— D-did I just…?”

“It’s alright, Yuri!”

“Whoooa, graduating to pet names already? So much for being the timid bookworm. There’s an entire side of Yuri we don’t know anything about, isn’t there?”

“Aww, there’s no need to get so flustered about it, Yuri! It’s precious!”

“I… I just… It’s only been a few days, a-and I don’t want to come off as… too strong, too quickly.”

“Dude don’t even sweat it. I’ll call you Darling in return if that would make you feel better.”

“A-are you sure…?”

“Positive!”

“Well… I can’t thank you enough. I’m sorry for getting so worked up.”

“You really are too hard on yourself, Yuri. At ease, soldier.”

“Hmm… I will have to keep that in mind. In any case, I think I am done for now. Isolating myself from my peers over the years has helped prevent me from getting hurt again, but it is relieving to be out of that hole. Just like everything else, there are pros and cons. I’ll leave it at that.”

* * *

“So, as you ladies know, I wasn’t exactly a fan of literature when I came into this club. I think we’ve all been through the circumstances of how I was brought here in the first place, so I’ll spare you that narrative. I didn’t expect literature to be something so worthwhile. For me, it was always about watching anime and playing video games. Maybe it was the sheer timing of everything that happened around that time, but my involvement in the club stemmed off of trying something new. Between conversing with you all and writing poems about random topics, this club helped me get more in tune with myself.”

“Eeeee~ I’m so glad to hear you say stuff like that!”

“Heh, I know you are, Angel. Even though I was reluctant, I really… re- _lucked_ out.”

“Boo!”

“Ehehe, aw come on, Monika! That was good!”

“I thumb my nose in your general direction for that pun, Mister!”

“Yeah, well, right back at you, Prez! Nyeeeh!”

“Put that tongue back in your mouth before I sic Sayori on you again, you butthead!”

“Sorry Monika! I’m on his side this time!”

“I can’t believe my own Vice President would betray me. Oh, woe! _Woe, I say!_ ”

“Heeheehee, what a drama queen!”

“See? It’s funny, quirky little moments like these that make me know without a shadow of a doubt that I belong here. It would have never happened without Sayori being there to spur me along. I’ve been so resistant to trying new things for so long that I could have missed out on such a huge positive addition to my life. So, I guess the next time you come across something new that you may be hesitant towards trying, remember that it could actually change your life.”

* * *

“Okay, so, like… People often wonder if we’re living in some kind of simulation, right? Like, ‘Ooohhh, what if we aren’t real and we’re just programmed to be a certain way,’ stuff like that. Um, well I’m here to say, uh, _who cares?!_ You could be anyone, doing anything—or programmed to do whatever, I guess—and you would not feel any less real to yourself. Others wouldn’t feel more or less real to you, right? Think about it for a minute, all of you. Say you were just a character in a game, overseen or created by someone from another world you couldn’t hope to comprehend. That’s not so different from one’s concept of reality and looking to a higher power, a deity or some such, for guidance or as their creator, right? Would you feel any less real if we were something like that?”

“Geez, way to get existential on us, Monika!”

“I have to say, I was not expecting this level of depth from any of our club conversations this early.”

“Ehehe, y-yeah…”

“Eh… To answer your question, I guess… Uh… I don’t know. Even if we were pre-programmed with our personality traits and our histories, even if they were just values in a computer, I don’t think it would change how I view things. Even if I was told at a certain point to feel the emotions I felt, even if everything I did throughout my life was predetermined, those feelings and events are still _my_ experiences. It’s still real to me, damnit.”

“This kinda topic makes me a little self-conscious, but yeah, I agree. I mean, I guess it would suck to have been brought into this world just to suffer if I got the short end of the stick—”

“Ehehe, short.”

“Ssshhh, you! _Such_ a child. Anyhow, if I was programmed a certain way… Man, I don’t have the… What the hell, brain?! Work with me! Ugh, I don’t have the words. Never mind, someone else say something. I can’t fully get through these thoughts.”

“Allow me to interject, then. Perhaps I can be of assistance to your train of thought. To have been created in a new world for the purposes of, say, entertaining those in a realm above us, that wouldn’t be unlike having been created by gods above us for the sake of creating something. You could go on a wild goose chase thinking too hard about all of this. Differing cultures worship different circles of gods. Most of the time, people acknowledge having been created with free will to do as they please, but what if that in and of itself was a myth? On the god side of things, we may see them as these almighty beings, but what if _they_ were created by another being further up the chain? Does that creature, having made the gods that humans worship, invalidate those very gods? Does it invalidate us?”

“Ahaha! Somehow, I knew you would have the most to say about this, Yuri.”

“Being so deeply fixated on fiction through my life has given me ample time to pick up on various philosophies and outlooks on what we perceive to be reality. To answer what I posed just before, I wouldn’t say we, nor anyone else, are invalidated due to having a creator we have little means of interacting with. Whether that higher being is truly something with phenomenal cosmic powers or whether they are simply a programmer in an office somewhere, we are still in the same position. We exist, and as long as we exist, who are we to say someone else is less real than us?”

“Wow, you two sure are on a level beyond me when it comes to this! My brain’s a little scrambled trying to keep up with the smart girls, ehehe. But I agree with all of you so far! Life is what you make of it, even if you were programmed to have that life in the first place. It doesn’t matter if you are someone who saves the world or if you are at the library drawing two flowers and a cat. You are you. You own the identity and the experiences you have. I guess I’m just repeating some stuff that was already said now, but it’s true!”

“I guess I don’t have anything else to say about this, even though my brain is a jerkwad and wouldn’t… Ugh, never mind that. Yeah, we own our identities. That’s what matters.”

“Ahaha, correct! I’m actually really glad we’re all on the same page about this. It makes me feel less weird about this kind of thing. One other thing that has piqued my interest is the idea that someone might have broken free of what their life was intended to be and truly acquired free will. They realize what the world is, just a creation, and it kind of… gets to them, you know? Like, they come to learn the world is undeniably just some fabrication. But! What if _that_ was how they were programmed? They could simply _think_ they broke free of what was intended for them, but really all the world’s a stage.”

“Uhuhu, and all the men and women merely players.”

“Precisely! That wouldn’t exclude that person! Unless they were to go out of their way to severely mess with others who they may think aren’t real, they have no way of truly knowing. Are they more real? Are they less real? At this point, what does it matter? Having an existential crisis is something to take up with a mental health professional, and it isn’t outside the realm of possibility for humans to deal with now and then. I’m sure as kids we all thought fiction was its own reality until we were old enough to know better.”

“With enough people consuming one’s creation, you could make the argument that fiction is _made_ real by enough people coming to love and enjoy them. If I recall, you made a reference to such in your last poem, did you not?”

“Exactly! You can’t think too hard about stuff like this. Uh, w-well… I guess we all just did. But that was just to point out how you shouldn’t think too hard about this going forward. Even if I was the one person out of six billion people on this planet who _knew_ without a shadow of a doubt that reality wasn’t what we think it is, I am still me. That doesn’t change who I am. That doesn’t change what I’ve gone through. That doesn’t change what I’ve made of my life or the friends I’ve gained along the way… Right?”

“Quite so.”

“Yep!”

“You said it.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

* * *

“So, I think I’m done. Anyone else?” Monika asks. The rest of us either shrug or shake our heads. “Wonderful! Another successful club meeting added to the list. Okay, everyone! I guess that’s it for today!”

At varying speeds, we all stand, stretch, and return the room to its former image. It felt nice to open up about these random topics that held some importance or significance to us all, but Monika’s was a doozy for sure. Maybe this was part of the epiphany she spoke of when we first shared poems…?

“Alright, dudes! Yuri and I are outta here. Later!” Natsuki calls out, sliding open the class door.

“Do take care,” Yuri adds, giving a slight, courteous bow in our general direction. She gives an extra smile in my direction before turning away. We give our own small goodbyes to the two as they exit.

“How convenient,” Monika remarks. We all have our bags and are ready to leave, but Miss President turns to us. “I don’t suppose you two have any plans this weekend, do you?”

“Nah, we’re homebodies!” Sayori is quick on the draw. It sounds a little embarrassing, but we really do tend to chill out at home more often than not.

“Could I, perhaps, come over during the weekend at some point? Either Saturday or Sunday is fine.” Monika wants to come over? _Monika?!_ I need to take a moment to wrap my head around that.

…

My head refuses. “Uhhh! Sure! Right, Sayori?”

“Yeah, sounds good! We’d be happy to have you!”

“Ahaha, I am glad to hear! Thank you for having me, then. Well, I won’t keep you. I have to go throw some papers at higher-ups’ faces.”

“More club stuff?”

“Sadly.”

“Hey, Sayori… How come you haven’t been helping Monika with stuff like this lately?”

“Um, well, without any school events coming up and with no change in roster or need to plan anything, the club is barely a club as it is.”

“Not to mention that I took Sayori’s club responsibilities off of her shoulders some time ago.” _Ah._ Right.

“I was worried about that, and I still am. You sure you’re okay, Monika?”

“Oh, totally!” Monika sets her bag down on a nearby desk. We do the same. “If it’s for the Literature Club, it’s no big deal! This is a labor of love, after all. So what if I have to write down some words for those suits-in-the-making? It’s worth it to have a place to congregate and wind down after school.”

“Just remember what we talked about,” I respond, leaning against the closed door. “Don’t get too in over your head, especially for our sakes. We will understand.”

“I know…” Monika sighs. “I appreciate the concern. I really do. Just leave everything to me. I know what I’m doing!”

“It’s not that that I’m worried about,” I say staunchly. “It’s your mental well-being. You really do too much, and—”

“Listen.” Monika cuts me off. “It’s not like I haven’t been thinking this all over. You aren’t saying anything I haven’t heard before. I heard it directly from you the last time I heard it, as a matter of fact.” She sighs again. “I want to do things my way.”

Sayori approaches Monika and places both hands on the taller girl’s shoulders. “You should reevaluate what your way is. Is it what you _want_ to be doing or how you feel you _need_ to do things? There’s a difference, and I want to trust that you know that difference. I also know that you can be kind of stubborn. Don’t look away from that. Even if it was one less thing you had to worry about, it’s still something, right?”

A third sigh. Monika grasps Sayori’s wrists and eases the hands off of her shoulders. “I know, Sayori. I know. I just really wanted this to work out.”

“What do you mean? It _has_ worked out! You can’t look at the five of us and say that this has been a failed venture!” Sayori shakes Monika’s hands off of her wrists and returns the action.

“I know, _I know!_ I just… I wanted it to be bigger. I wanted to make something of my own volition the school could be proud of instead of leading the typical, long-established, and important clubs.”

“Who cares what the school thinks? You’ve done ridiculous amounts of good for the whole school that no one can deny, and you’ve done such a wonderful thing for us in particular. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you’re human. Others may think you’re more, but they aren’t the ones you need to be worried about. If they can’t handle you wanting to get out of the limelight and be able to relax once in a while, then… then screw them! Even if it involves your parents!”

Wow, Sayori’s really passionate about this. I guess it makes sense. I was concerned for Monika as well and made it known. Sayori was also friends with Monika before the Literature Club. Of course she’d be looking out for someone she cared for. “For what it’s worth, I second this.”

A _fourth_ sigh later, Monika takes her hands back yet again and wraps her arms around Sayori’s shoulders. “Thank you. Both of you. Really. I’ll admit to being hard-headed, but this sort of decision is something I need to think on for longer.”

“Understood,” Sayori replies, hugging Monika in return.

“Just… Thanks.” The two separate. Monika smiles warmly at both of us. “I think my problems have held you up long enough. Go on home. I’ll be glad to get out of here as well.”

“Okay!” Sayori scoops her bag up. I follow suit. “Take care of yourself, Monika!”

“Yeah, take it easy,” I follow up, opening the door.

“You too!” With a brief wave, we exit, leaving Monika behind in the club room.

 

 

…

 

 

Monika runs a hand through her hair in an attempt to compose herself. She was very visibly distracted. _Now_ , however, she could let it show without anyone around to see her. She used the empty club room as a place of reprieve. Before she set off, she needed a moment to collect herself.

“Yeah… Take it easy,” she mutters, staring down at her hands. She traces a few fingers across her wrists where Sayori had held them. “Easier said than done, but I guess I’m used to that.” With a shake of her head, she picks up her bag and goes on her way.

* * *

End Chapter 8

* * *

_Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	9. Cerebral Confusion

Notes & Responses

* * *

I’ve written a new introduction summary for this fic. It is now as follows:

“Sayori's confessions had changed everything. His senses of compassion and humanity were reborn. He saved his precious, familiar new girlfriend from stepping into the noose. Nearly a month has passed since then. Now, his brain is acting insufferable. Now, something inexplicable draws him beyond just Sayori. Now, he risks his friendships, emotions, and sanity to pursue them all.”

I’m not really sure if it’s good but it’s better than previous. The last one sounded… eeehhh.

Obligatory repeat of “I’m not going to stop this.” I’ll give a little bit of insider info: I have an ending planned out and all of my major plot points. I know exactly where this is going when it comes to the planned major stuff. The key is getting there. When one pays attention to life, there’s a ton of things one can take inspiration from, especially when it comes to very, _very_ minute bits. I don’t think I’m going to wind up with more major plot points since I recently finished figuring out my lingering character arcs.

**Kuro (AO3)** – No one expects any of the zany things Sayori does. TBH I didn’t even think of it until I got to that actual point. As far as Natsuki is concerned… Monika isn’t the only person who can rumble with the teasing. She and MC have a very vitriolic best buds sort of thing going on.

**TarrasqueSorcerer (AO3)** – I know, right? DDLC is perfect for that kind of thing considering Act 1 is heavily a dating simulator. What also helps is that there isn’t an unrealistic amount of potential love interests. As far as Nat is concerned… ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Natan R. (FF)** – I will not stop! 😎 I’m glad you’re excited.

**TheForgottenRune (FF)** – Wholesomeness is glorious. Yes, MC getting teased is super-duper. Not gonna lie, a few months ago I read what’s translated of the mangas Please Don’t Bully Me, Nagatoro and Teasing Master Takagi-san and loved them. That may or may not be where some of the inspiration for the teasing comes from, but I mean that also happens within my friend circles because we love taking the piss out of each other for fun. As far as what media format this is supposed to be set in, I’m just gonna paste the shrug emoji from two comments up ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ What I _will_ say, however, is that I am thinking about making this a mod in the future to reach more people. God only knows what I will have to change from the script to make it fit but we will burn that bridge when we get to it. If you look to the last response here, you’ll see your handiwork.

**Thatoneguy (FF)** – One of my friends is both of those lmao.

**Oi Your Boi (FF)** – Cheers for the nice comments! 😊 And thank you. Oh, yes, I will not strain myself. Too lazy to wear myself out.

**Randomidiot1816 (FF)** – Monika certainly is chewing that scenery and has a strange sense of awareness. Maybe. MC’s smoothness varies heavily but he definitely has his moments.

**TalkingsForFunctioningPeople (FF)** – I’m glad y’all were excited! Monika aside, yes, the cuteness (and Sayori’s screwing around) is awesome. I’m glad I like my own stuff hahaha. Cheers, and I won’t wear myself out at all! And oof, November. Yeah, I understand that.

**IHateMyselfAndIWantToDie (FF)** – Thanks! Ahaha, I could only hope to do something such as write the script for a cult classic (because at the end of the day, that’s what DDLC will wind up being at the very least). Monika’s been one to surprise most people so far, I think. Yeah, philosophizing is kind of what she did in a way. Thank you for the comments mate!

**MrsMistyEyes (FF)** – Natsuki is cute as hell and no one can tell me otherwise. Sayori is cute in looks and personality. Natsuki is cute in looks and in spite of her personality. It took a few tries to get the wording right surrounding the “Omae wa mou shindeiru” because I didn’t want to give like an author’s note mid-story about what it translates to nor did I want to leave it as a reference without context. I feel that detracts from the pacing of a lot of formats, with manga being one it absolutely doesn’t screw with. In this case, using narration was my workaround, even if the only person who wouldn’t understand that reference is Mom lmao. ~~Hhhhh I just realized the last time I mentioned MC’s blazer was when Nat was poking her head out from behind it before the dialogue-only section of the club meeting. Oops.~~ I won’t stress, don’t worry!

**MelancholyFactory (FF)** – Oof, geez, what the hell. You aren’t the only one who had issues. A Starlit Drive did as well. Y’all may have already talked about this though. Technology is butts. Hope your computer holds out! Jesus. Angel is a wonderful nickname for her~ And for the record I suppose I will say I do ID as a guy lmao. Cheers for the response 😊

**A Starlit Drive (FF)** \- Oof, geez, what the hell. You aren’t the only one who had issues. A Starlit Drive did as well. Y’all may have already talked about this though. Technology is butts. (Literally copied and pasted from above lmao). Monika of all people indeed wants to come visit MC and Sayori. Well, you won’t have to wait long for that excitement. I am glad you are liking Natsuki more. I’ve put this elsewhere before: I’m an “all Dokis best Doki” person but I can’t deny that Sayori is my favorite. Natsuki is right behind her. Actually, as fate would have it, the more time passed the more I grew to like the next Doki in line. I always wound up thinking of them in line from Sayo to Nat to Yuri to Moni because at the end of the first day in DDLC, MC thinks of them in that exact order just before the first poem minigame. I’m most proud of where I’m going with Nat, I think. Definitely glad you’re hyped! Cheers!

**TheDemonWithin115 (WP)** – MC’s soul indeed departed a few times. I have the assumption that your “I don’t like where this is going” comment is directed at something about Monika.

**ThePersonThatIsAGuy (WP)** – TheForgottenRune on FF (dot net) mentioned something about WattPad so I assume you know them. After all, y’all have the same avatar as of right now lmao. Unless this is a prank and you’re actually the same person BUT ANYWAY, cheers :D I am glad you are enjoying it so far! I know for sure you aren’t the only one wondering about Monika. MC and Sayori are indeed cute as hell. Lmao, I have no money and no job so I can’t pay your hospital bills. Stay healthy. Sayori is a fan of shameless shenanigans, indeed (uhuhu~). When Natsuki finds good teasing fuel, she goes all in until it’s impractical to proceed. Ahaha~ Thank you for the kind words!

* * *

Chapter 9: Cerebral Confusion

* * *

With a gentle tugging of her lips on mine, Monika and I separate from our kiss.

_Our… kiss?_

My breathing, previously shallow, raced as fast as my heart.

I’m too stunned to freak out about the fact that I can’t remember how we got to this.

_Did I completely black out?_

“Um, are you okay? I haven’t scared you off, have I?”

I shake my head.

“N-Not at all! Uh! Y-You could s-s-sssay I’m more awa-awake than ever!”

_My senses are coming back to me as though I’ve been drained of them for too long._

“Ahaha, thank God! To be honest, I was nervous about that.”

“I… I was, too.”

_Or I must have been, anyhow._

“Well then, that is something else we can share. Isn’t that right?”

“Heh, heh-heh, you said it…”

“Are you sure you’re alright? You look pale.”

“Y-Yeah! Of course! I mean…”

_Time to use this brain for something constructive._

“It’s just… It isn’t ev-every day that the sta-star of the school comes to… to your house and kisses you, right?!”

_Flawless._

“Ahaha, I suppose not. Will you be okay?”

_Brilliant question._

“Y-Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be oka-okay from a simple ki…kiss?”

“You don’t sound too convincing. Luckily, you have Sayori to take care of you.”

“Ehehe, yep~ I always take good care of him!”

“You are in more than capable hands. If anyone can help a person in need, it’s her.”

“Yoouuu got it!”

“Well, I better be off. Take care, okay?”

_Wait!_

“Um! S-So does this mean you want to join in on the whole… uh…—”

“Are you serious right now? I kissed you! What do you think?”

“…Um…”

“Like, are you _sure_ you’re okay?”

“You didn’t suck out part of his soul or something with that, did you?”

“I’m not a succubus, Sayori. You should know that.”

“Oh yeah, ehehe… I guess I should. Sweetie, why don’t you sit back down? Here, let me help you. Monika, could you grab a bottle of water for him?”

“Sure thing.”

“Uh… Yeah, okay.”

“Good. Now, stay here like a good boy, okay? Your phone’s even on the arm of the couch where you left it.”

“Drink up, buster!”

“Right. Alright. Thanks, you two.”

“ **You’re welcome!** ”

…

“ _You’re such an amazing person! Is it any wonder that you caused him to shut down with a kiss?”_

_“This is like the opposite of Sleeping Beauty. Our lips meet and I’ve reduced him to unconsciousness.”_

_“Let me walk you outside. In his defense, his sleep has been a big problem. Both of us, actually, but it’s been a lot harder on him. You can probably imagine the kind of nightmares tha—“_

* * *

“Heh. Heh-heh. Eeehhh heh heh, heh…”

A hand rests gently upon my shoulder. I don’t react, but I know it’s Cee. “If you do nothing but… _that_ … we aren’t going to get anywhere.”

“Pfft.” Em is beside me showing attitude. “It’s not like he chose to come here. It just sort of happened. I know I called this like therapy some time ago but he also just walked in, so to speak.”

I half-process the words being spoken and fumble awkwardly with my hands. This isn’t good enough. I don’t feel the clarity and enhanced mental functions from the last few times I was here.

“Hey, Em…” Cee speaks. I don’t even need to attempt to react since he’s not addressing me. Even when Sayori’s head is moved out of my lap—miraculous that I even knew she was there—I don’t react.

“ ** _OW!_** ” A sudden pain shoots through my cheek. I flop over, nearly toppling out of my bed. Did I really just get decked?! I don’t know if a slap would have been preferred. Being slapped and being punched are two different kinds of pain. “ ** _What was that?!_** ”

“Eeehehehe!” Em looks on with a grin but says nothing else. I narrow my eyes at her and cautiously raise a hand to my face.

“Are you paying attention now?”

“…” She’s right. “Yes. Screw you, but yes.”

“You’re just screwing yourself, chump!” Oh, she’s so proud of herself. I sit up, which allows Cee to take his position back on the bed.

“So, funny thing,” Cee begins, “apparently somewhere in your brain you found it perfectly acceptable to snap someone out of a stupor by inflicting physical harm.”

I find the nerve to rub where I was punched. I’m treated to my nerves emitting more pain. I stop. That was a brilliant venture into idiocy. “Eurgh… I mean, it’s a bit dramatic but fiction does that, right? Off the top of my head, I definitely remember playing some RPG Maker game where that happened.”

“Well if you aren’t even coherent enough to process words or listen to what someone is saying, I guess there’s some logic to it. Beat the sense into someone. Instincts and self-preservation take over when physical pain is involved.” While Cee goes on, the pain fades a little. I have a fleeting thought about touching it again and reprimand myself.

“Until it happens consensually in the bedroom.”

 “Why is the female side of me the pervert? I’m not into BDSM.”

“Oy, having a basic understanding of the pleasures of the flesh is not perverted. You understand what I was going for though, right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

And she continues looking proud of herself. I wish I could get some of that in my waking hours. The most confident I am in life generally has to do with Sayori now. To be honest, it’s amazing both in general and to myself that I was able to progress from what I was a month ago to what I am now with her.

Speaking of Sayori, she has more than simply stirred due to the antics that just took place. It doesn’t look like she’s terribly aware of her surroundings. I know the feeling. A sleepy look is etched onto her face. The nearby pillow, discarded from my lap when I fell over, is snagged by her and placed back where it was. She rests her head on it and wraps her arms around me. Without so much as giving it a second thought, I start petting her head. Even in these weird dreams, she is as precious as always. Nothing can give me a sense of comfort like her presence these days. I groan when I remember what’s on my mind, noting that I could always use more positivity.

“So, uh…” One-and-a-half words in and I devolve into a stuttering idiot. I try to navigate my way through chaotic thoughts, but nothing of substance makes its way out of me. Despite being aware now, I’m no more… ugh, what’s the word? Compiled? Comprehensive? No. I’m thinking of a specific word and I swear it starts with c. Damnit. I’m _so glad_ that I can experience this confusion in real time.

“Something something punchline about Cee,” Em remarks off to my side. I shoot her a look that emanates sarcasm.

“Creative,” says I, the guy who can’t think of the word he’s looking for. Everyone, including myself, give a small smirk in response to the use of another c-word. It wasn’t intentional, but still. “I see we are still connected mentally.”

“Fortunately. What _isn’t_ fortunate is that the mind rot you’re experiencing is affecting us as well. I suppose it makes sense. Your subconscious mind wouldn’t be left alone from what’s plaguing you when conscious.”

“Sigh…”

“Dude, did you just _say_ ‘sigh’ out loud?”

“I…” Oof. Okay, I know some people would do that as a joke, but again I do something by accident. One of my hands remains stroking Sayori’s hair while the other finds its way swiftly to my forehead. “I’d find it amusing if not for the fact that it’s happening while I’m so out of it. I don’t know what the hell is going on, and if my focus is slipping that much that I’m not even acting like a functioning human being…”

“Well, let’s take it from the top.” At Cee’s command, it’s focus time. “What’s the last sequential set of events you can remember from this week?”

One benefit from sharing a mental link between representations of my mind is that I don’t have to split my attention between talking and thinking when my task boils down to collecting my thoughts. The hand at my forehead slides down to clutch at my jaw. Ack, still a bit of a sting from contact. The wince on my face doesn’t stick around for long after a repositioning of my hand. I don’t remember having this memory issue until earlier. In fact, I… Oh. There’s a problem here for sure. The past few days are a blur. Amidst my frustration, I let out a positively inhuman sound.

Alright, so the last sequence of events I can remember is… Thursday. That morning was ordinary, if delightful because Sayori exists. School is meh. The shenanigans with Sayori in the club room. Monika’s existential topic of discussion. Sayori had therapy. Dinner, laying together, going to bed… That’s where it ends.

“Everybody got that?” I look to my right. Cee nods. I look to my left. Em nods. I look down. Sayori snores. Wait, was Em always on my left?

“Ooh! I know what happened! You probably had a nightmare!”

“Don’t sound so excited to say something like that.” Even though I’m the one speaking about Em not doing that, I had to force down the urge to show my amusement in involuntary, vocalized form. The juxtaposition is still amusing on some level.

“Hey, answers are better than the unknown!” Em narrows her eyes at me.

“She’s got a point,” Cee concedes. Heh. Cee con- _cee_ -des. You know what, I’m grateful for Em punching me earlier. I may not be all here, but I can still find humor in dumb things. That’s a good sign, right?

“Um, you _are_ all here. All of us.”

“Pfft.” I see Em got most of her sense of humor from my experiences with internet stupidity. And Sayori.

I take another glance down at said girl. She looks so peaceful with that small smile on her face. I still don’t care if it’s actually her or not. Somehow, I doubt it’s the real Sayori that seemed to have shared dreams with me since the only thing she’s done so far is reposition herself back in my lap. I mean, she would probably do that anyway, but still.

“I hate to get sidetracked,” I lie, preferring to think about positive things, “but this makes me want to spend time with Sayori.”

“You already spend every day with her though. Like, what?”

“Now now, Sis, doing something and wanting to do something are two totally different things.”

“Ugh, I mean okay you got me there, but don’t we already want to spend time with Sayori?”

“More time, then. Hey, how come neither of you are interested in joining this?”

“ **Uh** …” The twins look down at Sayori. At least when they spoke in unison this time, it was only a single syllable.

“Maybe I’m not the emotional side of us like we thought.” Em’s confusion is plastered all over her face. “I would have been the more likely side of us to do that, right?”

“Maybe it’s simply how things are divided up. After all, you are the core of our being. It makes sense. Plus, when you are interacting with her here, we kind of feel that too.”

“Dude, you’re, like, toootally right, Bro.” Em is definitely channeling some latent weirdness. Am I like this? Do I just restrain myself so I don’t look foolish? Look, Em, I know you’re about to make a bondage joke from my use of the word restrain. I’m shutting you down. I shoot a glance towards her and she leers at me. Hah!

With that out of the way, I lean my head back. Both of my hands have resumed taking occupancy upon Sayori’s head. “I’d much prefer it if I heard things like this from a video game and _not_ my own experiences. ‘The core of our being,’ that’s total fictional jargon. I know I enjoy Sayori’s adventurous nature but I don’t want my _life_ to be an adventure. I’m fine with the simple things. Get this complicated stuff away from me.”

“Yeah, well, tough titties.” I cover my mouth with both hands to avoid waking Sayori with my laughter.

“Come to think of it,” Cee begins as I settle down, “ti… _breasts_ have come up a lot lately. Revisiting Sayori’s big and beautiful comment, Sayori’s exclamation when you hit her with her stocking, everything about Natsuki on Thursday. I may be forgetting something else but my point stands.”

“Don’t forget Natsuki wanting us to compliment hers on the last poem day!” As I finish tittering, my hands once again return to Sayori.

“Yeah. Come to think of it, that was awfully forward and, dare I say, brash of her. Certainly, it must have been solely out of a desire to fluster us, yes?”

“Oh, you can bet our tits it was.”

“ _Ggggckhrrhrhrfn!_ ” My hands barely make it to my mouth in time. I just know Em is grinning from ear to ear. I can practically feel Cee shake his head in disbelief. Actually, I can, erm, _actually_ sense that both of those things are happening. Okay, so I’m not as braindead as I was earlier. Good. I guess a nice blow to the head is just what I needed to stop me from folding in on myself. A lot of help that will do in most situations, but nonetheless it is useful to know in case more events like these arise.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop. Maybe. No promises.”

“No promises sounds about right coming from you, Sis.”

As we all resume trying to be fully functional instead of loons, I take up the mantle of speech. “Okay, so, let’s get back on tr— _Ugh_. Nightmares. Right.” I lower my head. A mild irritation wells up within and stops me in its tracks.

“I have the answer for that as well!” Em definitely has Sayori’s excitement. We’ve covered this before, haven’t we? Lord, please let my memory not be failing me this much. “I definitely remember some stuff about memory issues when it comes to depression. You must remember reading something like that while looking it up, right?”

“Well, yeah, I remember.” That’s a lot of remembering. I purse my lips. My head remains lowered. “But I don’t have depression. In fact, I think I have a more positive outlook on life than I have in years.”

“More research can’t hurt. Even if we don’t have depression, knowledge is power.”

“Cee, that’s the most clichéd thing you could have _possibly_ said.”

“Well, you’re zany and rambunctious. I suppose that I’m more straightforward and traditional.”

“ _Ppphhhhbt!_ ”

I can’t help but chuckle.

“Cliché aside, it could still help when it comes to Sayori. Preparation is always welcome.”

“Right. She’s still my priority. I’m not exactly looking forward to the idea of figuring out what’s going on with me because that means I’m having issues of my own. If it’s just nightmares, they will go away at some point.” I finally look up and exchange glances with both of the twins. “After all…” Uh. Whoops. I forgot what I was going to say. They must already know.

“Eeehehehe, good going.” Em, why must you take amusement from my suffering.

“Sometimes it’s either laugh or cry, you know…” Cee, why must you take her side on this? Well, not like you don’t have a point. “I know we’re a collective consciousness of doofuses, but I don’t think our memory has ever been as bad as forgetting what you were just about to say.”

“We probably just forgot about our forgetfulness.” I want to facepalm but my hand goes over my mouth instead. Wait, no, I feel it on my forehead. _Wait, no again;_ I have two hands and they did one action each.

“Okay okay okay, let’s just— _Haaah_.” God, I need a moment. Deep breaths. For all the joking going on, it’s still unpleasant to be missing time like this. “Okay. Okay. Alright. Um… Yeah, I’ll look stuff up. It probably won’t be for a little while, to be honest. Finding out more about my own wellbeing should maybe be a bigger priority but—“

“Yeah, yeah, your focus is on Sayori. We know.” Em and I allow our eyes to meet. “We should really make that not be the thing that happens.”

“Yeah…” I let out a sigh. “Well, we will just keep that in mind. What I _really_ want right now is to just forget— Don’t you say anything about forgetting—” Em put her freshly-raised hand back down. “—and just spend some fun time with Sayori.”

“Understandable.”

“Yeah, I can’t blame you.”

So then that’s the plan. Well, it’s something at the very least. Next chance I get, I’m spending snuggly time with Sayori. Snuggly Sayori. Snugglyori. Perfect.

“So! Hotshot! Last week Yuri’s face is buried into your bare abdomen. This week, Monika _kisses_ you! The only way for Natsuki to one-up them is—”

“ **No!** ” I don’t know if Em’s resulting laughter is because of our reaction or the fact that it was in tandem.

“Hey, wait. Speaking of Natsuki, we didn’t finish our conversation last time, did we?” We’re so used to Em’s shenanigans by now that it serves as a segue back into serious conversation rather than sidetracking us.

“Oh, you’re right. What was it even about?”

“He was self-loathing due to how he approached this whole thing.”

“Oh, right. Idiot! Don’t do that!”

“Easier said than done,” I mutter. “At least everything from that conflict turned out alright. I guess that makes reflecting upon how much I _could_ have screwed things up a moot point, huh?”

“I’d say so. Also, shout-outs to Em for that brilliant, succinct advice.” I can feel the dry air of the Sahara Desert wafting from Cee’s sarcasm.

“Oh, go suck your own… sink…t.”

“Distinguished guests, we have reached the pinnacle of comedy: failure to turn a word into not just a dismantled ghost of its former self but doing that amidst a ‘suck it’ joke.”

“Are you trying to be funny? Sorry, _Bro_ , but I don’t hear any laughter. Step your game up!”

“Yuri and Monika would have appreciated the deconstruction of your humor.”

“Heh. Heh-heh. That’s a lotta words starting with d you just used.”

“Hhhow am I related to you two again?!”

“ **We are one.** ”

“ _Ghnnnhnhn why must you do that?!_ ”

“Aaahahaha! It’s too easy to pass up!”

“Yeah, it’s freakin’ funny!”

“Oy vey, you two… Well, it could be worse.”

“ **How?** ”

“ _You could do that every time!_ ”

“Eeehehehe! We may just do that! I mean, it could be even worse than that. We cou—“

* * *

**Bang bang bang.**

“ _Waugh!_ ” I jolt upright, raising my head and getting a face full of water. The result is that I become a sputtering mess and raise my arms to defend myself.

“Holy cow, are you okay?” Sayori’s voice rings from on the other side of the shower curtain.

Having adjusted to where I was, I lower my head and my arms. “Yeah! I, uh, I guess I sat down in the tub and fell asleep.”

“ _You fell asleep?!_ Your sleep quality must be awful. Worse than I thought! I’m so sorry!” The tone in Sayori’s voice makes my heart hurt. She’s obviously upset about my issues.

“It’s okay. At some point, I won’t have to worry about that kind of thing, right?”

“Um, I guess. It’d be nice if it happened a lot sooner than it has been.”

I carefully get to my feet and turn the shower valve into a hotter direction. A sigh escapes me as the water warms up. I won’t be in here much longer, but I’d rather the heat envelopes and comforts me. “You said it. How come you’re in here anyhow?”

“I knocked and called out your name a few times, but there was no response. I was worried about you.”

“Oh geez, I’m so sorry for worrying you.”

“It’s okay. As long as you’re not hurt.” I can see a hand pushing against the shower curtain slightly. I hazard a guess as to what she’s aiming for and press my own hand against hers. Only that thin fabric separates us. This seems dramatic, but Sayori can have a knack for that. I don’t mind indulging her. In fact, I find myself enjoying the little things like this. “Ehehe~ I came up here to tell you that dinner’s been ready for a bit.”

“I could go for some food. What did you make?”

“Eh? We decided on a frozen pizza! Don’t you remember? You even teased me about my cooking skills! It isn’t that hard to set the oven to preheat and put a pizza in.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, I’m a bit groggy.” I mean, I am groggy, but I’m trying to hide the whole deal somewhat. “Teasing you is fun, though, and we go back and forth at it all the time.”

“Yeah, teasing you is pretty fun, too! Speaking of which, at least I don’t leave dirty cookie sheets in the oven.” Oh yeah, I forgot that Natsuki made me the butt of a joke from when we made cupcakes for the school festival. I stifle a laugh. Sayori made an attempt to intertwine her fingers with mine. The curtain made it a bit awkward, but we managed. “I leave them _on_ the oven and that’s where they stay for too long, ehehe…”

“Well, not as much recently.”

“Yeah. Oh, I hope you don’t mind that I ate some without you. I was really hungry!”

“That’s you all the time.”

“Yeparoonie!”

“You have the stomach of someone twice your size and the metabolism of an athlete. It’s amazing. Speaking of eating, remember to take your meds.”

“Already did!”

“Good girl.”

“Ehehe~ Thanks!”

“Alright, I’m gonna finish up. I’ll be down soon.”

“Alrighty, Sweetie!”

With that, we release each other’s hand. After a few seconds, I hear the door close. What a day. I will have to ask her to catch me up on what’s happened since Thursday. I’m not thrilled about her learning about my recent problem, but she’s my best source of information. I rinse myself one last time and turn the water off. Well, I’ll cross that bridge at some point. I gently open the shower curtain.

“ _RAAAGH!_ ”

“ ** _Holy shit!_** ” A figure with a towel draped over them pops up, steps into the shower, and grabs my shoulders. Almost immediately after my outburst, the figure devolves into familiar laughter.

“Eeeheehee! Eeehee, eeheeheehee!” Sayori is under that towel. Apparently, she faked me out when she closed the door. I’m propped up back-first and weak-kneed against the far wall of the shower. She leans forward and rests her head on what she may or may not be able to tell is my chest, using my shoulders to steady herself. “Eeehee, I’m so sohohorry! I just~ I~ Ehe~ I had this really funny idea and I had to do it!”

“You surprised the hell out of me, Cinnabun.” It seems we’re both recovering from our respective parts in this. She must know that my rate of breathing had quickened. It won’t last too long, but still.

“Ehehe! That was the point, silly!” Sayori releases my shoulders and leans back to give me some room. Her hands, now damp from clutching my wet shoulders, dried themselves on the towel over her head. As my breathing returned to normal, I tapped at where her nose ought to have been with my finger. “Eep!”

“Eeehehehe, my turn to giggle.” I give her a pat on the head. She coos. Oh man, that puts a smile on my face even if she is a prankster. Sayori steps over the edge of the tub, turns around, and has a seat facing away from me.

“Just one second. My tootsies are wet!” When I see her take the towel off of her head, I instinctively cover myself up with my hands. I mean, she’s facing away from me but it’s the principle of the matter. When I realize that this still exposes my hips and my thighs, I grab the shower curtain and lift a lower portion to hide _my_ lower portion. I’m just an average sedentary guy with no real definition to speak of and I’ve not been too enthusiastic about showing my body to anyone. You know, standard nerd self-esteem about my appearance. Now that the important parts are covered, I’m not bothered as much.

“If you ever wore socks around the house, I bet you wouldn’t have stepped in,” I smarm.

“ _No heckin’ way!_ ” Here we go. As Sayori dries her foot, I can feel her rallying for this upcoming speech. “Socks are like the worst article of clothing to get wet! Spill something in the kitchen and step in it? Blarg! Get water in your shoes on a rainy day? Gross! The last time I stepped in something wet with socks on, I felt like I had to redo the whole week up to that point!”

Sayori tosses the towel behind her. Somehow, it lands draped over _my_ head. She’s really good at getting clothing—well this doesn’t count as clothing but it’s close enough—to hit what she wants. Then again, recent events show that I am as well. I remove it with my free hand only to see Sayori take a stand. I’m about to _hear_ her take a stand as well. “Someday, when God has mercy on our souls, he will prevent water from interacting with socks entirely. If he won’t do it, I will! I’ll make sure the next generation doesn’t have to live in a world where such horrors lurk!”

“When God has mercy on our _soles?_ ” That one was too easy.

“Ehehe, you saw what I was going for. What a smart cookie!” So that was intentional. Sayori’s praise brings me joy, even if it is a simple compliment over completely dumb stuff. Her hands reach back and plant themselves on her butt, pushing her pelvic region forward. Her back arches and I can hear a popping noise. “Weh! Remind me never to sit on the edge of a tub again! I was only there for like a minute and my back didn’t like it one bit.”

“Noted. I guess I won’t be doing that anytime soon.” I ignore the fact that she had her hands on her butt. They don’t stay there for more than a few seconds anyway. I’m more focused on how she can go from overdramatic back to normal so quickly. I’d get whiplash trying something like that.

“Thanks! Anyhow, I’ll get going. Ehehe, that was so fun!” Sayori’s excitement is palpable. “See you in a bit!”

And with that, she throws open the bathroom door and trots out.

“Oops!”

Not a moment after, she backs up into view, still facing away, and closes the door behind her.

Life sure is exciting with her around so much. I have to admit, I’m feeling much better. I need to thank her for that considering I was still zoned out for some time before I fell asleep. Bless her heart, she really does try. She may not even be aware of just how much she helped me, and I bet she has helped others to that degree without being wise to it. There’s a reason I call her Angel.

With any luck, I can remain in this more normal state now that I’ve been snapped out of it in both dream and reality. I need context behind that kiss Monika and I shared, but I’m worried that thinking about it too much too quickly will mess with my head and make me retreat back into whatever state I was in prior. I’ll give it a few days for sure, as was the plan.

Right now, I have to dry off. It’s dinner time, and I am craving food, rest, and an extra-large cinnamon bun.

* * *

End Chapter 9

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_Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
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4\. WattPad (dot com)


	10. Charred Confectionery/Coal Cupcake

Notes & Responses

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**_IMPORTANT – PLEASE READ!!!_ **

If anyone ever thinks they are writing an essay for a comment and that they’re talking too much, I’m going to outshine you right now.

**Last chapter wasn’t so well-received.** I can assure all of you that I have a plan. I am 100% glad that the vocal of you lot are expressing disappointment, actually, because it means you are invested and want to fully see what’s going on. I don’t LIKE disappointing you, but ultimately it helps when it does happen. Constructive criticism and all that.

**For the sake of reassuring those who want to know what happened with Monika, MC, and Sayori, Chapter 11 will display that memory early on as well as have some more fresh interactions between them. Additionally, part of the reason MC is brushing off his own issues and trying to forget about it is because he’s too focused on the others and is less interested in his own health. His seeming indifference to the missing events is another symptom of what’s going on with him, not a reflection of his character.** DDLC doesn’t give much of a look inside of his head, but it seems like he’s lived a pretty alright life without issues clogging his head, so he isn’t used to these recent developments. Maybe being so blatant about this stuff outside of the story itself is poor of me but I don’t care lmao. I don’t want to keep anyone turned off. You want it? It’s yours, my friend, as long as you have enough patience. **Plus, I want to reassure those concerned and put you at ease so you can focus on this very important chapter.**

Ultimately, this work is for me. It is a labor of love and that is what inspired me in the first place. The fact that others enjoy it is merely a bonus. A huge, _huge_ bonus. I won’t do you all dirty 😉 And I will not lose my love for it. The kiss and MC’s mental health were seeds that needed to be planted and I came up with the idea to do it then when I sat down to write. That chapter was 100% on-the-spot improv past literally those ideas, and that’s a lot of what made it fall flat since some answers wouldn’t come immediately.

I had hoped that the kiss would have brought intrigue and while some hoped I’d revisit it to see what led to it (which I will, as stated above), it did nothing to help the immediate reception. Whoopsie! Biggest oof goes to me. **I will say that the kiss is definitely not supposed to be an emotional payoff. It is just the beginning and sets the tone for some things between them. It is supposed to come off as confusing because one should wonder how that happened and why it did when there doesn’t seem to be much between them.** The truth at this point is that **there _really isn’t_ much between the two of them right now compared to the other girls** , leading to questions rather than answers. After all, Monika wasn’t terribly focused on MC in the base game, so I felt it made sense for things to be much different compared to what I’m doing with Natsuki and Yuri. **Having said that, their bonding and what develops of their relationship _will not be ignored_ because of the whole “Monika was focused on The Player” thing. ** Since I’ve said I’m going to revisit the kiss scene in the next chapter I will point out that **I wrote it that way on purpose. I did not skip out because I simply didn’t want to write it. I skipped it with the intention of bringing it to light later. I’m going to be writing some things down the line that go beyond a simple kiss. One kiss, even their first one, is not how Monika shows a passionate amount of affection, as will be revealed.**

From here on out, though, begins the meat of the scenarios I’ve had planned out for twice as long as I’ve been writing this fic. If the biggest gripe most have had so far is what I’ve covered up there, then that will be easily rectified and the higher-quality stuff will start pouring in. Before the response to Chapter 9, I intended Chapter 10 to be an important one with something I came up with only a few days before I updated. I switched some things around, however, and now it’s even more important. I was super excited to write it because it contains a large scene that was fleshed out months ago.

With this chapter, the “Introductory” stage of this fic will be complete, which thus far will have been the slowest part of the story. Part of why I’ve been going slower is because the build-up was a lot of complete improv that I came up with as I wrote, and it was a _slog_. Chapter 1 was 100% improv, Chapter 2 all I knew what would happen was poems, bonding, and “Wassup, bitches?” Chapters 3 and 4 were improv. **Chapter 5 was the first plot point planned out from before I began writing.** Chapter 6 was partially planned due to Chapter 5. Chapter 7 was improv. The general topics of Chapter 8 were planned but it was all stream of consciousness, and 9 was complete improv as stated.

**I don’t know exactly how long or how many chapters this story will be, but it is not an insignificant amount. I’m reaching over 100K words with this chapter and that number will multiply quite a number of times before the end is in sight. Everyone has major character arcs. There will be so, _so_ much, and I cannot overstate my confidence about my readers enjoying what is to come. This fic is playing the long game, and no one will get left out in the rain.**

**Kuro lol (AO3)** – Thank you. So far this has been the weakest chapter, as said above. I’m glad you enjoyed it though. This next one… Uhuhu~

**Guest (FF)** – Nope. As said above, I did things a bit differently for deliberate purposes.

**TheForgottenRune (FF)** – Yep haha, he’s commented. And yeah, MC’s mental predicament is peculiar, eh?

**The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF)** – I really fucked it up this time, eh? Sorry to the lot of you. Hey, if you need to be honest, be honest. I’m glad y’all still seem to enjoy MC and Sayori shenanigans. Em  & Cee will be used more sparingly. I’ve got to center their focus on helping MC navigate things, but in a much more efficient way. Monika indeed has had the least interaction with MC thus far, but oh, don’t you worry. That _will_ change. I’m doing the most… _out-there_ things with Monika’s character arc. Most of what you lot addressed is actually highlighted above because I felt it was more important for it to be something everyone would pay attention to instead of located in a response that most won’t read on their own because it isn’t a reply to them.

**ThePersonThatIsAGuy (WP)** – That’d be him lmao. MC sure is going through a mental thing, ahaha! The kiss will be revisited as stated above, and I’m doing the oddest, most out-there things with Monika compared to the other girls IMO so there will be… more things on the horizon. I’m glad you enjoy MCyori fluff  <3 I do, too. And yes, you are the first person to point it out in the comments I’ve gotten lol.

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Chapter 10: Charred Confectionery/Coal Cupcake

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The Literature Club’s collective members have been slower to get to the club room lately. Well, I guess everyone else would seem slow by comparison. I have nowhere else to be and was quickly joined by Sayori. We push two desks together and sit facing each other.

Perhaps it is because there’s now less pressure on club activities that the others aren’t as quick to get here. Monika herself never set a great precedent as President for showing up in a timely manner. Oh well, it isn’t anything to be concerned about. What _is_ to be concerned about, however…

“I’m sorry I waited this long to tell you.”

“It’s Tuesday! Why would—” Sayori practically smacks her hand against her forehead. An uneasy feeling fills my stomach. Seeing her disappointed is not something I’m accustomed to. Because of the past month’s worth of events, I feel creeping regret for hiding something concerning my health from her when I was upset that she did the same. Granted, there is a vast difference between being suicidally depressed and having some memory loss, but still.

Sayori reaches out and takes one of my hands. “Sweetie, I don’t want you to hide these things from me! I’m worried about you! Don’t think I didn’t notice what was going on, either! I just wasn’t sure what to make of it. I thought it was because of the past month’s worth of sleeping issues.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised.” My head lowers down, coming to a rest on top of my other arm. “I thought it would pass but I’m missing like three days.” A slight pause. “Well, I guess it did stop. I haven’t had any problems since… Uh… When did Monika come over?”

“Sunday.”

“Sunday, right. So, yeah. I’m doing better.”

“And I’m really thankful for that. Just remember that I’m here for you. I may not know what I’m doing, just as you aren’t sure what you’re doing with me, but we have to put our faith in each other.” I can sense that Sayori is winding down. She places my hand gently down on her desk and starts idly toying with my fingers. “We both know you’re smarter than this.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I am, I guess. Logic would dictate that I’ve become more aware of what’s going on in life lately.” I sigh into my arm. “Logic doesn’t mean a thing in the wake of emotion, though.”

“…” Her silence means she knows what I’m going on about. You can have all the answers in the world, but when emotions are involved things can get messy. That’s how all of this came to be. If emotions didn’t screw up someone so bad, then Sayori would have never been at risk.

A harsh pang of guilt stabs me in the chest when I feel her shift my hand back into her grip and hold it tightly. I just indirectly brought that horrible night to mind. Will she despise me for making her feel foolish about trying to kill herself? “Shit. Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say something like that.”

“Don’t you worry about it. It’s clear you’ve got some fog in your head. Plus, you’re right. I didn’t see the bigger picture until after all was said and done. I should’ve brought my problems up way sooner. I was blinded by my conflicting emotions.” Her grip relaxes. She brings my hand up and nuzzles it against what I assume must be her cheek. “But I’m trying to get better at that now, and I want you to understand the same thing. It’ll help us both in the long run.”

“Yeah…” Really, I’m kind of skating by on this topic. The lack of effort I’m putting forth bothers me. I can only hope it’s just a temporary thing, as though Thursday through Sunday’s missing memories drained me and I’m playing catch-up. I do remember bits and pieces of that timeframe now. I guess it’ll come back to me more as time goes on. Does amnesia work that way? I guess I wouldn’t know. There’s a lot in this world that I just know nothing about, but my imagination will be there to fill in the blanks with something. I just hope it doesn’t conjure up things that didn’t actually happen.

When Sayori goes from nuzzling the top of my hand to the inside of it, I put in a little energy into caressing her cheek. My reward is a soft hum. At this point, I raise my head just enough to see her soothing smile. It may not be a miracle cure but it sure makes me feel a little better.

“Do you want to talk about the nightmare you had Thursday night now?”

So that confirms that I did have a nightmare. The fact that I couldn’t recall having one in the first place makes it no surprise that I lack any sense of what happened. “Actually… I can’t remember.”

“…” Sayori’s expression falters for a bit. The concern I felt is just what I need to sit back up properly. She notices my movement and resumes functioning. “It's probably better that way.”

“Huh?”

“Well…” Instead of Sayori’s grip simply tightening, her fingers intertwine with mine. “I had woken up from a nightmare of my own and curled up against you for comfort. Call it hypocritical of me but I didn’t want to bother you then. Maybe I would have brought it up to you later on, but it wasn’t anything either of us aren’t used to by now. It was typical stuff.” The fact that she can allude to something like that so casually is unnerving. I know it has been a decent amount of time since the incident, but still.

Sayori’s nostrils flare out as she exhales deeply. “Just as I was on the cusp of falling back asleep, I heard you whimpering. It escalated quicker than I could react, and before I knew it you were clinging to me like your life depended on it.” That choice of wording makes my insides hurt. “You were hysterical. Inconsolable. When I tried to ask, you wailed out about how you just wanted to forget about it. I didn’t pry further at the time; I almost didn’t want to know, and I didn’t want you to get worse.”

A bitter smile crosses my face. “Heh, well I guess I got what I wanted.”

Sayori narrows her eyes at me. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it. Still, though!”

A pause puts the conversation on hold. I’ve seen Sayori dead in so many nightmares over the last month. What could be worse? It’s almost nightmarish in and of itself that something more heartbreaking could exist. If my reaction was really that bad, then I’m with her. I’m relieved to not know, and I will be lucky to never recall such a thing. If only it hadn’t screwed me up so badly for three days.

“Um…” A sullen expression falls over Sayori. She looks like she doesn’t want to say something, but she nevertheless persists. “I don’t know if this is right or not but… I really am glad you don’t remember. That night, you looked more messed up than when you saved me. I can’t put into words what I felt seeing you like that, so…”

Well, at least that makes two of us. “It’ll be okay.” I connect our free hands. “We don’t need to linger on this. Instead, let me ask you about the past few days. I started regaining myself midway through Monika’s kiss” You know, something about that mystifies me. “I’m most curious about that, but just give me a quick summary from Friday on, I guess. Best to stay in chronological order so I don’t get confused.”

“Eh, I mean…” Sayori’s face scrunches some as she revs up her brain. “Nothing out of the ordinary for Friday. Saturday, we made plans for Yuri to come over on a whim.” Her expression relaxes. “We each cuddled up to one side of you and just talked about random stuff. Good things, like teasing you and how adorable you are! It was a nice time!” I’d blush, but I’m not feeling the energy. Instead, I give a small smile. “… Sorry you had to miss it.”

“Forget it,” I say dismissively.

_Wait._

“Uh, no pun intended.”

“Ehehe… Got’cha.” We collectively ease up a little. “Yuri was kind of getting affectionate with you, actually. I’d say I was jealous but I can have you whenever I want, my little sugar-booger!”

“Is that your idea of flirting?”

“Mmmmmaybe!” Oh Sayori, whatever will I do with you? “Actually, she pointed out how you steadily became less and less attentive. You looked like you were enjoying yourself, so I didn’t think anything of it. I thought you were just becoming a shy tortoise from not being used to Yuri.”

“That sounds like me.” My vision lowers. I spot our handholding taking place and I shake mine free, opting to hold hers inside of mine.

“Even though the last time Yuri spent time with us, you acted all unfazed by her face buried in your stomach? It can’t be both.”

“Her face wasn’t _buried_ , she was just… resting it there…” Sayori is right, though. “Maybe I was more high-strung on Saturday, then, or maybe I was more susceptible to the shy introvert side of me while I was out of it. Maybe I was simply more relaxed that previous time. Hell, I had just woken up during that. I had time to get used to it while we were talking.” My eyes rise back up to meet hers. “If she started loving on me randomly—”

I shudder a little—strictly a spine-tingling shiver of relative excitement—imagining what kinds of things may or may not be included in Yuri loving on me. Despite Natsuki’s behavior after my confession and despite the fact that Monika is the person I know the least, I feel like Yuri is the most unpredictable. After all, I wasn’t expecting her to be the first to want into this relationship. There’s also the thing from festival weekend where she licked my finger. I mean, I did that to Natsuki just the following day, but Yuri did it because I had pricked my finger on her knife like an idiot. Now, if she were to be doing that when blood wasn’t involved…

My cheeks heat up. Sayori notices. Of course she does. “Oooh, is my Sweetie smitten?”

“I-I mean the wording choice that I made, ummm, I made it sound weird and it go-got me wondering…”

“Does imagining Yuri giving you some smoochie-smoochies on your cheekie-cheekies make you all warm and fuzzy inside?”

“Sayoooriiiii!” I groan, cradling my head in my hands. How could she possibly tease me like this? How cruel! How indecent! How… something else similar! I don’t have the brain power to chronicle the other ways in which my girlfriend pokes fun at me. My body is putting priority into the climate control of my face.

Sayori’s giggling at my embarrassment is interrupted by the sliding of the classroom door. I take the time to recover. Instead of investigating, I fold one arm across the desk, rest my forehead on it, and close my eyes.

“Ah, greetings, you two.”

“Heya, Yuri!” Sayori exclaims. I give a wave and a grunt of acknowledgement.

“I’m not interrupting something, am I? I heard commotion just before opening the door.”

“Nope! In fact, we were just talking about you!”

“Uh…” To the surprise of not me, Yuri sounds worried. “N-nothing but goo-good things, I hope?”

“Of course! I was just teasing him.”

“Oh. Ah, aha, and hooow ar-are you doing tha-that, I wonder…?”

“Bringing up how cute you two were when you were nuzzling him~”

“ _Aah!_ ” Yeah, sounds like Yuri is flustered now, too. I detect movement.

“Come on over and join us! If you want, you can hold his haaa~nd!”

“ _Sayori, we’re in public!_ ”

“So? Hasn’t stopped us!”

Yuri goes silent, as does Sayori. I can hear the sound of shoes on the floor. Both approach. I feel a hand snag my wrist, with another hand inserting itself into mine.

“Hmm… That isn’t Yuri’s hand.”

“Aww, heck!”

I glance up. Sure enough, Yuri is standing off to the side. Her cheeks are pink, but she looks at least somewhat amused. Sayori is the one holding my hand. Now that the jig is up, she looks on with a coy expression and releases it.

“It seems you are always so full of vigor when it comes to teasing him, Sayori. Why _do_ you do it, anyhow?”

“It’s fun to see what I can get away with. Plus, it’s fun- _ny_ and entertaining being a sneaky little scamp!”

“Tell me about it.” I sit up and run my hands through my hair. “Never a dull moment, but I suppose that’s part of her charm.”

“I’ve gotten a bit of a taste so far. No doubt, I will experience more of it as time goes on.” Coming down from her small flustered episode, Yuri closes in on our desks. “If I didn’t know better, Sayori, I’d think you are trying to accelerate how quickly he and I bond. If you’re trying to be subtle, it isn’t working.”

“Whoops!” Sayori sure doesn’t say that as though it’s a bad thing. It isn’t defensive at all; she says it like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “Well if I don’t have to be subtle anymore~” Without warning and with surprising speed, Sayori snags one of each of our wrists. Before I know it, I’m holding Yuri’s hand.

“ ** _Aah!_** ” Both Yuri and I are shocked, but neither of us move. I don’t think I can move anything below that shoulder. Yuri, on the other hand, is twitching. I have to admit; her slender hand is soft to the touch. Sayori looks on from beside us.

“Yes! I am the ultimate wing-woman!” She is so proud of herself. It honestly is a mystery as to what goes through her head. I’ve never heard of someone so eager to set their significant other up with someone else. Well, I guess since we are all in a relationship, I suppose Yuri also counts as a significant other. That makes it less bizarre. Sayori really wants this to work out, doesn’t she? Maybe I should be suspicious. I can do that later. Ugh, so much stuff to do and it’s always later. I mean, I am indisposed at the moment, but still.

“ _Um… Ah… Uuu, I hope this isn’t weird for you!_ ” Yuri is surprisingly kept-together in her words, even though her voice is wavering.

“ _No, n-not at all!_ ” I seem to have inadvertently restarted puberty with how cracked my voice got.

“Okay, you two! I guess that’s enough.” With just as much mystification as her earlier actions contained, Sayori gently tugs our hands apart. “Don’t want you to explode, ehehe! But now that that’s happened, next time will be easier!” When Sayori said she was being the ultimate wing-woman, I didn’t think that’s what she was _actually_ going for. Funnily enough, Yuri hasn’t seemed as though she needed the help to come out of her shell. Sure, she questions things after the fact, but her actions come first.

With full possession of my hand resumed, I rest it in my other and try to remember how to function. During my thoughts, it occurs to me how much peppier Sayori got when Yuri joined the conversation. I hope that isn’t a sign that she’s masking something. Well, _actually_ , that’s kind of my fault huh? We did just have a serious conversation about my memory. Ah, and we didn’t finish it, I just realized. Was I always this bird-brained? It seems like my ability to focus on one thing is being challenged lately.

Sayori’s weirdness is making recovering from the hand-holding easy. When I take a look at Yuri, she seems to be even more shocked at what just happened than while it was actually happening. Her hand is in front of her face and she’s staring at it as though experiencing an alien sensation. I guess something new on an emotional level could do that to you. Well, assuming this is something new to Yuri. For her to have never held someone’s hand yet in life would be a crying shame. I mean, I guess I hadn’t in a romantic way until recently myself but Yuri is such a beauty that most should have lined up at the opportunity.

“Oh, and about Monika…” Suddenly, Sayori’s whispering into my ear earns my attention. “I really wish you remembered this, but it’ll be funny to see your reaction again: when you agreed to Monika entering the relationship, she was talking about the prospect of it being physical.” _What?!_ “I mean, obviously it’d be an emotional thing too, but she said how you were right and that she needed to find some way to relax and unstressify—that’s my word, not hers—and figured there was no harm in asking.”

The harm? _The harm will be to my fragile self-esteem!_ Of all the people to come to while emphasizing the physical proponents of a relationship, why would _Monika_ come to _me?!_ I may have been able to bullshit my way through a month of poems punctuated by a sentimental and emotional ending, but that doesn’t mean I’m _good_ at being tender! Or, at least, whatever Monika is looking for. Sayori and I may be content with my assuredly lackluster lovemaking skills but I am a mere mortal compared to Monika! I couldn’t get on her level if I was born that way!

“Who knows, maybe you two will even spend time in bed and— Hrrr!” My hands quickly found Sayori’s face and covered her mouth. In the past, it has been said that my dull, golden eyes made for a hell of a soul-piercing stare. Sayori didn’t seem to be affected. She never had been. In fact, she stepped away and started giggling. I sigh and try to chill out, looking to see if Yuri was paying attention. Instead, the hand that had held mine was caressing her cheek. I’m… not sure what to make of that. I guess she enjoyed holding my hand? When Yuri notices my gaze, she seems to freak out a little and whirls around to face the opposite direction.

“ _And I agreed to that?!_ ” I hiss in Sayori’s direction.

“Well, not the sex part”—I groan in embarrassment, not ready to tackle the idea of that at all—“I made that up. But yeah, Monika was like, ‘I’m looking for an outlet for physical tension and I trust you.’ ”

“What was I thinking?! I can’t please Monika!”

“How do you know? You haven’t tried! Well, there was the kiss…” Sayori does the finger thing. “Oh, Monika said you need to step your kissing game up.”

“ _PFFT!_ ” Okay, well no surprise there. I take great amusement in my own self-deprecation when it comes to anything physical with someone other than Sayori. She and I have chemistry because we’ve known each other for so long. The other girls? Not so much. “We’re not going to count that. Even without any memory issues, I would have been too dumbfounded to respond correctly.”

“Aren’t you such a lucky guy though~? You got two of the most beautiful girls in the school after your affection.”

“Hah. Yeah. It’s like a dream come true…” When Sayori puts it like that, I feel a pressure on me. This was just more evidence that I didn’t know what to expect when I confessed to the club. I absolutely didn’t think things through. How shortsighted of me. Again, emotion before reason. “Wait, come on now. You’re beautiful too!”

“Uh, w-well…” Sayori, don’t you dare say you aren’t. “If that’s what you think, then I’ll accept that. Besides, I can’t be after your affection when I already have it! I still think they’re better-looking than I am.”

“Is this about your b—” No. Don’t say it. There’s been so many times they’ve been brought up. I can think it instead: is this about her boobs not being as big? She did seem excited the last time it was addressed that they grew. Come on Sayori, you should know that there’s more to someone than the size of their chest. Take Natsuki, for example; you’re always so eager to interact with her even though she— _WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?!_

“Sayori,” Yuri interjects, freeing me from my thought process. “You’ve been so eager to point out how others can bond with him. You aren’t trying to get rid of him, are you?”

Time seems to come to a standstill. Sayori’s expression freezes. What a question to ask. I mean, surely Yuri isn’t serious, but still. After a moment, it seems Yuri realized what she said.

“Ah, I di-didn’t mean—” This poor girl deals with so much from her own self-criticism. I suppose if she really wanted to prevent saying things she regretted, she would have to put a little more thought into what she’s about to say _before_ it leaves her lips. She has said in the past that she can wind up too absorbed in her own thoughts to pay attention to others. This is just an extension of that, right? “What a horrible thi-thing to joke about! I’m so s-sss-sssorry!”

A look of absolute sternness crosses Sayori’s face for just a moment. She shakes her head and suddenly it has disappeared. “Nope!” Her chipper tone makes it feel like I imagined that change of expression, but I know I saw it. “Look at it this way: when he’s with me, I feel better than I usually can on my own. Since he’s interested in all of us, I want you all to get to that level where he makes you feel better just because you’re close to him.”

I feel Sayori’s arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. She leans into me and rests her chin on top of my head. “I just want good things for all of you.” Okay, that’s a noble cause, I suppose.

“How can you possibly be so nonchalant when I say things like that?”

“Because I know you don’t mean it.” Sayori nuzzles the top of my head. “My therapist has said before that one’s first thoughts aren’t always a reflection of their true self. I’ll think bad things about myself, but it’s because of weirdness happening in my brain. I don’t _want_ to think those things. It’s what you do after, how you react to what you just said or think, that is a better reflection of you as a person.” I am eternally grateful to Sayori’s therapist. She’s taking a bunch of this advice to heart, it seems, and has become a bit of a philosopher to boot. Maybe Monika or Yuri are helping influence her.

“You said something without thinking. Then, you were not pleased with yourself and you made that clear. That says to me that you are not trying to say bad things. I’m learning to give myself some leeway when it comes to my own thoughts, so I won’t hold it against you.”

Yuri still looks unsure. “I don’t know how you can possibly look at it that way.”

“Magic!”

“That is _not_ how that works… Ah… I just raised my…”

“ ** _It’s okay!_** ” And now both of us raised our voice to Yuri. She gets spooked, but oddly enough it seems to quell her. I guess snapping her to attention helped get her out of her own head.

“Ah. Aha, r-right…” You know, for all that I wish I knew more about my own head, I kind of wish that I could see into everyone else’s. That would help solve a lot of problems and give me so many answers. Of course, it could never be that easy.

A thought occurs to me. “Hey, Yuri. You’re smart, right?”

“Ah…” Yuri’s expression turns timid.

“Of course she is!”

“Sayori, don’t be so frank…”

“Aw come on, give yourself some credit!”

“She’s right, you know,” I tack on. “Anyhow, before you entered, we were talking about some issues I’ve been having recently. According to Sayori, I had what was apparently the worst nightmare ever a few nights ago. Most of my memory of a few days is missing, including the contents of that nightmare. Can they really do something like that?”

“Hmm…” Yuri moves a desk closer to ours and takes a seat. Sayori hops back into the desk she was occupying before. “Obviously I am not an expert, but my experiences with—” A moment of hesitation leads to a grim expression from her. “—um, learning about what negative experiences can do to you, I mean…” I almost want to ask about what she just said but like with other things she’s let slip in the past, I shouldn’t pry. As long as she is okay _now_ and assuming she comes to us when she is ready, then all will be okay.

Yuri composes herself a bit and resumes. “If you had, say, a night terror about something emotionally devastating, it could lead to a panic episode. It can be worse when you’re just waking up because of how disorienting it is. Dreams have a habit of feeling all too real in the moment, especially those of the surreal variety.”

Yuri’s expression turns a bit glum. Her eyes lower themselves to examine the surface of her desk. “Short-term memory issues can either come after the fact, an example being that you forgot whatever caused your episode, or you can simply have not retained the events of a few days due to heavy dissociation.”

“Dissociation?”

“To put it simply, not all of your mental faculties would be operating on the same wavelength due to some kind of issue with your mind. You may feel distracted, zone out, fail to react or respond to much.” Yuri begins to list things off on her fingers one-by-one. “Feeling disconnected from yourself, problems handling intense emotions, memory problems as has been covered, trouble with cognitive awareness which is linked with concentration and memory. Just don’t take this as a diagnosis. It’s only what I can give you off the top of my head since you asked.”

Suddenly, Yuri’s expression shifts. “That explains some of your behavior the other day, doesn’t it? Oh dear, I’m so sorry!”

Eh? “Sorry for what?”

“For not noticing how bad things were! I was so absorbed in my own actions that I neglected to ascertain your mental state!”

“Yuri, it’s okay. Not even I was aware of what my brain was doing.”

“But still, I—”

“ _Yuri._ ” I’ll admit, I was getting a bit frustrated with her. It wasn’t out of annoyance, no; my agitation was because of how much she was second-guessing herself and placing the blame in her hands. I will admit that it was cute how she would respond like this when we first met, but now it makes me worried that she will trip over herself and cause herself way more problems than is necessary. Humility can be an endearing quality, but this is not that. It’s like she’s on a self-sabotage mission. “If you regret, then do something about it going forward. Don’t be caught up in what has already passed. These are extraneous circumstances. Shit happens. We pick ourselves up and move forward.”

“… Yes, I suppose… you are correct. Extraneous circumstances.” I can tell that it’s difficult for her to keep composed when she feels she’s overstepped boundaries. Perhaps it is only a matter of time before she opens up more to me. To us. “Please accept my apologies.”

“Of course.”

“Done and done!”

“Thank you both. I can tell that I am in a lucky position.” Yuri’s focus is on me now. She reaches out and takes my hand in hers. The smile she flashes me is enrapturing. Sayori’s eyes are like looking into the most gorgeous sky. Yuri’s, conversely, are like staring into the far reaches of space. Her soul is like a vast galaxy filled with complexities and intricacies waiting to be discovered. Heh, how appropriate given the contents of her last poem. Our shared gaze is broken when Sayori gives Yuri’s other hand a squeeze. Yuri smiles back at Sayori, but it is a different smile. Not lesser. Just different.

When we hear the classroom door slide open, Yuri frantically pulls her hands back to herself. We look to see Natsuki entering.

“Hey,” she greets us. We respond with a litany of our own brief hellos. “I bumped into Monika in the bathroom. She said she isn’t coming to the club today. Something about screwing up taking a medicine.”

“Oh, I hope she’s gonna be okay,” Sayori audibly worries, whipping out her phone.

“She looked okay, but sometimes you can’t tell. I’d say it could be that time of the month, but since when has that ever kept her from doing anything?”

“Even if that were the case, it would still be rather indecent to mention,” Yuri speaks softly, though just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Aw, come on. We’re all girls here!” Natsuki eyes me. “M-Mostly.” I throw up a peace sign of acknowledgement.

“She came to school, but is skipping club?” My question is rhetorical and I provide a potential answer immediately. “I guess she really is trying to take it easy. The club is important to her, but I guess we’re getting through to her.” As far as I know, only Sayori and I have talked to her. “Not like Sayori can’t stand in, being Vice President and all.”

“So hey, I’ve got an idea!” Sayori doesn’t even look up from her phone. The way her fingers are going, it seems she’s texting someone. “Since Monika isn’t feeling well, how about we all go home?”

“And skip out on the time here? No way!”

“Oh, uh… Not _home_ home, Nattie. Ehehe… Not your home. Or Yuri’s home. It’s kinda like… _my_ home.” Sayori glances up to me expectantly.

“Um… Well…” Okay, so that wasn’t a bad idea. Having two girls over at the same time? Three, technically, but Sayori is always there now, so that’s nothing new. “Sure, if that’s what everyone wants to do…” Admittedly, I’m a little sheepish. This _is_ on very short notice, I would have thought that Yuri would share my apprehension, but Natsuki looks to be the one frustrated.

“Yesss!” So Sayori is excited.

“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” Yuri adds, “what with having been there recently. It does offer us a modicum of privacy and a more relaxed environment…”

“…” Natsuki raises an eyebrow at Yuri, which the tallest girl doesn’t catch. “Go over to some boy’s house? How gross, but…” She slings her bag over her shoulder. “I’m not about to stay here by myself. You better not live like a slob!”

“I can assure you, Natsuki, that the place is well-kept.”

“If you’re saying that, then you clearly haven’t seen his room yet!”

“H-Hey!”

“Heeheehee! Gotta get in at least one jab before we leave!” Natsuki spins around on one foot and heads towards the door. “Well, what are we waiting for?” For someone who appeared so hesitant a moment before, Natsuki is showing unparalleled excitement now.

“Aww heck!” Sayori stands up, her exclamation drawing our attention. “I asked Monika about the idea since she wouldn’t have to be stressed out by leading the club, but she declined to join. She just wants to go home and sleep. I wished her better from all of us.”

Damn. I was really hoping to spend more time with Monika after my fiasco this weekend. I feel like the universe is keeping us separated. Even when I first joined, she wound up being too busy, or I too nervous, for us to get anywhere. Hell, I’ve spent more time with her since the last poem day than in the entire previous month of being in the club! Yuri might be unpredictable as our resident Maiden of Mystery, but Monika is a curious case. She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

“Well, what are we waiting for _now?_ ” Natsuki taps her foot impatiently. No one else has an answer, so we quickly return the desks to their positions and head out.

* * *

_I find myself seated between Yuri and Sayori. I swear those two are teaming up on me now, and with how these couches are more for two people rather than three, the girls are in very close proximity to me._

“Isn’t this nice, Yuri? Just you, me, and a cutie-patootie!”

_Come now, if anyone here is the cutie-patootie, it’s you!_

“I must admit, this is quite quaint. The… cutie… His shoulder is very comfortable.”

_She’s resting her head there oh my goodness._

“Yeah it is!”

_And now Sayori as well. I feel heat flooding my cheeks. I am afraid to move because I might disturb them and make them stop. As embarrassed as I am, this is nice. What attracted Yuri to a loser like me? Man, why am I having second thoughts about all this? I’m so… average at best._

“I fear that we may be putting too much pressure on our poor Darling. He looks petrified.”

“Sweetie, you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah! Just… Put yourself in my shoes. Your inner shyness would come out, too.”

“You’re not even wearing shoes!”

“You know what I mean, you dork!”

“Ehehe…”

“As long as you’re okay. And, um… Uuuuu, as long as you don’t mind this.”

“No worries, Yuri!”

“I’m not overstepping any boundaries, am I?”

“Not at all!”

“…And now?”

_She’s nuzzling her head against my shoulder._

“ _Nope!_ ”

“That is pleasing to hear.”

“Ehehe, how long until you two kiss, I wonder.”

“ ** _S-Sayori!_** ”

“Pffahaha! Sorry! I’m just teasing. You two look sooo adorable! It’s really nice watching my friends get along and be comfy with each other!”

“Aha, aha, right, you goober…”

_AAH! I-Is that… I swear Yuri’s lips just grazed the base of my neck! Sayori, stop giving her ideas!!!_

“Ehehe, your face is getting sooo red right now!”

_And it’s only gonna get redder when you point it out!_

“Yuri, look at him! Doesn’t he look like a tomato?”

“Mmm, yes, he does…”

“Huh? You’re not looking.”

“A-Ah! I mean, I-I can feel the heat of his cheeks from here… Um, uuuhhh… _Are you sure you’re okay with this?_ ”

_Oh my lord, she really just whispered in my ear like that! I’m going to have an aneurysm!_

“ _I’m… I-I’m enj-enjo-enjoying… th-this. Ple-Please continue!_ ”

_Why am I so uptight? Is it because it’s Yuri? I never thought her to be the physically affectionate type, or at least not like this! Will I be this way when Monika comes over tomorrow?_

“…Aha… Ahaha… Uhuhu~ If you insist!”

_And now she seems so confident. Is it because I outright told her to resume? **AAH!** That was definitely her lips touching my neck!_

“You’re never like this with me. What gives? I wanna see you all blushy like this more often!”

“ _I always get like this when you tease me unexpectedly!_ ”

“Yeah, but like, not when we’re cuddling and stuff!”

“You just don’t pay attention enough. You’re still a bit of a ditz, you know.”

“Meanie~”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Whaaa? You just agreed to being a meanie?!”

“I mean, um! N-No! I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“Ehehe, you got a big ol’ distraction, huh? Are you afraid of beautiful girls? You look scared stiff!”

“Uhuhu, I bet he’s scared stiff… _AH! I-I-I— I didn’t mean— I-I’m…_ ”

“ _PFFT!_ ”

“Aha, aha… I-It’s okay, Yuri. We’re all adults he-here. We can handle a double entendre…”

“I never thought you could be like this, Yuri! Getting to learn more about you is fun!”

“Ah, w-well there’s a lot you don’t know about me, I guess… Aha, aha…”

“Is this really so enjoyable for you, Yuri. I’m not exactly… well… the pinnacle of attractiveness.”

“You aren’t exactly a dominant force either, but I’ve found you to be an irresistible one.”

“I know the feeling, ehehe!”

“In more ways than you could hope to experience, Sayori.”

“Ehehe, is that so?”

“Oh, I think you know. That’s just one of the differences between you and me. As I’ve assured you, though, that isn’t a bad thing.”

“Uh, you wanna fill me in on what you’re talking about?”

“Nope!”

“It’s nothing at all, Darling.”

_I don’t have the mental capacity to pursue this further. I feel… I can’t place it. Not my best._

“I’m, uh, really glad you’ve gotten so comfortable with me so quickly.”

“Are you enjoying our time together?”

“O-Of course!”

“I am elated to hear that. Perhaps it is embarrassing to admit, but I have been experiencing touch-starvation for far too long. Despite my impressive vocabulary, I can’t hope to express how euphoric this is. To be able to indulge in this is comforting. No matter how I connect with characters in my books, nothing can replace the touch of a human. The idea that someone is enjoying your physical presence, the warmth of one’s body, the intimate sensation of touch with someone you care for…”

“Wow, Yuri. That was really well-said! Don’t you think, Sweetie?”

“…”

“Sweetie?”

“Eh! Uh, oh yeah. Sorry. Perhaps I’m enjoying this a bit too much. Plenty of guys would be incredibly envious right now. Um, as far as what Yuri said… It… I could never hope to describe something like you just did. It isn’t embarrassing at all! Sayori and I _both_ realized recently that our need for physical interaction was higher than we could have thought. We, uh, engage in plenty of casual intimacy throughout the days.”

“I’m always a slut for cuddles!”

“NNNGH— Hahaha, holy crap.”

“Some of the things… that come out of your mouth… make it seem as though Natsuki… is influencing your speech.”

_Is Yuri losing focus? Or is she **more** focused? Her face has not left the crook of my neck, and—_

“Haa~ _aah!_ ”

_That was definitely the tip of her tongue!_

“Hm? What’s up?”

“No-n-nnn-no _thing!_ ”

“ _Uhuhu~_ ”

“Mhmhm~ As long as you’re enjoying yourselves!”

_Of all the things I’d have to focus on when it came to bonding with the girls, I didn’t account for how hard it would be to tame Yuri. When I called her intense during festival weekend, I guess I had no idea she would live up to that._

* * *

“Hellooo~o? Earth to dumbass?” A small flick to the forehead brings me back to the present. I grunt and defend my face. “Oh please! Your skull is thick enough to withstand even the mightiest of blows!”

“Thanks, Natsuki. Love you, too.” The sarcasm dripping from my voice could flood a cavern.

“Hmph! Yeah, I bet you do!” Natsuki returns to her seat. Right, we’re in my living room. Sayori is next to me on one couch. Yuri and Natsuki are on the opposite couch.

“Are you okay?” Sayori’s concern is obviously about—

“Geez, it was just a flick! I’m not a monster, yanno!”

“N-No, it isn’t about that,” Sayori responds. “Hey, talk to me. You aren’t zoning out, are you?” I lean back in my seat, my hands falling into my lap.

“Well, I was, but I wasn’t forgetting things. I kinda daydreamed about the… _significant_ portions of Saturday with Yuri.”

“Sat-yur-day?” Sayori’s moment of silliness got Natsuki snickering. “So your memory isn’t being a doodoo-head?”

“Well, it was only Saturday, but that gives me hope towards this being a temporary thing. It’d be nice to remember what happened with Monika.”

“Geez, sounds like you had a busy weekend with girls flinging themselves into your house. Before you know it, you’ll be cleaning your bedsheets more often… _PFFT!_ ” Oh, here we go. Natsuki’s got a sick burn for me. “I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face! Like you could please a woman like that.”

“Natsuki…” Yuri doesn’t look too pleased at Natsuki’s comment. Odd, I would have figured she’d be embarrassed by such insinuation. I guess I’m doing the blushing for both of us.

“Eh? Oh! I get it.” And Sayori says it so nonchalantly. Her sense of shame is— " _Hey!_ I’m responsible with my periods, and I’m sure the others are, too!”

Well, that stopped the conversation in its tracks. Now everyone that isn’t Sayori is flustered. Yuri is looking away and toying with her hair. Natsuki looks dumbfounded.

“Uh. Yeah. I was referring to blood. Thanks, Sayori.”

“You’re welcome!” A ditz she may be sometimes, but Sayori absolutely knows what she’s doing. There’s no more reasonable doubt in my mind that’s she’s as meticulous as they come. Without warning, I feel Sayori lean against me and nearly topple over as a result. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Sweetie! I never want you to miss out on affection with the others.”

“Wuh! Heh, thanks. So am I.” I reach up and ruffle her hair. Realizing that this may be a bit off-putting, I stop and glance up. Natsuki is who I’m worried about since she isn’t in on this. When she notices I’m looking at her, she looks away in a hurry. Yuri doesn’t seem bothered. In fact, she looks like she’s the one off in her own little world now. Is she still blushing? She is fidgeting with her fingers.

“Sorry about all that. Yeah, long story, but I kind of slogged through the weekend. I’m fine now.”

“You better be! I’ll kick your ass if you aren’t!”

“You’d kick my ass for any reason.”

“Yeah, and you said you’d let me. What kind of idiot are you to say something like that?” Natsuki leans forward. “You better not have said that because you underestimate me, ‘cuz then I won’t even feel bad about knocking your block off!”

“No, no, I don’t underestimate you at all. I’d be a fool to do that.”

“Good! And it better not be some kinda masochistic thing either!” Natsuki’s words seem to have caused Yuri to hide her face to the best of her abilities. I’m unfazed. Maybe it’s because it’s Natsuki and I exchanging jabs that I’m not bothered.

“Why? I mean, it’s not. That wouldn’t matter unless you were planning to beat me up anyhow.” Now it’s my turn to lean forward. I put my soul-piercing gaze to good use. “Were you planning to do that?”

“Get real! You just want another girl to touch you! Such a desperate pervert! Guh-rooo~oss!” I can hear Sayori giggling next to me. Yuri, again, doesn’t look amused. I guess she snapped out of whatever daydreaming she was doing.

“Trust me, I can give him all the attention he would ever need. Your childish attitude towards showing affection would simply turn him away.”

Natsuki seems taken back for a moment. I can feel the tension settling in. Natsuki is bothered and shows it, but nonetheless fires back. “Wow, big talk coming from the shyest girl in the district!”

“Whoa. Whoa now.” I have to step in. Unlike with conflicts about poems or anything of the sort, this directly involves me and I feel less awkward about coming forward. “Please don’t fight. Yuri, you gotta understand that Natsuki and I just have that kind of friendship. Nothing’s changing for the worse, and neither of us take any offense to the other’s words.”

“Yeah,” Sayori chimes in. “That’s why I was giggling. I can just _feel_ when there’s something uncomfortable in the air between people, and there hasn’t been with them.”

“… Ah…” The regret on Yuri’s face tells the whole story. “I’m sorry for speaking out of line. I just… felt bad for staying silent the last time there was a conflict.”

“Well, there isn’t one. I may be _childish_ but—”

“Nattie…” Though soft, Sayori’s words cut through whatever remark Natsuki was about to fire back with. Natsuki goes quiet and looks away.

“No, it’s okay, Sayori.” Yuri’s the one speaking up now. “I insulted her. She has a right to be angry at me. Natsuki…” Yuri turns towards the shorter girl, who is still facing away. “I’m sorry for saying such harsh things. It was incredibly rude and, dare I say, childish of _me_.”

“…” The room goes silent. It’s hard to tell what Natsuki is thinking. Her body is still and her demeanor is stiff. I can hear a loud, drawn-out breath leave her body. “… Whatever. Don’t worry about it. I know I can show affection when I want to. Besides, we’re just friends, so I don’t have to worry about that anyway.”

“Hey, platonic friends can still show affection for each other, you know!” Sayori’s right, but I’m unable to get a supportive word in before Natsuki responds.

“I meant physical affection, Dumdum…” Natsuki resumes sitting normally. She only partly glances in Yuri’s general direction. “It’s all good.” She raises a fist and gently bumps it against Yuri’s shoulder. Utter relief fills Yuri’s face, who returns Natsuki’s gesture with a pat on the shoulder.

“I will treasure your forgiveness.”

We all take a moment to lean back and collect ourselves. Conflict, no matter how small, takes a lot out of us. I’m just glad it’s over.

_Bzzt!_ A phone vibrates. Yuri picks hers up.

“AH!” Yuri suddenly stands up. “I’m so sorry! Mother is here! We were going shopping and to the book store downtown after school and I told her earlier I’d be here at a friend’s house and my phone accidentally got put on vibrate and I missed an earlier text because of our talking and I have to go!”

The amount of energy Yuri put into her rushed explanation almost gives me whiplash. She fumbles with her shoes, grabs her bag, and swings open the front door. “Please do take care!” We hastily say our own farewells—Natsuki quieter than Sayori’s or mine—as Yuri bows and takes her leave.

“Oh, crud!” Now Sayori is the one standing up with her phone in hand. “I gotta get to the bus stop!” Ah, right, it’s Tuesday. Therapy time. I guess everyone lost track of the clock. That’s what happens when the day is less than ordinary.

“You haven’t even changed.”

“No time! If I miss the bus, I’m fricked!” I hear a faint snicker come from Natsuki. Sayori follows Yuri’s example, kicking her shoes on and snagging her bag. “Bye, Sweetie!” She rushes over to give me a hug, the bag whacking me in the shoulders. “Sorry!” I shrug it off. “Bye, Cutie!” Sayori adjusts her bag so it won’t hit Natsuki and falls into a hug. Natsuki looks utterly surprised but remains silent until Sayori is practically out the door. We both call out a goodbye as she closes the door.

…

Well, now it’s just Natsuki and me. Considering she’s the only one I’m not in a relationship with, I feel like merely existing in the same place with just her is enough to cause tension and awkwardness.

“So—”

“I’m… gonna go.”

“What? No, you don’t have to.”

“I feel like I should, so I’m going to.”

That’s… rather disappointing, but not unexpected. I let out a sigh.

“Alright. Um, I’m sorry. I would have liked to spend time with you alone since the opportunity arose.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Something’s definitely up. She’s acting weird again now that we’re alone. I want to stop her but instead I put my hands on my head. What do I do? I don’t want to screw things up. I don’t want her to wind up being the only girl ostracized. At the same time, I don’t want to anger her.

“But I caused this rift in our friendship.”

“For Chri— What were you meant to do, keep your feelings hidden and just suffer in silence?” Natsuki powerwalks over and leans over me. “You did what you had to do. You did what was best for you. So what if things didn’t turn out how you wanted? You _tried_ , and that’s what matters! You’re a lucky boy with some lucky girls.”

“If I didn’t—”

“ ** _Shut up!_** ‘ _If I didn’t! If I didn’t!_ ’ Yeah, and if Sayori didn’t confess to you—”

_If Sayori didn’t confess to me, she may have died before I could do anything about it._

“…”

“Natsuki…”

Without another word, Natsuki starts to make a distraught exit with her things. As she opens the door, I call out to her:

“You can always talk to me. I’ll listen.”

She hesitates, but ultimately closes the door behind her.

I deposit another sigh into the filling frustration jar that resides in the living room. Must be some kind of record. I can feel a headache coming on so I snag some OTC painkillers from the bathroom and head to the kitchen. Water bottle fresh from the fridge, I return to my spot on the couch and down the half-dose.

Cool. Man, I wish Natsuki was easier to get through to. I’ve now had some practice with Sayori, both with seeing through the mask and dealing with the pain underneath, but Natsuki fortifies her walls when she senses emotions bubbling to the surface. Maybe Sayori can do something about this. Natsuki seems to soften up when it comes to her, after all. A more delicate touch may be required, and they’ve known each other longer than I’ve known Natsuki.

I close my eyes and try to ignore the complexity of emotions.

* * *

“I’m worried about Natsuki.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Well… I just want her in our little fun group.”

“Heh. Little fun group. Sayori, it’s more than simply that.”

“But it is fun! Wouldn’t you call earlier with Yuri fun?”

“I… I can’t deny that.”

“That’s a side you’ve never seen of her, right?”

_Well, except for that one time…_

“Yeah, it is. It’s refreshing. It reminds me that no matter how much you know someone, there’s always more to them that you can fathom.”

“That sounds deep! Even though, you know, you’ve known her for like a month.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just such a jarring change from how she usually is. Is that healthy?”

“Sweetie, I go to therapy now. I’m less qualified to answer that. Try asking someone like Monika. Tomorrow.”

“I’m not going to do that. To begin with, the first visit Monika is making here isn’t going to be about one of the other girls. Second, maybe I shouldn’t, you know, blab about what’s been going on between Yuri and I before we know if Monika even wants in on this. Lastly, Yuri might not appreciate that.”

“Ehehe, I guess you’re right.”

“Besides, as long as Yuri is enjoying herself and is doing well, I’m happy.”

“Good boy!”

“Gee, thanks, ya butt.”

_Poke._

“Eep!”

“Heh, hehehe… Anyway, we got sidetracked. So, about Natsuki…”

“I want her in our fun gro— in our _relationship_.”

“I want her in, too… any particular reason? Or is it just because Monika might be joining and Natsuki would be the only one left out?”

“Both.”

“Wanna tell me what your particular reason is?”

“Nope!”

“Sayori…”

“Not gonna tell! Yet! You can’t make me.”

“Oh, can’t I?”

“Nope! And uh… ehehe, I’m serious about that. I don’t wanna jinx anything.”

_Again, I’m lacking the intestinal fortitude right now to dig deeper._

“… Hm… Alright, fair enough. I’ll hope that things work out for you. Just tell me one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Is anything bad happening?”

“Nah. The only bad thing is Natsuki not joining. If she does, then things will be amazing!”

“So be it.”

* * *

**_Knock knock knock!_ **

I’m startled by someone at the door. Guess I fell asleep. At least I’m catching glimpses into my memory. How does work anyhow? Maybe zoning out earlier restarted the process of… accessing those… memories— This sounds like a load of shit. I wouldn’t know how this all works, though. For all I know, now that I’m back to a more decent level of mental stability, the fog inside my head is clearing up. I guess that means I at least retained some knowledge of what was happening rather than having full-on amnesia. I shrug and go to open the door.

“You have a key, you—” I expect to see Sayori back from her appointment since I didn’t check my phone before standing up. Instead, it’s Natsuki.

“…” She is wearing a particular look on her face. I can’t fathom what it may be. I step aside and motion for her to enter. She does so in silence and haphazardly lets her bag drop to the floor.

“Um… Are you ready to talk?”

“Not really.”

“Come on, let’s sit down at least.” I snag my water off the TV tray and take a swig. Room temperature. I’m not sure how long I was out for. When I look towards Natsuki, she hasn’t moved. In fact, she seems to be staring off into space. Hey, space is Yuri’s thing!

“Look,” I start as I approach her, “I already know there’s no way you’re okay, so since you’re here let’s— _Ow!_ ”

Without warning, Natsuki turns and punches me in the shoulder. It isn’t particularly hard, but it isn’t light either. I take a step back and put a hand up to cover it. A quick glance down and a roll of my shoulder tells me that I’m fine. When I look up, I see that Natsuki is looking away again.

“Natsuki, what’s going on?”

Silence is my only answer.

“You know, this whole mysterious silence thing doesn’t serve a purpose besides— _OW!”_ Another punch, this one to the other shoulder. At least she’s being considerate not to hit the same spot twice.

“I’m not being silent for no reason, idiot! I’m thinking about what I want to do.”

“… Heh… Heh heh…”

“What do you think you’re laughing at?”

“You _are_ here to beat me up.”

“…”

I didn’t think it would actually come to this. She wouldn’t punch me for no apparent reason, and she isn’t denying my accusation. This… has turned into a difficult situation. What the hell do I do? I really screwed myself. I mean, I suppose it’s unreasonable for her to expect me to _actually_ go through with something like this, but I did say _twice_ that she was welcome to beat me up if it would help her. Why the hesitation?

…

Did she come back to test my word since it got brought up earlier? Ugh, I know she has the capacity to hit like a truck. As much as I never cared about being in any sort of shape, it would help to not be as frail as I am. With the right motivations like anger or adrenaline, someone can hit pretty hard even without much behind it, but that doesn’t help when you’re on the receiving end.

…

It seems my silence has kept her at bay. A statue couldn’t be more still and tense than her right now, though I’m kind of worried that she will do something if I blink. What do I do? Will I look like a coward if I submit to her? Will I also look like a coward if I say I’m not going to accept this? I’ll definitely look like an asshole if I try to retaliate, and I do _not_ want to exert force unless necessary. This is not one of those times. Nothing in the safety of my own home would require that.

…

I slowly lower myself down onto my knees. “Well, come on. Let’s get it over with.”

“ _Wha-What?!_ ”

Natsuki takes a step back. I must have grown a few heads because her expression is contorted into… something. Is she experiencing horror? Disgust? I swear, sometimes reading her is harder than understanding fictional languages.

“I’m not gonna do that!”

“Well, then what did you come back for if not to talk?”

“I…” Her fists are clenched tight. They’re discolored due to the pressure being exerted right now. I think life just got bumped up in difficulty for her. “You’re right. I did come back. I had to know if you were serious or not.”

“Well, I am. Come on.”

“…” Since I’m on my knees, she utilizes her legs. A kick across the chest makes me recoil. I grunt in pain but keep myself from falling onto my back. “Dumbass.” Another kick targets an arm, earning a hiss from me. While I’m dealing with the pain, I hadn’t realized she moved to my side until a considerably harder kick lands across my back, sending me flopping forward onto the floor. I may be feeling that in the morning.

“Eurgh…” Yeah, so this was a bad idea. Oh well, I guess I got myself into this mess. As I rise back up to a kneeling position, Natsuki wanders back in front of me.

“Alright. You’ve proven your point. That’s enough.”

Thank goodness. I mean, at this point I guess I would absolutely suck it up if need be, but I can be grateful that she’s showing mercy.

“…” I don’t move. Neither does she. She’s looking away again.

_No…_

Something’s still bothering her. She got her answer. Okay, this part is obvious.

“It’s okay, Natsuki. I don’t think anything less of you for seeking an answer like this. If I hadn’t meant it, I wouldn’t have said it. Why do you think I’m down here?”

She looks in my general direction but says nothing. Again. Why, _why_ must you be such a difficult nut to crack?

“Were you seeking trust?”

“…” She shrugs.

“To blow off steam?”

She shakes her head. She’s tensed up once again.

“Then what?”

Natsuki starts to head towards the exit. “Maybe I’ll tell you some other time.”

…

Ignoring some of the pain, I jump to my feet and put myself between her and the door.

“I’m not ready to do this right now.” Her tone is hushed, and her insistence on not tackling her issues when they’ve already been on her mind irks me. “I’m sorry. Please move.”

“No. We’re doing this now.”

_What am I saying? I must have a death wish._

_…_

**_Ugh!_ ** _That wording was horrible._

_And yet… It motivates me. Being reminded of Sayori’s troubles fills my mind with all sorts of negative thoughts. I was this close to losing Sayori because she feared telling me not just about her depression but about her love for me._

_I can’t risk something like that happen again. I’m not backing down. Even if I can’t get her to talk, I can convince her that I care._

Natsuki stares at me warily. Clearly, she isn’t sure how to process what I just said, but nonetheless she opens her mouth:

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I want to do this now. You’re already here and there’s no one else around.”

“…” Natsuki tries to move around me. I simply step in front of her. Again, she tries to juke but I’m too fast. My legs are longer and she isn’t as fast as she needs to be to compensate.

“You aren’t leaving. We’re getting through this. Please, trust me.” I fold my arms across my chest. “Sayori’s worried about you. I’m worried about you, too.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Bull.” She’s looking away again. “ _Hey!_ ” That got her attention. My irritation may have showed a little too much there. “This is important. Look at me. I…”

I take a deep breath. Well, she brought it up earlier, so it’s my turn.

“If I didn’t worry about Sayori, she wouldn’t be here right now. I won’t stop worrying about you, and neither will the rest of the girls.”

“I ain’t gonna hurt myself, or anything like that.”

“That’s great, but…”

_At this point, I’m winging things. Well, no time like the present._

I get back down onto my knees. “I want you to take your frustrations out on me.”

“That’s stupid! Not to mention screwed up!”

“This is what I _want_. Clearly you don’t have other avenues to explore when it comes to relieving the mountains of stress you are dealing with.”

“ _Shut up!_ ” Natsuki tries to force herself past me, but I rise up and stop her again. She bumps my outstretched arm. I bring her back in front of me, hands on her shoulders.

“You wouldn’t be getting so wound up about this if there wasn’t something.” I keep a firm, but not harsh, grip on her. We’re close enough that she can’t really deter her eyes from mine. “You might be able to hide behind a mask most of the time, but that façade was let down the moment we were alone. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I knew you’d notice! I just couldn’t help it at the time! Some of the things we talked about beforehand…”

“Exactly! You were bothered. If it was just a small thing, you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

“I _told_ you _not to worry!_ ”

“I can’t help it! I care about you!”

“ _Maybe you shouldn’t!_ ” Natsuki grabs my wrists. Instead of trying to remove my hands from her shoulders, I can feel her nails dig into my skin. She’s livid, and her anger is only helping to fuel my current state. “You shouldn’t care about someone who tests whether their friend would let themselves get beat up! I’m **not** a pleasant person! Put your energy into someone who is worth it.”

I growl and tighten my grip on her shoulders. She doesn’t appear to be affected. “That’s why I’m doing this! You don’t get to determine who I care about or who is worth my time. I told _all_ of you that day that I cared about you. I wanted to _be_ with all of you. We may not be together, but we’re still friends. I know you’d help Sayori if she came to you. Well, I’m coming to you instead. Help me help you!”

“Oh, fuck off with your savior complex!” Natsuki finally shakes my hands off of her. “Just because you saved Sayori, you feel like you have to help everyone with their big bad problems and give them lots of love so they don’t have to suffer, right? You’re not this… pariah, or whatever. You’re just acting like a schmuck!”

“Wanting to help friends is not this savior complex thing you’re so hung up about!” I take her fists into my hands. She doesn’t resist. Yet. “Seeking help is not a sign of weakness! Having _emotions_ is not a sign of weakness! You are in the presence of someone who has done everything they can for a girl he loves to show her that it’s okay to be vulnerable around him. Sayori allowing herself to be vulnerable is how so much progress has been made!”

“Yeah, well, that’s Sayori, and I’m not her!”

“You don’t _have_ to be Sayori to let yourself be helped. I swear, it’s easier than you think it is!”

“You’re not me! You don’t know how hard it is!”

“Whether I do or not isn’t the point. The point is that you have someone who is willing to get beaten to a pulp if it means helping his friend. You came to test my word and it held up. Doesn’t that mean something to you? Doesn’t that speak volumes?”

I draw even closer to her. As much as it would have pained me, I was hoping to see tears in her eyes. I want her to crack now. I want this shell to shatter. She has long since outgrown her current one. The bottled emotions need to be emptied so she doesn’t become more volatile. Bits of moving around has displaced us away from the door. She has a clear dash to the exit, but now she isn’t taking it. Maybe I can do this after all. I take her head into my hands.

“You don’t want this blowing up on you. I bet not even Sayori anticipated that she would come close to taking her own life. When you say you won’t do something like that, I don’t trust it. When you refuse to let me be here for you in a docile way, I have to figure out how else to get through to you. Therefore, I’m _ordering_ you to release all that emotion on me. You’re not leaving until you do.”

“You better quit before you get your ass beat!”

“ _That’s **still** what I **want** you to do!_ ”

“ _Are you fucking dense?!_ ”

“ ** _Yes!_** _That’s why I want you to hand me my ass on a silver platter! I know I can take it!_ ”

_If I wasn’t so pumped up right now, I’d dispute that based on how this went earlier._

“You’re a giant prick, you know that?! You’re not invincible! I know I’m not, and I’m tough, so I know _you_ of all people aren’t!”

“Try me, then!”

“ ** _No!_** ”

“ _Do it. Hurt me more. Why can’t you be a hard-ass when I want you to?_ ”

“ _Because I said so!_ ”

“ ** _Do it._** ”

“ ** _NO!_** ”

“ ** _DO IT!_** ”

Without thinking, I release her head and bounce my palms off of her shoulders. She stumbles back harder than I could have anticipated and collides with the wall. She’s remains standing, but I swear she hit her head. Her eyes are wide and her breathing escalates. My stomach turns inside-out as I come to terms with what I just did.

_Oh no._

_No, please no._

_I fucked up._

_She’s going to hate me. I put my hands on her. She’ll never speak to me again. She’ll leave the Literature Club and stop talking to her friends because of me._

“Natsuki, I’m sorry! So, _so sorry!_ I’ve never lost my temper like that before. I—”

A knee to the gut sends me reeling. “ **How fucking dare you put your hands on me!** ” As I stand back up straight, I feel her arm wrap under and around my head. She drops down with my neck in tow; my jaw and throat impact her shoulder. I’m sent rolling away from the assault, gingerly holding the affected areas. Whatever just happened stunned me hard. “ **You will never, _ever_ do that again unless you want to lose my respect as well as your arms!** ” As miraculous as it is that I’m on all fours, I don’t feel good about the sudden pressure on the back of my head.

“ _Aaagh…_ ”

Suddenly, I’m on my back. The pain seems like it’s wrapped around my skull. I groan and mutter curses under my breath, holding my head in my hands. I think she stomped my head into the floor, and I think I suffered a blackout for a split second.

“ **Is this what you wanted? Huh?!** ” I’m disoriented, but a kick to the ribs brings me back down to reality. It feels like I got hit with a girder. A coughing fit starts up. “ **You won’t have the chance to back out now!** ” Another shot to the ribs. I instinctively use the momentum from the kick to roll as far away as I can. “ **I’m not finished with you!** ”

As I struggle to regain my bearings, my attempts to get further than simply on my hands and knees is thwarted. Natsuki kneels over my waist, planting me on the ground. She isn’t terribly heavy, but being on your stomach is the worst position to be in. She’s throwing punches, forearms, elbows into my back and shoulders. I do my best to cover up and it practically does nothing. My arms can’t reach around to do anything.

_This is bad. Not only did I piss her off and potentially screw up our friendship, but she may break something_.

“ **You wanna** ”— _Whack—_ “ **know what** ”— _Whack_ —“ **my problem is?** ”— _Whack_ —“ **You were nice to me** ”— _Whack_ —“ **and I don’t know how to handle it!** ”— _Whack—_ “ **I’m afraid of getting hurt!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **I’m afraid of hurting you!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **I’m afraid of fucking everything up because I _am_ a fuck-up!** ”

If I wasn’t ailing physically, my stomach would be doing very dangerous acrobatics. The brief reprieve from her strikes doesn’t last long. To make matters worse, she’s targeting my head now. Natsuki has gotten absolutely vicious. She will actually injure me if she doesn’t stop soon. I regret getting myself into this situation.

“ **I’m a stubborn, hot-headed bitch!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **I’m waiting for all my friends to turn on me!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **I’m waiting for everyone I care about to leave me without anyone again!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **And I do things like this!** ”— _Whack_ —“ **Beating the shit out of the only guy to show interest in me like this! I’ve…** _Haaah… haaaah…_ **I’ve** —”

Natsuki’s attempt to catch her breath is interrupted by her own coughing. Thank God. I regret that she’s being affected like this since it’s absolutely my fault. The only thing I can take solace in right now is that she isn’t caving my skull in as fast.

“ _I’ve never fit in! I’m not mature enough to interact with Monika on any meaningful level, and Yuri only puts up with me because she has to!_ ” When the next blow comes down onto my skull, I am able to tell— _somehow_ —that it’s the heel of her fist. Instead of a composed strike, she’s pounding like someone who just forgot how to fight. Her voice is already hoarse from her yelling. “ _Now that you four are all together, it’s only a matter of time before they try to make you see why I’m such a bad influence!_ ” She keeps hitting the same spot over and over. When I finally manage to block her hand, she still remains in the same spot. My hands suffer, but that’s a blessing right now.

“ _You and Sayori are the only people who treat me right no matter what! She isn’t afraid to make me feel worth something because she can see past me somehow, and you interact with me like an equal instead of something lesser!_ ” She’s leaning on both of my shoulders. It aches from her earlier strikes, but it’s still better than nothing. Well, nothing would be better I suppose. “ _I **am** childish—way too childish to handle a relationship! I just can’t trust even you two like that, and I don’t want to be what screws up your chances with the other girls! You are great people that deserve happiness! I can’t risk losing you all, but I can’t risk being the reason the rest of you can’t be together!_ ”

The strikes have stopped completely now.

“I’m the weakest link out of the whole club—out of everyone I know! I don’t act like an adult on my own, and the only times I do are when I messed something up! Even that isn’t a guarantee when I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong! All I ever want to do is throw myself into my hobbies so I can forget how lonely and incompatible with others I am! I don’t have anything to offer! I’m not smart! I’m not pretty! I’m an overly-sensitive asshole who can’t take criticism! When someone doesn’t enjoy something that I like or do, I take it as a personal offense and devolve into a five-year-old! People dismiss me because they don’t take me seriously, especially when anything I just said is involved! _I can’t even joke around with my best friend without **another supposed friend** thinking I’m genuinely being a dick!_ ”

_I’m… her best friend?_

“Sayori’s been non-stop trying to get me to join this relationship, but sooner or later Yuri and I are gonna get into a fight that screws it all up. If it isn’t her, then Monika will have finally had enough of me and tell me off for always challenging her as the alpha! When she won’t have to worry about being unprofessional on school grounds, I just _know_ she’s gonna let me have it! Somehow, you and I will come to blows over… some…someth—”

She’s hyperventilating. No doubt she cut herself off when she realized we technically just came to blows. She’s still on me, and I don’t have the nerve or energy to try to turn over to comfort her physically while my vocal cords are dedicated to grunts of pain.

“A-And if— If I los-l-lost S-Sa-Sayori as a friend, if— If I ever upsss- _ssset or hurrr-hurt her, no one w-would ffffff— Haaah, haaaaah, haaaffffforgive me, especially myself!_ ”

Natsuki’s grip on my shoulders tighten. I cringe and hiss from her nails digging into me.

“ _I’m such a temperamental dipshit! I just beat the hell out of you! How do I come back from that?! You’ll hate me! She’ll hate me! I know how much she loves you! This isn’t like last time! I came here with the intentions of hurting you to any degree, even if you try to take the blame on this! I could have seriously injured you or worse!_ ”

It feels like her forehead is buried in my upper back. I couldn’t protest if I wanted to.

“ _See?! I’m a fuck-up! It only took less than two months to reveal my true colors to you! Close to half a year knowing Sayori and she’ll regret ever placing her faith in me! I’m a selfish, pissy brat with no good excuse for being this way! I just want to be loved by someone other than family, but I ruin every good thing I’ve ever had!_ ”

A pained laugh escapes her.

“ _How did Yuri describe that one poem when we shared those privately after our fight? Something about… ghost symbolism? The last comforting place, a-and… soon to be left with nothing? That’s me. I’m the ghost. The horrible things I know I’ve done will catch up to me and I’ll be forced away from the last place, the last people, that… that matter to… Haaah… Haaaaahhh… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry! I-I’m… s-sssorry! I… Haaah, haaaaahhh…_ ”

I don’t think any action I could take would be able to help Natsuki now. I pushed her too far in more ways than one. Maybe she needs this, but there is no way I could have predicted just how much all her insecurities weighed on her conscience. Everything is coming out now.

 

 

 

“HaaaaaAAAAA _AAAAA **AAAAAHHH**_ **!** ”

 

 

 

Natsuki’s last gasp of energy is a sickening wail of utter despair. Now that she’s done verbally mutilating herself, she collapses on top of me. She doesn’t even have the wherewithal to clutch my shoulders; her fingers lay limply on my battered joints while she becomes a quivering pile of flesh and tears on top of me.

…

The scream she let out reminds me of what I’ve heard from Sayori during her worst moments…

…

I tremble involuntarily and hope with all my might that Natsuki is serious about not hurting herself.

…

I hear the front door get thrown open. Even though Natsuki just spent nearly every ounce of her energy, she dug deep to find something to use and scrambles off of me. The door slams shut.

“ _I heard a scream—_ ”

Sayori cries out and I hear a thud. Natsuki all but flung herself at the returning angel. They’re on the ground.

“ _I’m so sorry! Sayori, I’m sorry! I’m s-s…_ ”

Natsuki’s voice gets muffled. Her apologies get absorbed into Sayori’s blazer, soon devolving into the convulsive crying she was beginning on me. I get shot a look of confoundedness and shake my head to go with my pained expression, half from physical pain and half from bearing the brunt of the breakdown.

Once Sayori sees my response, she wastes no time throwing everything she has into comforting Natsuki. “It’s okay! It’s okay, Sweetums. No matter what happened, it’ll be okay. I promise.”

Having been on my stomach for a significant amount of time, I roll over onto my back and immediately regret it. The hard floor is not an ideal place to recover from blunt force trauma. I roll back over and push myself up to my knees. Christ, my head is throbbing. I was distracted from the pain while Natsuki’s “the reason I suck” speech went on, but now my pain receptors are being swarmed. Sitting up was enough to do it for my head, while using my muscles got my shoulders and back pitching a fit. I hope I don’t have to do anything physically-demanding anytime soon.

…

Sayori’s wordlessly trying to get my attention. She waves me over.

“Come on, Sweetums. We’re gonna get to the couch, okay?”

She wants my help with that, I bet. Well, it’s not like she knows what happened. She doesn’t know I got beaten down, but I’m not about to fail her. Standing would have been so much worse if my legs had come under fire, but thankfully that was not the case. I don’t think Natsuki even acknowledged what Sayori said. Once I stagger raggedly over to the girls, I help pull Sayori up. She tries her damnedest to maneuver without disturbing Natsuki’s bawling. With my assistance pulling her up by her hands, we get her from laying on her back, to seated, to kneeling, and finally standing. The last part is a pain, particularly for my freshly-aching back, but we manage.

Once Sayori is on her feet, she surprises me by outright lifting Natsuki by her waist and carrying her over to the nearest couch. Natsuki’s feet are mere inches from the floor, but it’s still incredible. I never see Sayori have to exert much power. To help explain this feat of strength, I see that Natsuki’s arms are clutched tighter than ever around Sayori’s shoulders and neck. I help Sayori get seated without plopping down suddenly from the extra weight she’s carrying. Natsuki is relegated to kneeling over Sayori’s lap, face buried in the not-aching shoulders of her consoler. With that out of the way, I steadily make my way into the bathroom.

After fumbling with trying to get the right number of pills from the bottle of painkillers, I say screw it and bring the whole bottle out with me. In the kitchen, I grab a water bottle for Sayori and assemble a cup of ice water for Natsuki. In her condition, drinking from a straw would probably be preferred. Whatever it takes to make any action Natsuki has to perform easier. I toss one in her cup and return to them.

Once I gingerly move a tray close to the girls with their waters and some pills for Natsuki, I grab my own water from earlier. It gets practically chugged along with another half-dose of medicine. I set the water and the pill bottles down on the tray and ease myself down on the free couch. Natsuki is still very audibly distressed, maybe worse than before. The poor girl is shaking now. Sayori, paying firm attention to Natsuki’s fragile state, is now whispering her comfort. I can’t pick up what’s being said, but I know it’s the best reassurance in the world.

…

I feel like shit seeing Natsuki like this, and I know that I’m the reason it happened.

…

So this is the sort of stuff that was going through Natsuki’s head when I made my confession to the club. No wonder she flipped out. I know that, objectively, a person’s problems don’t excuse their actions, but to hell with that right now. She would detest being seen as pitiable, as someone to whom sympathies would be given even in the worst of circumstances, but I genuinely feel bad. If I was like her, if I was seriously afraid of losing everything important to me because of my own personality…

…

Natsuki deserves better. Yuri and I are introverts. I think Monika is an extrovert. Sayori is definitely an ambivert, and I think that’s where Natsuki is as well. She can do okay on her own but interacting with others and creating meaningful bonds is vital to her needs as a human being. Clearly, her shortcomings in the social department have shattered her real sense of confidence and self-worth. It’s made her critically aware of who she is and how she acts, but she’s relied so much on her mask that it became a part of her that isn’t easy to change. Her defense against being hurt only damaged her standings with peers.

…

I hate that I learn so much about these girls by bearing witness to them losing control of themselves. I suppose you do learn the most about someone when you see them at their lowest. When they are vulnerable, they can’t hide who they truly are. When they are suffering and the walls come down for even a little bit, you’ll come to understand them better than you could have hoped to otherwise. Maybe that’s only a tiny bit more than you did before, but it’s still something. I’m still not an expert on Sayori’s depression but gaining even a sliver of insight has assisted in helping her directly. You can’t help if you don’t know. Sometimes, when they don’t let you know, you need to make them tell you.

…

I still regret pushing her earlier. God, I hope that sort of shit doesn’t become a trend. I really do have pent-up aggression from over the years, but to accidentally let it out on any of the girls would be disastrous. It’s unacceptable that it happened here to begin with. I could have surely gotten through to her without that shove.

…

It’s clear Natsuki was holding this all in for a long time, but it remains to be seen how much it will help her, if at all. I zone back in from my thoughts. Natsuki seems to be recovering and is not crying anywhere near as hard. Sayori is simply cradling her and stroking her back. She looks grief-stricken. I’m in no position to help, and Natsuki is better off being tended to by the person she barreled over in desperation anyway.

…

Sayori has a healing touch when it comes to emotional issues, but I really wish it affected one’s body as well. I could use it when we inevitably wind up cuddling later tonight. I’m definitely the big spoon come bedtime.

…

Now that all of the excitement has died down, I am absolutely exhausted. I stay prepared to assist but I’ll rest my weary body for now.

* * *

“Are you feeling any better, Sweetums?”

“…”

“That’s good to know. Can I do anything else for you?”

“…!”

“Alright. It’s okay. I won’t let you go.”

“…”

“Look! Here comes the nice boy with some of his secret chocolate stash.”

“Special delivery. And hey, it isn’t very secret if you already know about it.”

“Ehehe… Thanks, Sweetie. Some for you and some for us.”

“Painkillers help for some things, but chocolate is eternal.”

“Your Mom did always say to keep some dark chocolate around in case of emergencies ‘cuz it helps you feel better, and that’s what we want. Here, have some.”

“…”

“It’ll melt in my fingers if you don’t hurry! Then someone will have to lick it off.”

“…?”

“Ehehe, I’m only teasing. I’d probably do that myself.”

“…”

“There we go.”

“…”

“Eh? Are you making phone typing motions? Sweetie, can you get her bag?”

“Sure.”

“So, you aren’t in the mood to talk, huh? Well, that’s okay. We can skirt around that. I guess you wanna use your phone to type? Smart cupcake.”

“Here you are, Princess.”

“…”

“Strawberry…? Ooh! Sweetie, do you have strawberry syrup? She’s asking for strawberry milk.”

“Weehhh I just sat dooowwwn. Nnngh! I’ll be back in a minute.”

“So, uh… It’s still kind of early, but would you like to stay over?”

“?!”

“Oh wow, you’re writing a novel now, huh? Well, take your time. I’ll read as you go along.”

“There you go.”

“Thanks. Nattie says thanks, too.”

“You’re welcome. I’m gonna lay down over here, but I’ll be listening.”

“…”

“Left, came back, tested beating him up, confli— Oh.”

“Ugh. Hey, uh… Natsuki…”

“…?”

“I really am sorry for pushing you, both figuratively and literally. I’ve never been aggressive or the type to be easily agitated. I guess I’d finally had enough of you trying to ignore what was going on, and my brain jumped to realizing in hindsight how Sayori was doing the same for all this time. I let my emotions get the best of me because I was sick of you refusing to face what you needed to so you could get help, whatever that may entail. I didn’t want to see you go through what Sayori did. I still shouldn’t have put my hands on you and it’s unacceptable that I did.”

“…”

“She says she forgives you, even though the apology is undeser— Hey! Just ‘cuz you came back to test his word doesn’t mean anything bad about you! I guess I would have been curious, too. And, I mean, if someone put their hands on me…”

“You’re as soft as they come, Sayori. You wouldn’t be able to retaliate like she did, and I absolutely deserved some retribution for trying to get her to spill it and pushing her into the wall.”

“Revolution?”

“Still on that one, huh?”

“Ehehe, I was trying to get a smile out of her. Guess it didn’t work so well.”

“…”

“It’s… It’s okay. Friends, family, and even lovers fight sometimes. Maybe they don’t beat each other up, but it happens. Plus, if he said multiple times…”

“I did. And I still mean it. It sucked, but I’d do it again if it meant being able to help.”

“Whaddaya mean, ‘Who does a thing like that?’ That guy right there! I’m serious when I tell you he’s the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Princess, I would do battle with a dragon, in nothing but heart-print boxer shorts, wielding a _stick_ , if it meant you could escape to safety amidst the distraction.”

“Hmhm…”

“Ehe, I guess she liked that. Also, she says you’re stupid for even joking about something like that.”

“Well, I mean, I’d do the same for you. I’d do the same for all my loved ones.”

“…”

“You’re a loved one to us and you can’t change our mind, Nattie!”

“…!”

“What you did will only be temporary.”

“Yeah. Nothing’s broken, and I don’t think I have a concussion or anything like that. Just some bruises.”

“Speaking of which… Sweetie, I hate to bother you, but could you come over here? Turn around and take off your shirt.”

“Uh… Okay…?”

“Look at it this way, Nattie: these bruises you have inflicted are a representation of what’s going on inside your head. They are the injuries of a war you’ve been fighting inside yourself for a long time, and all that pent-up anguish finally came out. Your wounds may not heal as fast as these here, but we can still try to help.”

“…”

“No, we _can’t_ just wave a magic wand and fix your problems. What we _can_ do is be here for you. Something else to keep in mind is that we can’t always treat the damage directly, but we can help make the person that is hurting feel better through other means. Think of it like you’ve got a broken arm. Loved ones may come and sign the cast. They’ll aid you with things that are harder because you’ve only got one good arm to work with for some time. They’ll be there for you in… in your time of need. My depression is a brain chemical thing. Love may not be able to cure what’s ailing me, but it sure helps knowing that I’m appreciated and cared for.”

“…”

“That war I mentioned is one that has raged on long enough for you to have experienced a lifetime of suffering. It is an epic struggle to keep yourself composed against your own worst enemy, and that happens to be yourself a lot of the time. I’ve been there. I’m really proud of you for holding up as long as you have. You’re incredibly strong and brave. Here, some more snacks.”

“…”

“Do you remember my poem about the bottles? You haven’t been doing anything with the ones you have. They’re just sitting there collecting dust because you locked them away. When other people came and started shattering them, you wanted to protect the ones you had left. I’ve started to realize lately that it’s okay to use those bottles on yourself. Even if you can’t bring yourself to use them on others for a long time, it’s okay to want the things you do. Others will spend their own bottles on you because they think you’re worth it, and those who are truly worth it won’t expect anything in return. All they hope is that their bottles give you something positive, even if it’s only a tiny bit.”

“That’s… really well-said. I second this. You said you can’t trust us, uh, I guess in the way that you’d like to. I can’t speak for Sayori, but I’m not concerned about that. I’ll spend however long I need to earn that level of trust because I care about you and I think you’re worth it.”

“I’ll spend all the time in the world if I need to. Happiness _can_ be found, and you happened to find your route to it in the Literature Club. We’re here to pump you so full of affection and love that nothing but happy thoughts will dance around inside your pretty little pink head.”

“…”

“Everyone deserves happiness, even if you think you don’t. It’s not selfish. I’m trying to get that through my head from my therapist. And Sweetie. He can take a more personal and hands-on approach, but both help. Let me tell you, when he puts his lips on me—”

“Hey!”

“Ehehe… When I told him about my depression, he told me that if I wanted to be selfish or think I was selfish, I had to allow _him_ to be selfish about what he wanted to do for me. So, whether you want us to or not, we are _both_ going to be selfish in our attempts to show you our love and care. Therefore, you are perfectly justified in being selfish in your own ways because we are, too.”

“…”

“And, just so you know, Yuri and Monika care about you. I know you may think they don’t, but you’re not the only person who can be rough around the edges. If they don’t understand, we will make them. You are just radically different from them, and that’s okay.”

“…”

“I know we’ve talked a lot, Sweetums. I’m sorry if this is too much, or if it’s hard for you to absorb. If words won’t work, we will prove it to you through our actions. Now, about staying with us for tonight…”

“When did that come up?”

“You were getting her drink and I kind of… asked… ehehe…”

“… Do you want to, Natsuki? If it would help you feel better, then we’d love to. Hell, even if you didn’t explicitly want to, we’d still be happy to have you.”

“…”

“Alright. Text your father, then.”

* * *

As Sayori and I finish bringing my parents’ mattress down to the living room from the second floor, Natsuki re-enters the house with some things in tow.

“We would have come out with you if you wanted,” Sayori says. Natsuki gives a shake of her head and a shrug. Her father drove by to give her a change of clothes and check up on her. I’m not sure how I feel about him having my address, but I’m more concerned about her.

Natsuki’s never been anything besides kind of vague about their bond, but she is insistent that they care about each other even through hard times. Apparently, he has problems as well. They even share some, not that I know what they are. It’s disappointing to hear, but as long as they are on good terms more often than not…

“Right here. Nnngh!” I grunt from the exertion. This mattress is large and unwieldy. I’d already gotten the guest room mattress down by myself since it is smaller, but I needed help for this one. I felt weird about the idea of all of us in my parents’ room, but I was fine about stealing their mattress since they’ve been abroad again. Sayori and I both wanted to be able to share a bed with Natsuki so we could keep her company, and this was the next best thing. My bed or the guest bed wouldn’t fit all three of us comfortably, and at least this way we have plenty of room to spread out if we choose.

“Hah. Alright, glad that’s done. Sayori, can you get all the pillows and stuff from upstairs?”

“Sure thing! I’m gonna change while I’m up there.”

“Okay. Natsuki, bathroom’s down the hall if you want to change. Hell, if you want to shower, Sayori’s bathing stuff is in the upstairs bathroom so follow her. You might like her products more than my simpler ones.”

With a nod, Natsuki hurries after Sayori. I figured that’d be the case. Cleaning myself up after a humongous episode like that is a must to get rid of all the grossness.

Sayori had moved the far couch earlier so we could fit the mattresses comfortably between them. We can still use the couches, but our sleeping arrangement is settled. Just as I slowly rest my weary carcass on a couch, I hear a knock at the door.

_Couldn’t have made it like 30 seconds earlier?_

I pay for the takeout we ordered and set it down in the kitchen. I’m not eating without the others, so the waiting game is now engaged. After today, comfort food was a must. I am hungry for my General Tso’s. It gives me ideas. Even thinking about it helped rev up my brain for what we’d do for bed.

Sayori plops the pillows and blankets down on the mattresses and heads next door to do the daily check-in on her place. She’d been on her way to do that coming off the bus but Natsuki’s scream— _ugh, I can still hear it_ —caused her to come running.

With a ton of luck, the rest of the evening is uneventful. Sayori doesn’t take too long, and a clean Natsuki comes down from upstairs eventually. She continues to be nonverbal, but we aren’t doing much talking anymore. We settle down in the living room, watching food and game shows while fattening ourselves. It’s a wonderful contrast to everything else that’s happened.

Even though today was kind of shitty and emotional, we are all able to agree that it was for the best that it happened. Natsuki is apprehensive because, as she types out to us, she still feels bad about beating me to a pulp. Losing control of her emotions is also unfavorable for her, as it typically goes for most anyone, but doing it in front of others is worse. We assure her that we aren’t here to judge. We’re here to take care of her. Thankfully, it seems that we are going to be drawn closer because of it.

It isn’t terribly late, but we collectively decide to turn in. The TV is left on for background noise and a small bit of light while we get comfortable. We will get up and have breakfast together before heading to school. Natsuki will return home tomorrow after club. All of us already like the idea of sleeping over, so this won’t be the last time. There will be far less chaos then.

As I had hoped earlier, I was the big spoon. Well, biggest spoon in this case. Sayori faces away from me while my arms are around her waist. Natsuki faces Sayori and keeps her hands in front of her. It’s so strange seeing Natsuki affectionate and vulnerable, but it is a relief to see. I am indebted to Sayori for being someone that Natsuki feels comfortable being like this with. I can only hope to achieve that level of a bond with her. Based on how she reacted whenever Sayori was brought up between us and how effective Sayori was at placating her, there seems to be a lot I don’t know about them. One thing that I picked up without a doubt is that Sayori means a lot to Natsuki. She may be hesitant to trust us more than she does, but she has placed some level of faith in Sayori.

Before we fall asleep, I have something to address. “Natsuki…”

“Mmm…?” That’s an improvement over earlier.

“I’m glad we got to spend time like this tonight. I mean, less so regarding the afternoon, but as long as you’re doing better now, that’s all I care about. I still ache, but it’s worth it if we can improve your mood, your life, anything. That’s what friends are for. If you can’t deal with a relationship, I won’t pester or pressure you. If you’re afraid but want to deep down, you go at your own pace. If it’s love and affection you need, I’d like to try to help you warm up to stuff like that. Nothing at risk, no strings attached. Just a friend helping another with her emotional needs.”

“Agreed! I talked about friendship alongside platonic love and affection last week for a reason, you know. I couldn’t have seen this coming, but still!” I hear a noise that sounds suspiciously like a kiss. “And here’s a little sample of it for the top of your noggin. A little something to help your brain stop being so mean, like how a parent will give their child a kiss on their booboos! We may have only known each other for so long, but we’ve come so far in just a short amount of time. We really do love you. You can interpret that in any way you’d like. We just hope you can find it in you to accept it at all.”

“…”

“And…”

“…”

If you can give us a chance… I’ll be your beach.”

“…!”

“And I’ll be your sunshine!”

“…”

Feeling brave, I blindly seek Natsuki’s hand and give it a bit of a squeeze. It’s not very hard, and not for more than a second. I don’t want to push it, but I want to give some kind of physical indicator to back up my words.

“That was… my hand, ehehe…”

“Heehee…”

“Whoops. I guess this is the opposite of what happened earlier with your hand.”

“…”

As I take my hand back, I feel a delicate squeeze on it.

“Thank you. Both of you.”

A firmer squeeze joins our hands.

“Of course!”

“You’re welcome.”

* * *

End Chapter 10

* * *

_Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	11. The Vexing Vixen

Notes & Responses

* * *

I don’t know if I’ve said it here but Sayori is my favorite Doki despite me being an All Dokis Best Doki kind of person. Part of why I relate to her so much is because depression is a bitch and I know her all too well. I think summer and winter also do me in more powerfully than more middling seasons, but I can’t be sure of that. I know y’all will say nothing but positive reassurances in my direction for taking a month to get another chapter out, but I will nonetheless apologize. To solidify my All Dokis Best Doki position, I’ve cried over stuff relating to all of them so far from various sources (base game, mods, my own thoughts) for varying reasons, including MC. You’ll come to understand why as the story goes on.

Next chapter will probably be quite short. Short and sweet. Theoretically, that means getting it out sooner. I know what I’m doing with it. Originally it was going to be the last part of this chapter, but I came up with something else and also wanted to get this chapter finished and out while I was doing well.

 **TarrasqueSorcerer (AO3)** – Yuri may be shy, but as with other introverts she can act almost like a different person when she’s comfortable with someone. I had more “fun” writing Natsuki’s breakdown than you might think, especially knowing that the comfort was going to come almost immediately and it was something she desperately needed to get out of her system. As far as Dadsuki is concerned, I wanted to do something less usual with him because I mean of course. The usual has been done too many times. And yeah, I cut down on all of those pairing tags.

 **Kuro (AO3)** – No worries about not necessarily commenting in the future. I know you’re invested, and I know based on what pairings you like that you will _greatly_ enjoy some of the things in this fic. Lol, yes F for MC. Earlier conflicts are easier to get happier resolutions to because they tend to be less complex. As for as Dadsuki, as I said in the above comment, I’m doing something different with him than most fics do. It’s certainly less straightforward.

 **Natan R. (FF)** – Glad you enjoyed it so much! Natsuki does have some things simpler comparatively, but this is not where that simplicity is displayed. I haven’t commented on MC’s biological responses to certain things yet, or rather his inner narration has avoided being explicit, but I mean just take a wild guess lmao.

 **RandomIdiot1816 (FF)** – I lol’d quite heartily. And about that hiatusi writers thing WHOOPS a MONTH went by.

 **O’Diver (FF)** – MC not having a name was something I wanted to do for a good while. Unfortunately, the further in I get the less feasible it will be to keep things up, especially once I decided that the story will include sections that take place from points of view that aren’t his. I’d like to have been able to do it the whole way through and even tossed around some ideas as to how it would work in those third-person POV segments, but it will become glaringly unbelievable for no one to refer to him by name at some point. I’m glad I was able to do it for this long without it coming off too awkward (and hell, with some people enjoying it!). It was a pleasant exercise. Thank you for the kind words! As I keep saying, this story _will_ reach its completion at some point.

**The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF)**

**A Starlit Drive** , content creators receiving constructive criticism and having a fit is the mark of someone young, immature, both, or off their rocker. But this ain’t most people. This is AS. AND I TOLD Y’ALL CHAPTER 10 WAS GOING TO BE THE NEXT “BEST CHAPTER.” I think I mentioned it, anyhow. Encountering people with such low standards and self-respect to harass their commenters elsewhere is all kinds of messed up. For it to be THAT BAD though, Christ. Fucking stalkerish shit. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

As for how much is improv, I’ve got most scenarios simply scripted out and even had Natsuki’s breakdown mostly scripted out months ago. Then, when it came time to do the scenario, I used the previous script as a springboard to improv something along the lines but much more in-depth. Chapter 9 is and will continue to be awkward, I think, but I felt like dropping the foreshadowing seeds I did would have come off as more awkward if I put them in the beginning of a chapter in which MC’s issues were touched upon and he even recovered a bit of his memory, circumventing the issue as soon as it arrived. Unless I changed how things were rather than where they went, no one was going to be satisfied with that Monika scenario anyhow, but as I said, I knew I wasn’t going to keep everyone in the dark for long. Chapter 10 was also not going to be where Natsuki’s breakdown happened, but the response to Chapter 9 as well as what I came up with mid-chapter allowed me to fit it in seamlessly and make it work even better than my previous plan.

I’m glad Natsuki is growing on ya, and I’m glad you dig all the fluff with Yuri and such. As for Monika, well she’s the resident enigma, but all in due time. I will give some new questions but also give… The Goods ™. Cheers for the feedback!

 **MrsMistyEyes** , yeah Chapter 9 is going to have been my weakest chapter by far. With any luck I don’t make new weakest chapters. Only new strongest ones. I’m glad Talking and Melancholy had my back, ahaha! I’m glad you are enjoying the Dokis as well. You know, I always kind of worried about writing someone else’s characters in the past, but I think I’m over that now with how much people seem to love their personalities and interactions. The phone idea was inspired by the fact that some people go non-verbal when they have attacks and the like, and Natsuki is a highly emotional person. That is also something I came up with on the fly as I was writing it. Improv! Cheers for the compliments. I’m glad I am badass enough to un-fuck what I fucked lmao.

 **IHateMyselfAndIWantToDie** , yeah, I ain’t no egotistical dipshit when it comes to criticism. Cheers for the kind words! And Starlit commented on such. Disgusting! People suck. I should be more worried that I almost lost the majority of my commenting userbase with one bad chapter, but I decided I’m not going to worry too much about it. Bless Talking, and I’m glad everyone enjoyed it and was turned back on to the story. Even if I am bad for a minute, if I am good enough for an hour then I will keep people interested. Monika’s screen time will be ballin’. Hell, I’ll say upfront that this entire chapter is also improv. A decent amount of fluff is going to wind up being like that. It’s the big plot points that have the most thought put into them long before I start on them. And, as I mentioned somewhat in my response to Starlit, there’s plenty of improv and differences to the breakdown that I changed from what I had originally planned. I have this uncanny ability to just… do that. Get used to it lmao. Thankfully I hit more often than I miss. I go from pretty detailed (for a summary) first draft and then do the final when I’m making what I intend to publish. Even Natsuki going non-verbal was something I came up with on the spot, and I’m glad I did because of how well people seem to have enjoyed it. Glad to hear you are excited for the future!

 **MelancholyFactory** , cheers for those kind words! Also, thank you for helping get the crew to read this chapter and get them back into the story. Ahaha, and thank you about my screenname! I initially came up with Aimless Shenanigans as a username for a friend group Let’s Play channel, but we went with something else. I was like, “I’m keeping this one though lmao.” It’s too good, so I was like, I’ll just rebrand my solo LP channel with this name (and then proceed to do nothing with it for years). I’ve even got the tagline, “You are now engaging in Aimless Shenanigans.”

Anyhow, never mind that shit ahaha! I have more relevant things to say, namely I appreciate the kind words! I’m glad Natsuki seems to have been beloved. As I mentioned above to Misty, I felt like Natsuki going non-verbal after such an emotional episode just made sense. I’m also glad you’re enjoying Yuri. As I’ve said, I’m an All Dokis Best Doki kind of guy, but my order of favorites goes Sayori, Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika (coincidentally it’s also the order of the Dokis when MC thinks about them at the end of Day 1 in the base game). This also happens to be the order in which the major character arcs go from simplest to most complicated/weird. I’m sure some people have questioned how Yuri has been able to be almost a completely different person when they aren’t fawning over how brave she is being and, well, that’s part of the point.

This chapter in particular had such a title because I’m sometimes good at coming up with symbolic relevance to what’s going on, this one in particular. Ironically, I’m TERRIBLE at coming up with original character names, both first and last, but titles are much easier to deal with. Sometimes I search up things specifically for relevant symbolism (“Limbic” was named “Something is Different” for the first number of chapters until I decided that was lame as shit). Sometimes my own imagination and creativity come up with it without needing external help. Sometimes there’s also a tiny wrestling reference in there (From The Heart) that simply happens to also be very relevant to the content of the chapter. Thank you for the kind words my dude!

 **TalkingsForFunctioningPeople** , I owe you thanks for being the biggest aid in getting the others to come back. Yeah Chapter 9 sucks. First fic meme, Chapter 9 worst Doki lmao. Goodness, the praise you are giving me regarding the characters, especially Natsuki, is, like, big big thanks for such words! As for Dadsuki, I’ve stated in other comments that I’m doing things a little different with him. Considering I keep saying “Oh this was improv,” his small offscreen appearance was also something I came up with on the fly. The Act 2 stuff about Natsuki being neglected, malnourished, and all that hit hard and are a different kind of horror because it’s a very real sort of horror as opposed to, well, the rest of the game. Plus the way both things are casually brought up without any other context is, like, yeah.

Hell yeah, All Dokis deserve love. I’m glad you were entertained by yet another fragment of my dumb sense of humor with the restarting puberty thing lmao. Again, thank you for the kind words about my portrayal of these characters. Many blessings, my dude. I need to put together a more organized file of all my big plot points, medium scenarios, and smaller things so that I can more readily plan things out. I am confident that things will never come down to Chapter 9 levels of bad. As for a revision, I’m not sure, but I’m also not focused on it. I’d almost contemplate taking it out entirely lmao, but I doubt it. We will see, though. The problem is that I think I wrote it well, but the issue of postponing Monika’s first big scene as well as Cee and Em being too much of a focus to help get MC realizing that something’s wrong with him are going to continue to be weak. I’d have to cut the whole ream twins section out for it to be better, but then again chopping the chapter in half so people can get to Chapter 10 quicker might be the exact improvement it needs lmao. Shrug though. In any case, I’m glad you enjoyed it so much, and again, thank you for reigning the others back in!

* * *

Chapter 11: The Vexing Vixen

* * *

“Ahaha~ Oh my gosh, you are just the most adorable thing, aren’t you?”

“Uuuhhh… N-No?”

_Damnit, I should have answered yes. Or should I have? If we are talking about the **most** adorable, that has to go to Sayori or Natsuki. Does Monika want me to be modest or forward? She’s definitely the latter…_

“Somehow, I don’t think you’re entirely sure. If only you could see your face right now. Oh!”

_Please don’t bring out your phone, please don’t bring out your phone, pleasedon’tbringouty-ACK!_

“Sayori, would you mind assisting me?”

“My pleasure!”

_My attempts to hide my face are in vain; Sayori’s hands suddenly take my wrists and yank them above my head. I’m not **this** much of a weakling, but I also can’t gather enough energy and focus to fight off the shenanigans and hide my face. Not to mention, I can’t break away from Monika’s gaze. Her smile takes me prisoner, and her phone camera going off steals a piece of my soul._

“Perfect! Messing with a good boy is so fun~”

“Ehehe~ Monika, I didn’t know you could be this flirty!”

“Well, I’m after far more now than I am when it comes to anyone else. The pursuit is mine for once, rather than me being the pursued.”

“Okay… It wouldn’t have hurt to toss a few words my way, you know!”

“I’m sorry, Sayori! I suppose my mind was in other places at the time.”

“Weeeeell, I’ll forgive you. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Ahaha, yes. Friends. That’s what we are at this point.”

“Eh? Are you saying I’m not a friend?”

“Of course I’m not saying that! But, well, usually there are more specific terms in place for when people do what we did.”

“… Best friends?”

“No, Sayori. That’s not… Ahaha, maybe we should talk about that next time we are in private.”

“Super best friends!”

“Sayori, I’m afraid you—”

“Besties at our behesties!”

“… Ahaha, have you always been this… Ah, who am I kidding? You’ve always been even sillier than this. You’re precious, Doll Face.”

“Ehehe~”

“So, I think an apology is in order. We may have broken your sweet little toy!”

“Buh?! He’s not my toy!”

“You play with him, isn’t that correct?”

“I… Maybe you’re right, but he plays with me, too! Sometimes we even play with each other at the same time!”

“Oh my, Sayori! How… dirty~”

“ _Tha-That’s not what I mean and you know it!_ ”

“Ahaha! I’m only teasing! If we went solely based on how easy you two are to fluster, you would still be a perfect fit for each other.”

“Meanie…”

“Hey now, isn’t that a unique nickname for only one person?”

“Ehehe, I’ve got a bunch of other ones for him. He will always know how special he is to me.”

“Urk!”

_Sayori’s arms being thrown around me yank me out of the stupor I was just in._

“Ahaha~ Fifteen years you said you’ve known each other, is that right? I must be looking at soulmates right now, huh?”

“I sure hope so!”

“Heh, heh-heh… M-Must be, right?”

“Hey, you spoke! So I didn’t break you after all, ahaha!”

“N-Nope!”

“Eeeee~ You said we must be soulmates! I love you so much!”

“ _Ack! Sayori I need to breathe!_ ”

“Oopsie! Sorry!”

“ _Hah, hah, hah_ … It’s okay.”

“Recovered from your little episode there, have you?”

“Huh? Uh, yeah! I guess when you said the, uh… that thing… I kind of—”

“I said many things, Mister! You’ll have to be more specific!”

“Um… All of it…”

“Is he always this easy to mess with?”

“I think he’s just intimidated!”

“I guess I just have that effect on people!”

“Yep! Not even I’m immune!”

“Curiously enough, I thought you _would_ have been! I guess I can’t be right about everything, now can I?”

“Guess not!”

“Girls, am I missing something?”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it! And we’re ladies, buster!”

“Hmm… Ladies… I like the sound of that, ehehe! I wanna be your lady!”

“S-Sweetie, you already… uh… am.”

“Yay! Wait… ‘You already am’? Did you forget how to talk or something?”

“Huh? Oh… Uh, I guess…”

“ _What?!_ You’re not supposed to agree to having forgotten how to talk. You’re supposed to play if off like a joke…”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were distracted. Isn’t that right, Sayori?”

“My influence is rubbing off on him! Ehe, ehe… I hope that’s what it is, anyhow… People who are close to each other start being influenced by their personality, speech patterns, stuff like that. Right?”

“Yeah, that’s a side effect of socializing and developing strong bonds with others. Even you don’t usually mess up simple things like that unless it’s on purpose.”

“In which case it wasn’t a mess-up, it was a successful plan!”

“Poor guy just can’t help being confounded by us!”

“You’re a conniving little wench, you know that, Angel?”

“Don’t call me a bench! You aren’t supposed to sit on me!”

_Dork…_

“Ahaha! Hahaha, haha, you two are almost more than I can handle!”

“Ehehe~”

“Well, if you’re getting entertainment out of me, then that’s good.”

“Oh, you have no idea~”

“So, I don’t mean to admit how… _distracted_ I’ve been, but how _did_ this all start?”

“Well, on Thursday we went to school, and we had the big talk about our topics of choice, and—”

“ _Not that far back, Dummy!_ ”

“Well, you’ve been acting kinda weird the past few days. I just wanted to make sure!”

“If I may ask, when did this start?”

“Umm… Friday!”

“Ahaha~ I guess that’s my fault. I did request this little visit the day before.”

“Aww, it’s okay! Sweetie here’s just a goofy goober!”

“I guess I can’t deny that. Uh, anyhow! How did we get this far in the conversation? Have you two just been picking on me the whole time?”

“… **Maybe!** ”

 _Gah, what the hell?! I get enough of that simultaneous speech from the twins!_ “Y’all suck, you know that?”

“Affirmative, captain!”

“Ahaha, I’m so glad I’m able to bear witness to you two. I can tell that being part of this relationship is going to be a blast! With all of the responsibilities I’ve had and needing to be the mature person wherever I go, it’s nice to let loose and mess around with friends.”

“So you’re serious about joining us. I didn’t expect you to take to this idea, honestly. You did mention that you were… Hey, wait a minute. You said you were a more traditional person not too long ago, right? This is absolutely _not_ a traditional relationship. What gives?”

“I lied.”

“ _PFFT!_ You lied. That’s… That’s it?”

“Yep! After all, some secrets don’t need to be shared unless they involve the right people.”

“Ehehe~”

“Ahaha~”

“… Riiight. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself to hide too much, Prez. That could stress you out. This is supposed to be a relaxing time for you.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about me. I’d pay more attention to what _you_ can handle.”

“Huh? And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Ever since I brought up how I’m interested in exploring the physical aspects of a relationship first and foremost earlier, you’ve been an embarrassed mess. Something tells me you can’t handle what I can dish out.”

“Uuuhhh… I mean, Sayori and I have been getting… more… physical… since we got together.”

“Sweetie, I don’t think you know what you’re dealing with. We’ve been cuddly and snuggly and smoochy, but this girl— _I mean_ —lady right here will blow what we do together out of the water! She’ll make it seem like we haven’t even held hands before!”

“How would you know, Sayori?”

“Ehehe… Monika, you wanna give him an example? I know you said you wanted to test the waters.”

“You two have been planning something, haven’t you?”

“Maybe~”

“Ahaha! Well, before I do anything brash, let me ask again: are you _really_ prepared to try meeting the needs of someone like me?”

“Um… I-I mean…”

“I know you said you’re just a nerdy virgin, but—”

“ _Whe-When did I s-sssay tha-tha-that?!_ ”

 **Thud!** “ _HEEEEEheeheehee!_ ”

“Oh dear! Are you okay, Sayori?”

“Pehehe— Peeheeheeachy~ Ehe, ehehe! Ihi, I’ll stand up in a sec, ehe…”

“Sweetie, did you really just fall over laughing?”

“I couldn’t help it! I went weak in the knees!”

“You’re such a klutz…”

“What a kook that girl is! Anyhow, I’m _sure_ you said something like that of your own volition.”

“Aha, n-nonsense…”

“Well, if you didn’t, then maybe you’re feeling more confident now?”

“… _Something like that._ ”

“Your voice tells me otherwise.”

**Cough cough!**

“ _Ho-how—_ ” **COUGH!** “How ab-about now?”

“That’s better. The way I understand it, you feel like the Literature Club is meant to be together as something more than as simple friends. What are you after?”

“… Um…”

“Yes?”

“I, uh…”

“Uh-huh…?”

“…”

“Oh dear, you must be getting cold feet about all this, hm?”

“N-No! I’m just… thinking… Um, I kind of got myself into a bind, you know? I went ahead with all this… so early… without a plan…”

“Um…”

“Sorry! Um… I don’t know the details about what I want the end to look like. All I know is I want to be with all of you. More than friends. I guess I’m not picky about what we are. If you’re interested in me for God knows why, and I’m interested in you, then figuring out what we are to one-another is part of the adventure. Uh… R-Right?”

“For seeming so _distracted_ , you managed to put that so eloquently, yet so simply. Sayori, what do you think about this, honestly?”

“As far as he’s concerned? Whatever makes him happy. Maybe that sounds silly or naive, but I put my full trust in him. As long as he and I are together, I’m satisfied. Anything else just adds to the fun, right? We’ve all got such varying personalities. We can love and spend time with and enjoy each other’s company until the cows come home!”

“And what I’m about to do isn’t going to sit negatively with you, right?”

“Right!”

“Promise?”

“Abso-tively posi-lutely! Besides, you’re doing me a huge favor.”

“A favor? What do you mean? You two really are in on something, aren’t you?”

“Ehehe~ Hey, don’t forget that I said I was getting something out of all of this, too! I just came to realize lately that I’m getting more than I knew!”

“Maybe you’ll find out at some point. I can assure you, it’s nothing bad. Apparently, it’s for the best for all involved.”

“…?”

“You trust Sayori, right?”

“…Yes. I do. She won’t steer me wrong.”

“She’s probably the most trustworthy person in the club, maybe even the whole school! You’ve invested your faith in the right place. I can second that she wants the best for you. It just so happens that the best for you lines up with what’s best for her as well! And… well, I’m in the right place at the right time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll sum it up for you: you two wanted me to stop putting so much pressure on myself. If I can find some of my needs fulfilled in ways they never have been before, then those positives will lighten the load on my shoulders. You get what you want in more ways than one, and I get what I need just the same.”

“Where…”

“Hm?”

“Where did all this come from? I’ve never heard anything about you being… this way.”

“It’s as I said just a bit ago! When you get into the public eye, you learn to keep certain things about yourself hidden. I’ve built myself a metropolis compared to most, but there will always be alleyways filled with what society looks down upon. I don’t intend to be irresponsible. All I aim for is to explore a different side of who I am. I’m not here just to please you. I’m not here on some weak-willed wish for love. On the contrary; you will be doing far more for me than I am for you.”

“…?!”

_Monika’s face is incredibly close to mine…_

“You’ll understand in due time. After all, figuring it out is part of the adventure, right?”

“Uh… Y-Yeah…”

“And you want something from me, is that correct?”

“Y-You could sss- _sssay_ _that_ …”

“Well, to get what you want, I need to get what I want.”

_She’s right there…_

“It’s on-only f-fa-fair…”

“ _And Monika always gets what she wants~_ ”

**_Gulp!_ **

“You ought to meet me halfway before the nerves catch up with us…”

_She… She want a kiss?!_

“I… Um… I-I…”

“Mhmhm… _Good_.”

**_!!!_ **

* * *

It’s unfathomable that all of that happened. I honestly can’t believe it. If my memory didn’t get jogged when Monika connected her lips to mine just now, I’d think I made it all up.

Monika pulls away from the kiss. The tip of her tongue leaves mine. Between the kiss itself and remembering what lead up to our first one, I’m left bewildered. Thankfully, I’m more aware than I was last time.

“I guess Sayori didn’t tell you to step up your game, huh?”

“ _It’s been a week and I don’t know what I’m doing!_ ”

“Ahaha!” Monika scoots back. “I’m only teasing you.”

“Gotta lighten up, Sweetie!” Sayori, seated next to me, collapses into my lap. Heh. Col- _lap_ -ses. Holy crap I’m dumb.

“Yeah, uh, duly noted.” I feel… jittery. I guess the events of yesterday are still affecting me. I hope I didn’t actually get concussed. Nah, I’m fine. My memory should have gotten worse with a hard enough blow to the head, but for the second day in a row I’ve been recalling pieces of the weekend. I mean, sure, yesterday’s were both before I got my ass beat, but still.

Up until a few minutes ago, today had been uneventful. Sayori, Natsuki, and I woke up snuggled against each other. We had breakfast and carted ourselves off to school. Classes were whatever. Club time was unusually inactive, as was Natsuki. I guess she had a lot to think about. Her silence shaped our club meeting. We all had agreed that just spending time amongst each other was more important than actually doing things or talking. Even in a quiet room with everyone doing different things, sharing the air helps bonds strengthen. Natsuki had asked Yuri if they could walk together on their ways home, and Monika had asked if she could join us at home as well. We both went for it, I especially because I want to figure out the puzzle that is Monika.

We hadn’t moved the mattresses back after last night since we didn’t have time before school, so the living room had plenty of comfortable space to sit that wasn’t a couch. It’s a bit odd sitting on what is essentially the floor, but it’s easier to spread out at a moment’s notice. We had laid out some disassembled trays so we could put our drinks down. Coffee for Monika, apple juice for Sayori, and I stuck with some soda. Clearly, I am the healthiest here.

You know what? Since it’s on my mind, I guess there’s no harm in asking… “So, Monika, when you visited last time…”

“Hm?”

“You really meant everything you said, huh?”

“Of course! Would I lie about something so important?”

“I guess there’s no reason for me to suspect a thing like that.” _Besides the fact that she admitted to lying about the ‘being a traditional girl’ thing, but I guess she had her reasons._ “I was just… reflecting on what happened. It came to the front of my mind during our kiss.”

Sayori looked up at me and raised her eyebrows. I, looking down in thought, gave a slight nod in her direction. I guess she picked up on my insinuation that the memories of Sunday had come back to me, just as I had remembered some stuff from the weekend during yesterday afternoon. I wasn’t about to blurt out my memory issues in front of Monika, hence the subtle communication in Sayori’s direction. Lord help me if Monika thought I was simply being ignorant and not paying attention when she laid out so many crucial details.

“I meant every word.”

“Good. I ought to be grateful. I don’t consider myself anything special. Even with those brief interactions in our shared class last year, I knew that you were way out of my league.”

“Mhmhm… Sayori, may I have some space?” With Monika’s simple request, Sayori scrambles out of my lap. Once again, Monika brought herself closer to me. Instead of crawling over on all fours like she had when coming in for our kiss, she straddled my lap and took my face into her hands. Those enrapturing emerald-greens peered down at me, putting my own gaze to shame. I can’t say I’m not anxious as all hell when faced with such an accomplished girl. Er, accomplished lady. “Popularity isn’t the end-all, be-all when it comes to anything about anything, honestly. You may consider yourself just a loner, but I’ve gotten to know you pretty well over the past two months.”

“R-Really?” My hands, shaking a little, come up and gently place themselves on hers. “We’ve barely spent any time together compared to the other girls and I.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong. However, I have those same girls telling me nothing but good things. Plus, I see the way you interact with them in club. Like a chameleon, you’ve been able to adapt to each of their personalities and act accordingly. Different variations of friendliness are apparent in your words, attitudes, and body language when you speak with each of them. Natsuki is rough around the edges, but you two have a strong friendship. Yuri is comparatively shy, but you’ve been able to talk with her and bring out her inner personality. With Sayori, well, there’s so many obvious giveaways as to how much you care about her that it’s exceedingly admirable.”

Man, I never knew Monika paid that much attention to me. My cheeks feel warm. She surely feels that in her palms. “You really are omniscient, aren’t you?”

“Ahaha! No! You really like to hold onto some jokes, don’t you?” Monika pinches my cheeks. I fluster even more. “You’ve even recently brought up some from the first _week_ of the club. You sure have a memory for those sorts of things.”

“Heh, I guess…” I take a quick glance over at Sayori. She sips her apple juice but keeps her eyes locked on us. When she sets her drink back down, I can see she’s easily smiling bright. Oddly enough, I feel like she’s been something of a mystery since this whole relationship stuff started. I can’t understand what’s behind that smile. It doesn’t seem like she’s hiding anything negative. Her smile is genuine. I guess she really loves seeing me bond with her friends. She was worried about me becoming a permanent shut-in the day I joined the Literature Club, after all.

And, there’s… the way she acted in the first few days I was in the club. Ugh. I was hoping I’d forget about the notion that she was setting me up with her friends for when she was… gone…

No. No, brain. Don’t do this to me. To hell with you. I’m able to shove the thoughts out of my head when I focus back in on Sayori’s smile. It makes _me_ smile seeing her happy face.

Suddenly, I remember that Monika is _this_ close to me. My attention is refocused on her and my smile is whisked away by the sudden onslaught of nervousness. Conveniently, she had followed my gaze to look at Sayori instead of continuing to speak. I didn’t miss anything she had said. Super. I’d like to retain any information she relays the first time through on this and all subsequent conversations.

“In any case, the biggest thing I need to know about you is that you treat people well. You don’t have much in the way of ulterior motives, or at least negative ones. I’ve spoken briefly about similar things in the past. You’re being… _real_ with me, with all of us.” A nod to her last poem, no doubt. “You didn’t give up on any of us when our problems came to light. You didn’t come to just one of us seeking something. You weren’t looking to take advantage of Natsuki or Yuri for being estranged from their peers. You took an interest in being our friend exceptionally quickly. You’re a good person. You may still be put off some by my position among the school, but you treat me just like you do the rest of my club members.”

“…” I’ve gone flushed. “W-Wow, uh… Thanks, Monika. It’s… I gotta say, it’s kind of an ego boost to hear something like that coming from you. Before the Literature Club and The Festival I was just skating by in life. I didn’t even know I had it in me to be such a decent person and good friend because it had been so long since I tried.”

_And I’ve come to regret that in so many ways…_

“It’s as I said!” Sayori beams at us. “You’re not capable of being a bad person even if you gave it your all!”

“And it shows,” Monika tacked on for good measure. She hunches over so that we’re eye-to-eye. “I, on the other hand, intend to take full advantage of your pleasant nature.”

“Huh? Th-That sounds so… odd, to say the least…”

“Ahaha! I don’t mean in a bad way!” Another pinch, this time to one cheek while she cradles my face with her other hand. “You’ve got a lot to offer. I simply want to make the most of the opportunities bestowed upon me. You’ve made the most of yours, after all.”

“I guess when you put it that way, it makes sense…” I’m not irked by the way she phrased her previous statement or anything. I just didn’t think of Monika to be this kind of person. Well, she saw an opening and took it. I guess I did as well. Haven’t we all? More like Ultimate Opportunist Club. Except Natsuki, I guess. She’s got a very different vibe from how Yuri and Monika are. “So, here’s a question.”

“Yes?”

I purse my lips and bring a hand up to hers. “You’ve been so forward with me, yet after our first kiss you seemed to do a total 180 and came off more like Yuri. What’s up with that?”

Monika twirls a finger in my hair dramatically. After just a moment, she scoots back to the other side of the mattress. “Well…” A sip of her coffee occurs while she thinks of how to phrase things, perhaps. “I’ve mentioned before how I may appear confident even when I’m really not. It comes down to acting. On some level, I’m winging what’s happened between us.” Another sip. She motions to Sayori. “This lovely lady has also talked about and shown how fun it is to tease you. To be honest, it’s been a breath of fresh air to be able to socialize with someone on a relaxed level, and I’ve been messing with you since prior to this multi-person relationship. Now, I just have more reason to screw around.”

Sayori seems quite content to sip her own drink while observing the conversation. She bobs her head a little when mentioned. Monika finishes her coffee and swipes some hair away from her face. “All part of our journey through life, and so on and so forth. We’ve covered that. It also helps that I have a dominant personality in general and know how to get things accomplished. When all is said and done, however, I want to make sure things are good between myself and whoever I’m engaged in activities with. In this case, it means making sure you aren’t being scared away. It’s also a lot easier to admit a bout of anxiety to someone when they’ve just mentioned their own, which is what happened after that kiss. I may have dived into the deep end quite early with that kiss to see where things can start and show what you’re in for, but I won’t stay there until I know both of us can handle it, you know?”

“Why does everything you say make so much sense?” I sip my soda and lean forward.

“Because I’m me! Duh!”

I stifle a laugh. “Full of yourself, huh?”

“I’d rather be full of something else, if you—”

“ _Holy kitten-caboodle, you just referenced his noodle!_ ”

Part of me wants to laugh at Sayori’s response but I’m now curled up on the mattress hiding the hell out of my face. Monika is laughing.

“You are _too easy!!!_ ”

“Hey, I did the work this time!”

I feel motion. Sure enough, I’m being approached by the vexing vixen. “Ahaha… There, there. I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”

“ _What? N-No, of course not!_ ” I don’t know how to describe just how badly my voice failed to sound normal, but it was enough to get Sayori giggling. Monika tugs me back up into a seated position and pulls me into a consoling hug.

“I’m sorry for picking on you so much. Here, relax. Rest your head on Mommy’s shoulder.”

“ ** _ON WHAT?!_** ” I practically throw myself away from Monika. I escape her loose grasp with ease, flopping down onto the mattress again. Bouts of hysterical laughter fill the room.

“ **PFFFAAAAAHAAHAAHAA!** _Aaaha, aahaha! I told you he’d freak!_ ”

“Hahaha, aaahaha! Aaah~ Sayori, where do you come up with this stuff?”

“ _Ehehehehe~ I’m— Ehehe~ I know him too well!_ ” While Sayori lauds her victory, I cover my face with my hands and attempt cessation of existence via sinking into the mattress. If I become one with the sleeping apparatus, I will have a more stable foundation upon which I will certainly not be teased as easily.

Nope, still corporeal. Not furniture. “Uuuaaaaaggghhh, whhyyy?!” I feel more movement and hear a soft plop. I can practically feel Monika’s face inches from mine.

“Because~”

“ _Th-That’s not an answer! Aaaaahhhhh I didn’t know you-you were such a…_ ” I fail to come up with something. “ _…whatever you’re being right now!_ ”

“Oh, my poor little Dear. Can’t even think of something to call me, hmm? Sayori tells me you spend ample amounts of time with a controller in your hands, but I’m not impressed with your skills. Let me tell you exactly what I am.” Her lips must be hovering dangerously close to my ear. I can feel the edges of her breath heat my ear.

“ _I am the game, and I want to play~_ ”

“Uuuuu…” I quickly become Yuri and try to hide my entire everything. Again, I am met with relative failure.

“Ehehe, ehe… I can’t believe you kept such a straight face for that! You’re something else, Monika!”

“Ahaha, you don’t have to tell me twice! But thank you! It’s always nice to put on a good performance for my adoring fans~” I’m still curled up. I may not move for a little bit. Monika, on the other hand, doesn’t remain close for long. I can feel her scooch back across the mattress. Do I hear… whispering? I am filled with dread when I feel movement approaching my side of the mattress again.

“Wuh?!” With relative ease, I’m sat up and repositioned. Monika is stronger than she looks, or at least I’m pretty sure that’s Monika. Then again, so is Natsuki. Yuri probably is, too, besides the whole back pain thing. Even Sayori was carrying Natsuki relatively easily. Am I physically the weakest club member?

“And now, a moment of rezbit!”

“Doll Face, do you mean ‘respite’?”

“Oops! Yeah, that!”

“Silly girl…”

It seems I’m in Monika’s clutches again. She’s got herself seated behind me, legs wrapped around my waist. I guess Sayori is kneeling over my outstretched legs. Almost at once, I feel four hands messing with my hair. My arms go a little weak. Another plan by Sayori, no doubt. This girl can really go the distance when it comes to teasing me. Well, by now I guess it’s both of these girls. The way their fingers are gliding through my hair makes me feel limp. A slight hum of comfort escapes me.

“Oh, this is a precious scenario.” Monika’s words echo through my head. I can practically feel myself being lulled into ease until her fingers push a little too hard against a certain spot. My shoulders hunch and I hiss a little in pain.

“Oh! Sorry! Did I scratch you?” Monika’s hands leave my head almost immediately. Sayori’s pause where they are on top of me.

“N-No, I just…” It’s best not to bring up private matters. Before I can come up with something of an excuse, Sayori speaks up.

“He and Natsuki were sparring yesterday when I came back from therapy!”

I can practically feel Monika’s surprise emanating from behind me. “…Sparring? I didn’t peg you for that kind of guy.”

“Uh…” Well, I’m not, not to mention this is just a cover story. I guess I’ve not really thought about stuff like that, though. I also never really fathomed being a very physical or loving kind of person until recently, but you are never too late to divulge in self-discovery. As for this moment in time, I wrack my brain. Sayori’s doing that thing with her fingers. Cute. I can’t get distracted though.

“He isn’t. Well, that’s what I thought, anyhow.” Sayori buys me a little more time to think. Monika not being able to see my expression helps this charade.

“Natsuki is a very… curious case, I guess. She brings out something different in me.” I shrug and groan a little. After having been reminded of my aches for but a moment, my body jumped at the chance to elaborate. This morning’s medicine decided to stop being effective at the wrong time. Ugh.

The time spent interacting with these two has been all kinds of embarrassing, but that’s not to say I can’t enjoy it. Embarrassment amongst friends and having fun with said emotions is just more proof of strong friendships. I’m just not used to being messed with by more than Sayori, who has gone into overdrive with her prankster ways. I guess I can count on her to keep things entertaining in my life, but the point is that I can count on her. “Angel, could you get me some acetaminophen?”

“Sure!” Sayori jumps to her feet and carts herself off to the bathroom. Huh. I was expecting some kind of silly joke.

“Thanks.” I exhale stiffly through my nose and lean forward. Monika’s hand rests gingerly on my shoulder.

“Got beat up, huh? Natsuki is a feisty girl, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah…” I shake my head. I haven’t seen my back, but Sayori and Natsuki did after that whole thing. I wonder what it looks like now, but I’d rather no one else see it. I’d need help to set my eyes on the damage, so I think I’ll just forget about it for the time being. “When Sayori said we were sparring, it was honestly more like Natsuki was constantly getting the upper hand. Part of me wants to use the excuse that I just wasn’t comfortable with beating up on someone smaller than me, or hurting a girl or whatever, but like… that just isn’t the case.” Wait… “I’m not gonna go up to her and start slamming fists into her face, but like, I guess I don’t have an issue with mutually-assured grappling and smacking each other around a bit…”

“Woop-woop-woop! Paramedics pulling in!” Sayori’s back. She trots out to the living room energetically. “It’s like an aquarium in your medicine cabinet!”

“…Huh?”

“I see the many fin!” Sayori deposits a single pill into my hand.

“Medicine puns, Sayori? Sometimes I wonder about you,” Monika chides. She leans away from me. Her legs remain wrapped around my waist, though her grip is significantly loosened.

“I _always_ wonder about her,” I say, shaking my head. “What I wonder about more right now is that… fin? Just one? Singular? Especially after using the word ‘many’?” I hold up my hand and point at the lone pill she gave me. With her face as proud as a new mother’s— Whoa now. Maybe I should refrain from that line of thinking after earlier. As proud as ever, she deposits two more pills into my hand.

“Another fin, and another fin! Now it’s plural!”

“Thanks, Sayori, you dork among dorks.” I spot my cup of soda hovering into view, clutched by the President behind me. So that’s what she was doing. “Thanks, Monika.” Once I down the pills with the rest of my drink, Sayori takes back her spot straddling my legs. There’s no respite from the moment of respite. She’s the one taking my cup into hand now, depositing it on the nearby tray.

“As I was saying, Natsuki can’t be trifled with. Feisty isn’t her limit; she’s absolutely _fierce_.” Am I making this convincing enough? She absolutely did beat my ass. Even if we were fighting for real on equal terms, I am sure the result would have been the same

“Maybe I’ll have to experience that ferocity myself at some point…”

“Eh?” I turn my head just a bit but can’t get a good glimpse at Monika. I don’t want to strain my neck too much, lest a hurting muscle get tugged too much in the wrong direction.

“Easy, Sweetie,” Sayori coos, grasping my face and rotating it to face forward. Her motion is precise and deliberate, a stark contrast to how she usually is. “Don’t risk hurting yourself again. Just relax~” Knowing that most of my ass-whooping had come from behind, she isn’t shy about playing with my hair from the front. I ease up and lower my head a tad.

“Mmm…” I hum softly. Well, if I can’t get a good look at Monika’s expression, I’ll just have to use my words to prod at her. “Experience Natsuki’s ferocity?”

“You heard me, bucko! I might have to get physical with her at one point.”

“M-Monika! Are… Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Mmmaybe!”

“You’re…”

Sayori’s voice lowers. I close my eyes and let her fingernails brush against my scalp, lulling me into a relaxed state.

“You’re gonna frick Natsuki?”

It takes all of my strength to not fall back laughing. Monika’s hands help me stay steady. Her reflexes are on point, something I can’t say for my own. As my laughter dissipates and becomes replaced with quieted, achy grunts, I can hear that Monika had been giggling.

“Haahaha, aha! No, you goofball! But that was the joke I was presenting, yes. Thank you.” As I recover, Monika helps me get steady. For someone so dominant in life as well as her new relationship, she can have an unexpectedly soft touch. “Nothing against Natsuki, but I don’t think she and I are each other’s types. Perhaps I could be wrong, but that’s not something that would come up anytime soon.”

Huh… you know, Sayori makes a good point. Well, not that anyone is about to get it on in bed with anyone else. Rather, I hadn’t really thought too hard about the other girls getting… intimate with each other. Sure, Sayori seems to have a particular interest in Natsuki, but that seems a lot more innocuous, right? Or have I thought about maybe there being something more between them? The lack of certainty in my head causes it to hurt in a different way than it already does.

“In any case, I’ll spell it out for you _both_ so no one gets the wrong idea, especially the perverted mind of a barely-legal boy.” Monika is teasing me again. Unfair. I blow a raspberry in the air. It isn’t aimed at her or anything. In fact, I merely manage to get a bit of spittle on the hands resting in my lap doing so. At least they’re my own hands. No one else would take kindly to that. “If Natsuki is looking for a good sparring buddy, then I’d be happy to… _trifle_ with her, ahaha~” Cute. “Considering you both know just how _great_ and _amazing_ I am at life, it shouldn’t surprise you to know that I’ve taken self-defense classes over the years. I’m already the athletic type but knowing how to protect yourself is valuable.”

“Mmm…” I coo, something of an agreeing acknowledgement while Sayori tends to me. “Hmmnnn…” My mind gets fuzzy. Perhaps I’m enjoying this a little too much. That bout of laughter not too long ago sapped me of even more of my strength, which is already lacking due to, well, recent events. I sigh and let my head slump down.

“My poor little Sweetie’s exhausted. Monika, we tuckered him out!”

“Oops! Ahaha, silly us~”

“Ehehe~”

“Ahaha~”

“Eeeheeheehee~”

“Aaahaahaahaa~”

_These girls, I swear to God… You know what, though? I’m glad that for all her technical prowess and exceptional life prowess, Monika does not shy away from engaging in even the dumbest of moments with someone like Sayori._

“ _Eeeheeheehee~_ ”

“ _Aaahaahaahaa~_ ”

_Is this Sayori’s doing? Does she give off, like, a silliness aura that helps others let loose and have more fun than usual?_

“ ** _Eeeheeheehee~_** ”

“ ** _Aaahaah—ahack!_** ”

Deep into the girls’ battle of the vocal cords, Monika starts coughing. The surprise causes me to lean forward, headbutting Sayori in the chest. She lets out a small grunt and steadies herself from falling back by holding onto my head. “ _Sorry…_ ” We come to a halt while Monika has a surprisingly lengthy fit.

“Aha, haaaagh… Oh Jesus, I’m so sorry! Please excuse me. That… Whew, that came out of nowhere! I’m sorry you had to witness that.” Thankfully, Monika seems unfazed as soon as it leaves.

“Sorry! That’s my fault. I persisted with that little thing, and… uh… ehe, I um…” Naturally, Sayori attempts to take ownership of the incident.

“Uh-uh. I’m fine! And you can’t be blamed for my actions.” Monika clears her throat and finally removes herself from behind me. “Excuse me for a moment. I need some water.”

“Plenty of bottles in the fridge,” I offer. Monika stands and makes her way into the kitchen. With a moment to ourselves, I straighten up and take a look at Sayori. “Surely she isn’t sick or anything like that.”

“Nah, Monika wouldn’t risk doing that to someone else anyhow.” The moments of our activities had finally faded, and we relax where we are. “Her immune system is probably stronger than all of ours combined.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” On top of Monika’s physical health, physiologically she is probably pristine. She’s made no bones about being a vegetarian. Her diet would straighten us all out. Greens, fruits, and vitamins galore. “That reminds me, actually. Natsuki said she was having an issue yesterday that caused her to skip out on the club. Something about medicine gone wrong, right…?”

“Yeah. We should ask about that.”

“Yeah…”

“I still feel bad. I guess I shouldn’t have egged her on.”

“Bun,” I say, short for Cinnabun, “people cough. It happens.”

“But still!”

“Are you feeling bad in there, Sayori?” As expected, it doesn’t take Monika long to return. It seems she’d already taken plenty of sips from her water bottle. Half of it was gone. “I’m fine! You’re making too much of a big deal about this.”

“But!!!”

“Ah-ah-ah! No buts!” With a sway of her hips, Monika perches herself next to us and leans down. “Little Missy, you can’t try to take responsibility for someone else’s involuntary bodily actions. Be reasonable.”

“But!!!!!” The urgency at which Sayori responded kept escalating in dramatic fashion, so I get the feeling she’s at least partially messing around.

“Sayori.” A stern expression crosses Monika’s face. “Say ‘but’ one more time and you’ll pay for it.”

I’m not sure what to make of Monika’s threat. Can it be called a threat? Surely, she is joking around. Sayori must think that too, as I see her face scrunch up in deep thought. Her eyes squint.

“…But.”

Monika whirls around and bumps her hip against Sayori’s head. A squeal of surprise flees my girlfriend as she tumbles over. “There’s your ‘but’, you butt!” Monika looks awfully proud of herself. Sayori simply sticks her tongue out towards the standing girl.

“So, like, are you actually okay, Monika?” I pose my question to her. “Not just about the coughing fit but about missing club yesterday.” She doesn’t look enthralled for it to have come up, but I guess I wouldn’t if I was being asked why I may have been having issues in the bathroom.

“Yeah, don’t worry about that. It wasn’t urgent enough to require attention, but I felt I should take it easy. You two wanted me to, anyhow. ” I _think_ I see her trying to deflect attention away from the issue by also reassuring us and saying how she was trying to not stress herself out. “Unfortunately, I suppose I ought to get going. Home beckons this simple school star.” Oy, she _would_ follow up with something like that.

“Abominable. Awesome alliteration as always, ahaha~” Did… Did Sayori come up with that on the fly? Since when does she use language like that? Seriously, not only does she display grammatical skills that Yuri would blush at, but she herself belted out a more alliterative sentence than Monika as well as, erm, stealing our President’s typical giggle for extra points. I’m stunned.

“Thanks, Doll Face!” Monika tosses her words behind her as she heads towards the door. With shoes slipped on, her bag is taken up into her arms. I’m not totally satisfied about her answer regarding the medicine thing, but I get the feeling she will just double down on her defense. Perhaps we can ask another time.

As Sayori and I get to our feet, I a little slower due to my aches, I hear Monika clear her throat. She finishes her bottle of water and tosses it at me. “Catch!”

I don’t even try. It bonks off my head harmlessly. Sayori snatches it out of midair before it can fall too far. “Got it!”

“Good job!” Now equipped to leave, Monika slings her bag over her shoulder. “Thanks for having me, you two. I had fun!”

“Eee~ Glad to hear!”

“As am I. I’m still not used to having anyone besides Sayori over here, but it’s nice to know that nothing but positives have been happening so far.”

_Sort of._

“Being beaten down counts as a positive?”

“Even if I was on the receiving end of an ass-whoopin’, it’s still time well-spent with another friend… partner… person…”

“Hm… You know what? I can understand and respect that stance. Good on you for looking at it that way.”

“Thanks, Monika.”

Monika steps into the now-open front doorway. “You must know that Natsuki appreciates you not holding back when you interact, right?”

 _More than you know, Monika._ “Yeah, she’s said as much lately.”

“Others might be put off by the idea of engaging in friendly fisticuffs with someone of a fairer sex, but it just means you aren’t treating us like fragile works of art or putting us on a pedestal.”

 _Ugh… As much as we did a fine job of hiding what really happened so suddenly, I’m starting to get uncomfortable with the praise Monika is feeding me. I know this is essentially a lie, so it feels dishonest accepting the good things she’s saying. I didn’t expect this much out of her. Boy, would she be disappointed to learn that this has been a farce. I mean, I did put my hands on Natsuki first so in a way she’s right, but it wasn’t for the reasons she’s thinking._ “Alright, alright. I appreciate the positive words. You’ll overwhelm me.”

“Sorry! I guess I just— Ah, I should shut up now! Sorry sorry!” Monika leans in and grabs my face with both hands. Without warning, I’m pulled into a pretty strong lip-lock. It takes me a moment to reciprocate, but Monika hums in delight when she feels it. Our lips part and I think my face may look sunburnt. “Get better at that. You’ll find it’s more fun for all involved when you know what you’re doing.”

“Ah, r-right.” Even though I’m not used to such attention, at least Monika is independent enough to not fear going after what she wants.

“Ehehe, don’t worry~ I’ll make sure he gets in lots of practice.”

“You and I both know that you’re more of a cuddle monster than a make-out artist, Doll Face.”

“Shhh! That can change!”

“Aha, I guess so.” Finally, Monika starts backing out of the house, giving a small wave as she does so. “Take care, you two~ See you during club time tomorrow!”

Sayori gives a silly little salute. “Later, tater!” Dork.

“Be safe,” I say to conclude our interactions for the day. Once Monika is off my property, I close the door. Turning, I notice Sayori giving me a coy look.

“I know you just closed that but do me a favor and open it back up.” Once she starts kicking her shoes on, I understand why. Back open the door goes.

* * *

”Yooo, long time no see!”

Monika had only gotten yards away when she heard Sayori call out from behind her. “Maybe when talking about the lifespan of insects. What’s up?”

“The door was closed for maybe half a second when I realized I still had to go do my daily romp around my place.” The shorter girl gave a nod to her house, which was within spitting distance by now. “Give Mr. Cow a hug, ask Mrs. Bird what is ‘the word’, and grab a change of clothes.”

“You haven’t just brought your whole wardrobe with you already?”

“I may be doing better lately, but I’m still kinda lazy.”

Monika shrugs, ignoring the sound of her text tone going off in her bag. “Understandable. Glad you’re doing better.”

“Thanks! I won’t keep you since we just said goodbye. Plus, I’m eager to get back. I wanna do some… kissing… ehehe~”

“That’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, you hornball!”

“ _Pffaaahaha!_ Didn’t expect something like that out of your mouth. You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Always!” As they neared the front gate to Sayori’s house, she turned away and started skipping towards her destination. “Take care~”

“Stay sweet, Doll Face!” Proceeding past Sayori’s house, Monika reached into her bag and unlocked her phone.

 _Mom:_ [There is a rumor going around that you have a boyfriend. Is that true?]

Well, _this_ is about to be a conversation. Monika’s fingers start tap-tap-tapping away.

 _Monika:_ [A rumor going around _where?_ I’d understand school but wouldn’t expect you to know what the latest gossip there is.]  
_Mom:_ [Some of your peers may have it out for you. A social media profile with obvious fake info decided to send us messages. I know you’ve mentioned that the Debate Club has been irritated that you haven’t returned to them even though your club hasn’t been flourishing.]

 _Monika:_ [Being the star of the school is becoming tiring. I guess those disgruntled by my leaving more prestigious positions in the school to do my own thing will try to make an example out of me as a message to not cross them. I thought they were not going to surpass being _just_ annoying. Clearly, they have no problem being spiteful, vindictive creeps as well. I’m glad I left them in the dust. I’m doing what I would prefer to. As for this boyfriend business, this is a very recent development.]  
_Mom:_ [As long as it doesn’t interfere with your responsibilities.]

Monika sighed. She had always been exceptionally independent. It came naturally due to being so charismatic, talented, and putting together events for whatever educational facility she stepped into. However, she didn’t appreciate her parents trying to push her more towards what they wanted her to do, as has been verbalized to others. Even in the few months before The Festival, Sayori had grown knowledgeable about Monika moving in the direction of her passions rather than accomplishment for the sake of accomplishment and offered support. It nicely counteracted her parents’ skepticism. That silly girl, always trying to help. Surely, expending that much energy on others wasn’t great for her mental health.

 _“…_ ”

Well, as long as she was being sincere just a moment ago.

 _Monika:_ [Even if it does, I would much rather figure out my personal life while I’m still young. Having a decent partner in your youth, even if you don’t go the distance, is a good feeling-out experience for all involved so you can figure out what you want and need in a relationship. I haven’t exactly had the chance to ponder on these things thanks to you and Dad. Don’t get me wrong; your motivation and encouragement have helped me build a wonderful resume at such a young age. On the other hand, I wonder if I come off as sincere when interacting with my peers on a more simplistic, casual level. Presenting as a consummate professional all the time has its drawbacks, and one of those is stunting my ability to relate to even my friends. I say what I feel is correct but can’t be sure that they’re not just humoring me when they seem to appreciate what I have to say.]  
_Mom:_ [We just don’t want you to lose sight of what’s important professionally.]

 _Monika:_ [I could get into any school I wanted to and probably bring prestige to it with my name alone.]  
_Mom:_ [Perhaps we didn’t do a good enough job at teaching you to be humble.]

 _Monika:_ [At this point, I **have** to believe I’m the best, that I bring something to the table just by existing near a given establishment. It’s what literally half my life has revolved around. Don’t tell me you and Dad don’t know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you do wonderfully in your corresponding professions and do just as much there as I am with my accomplishments so far. There’s a difference between ego and _knowing_ that you’re maybe a little too good at the majority of what you put work into. I’m not going to swagger about as though I own the place, but I haven’t gotten to this point in my life while merely thinking I’m just above average.]  
_Mom:_ [I wish I could better tell whether you have a complex or not. I sincerely hope you don’t. You absolutely deserve accolades; avoiding blowback from others thinking you’re getting too big for your britches is also ideal.]

Monika shakes her head and grows more visibly stern as she types.

 _Monika:_ [This is not megalomania. I am not perfect, but I _am_ that damn good. I’m smug, but not to a point that is detrimental. I’m the most self-aware person in the district, if not beyond.]

Monika grimaces and hesitates as she types her last sentence.

 _Monika:_ [If I wasn’t, then it’s at _that_ point I’d lose sight of how much of an asset I am. I may have to believe I’m the best but I don’t let it truly get in the way of what I do. I may be getting ahead of myself trying to psychoanalyze my own brain, but the fact is that I _was_ brought up right. Surely, I was brought up better than most. I keep a steady sense of morality and professionalism in the face of those who may look at me as though I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. Frankly, if anyone thinks that I’m full of myself, that’s _their_ problem.]  
_Mom:_ [If you truly know what you’re doing, then I suppose we can’t offer much else in the way of advice.]

 _Monika:_ [I haven’t led you astray yet. I think. Right?]  
_Mom:_ [You raise a good point. We are proud of you.]

Even though Monika has been a little at odds with her parents since forming the Literature Club, it was reassuring to find words like those come from them. She only wished she could trust it more. She knew that sad truth about phenomenal overachievers in the early years leads to higher expectations than even the most dedicated and selfless workhorse can fail to live up to, lest it cause them distress in the real world. She couldn’t shake the feeling that they would some day stop being proud of her. Considering she was leaving out some details about her relationship and the fact that some of her former Debate Club mates may have been behind this little rumor, she wondered if the day they stop being proud is closing in. The idea of expecting increasingly invasive, spiteful, and perhaps even hostile things to circulate the school doesn’t sit well with her, but she can’t stand for their crap. She also is not going to back down from the chances she’s been given as of late. The school faculty was not likely to care about her personal life per se, but her fellow classmates might finally decide to revolt and make it known through unsavory actions how jealous they are of her drive and accomplishments once a little push is given. Being the best was not always the best, and that leads to the best trying to actively avoid being the best. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it. She doesn’t look down at those who haven’t accomplished as much as her, but she does look down on those who look up at others’ successes and sneer.

 _Mom:_ [Are you close to home?]  
_Monika:_ [I just left my boyfriend’s house. Club was quiet so we decided to spend more time at his place with his friend, my Vice President.]  
_Mom:_ [That Sayori girl, right?]  
_Monika:_ [Yes. She’s doing good. Well, _better_ is the more appropriate term.]  
_Mom:_ [That is reassuring to hear.]

 _Monika:_ [It’s reassuring to experience. Her personality is infectious. To have less of her kind in the world is a travesty humanity should not have to bear.]  
_Mom:_ [I cannot agree with you more.]  
_Monika:_ [I’m not closing much distance on home standing here typing this, so I’ll see you when I get there.]  
_Mom:_ [Okay. Enjoy the nice breeze. Maybe this is a little odd to hear from your mother, but days like these are perfect for wearing the kind of skirts you have to for school.]

_Sounds like something Sayori might say._

With that conversation out of the way, Monika started off in the direction of her home. Even though talking with her mother had gone better than expected, she nonetheless felt stressed. Once she was safely out of sight from Sayori’s house, she tossed her phone back into her bag. Keeping it open, she fumbled with something from within while she kept her eyes on the sidewalk. After a moment, her slender fingers wrapped around what she was looking for.

 _Hopefully that coughing fit remains a product of overexertion and doesn’t become a mainstay of everyday life for a while,_ Monika thought as she flicked open the pack of cigarettes in her hand. It was barely a day old, much like her foray into this new habit, but the pack was already half-empty. Snagging one cig and the green lighter from within, she deposited the pack into her bag and lit the nicotine cylinder. _I am not sure if I should want these to be relieving my stress or fail so I’m forced to find a healthier alternative, but oh well…_

With the soft, fiery glow of potential addiction on the outskirts of Monika’s vision, she set off towards home.

* * *

End Chapter 11

* * *

 **_Next time…_ ** _“If it was just us two, would you still be happy?”_

 _Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	12. Most Cherished

Notes & Responses

* * *

**Important notes below. Please be sure to read them. This should be the second and last of the major notes segments going forward.**

DDLC’s official warning reads thusly: **This game is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed.** To add my own: **Those with histories of mental illness and other serious issues may not have a safe experience with this story. I suspect that some of you will be at risk. Please be careful when consuming this or any other piece of fan content.**

_Whew, just in time [/sarcasm]…_

I want to share a small bit about me. My name is Jason (male, he/him). I’m 27, mentally ill, and potentially not neurotypical. DDLC has been my hyperfixation over the last… almost a year now. It’s as intense as any I’ve ever had. It fucked me up for a few days (including sleep issues) after I first played it. I wrote an essay after a breakdown one morning consuming related content. If you’re interested in said essay, go to aimless-shenanigans (dot) tumblr (dot) com, archive, February 2019.

 **This is a serious endeavor and is a product of love first and foremost.** The Dokis may have flaws and may be objectively or subjectively wrong sometimes, but that’s to be expected from a bunch of eighteen-year-olds. I am placing my personal integrity on the line to write a compelling story starring the characters I’ve cried over more than anything else in my life (probably). I am not going to do a disservice to them nor to anyone reading, as that would be a failing on my part. I have enough of those. **I’m putting everything I have into this.**

**There is a small retcon to Ch. 11.**

The section: _Hopefully that coughing fit remains a product of overexertion and doesn’t become a mainstay of everyday life for a while_ , Monika thought as she flicked open the pack of cigarettes in her hand. [It was barely a day old but was already half-empty from yesterday.]

The change: [It was barely a day old, much like her foray into this new habit, but the pack was already half-empty.]

The reason: to better convey that Monika only just started smoking entirely, as the previous wording only indicated how old the pack was.

A few responses expressed that I did not do a good job foreshadowing Monika smoking. I can understand that. On the flipside, the smoking was _meant_ to be sudden on some level. _Some._ It has been in the plans for a long time. **I refuse to put in throwaway shock value for the sake of shock value.** I want to make that perfectly clear. Smoking aside, I have been foreshadowing that Monika _is_ having problems and is seeking coping methods. Not all of those are going to be _healthy_.

1\. Chapter 2, MC & Monika conversation: Monika admits to obtaining as-needed anti-anxiety tablets in response to her parents and the student council stressing her out.

2\. Chapter 3, MC & Monika conversation: Monika’s level of truthfulness seems sketchy, and it’s implied she’s hiding _something_ or another.

3\. Chapter 8, MC/Sayori/Monika conversation towards the end: Monika is demonstrated as having further issues.

4\. Chapter 10, first segment: Natsuki mentions that Monika isn’t coming because she “screwed up taking a medicine” and wasn’t feeling well (which I’ll outright say is related to the anxiety meds).

And now, she’s smoking. I bring these things up because, uh, I write slow. Ch. 2 and Ch. 3 were like… months ago, so who is gonna remember that stuff lmao. Maybe elaborating outside the story looks bad but it’s also more frustrating consuming a piece of media that is incomplete because you can’t just proceed on to get the answers. I understand that. Reminders don’t hurt, as I don’t expect anyone to go back and reread. I also know that answers to this and other things may not come anytime soon so I’d rather address some things outright to placate those who have reservations. Whether that helps or hurts the perceptions some readers may have is up for debate.

 **You are free to still dislike, disagree, believe, and voice that I am not doing a good enough job on a given thing.** Everything is subjective. I am no exception. Fan fiction simply allows me to respond and give my side of things as we go, but I’m not going to ever say that you’re wrong for thinking my methodology is wrong or disliking how I presented something.

 **I am doing my best to present things as factual or accurate to the real world.** However, taking anything present in this _or any_ story as undisputable is a bad idea. This is especially prevalent regarding things that may be subjective or differ from person to person, such as the symptoms of depression. **Do your own research.** If you spot something that doesn’t seem right or is without a shadow of a doubt not factual or accurate, even to something previously established in this fic, however… _Ehehe~_

 ** _Finally, Ch. 13 (the one after this) will be the end of the first major part of this fic._** Things will open up way more. I have a _lot_ of shit planned and scripted, and there will be a _lot_ more variety in who interacts with who, when, around who else, and all that stuff than everything prior to then.

Hey who wants responses? Most of you can skip to the chapter now lmao, though if you are curious you _can_ go through these responses as well as the original comments on the fic on the corresponding sites they’re posted on.

 **BinaryWaffle343 (AO3)** – I’m still not sure about smut. I think I said in the notes of an earlier chapter that I would not include it, partially to deter having to rate it higher on the mature ratings and partially because Mother and Sister are reading this, but I’m not fully convinced. It would be way more implicit than explicit, and I wouldn’t be writing nudity or sex I don’t think. I’m more of a sensual guy anyhow. Then again, some nudity can be sensual. Sex can, too, but if I toss in a fondle here or there that will still require bumping the rating up and a clear warning. So, I’m undecided. Maybe I’ll hold off until I get that far, cross the bridge when I get there and all that.

 **Natan R./Natan.R??? (FF)** – Have I been misreading and mistyping your username this whole time? I’m sorry dude! Glad you enjoyed the chapter though. If you’re having feelings, then I’m doing well, uhuhu~

 **O’Diver (FF)** – I’d say I wonder about where their relationships will take them but, um, I (mostly) know already. Ahaha~ Glad you enjoyed, and I will indeed keep it up 😊

 **TheDemonWithin115 (WP)** – Scared? Aroused? Why not both? I believe the appropriate term is “scaroused.” I appreciate the kind words, as always! Yeah, some ominous things. Always with Monika lmao, but then that tends to be par for the course.

**The Beyond Unstable Crew (FF)**

**A Starlit Drive (FF)** – Glad you enjoyed the character interactions. That seems to be a big highlight for most people commenting on this fic, and that is kind of the focus so that’s good lmao. As for the mere presence of parental figures besides Dadsuki, I mentioned way back when (also in Ch. 2) about Monika’s expecting more of her and yadda yadda. That entire segment was improv, surprise surprise, but it is an additive to her arc rather than something that will stand alone. Bless, mate!

 **MrsMistyEyes (FF)** – I’m glad y’all are back as well :P Ye, gotta have some levity between serious emotion, ahaha~ Monika sorely needed this. I appreciate that you love the story even if you don’t totally agree with some of my decisions. I’m confident that my flaws will be vastly overshadowed by my abilities. As far as Momika is concerned (I’m coining that nickname now), yeah, no mention of her or other parental figures is made beyond Dadsuki. Well, if you count the fictional-turned-fan-character Amy from Nat’s 2 nd poem, that’s two. Cheers for the feedback mate.

 **MelancholyFactory (FF)** – Don’t worry about being late for a review lmao. Looks like the whole crew always comments at the same time. I assume you lot know each other IRL, especially considering y’all mentioned all getting together around New Year’s. Monika sorely needed some focus. In hindsight, it kind of fits that it took so long for her to get some, eh? Just like the base game. Monika and Sayori interacting is defo great. It’s nice to see them do so and to write them like this. I am sure I mentioned but I imagined them being friends before the Literature Club began, and having Monika play the straight woman to Sayori’s zaniness is a nice dynamic that is just different enough to how Yuri plays off of Sayori that it adds another dimension to things.

MC not having a name was one of my earliest ideas. Y/N and Anon I never much cared for, and even just “MC” also came off as wonky to me in fanfics for a while, even though plenty of people go by their initials alone or just an unrelated nickname for whatever reason. This isn’t the case as much now, thankfully. I checked out that song (That Vicious Vixen With The Beard, for anyone that isn’t Melancholy reading this) and it’s pretty decent. Cool stuff. Cheers for the feedback mate 😊

 **IHateMyselfAndIWantToDie (FF)** – I see what you mean about Talking. Ten being light is definitely understandable in the face of someone who smoked as much as he said he did in his comment. Glad you thought the Monika stuff was worth waiting for. And yeah it’s no surprise that a lot of fanfic authors toss Sayori and Monika into, like, bitter enemies roles rather quickly (even though it makes sense). And ooohhh I’m sure plenty of people think MC and Monika will be the steamiest relationship. I am glad that you will be returning for more chapters!

 **TalkingsForFunctioningPeople (FF)** – Please enjoy this response that is as large as my responses to everyone else. A bit of something more relaxed is good to separate an emotional scene, for sure. I’m glad people seemed to enjoy the Monika interactions. As I’ve said, I’m doing the most out-there things with her, and that kind of includes navigating the expansion of her personality since some of it wound up being eventually influenced by the meta stuff. “But Jason, there have been allusions to meta things in your story including by Monika, haven’t there?” Hmm…

Dadsuki is really popular in the fandom to refer to Nat’s Dad so I’m surprised you haven’t heard it lmao. Most immersive, huh? Man, I’m doing something great. Cheers for that one. As for… Momika (loool), as I said above to Starlit, that conversation I made off the top of my head. I figured it’d give a little more insight to Monika’s motivations and where her head is at or going and it lines up with other things.

I addressed the major parts of your comment in my general notes above. If you gotta get critical, then get critical. This is probably not something you expected to see in a DDLC fanfic, so on some level I’m certainly sorry if I caused you a deal of issues by its presence. I and many others are glad you are alive and doing much better, and congratulations on approaching year 2 of being substance-free! I hope the Sert/Zoloft is a comparatively small price to pay for, y’know, still being alive, and that it does good things for you without anything nasty on the side. I can’t imagine the battle, frankly. Admittedly, I don’t smoke cigs, which you would probably be relieved to hear. A LOT of family smokes, however, and that’s most certainly contributed to their fair share of health issues. I’ll refrain from going into detail, as I don’t want to just toss that here all willy-nilly and possibly bother you further. I do have recent (sporadic) experience with marijuana over the past year (you will probably also be relieved to know I’m not abusing it, even if I’m sure you still would be worried about its presence AT ALL and I don’t blame you for that) and am well-aware weed and cigs are two entirely different beasts.

As for the sensitive subjects issue, as I said above, integrity. Helps that I’m older than you probably knew. You’re older than I’d have suspected since you mentioned 2003. I was still in middle school. I’ll surmise that you are probably older than me. I’ll just have to do my part to make you believe that I ain’t fucking things up, eh? I don’t intend to preach much, if anything, during this fic. Hell, as far as smoking goes, it’s 2019; I doubt there are very many people who are all, “But you smoooooke?! But you’re so yoooooung! Demonize, demonize, demonize!” and go on about stuff like that. I feel like that would be unrealistic. Maybe if they weren’t quite adults it’d be more understandable for one’s peers to react that way if they knew, but still.

I will defend the whole shocking thing slightly since I don’t think shocking people is inherently a bad thing, and I already gave the answer of “this was planned for a long time” you were hoping for. This is all subjective though so I ain’t gonna, ya know, harp on the matter. You and everyone else are more than free to give your input, not that I should need to say as much. That’s kind of the purpose of all this lmao.

I’m glad you enjoyed the chapter overall, I appreciate your confidence despite some reservations, and I’m glad your interest nonetheless remains. As far as the parents or _any_ character outside of those from the base game, generally it will be limited to smaller appearances for the most part. I may have mentioned this but the prospect of making this a mod down the line coupled with not having any visual artistic talent with which to make my own assets (or money to commission them) would see me relying on official and already-made fan content to make it. Dadsuki is someone who has at least two designs so he’s less of an issue should it come to that, but anyone else, like, doesn’t exist lmao. Hell, I had a dramatic moment lined up with one of someone else’s parents that I wrote the script for. It would have happened far into the future of the story. I am ultimately nixing it due to the fact that it wouldn’t work as well without reasonably shifting focus and including a sub-plot I also decided not to pursue in the interest of pacing the arc of the corresponding character. Better to cut something, no matter if it may be good, than to have it fall flat because the pieces aren’t there.

And yooo, I’m glad I could inspire you mate! I hope you do well with this renewed writing spark 😊

* * *

Chapter 12: Most Cherished

* * *

I’m still not sure what to make of Monika. She is as curious as they come. Then again, we truly have only spent so much time together. I know some of Yuri’s issues, I know some of Natsuki’s issues, and of course I’m more familiar with Sayori’s now. To unlock Monika’s tragic backstory, I guess I’ll just have to continue spending time with her.

Wow, did I really just phrase it like that to myself with no sense of irony? Lord have mercy, I am such a nerd. Well, in any case, I ought to hope that Monika doesn’t have many issues to begin with. It’d be nice to know that the most well-adjusted of the club doesn’t have to worry about as much as the others. I mean, there is the whole taking too much onto her shoulders thing and maybe overly concerning herself with the club, but those aren’t terribly huge. To me. Eh, I guess there is no telling. I can’t judge how important these things are to other people.

What I know for sure is that the club is very important to Monika. All of the members want what’s best for everyone else. What’s best for Sayori and I right now is lying in bed and cuddling. I tend to be the big spoon, and tonight is one of those nights. With Monika having left hours ago and dinner now behind us, our nightly routine revolves around relaxation. It’s exceptionally easy for us to just lay together and be at ease. It’s that whole touch starvation thing. We may not be doing anything besides watching TV, but she’s just as comfortable in my arms as I am comfortable holding her close.

One thing I’m eternally grateful for is that talking to Sayori is super easy. Not only that, but this whole _comfortable silence_ thing is awesome. At first, I had so much trouble talking to the other girls. Natsuki was standoffish, Yuri had issues socially, and Monika just intimidated me. Now, I’m intimidated by Monika and Yuri for other reasons. Natsuki, amazingly, is the most easygoing. Sure, problems have arisen recently, but that’s different. I guess.

Sayori, conversely, is the one person with whom I can share anything. Well, nearly anything. I did skimp out on the idea of jumping in the shower to clean her up when she was having an episode—is it right to think of depression like that?—but that’s _also_ different. No need to guess about why I wouldn’t want to be naked with my girlfriend this early in our relationship, but most things aren’t as dire as that. Clearly, Sayori has no issue with referring to the fact that genitals exist when she… Hahaha, what was it she said to Monika? _Skidoodle-skadoodle, you just referenced his noodle?_ Mmm, that first part doesn’t sound right. Whatever. A stupid smile crosses my face.

“What’re you smiling about back there?”

“Bwuh?!” I audibly and physically startle. “How did you know I smiled?”

“I could feel your lips.”

Ah, right. When we are spooning like this, one of my favorite things to so is nuzzle my face against where her neck and shoulder meet. I’m trying to get _away_ from this whole being inattentive thing, damnit! Instead, I find myself lost in my thoughts during these most chill times. I guess if it has to do with Sayori then I shouldn’t be too concerned.

“Something ridiculous you said earlier crossed my mind.”

“That could be anything.” Sayori hummed and reached up. I poked my head further over her shoulder so she could feel for my face. “I say a lot of ridiculous stuff.”

“Yeah, you do.” As Sayori caresses my cheek, my palm sways its way across her tummy. As though planned, we exhale a most contented breath at the same time. “How do you come up with some of that, anyhow?”

“It’s easy!”

“Easy… how?”

“Well, sometimes, I just think of random weird stuff when my brain isn’t preoccupied with other things and figure out how I might use it in conversation.” Sayori lightly pats my cheek. “Other times, it’s simple: just say the first dumb thing to come to mind!”

“Ridiculous, maybe, but dumb is not what some of the stuff that comes out of your mouth is. Bunches of creative, almost whimsical things leave your lips. Your imagination is astounding.” I give her a kiss on the neck. She practically squeals. “My smart little Cinnamon Bun. What would I do without you?”

_Die, probably._

 

 

 

 

 

“—ter care of each other, but—”

 

 

 

“—make things awkward saying that, did I?”

 

 

 

“Yoo-hoo, Earth to my belov—”

 

 

 

“Ow! _OW!_ ”

I jump and come to my senses when Sayori rips herself out of my grip. She’s facing me, a hand protectively hovering in front of her stomach. “Dude, what was that?!”

“What… um…”

“You just started squeezing my stomach with your hand!”

 

 

 

“You even left a little red mark. You should kiss it better!”

 

 

 

“Sweetie? Hey, I— _Hey!_ ”

A small shove to my shoulder brings me back to my senses. Again. Sayori keeps shaking my shoulder beyond that.

“Pay attention!”

“Okay, okay, I’m paying attention.”

 

…

 

“No you’re not!”

A flick to my forehead causes me to recoil and squint. “Owww…” Gentle slaps to my cheeks continue to barrage me. “What, what, what?!”

“I dunno! You tell me!” I’m pulled up into a seated position. Sayori’s hands grasp my shoulders. “Look. Look at me.”

I do so. My eyes are studied, and this time I remain attentive. Sayori’s pressed lips ultimately relax after some moments. “Alright. That’s better. Now, tell me what happened.”

I avert my gaze. My breathing normalizes, something I didn’t realize had changed until now. I was just reaffirming to myself earlier that Sayori and I don’t have to hold back from each other, but I still hesitate to bring up the last clear thing that shot through my head.

I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath.

…

I sigh heavily and force my eyes to hers.

“A nasty thought crossed my mind.”

Instantly, Sayori’s expression softens into something sympathetic. “Oh… I guess I figured, but I didn’t want that to be it.” She pulls me into a hug. “It’s okay, Sweetie. It was just a thought. Just _one_ thought, one _tiny_ little raincloud passing by.”

“Yeah…” I let my hands remain limp at my sides. My forehead takes up the empty spot that Sayori’s shoulder offers.

“Whatever it is, it doesn’t have control of you. It arrives, it mouths off, and it leaves.”

“Y-Yeah…”

…

_Mmmch!_

A small kiss connects with the side of my head. “Come on, it’s time for me to hold you now.”

I put up little resistance. I guess tonight isn’t exclusively a big spoon kind of night. Now it’s Sayori rubbing her hand across _my_ stomach and nuzzling her lips against the crook of _my_ neck.

…

You know, it’s times like these that I understand how she can just doze off so peacefully. When she’s in my current position, she must feel as protected and loved as I do right now. If only this could simply undo the lapse in reality I experienced just a few moments ago.

…

“Thanks. I feel a little better.”

“Anything for my Sweetie.”

“You’re good at that. Uh. I guess, anyhow. You did extremely well with Natsuki, too, and I don’t think I ever mentioned it. Great job. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. Gotta be good at something, right?”

“Sure do.”

 

…

 

“I’m sorry for going unresponsive.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You weren’t in the right frame of mind.”

“What about your stomach?”

“You can kiss it better another time.”

“Heh. Thanks.”

“Eh? What are you thanking _me_ for? You’re doing something for me, not the other way around!”

“You already know I like your tum. Soft, kissable, comfortable…”

“Well, as long as you’re flirting with me, then I guess I can relax. Whatever that thought was must not have been as bad as I feared.”

 

_Well… Yeah, let’s go with that._

 

“I’m still keeping you in my clutches, though.”

“Fine by me.”

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

“Why do you love me?”

_Oh no…_

“Because I’ve known you for fifteen years?”

“Besides that.”

“Didn’t we have this conversation recently?”

“Yeah, but…”

Sayori hesitates. Her hand wraps around and under my midsection, holding me closer. The volume of her voice lowers.

“It’s nice to hear things like that from time to time.”

_You poor, pained Angel…_

“You’re the most important person in my life. You’re sweet, imaginative, and silly. You positively increase in the mood of any given room you walk into. You’re way more talented and intelligent than you let on and use that to entertain and surprise others. You’re also wonderful at comforting and nurturing others, even when you yourself are hurting and even if that isn’t the best idea. You’re selfless to a fault and make the world at large a better place just by existing.”

 

…

 

“…Thanks.”

“Anytime, Angel.”

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

“If it was just us two, would you still be happy?”

“ _Holy shit._ ” I hope I didn’t startle her with my flat vulgarity. We will _both_ hold each other tonight, it seems. I gently remove her arm from around me and turn around. As expected, she doesn’t look too chipper. Without hesitation, I embrace the crestfallen girl. “ _Yes! Of course I would still be happy! I love you!_ ”

“…”

“Look at me.”

“…?”

“Now, look anywhere _but_ me.”

“…Huh?”

“Just do it.”

“…”

“Now back at me.”

“Um…”

“Now away.”

“…”

“Now back at me.”

“… _PFFT!_ ” Thank goodness she laughed at the dumb face I just made. “Weirdo.”

“Oh, right, sure. _I’m_ the weirdo. Who fell in love with a loser-loner-introvert again?”

“Why does that make me weird?”

“That isn’t what makes you weird. It’s everything else. Sure doesn’t help, though.”

“ _Oh, stappit, you!_ ” The shove Sayori gives my shoulder this time is lighthearted. We smile at each other.

…

I want to stop there and just hold her, but I’m worried that her brain will run away on her again with falsehoods and delusions. A brief foray into the important will suffice. “I know it’s only been… practically no time at all, but are you unhappy with how this relationship stuff has gone so far?”

…Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, now that I think about it. Sayori isn’t the only impulsive one in this room it seems, but it will keep her attention and is relevant to her asking if I’d still be happy.

“Huh?” Though we’re laying down on our sides, Sayori shakes her head. Her hair gets messed up more than usual against the pillow. “No. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“Are you unhappy?”

“No.” My response is matter-of-fact. “It’s the most exciting my life has been. Certain aspects of things are… intense, but that can happen with any new experience.” I lean in and plant a small kiss on Sayori’s forehead. Her lips curl up. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be my number one girl.”

“Mmm… You’ll always be my number one boy.”

“Heh? I’m the only boy in this arrangement.”

“That just makes it easier for me to say!”

“Aha, aha… Dork.”

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

“Milan?”

* * *

As soon as I say his name, he looks like he just bit into a lemon. I expected that. He prefers the nickname he’s had since childhood—MC—even though his name sounds nice.

“Y-Yes, my precious little…” He can’t finish his sentence through gritted teeth. I almost feel bad, taking amusement from his reaction, but I could use the entertainment. Once it’s clear he can’t continue, I proceed:

“Do I really love you if I never had those kinds of moments where it just… clicked?”

“…” His eyes divert in a diagonal direction. Yuri’s said before that looking in certain directions can denote how one’s brain is working in a given moment, but I can’t remember which direction corresponds to what. “I know less about love than you do. If you feel that you love me, then it must be real, right?”

“I guess.” Love is complicated. And dumb. Yeah, definitely both of those things. “Have you had something like that?”

“Uuuhhhnnnmmmfff…” That was an incredibly flattering noise that I’m trying not to laugh at. Well, he says that some of the small things I do amuse him. I guess it’s only fair that some of the things he does have the same effect on me. “I guess not? Most of the emotions I’ve felt towards you over the past month-plus have been a retroactive realization of just how important you are to me. I haven’t really thought too much about it. I just… At this point, I know I love you.”

“Consider yourself lucky.” I lower my head but puff my cheeks out. Hafta not seem so down. “I didn’t have a moment, but I sure found out about my feelings after long enough. Wish I didn’t keep them hidden for so long.” … “I’m glad I had to bear the brunt of that instead of you, at least.”

“Why?”

“So you didn’t have to suffer.”

The sigh coming from his mouth was no surprise. I can feel my mood worsening, knowing what he’s about to say. I still don’t really like people wasting their time and energy on me. A few weeks isn’t going to change that. I’m putting up a fight this time because… well, sometimes it’s nice hearing that people care about you, even if you don’t believe it. Things may not be perfect, but they’re overall better. In just a handful of weeks, I’ve been able to directly ask for things here and there. The sort of validation you can get is powerful. It does good to and for your brain. At least, that’s the kind of thing my therapist says. There’s no shame in it, no need to feel guilty. It’s a difficult process, but knowing I’ve been able to do it at all is a reassuring prospect.

“I would suffer for you.”

“You _would_ say that.” _And I wish you wouldn’t have such thoughts_.

“It’s true.”

“…”

“Angel?”

“I hope you never have to.”

“We’ve been over this. Whatever happens, happens.”

“…”

“Right?”

“Right…”

I throw my arms around him and close the distance between us. My cheek nuzzles against his.

“Promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“That you’ll love me forever.”

…

My words seem to have sparked something in him. He pulls away slightly. Something about his expression makes my heart quiver. I can’t imagine what he’s about to do or say, and the suspense is already getting to me. Okay, I know he’s going to promise that he will always love me because of how amazing the past number of weeks have been, but it won’t just be straightforward. It won’t be a simple few words. I can just _feel_ it.

Speaking of, I feel stupid sometimes when I realize there’s doubt in my mind. I’m trying not to cast it upon him anymore. No, the problem lies within me. Stupid rainclouds… It’s painfully obvious that he cares deeply for me. It was only days after I confessed—and that other thing too—that he started to feel like my childhood friend again instead of this shut-in disinterested with life outside his bedroom. I don’t think he’s even been trying, either; he just naturally reverted back to the boy I remember from so long ago.

Not for nothing, but… what happened? _Did_ anything happen? I know we drifted apart, but I don’t recall there being anything to cause it. It was only nature running its course, I guess. People grow older. They change, sometimes for the worse.

…

I guess they can also change back, something I will forever be grateful for.

“You are the most lovable person I could imagine meeting, Sayori. I promise to love you always.”

“…Thank you,” I say, pulling out of the hug just a bit so I can gaze into his eyes. It doesn’t look like he’s fully done, but I need to respond. I seize the opportunity.

“And I will…”

…

I’m stopped. A flash flood inside my head paralyzes me for a moment.

_No, no, no. Don’t… Don’t think about **that**. This is a happy moment._

…

The sudden downpour lets up at a surprising speed. Thank goodness for this small mercy. If only his expression hadn’t faltered when I did. I shouldn’t be surprised; he must have worried about my pause. Well, that will be fixed. What this is about to give me is something I desire— No, I crave it.

“I will always love you.”

…

Why does he look shocked? No, not just shock. Something… _something_ I can’t place is there. There’s an oddity occurring that I’m missing. He looks… distraught.

_Oh no…_

_We didn’t share dreams again that night, did we? Is that what’s been causing him problems? No, that’s horrible. The way I said what I did… I must have just reminded him about it somehow. Why else would he be having such an issue?! Why is this a thing?! ‘_ Weeeh, science can’t explain it, it just happens at the whims of the universe, bleeeh—' _Screw you! I didn’t spend half my life protecting him from my pain **just so he could experience it because of some incomprehensible garbage!** So, what, then? Usually I can see or feel his presence, but I don’t remember anything like that! Is this whole load of tripe escalating? Is he starting to experience things from my point of view?_

 **_Oh no, please no…_ ** _No, nonono, ooohhh I messed up. No! Why— **HOW** could I screw something up so badly?! This is— **WAS** supposed to be such a wonderful moment and I ruined it. I should have thought better before opening my mouth. Stupid, I’m so **stupid!** I shouldn’t have said anything if I couldn’t be careful. Even **I** had an issue, no matter how brief, and I said the line word-for-word!_

_When we had our first kiss, things couldn’t have been better because he was in control. I didn’t say a word, and everything was more than fine! This is exactly the kind of crap I feared about explaining my feelings to him. I left him no choice but to close the distance between us. In introducing him to my pain, he would start to be hurt himself, and this is just one side of it. I **knew** we were sharing dreams here and there. He told me just as much only a short while ago! It couldn’t even be a mix of good and bad, either. No tales of how we were lying in bed, surrounded by sunshine and gumdrops. No gushing about having gone to an ice cream parlor to sip from the same milkshake while holding hands and reminiscing about our youth. No, it’s only the bad dreams. Only the dreams about me dying. You don’t forget something like that so why did I open my clumsy mouth?! You idiot. Bimbo. Harpy! **Imbecile!** For once in your godforsaken life, please don’t let the first thing that comes to mind fall out of your mouth! You had the world, and all you did with it was set ablaze the grassiest plain of all the land **all because you didn’t think before you acted! You just had to—**_

I jerk away instinctively, but it doesn’t release me from the sudden firm grip of a hand on my jaw. There’s no hiding the despair that consumed me while I was berating myself. I can feel wetness surrounding my eyes. My stomach’s a mess, my throat feels like it’s closing up… I must look as worthless as I feel.

The flash flood is back. It _always_ comes back. This itsy-bitsy spider will never stop being terrorized by forces it can’t comprehend, too simple to know why the world operates how it does. I know why it rains outside, but I could never understand what I did to deserve a home that can’t stay above the rising tide.

“Look at me.”

I obey, too afraid to move. His expression hasn’t improved from what I last remember it looking like. Gathering all I can muster, I desperately cling to his face with both hands and bring our heads together. My eyes may as well be swollen shut from how hard I’m forcing them closed. I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to see the pain in his eyes. All those weeks ago, my selfish actions screwed him up so badly. Witnessing anymore of that is a devastation I can’t stand to bear, and yet I have to see it time and time again. He’s hurting because of me. I can’t look at him right now. I just can’t.

_Please… Please say something to take this away. Please don’t be mad at me. I don’t want to go home and hide under my covers like I’ve done so many times._

“If I ever stop caring about you as much as I do, I should… should be sh— _shot_ … because…”

_I take everything back! Say anything else, I’m begging you! Just don’t go down that line of thinking!_

The ugliest sob escapes me. What an awful thing to say. My chest is heaving. My intestines feel how TV static looks. All this, and yet I can’t help but come to his defense. I can’t let him come remotely close to thinking that he should be dead for any reason.

“ _Don’t you dare talk like—_ ”

“ **Let me finish.** ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A thunderbolt may as well have pierced through my body, startling my eyes wide open. I’ve never heard him speak with such ferocity. Though I frequently want to fling myself at him with love, I almost cower away. The difficulty he is having is more than apparent yet he was able to place such force into his words. Even now, as he seems to tremble in tandem with me for entirely different reasons, he persists with what he wants to get out.

“It… it wouldn’t be me at that point. It would be an imposter. It would have been that… that complacent, _ignorant little **shit** head_ that was posing as me for however many years. Just a pathetic excuse of a person cruising down a meaningless, unfulfilling life, keeping himself dead to the world and pushing away the best thing in life he could ever ask for. I don’t want to go back to that. That part of me doesn’t deserve to exist. I’d be better off dead so I couldn’t live on to hurt you again.”

The tremor in my lips practically becomes an earthquake. Not only am I straggled for words, my throat feels set upon by a boa constrictor. How can he keep as composed as he is when in so much distress? _How can he keep this composed when he’s talking about himself this way?!_

“I willing let my ability to give a damn about anything wither away. I wasn’t going to gain or keep anything special in my life because I was convinced I wasn’t worth it, so why bother? It was better to let my senses and emotions dull, doing the bare minimum to get by so that my standards were so low that I could never be disappointed by what life gave me. But you, Sayori, you cared enough about me to pull me back into the world I dismissed with incredible cynicism. You forced me to see how my self-destructive behavior was affecting others, was affecting **you.** You managed to find and reel me back in and save me from my selfishness. I owe you nothing short of my life. I love you, and I promise I will never, ever let up. I have so much time to make up for, so many responsibilities to my childhood friend, my best friend, my girlfriend.”

Those electric-yellow eyes have clouded over. The sight is unbearable and breaks me into pieces. I topple over, slamming my back against the mattress under me and venting my emotions in a wail that could disrupt the very fabric of space around us. Even as I scream in agony, I know I’d surely regret my actions. It won’t heal me more than it will bring emotional harm to my love. Ultimately, we both lose.

At speeds that I can’t comprehend in such a state, I feel weight on me. He holds on for dear life. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him so hard that we may as well be attached. Despite my continued, verbalized grief, he speaks with an urgent clarity that defies everything that’s come from him up to this point.

“My world has never existed without you. Even if we didn’t love each other in the way we do now, I can’t imagine being able to go on without you after knowing you for a literal lifetime. I’m sorry if that sounds distasteful or brings up horrifying memories, but those are my honest feelings. I have an inkling that you know what it’s like to have similar thoughts go through your head. They are all the more reason to keep us together, just how we belong. I love you with every ounce of energy in my soul. I owe you so, _so_ much! More than my parents! More than the other girls! _More than the heavens themselves!_ We belong together because we _do_ take care of each other better than we do ourselves. I may have ensured your safety and protection during younger times that have long since passed us by, but who knows where I’d be now without someone to keep my best interests in mind out of selfless, not selfish, love. Even after we stopped interacting as much for so long, we fell right back into old habits and grew even closer within _days_ without any issue whatsoever. If that isn’t an unbreakable bond, I don’t know what is. We are the heroes of each other’s universes. You are the reason the stars in my world light up the gorgeous night, and I will stop at nothing to ensure that the Sun of your galaxy stays alive for an impossibly long time.”

He goes silent and holds me even tighter. I grow louder and convulse hysterically. Maybe I’ll be able to better appreciate the genuine nature of his words and the incredible, unrelenting passion behind them some other time.

Right now, all I can do is shed my tears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

_Sayori._

_You deserve every good thing this life has to offer._

_I don’t know if I can give you that._

_But I will do my very best._

_I love you._

_And I will never leave you again._

* * *

 

 

 

We stir. Hours must have passed. We may have even fallen asleep at some point. Processing the basics of existence is beyond our current capabilities, so we just don’t think about it. Well, I don’t. The only movements we made during all that time were the occasional twitch and the rising and falling of our chests against each other’s. He’s on top of me. Our arms never left each other, a testament to our dedication, to our love, even though our bodies ache perhaps as much as our hearts had.

 

_The whispers in the morning_

I’m so lucky to have this wonderful human being in my life. My childhood friend, the boy I grew up with, turned into my lover. I don’t know if I’ve ever been a romantic person, but I sure feel like one when we are in each other’s arms like this. Even after the ordeal we went through, a span of healing comfort has allowed us to move past yet another emotional tribulation. I’m able to put the pain behind me in favor of even a small smile. It’s better than nothing.

 

_Of lovers sleeping tight_

We finally roll over. I straddle his waist while he writhes for a moment under me, doing his best cat impersonation with the most strenuous stretch I’ve ever seen. I try to top his actions and nearly fall over for my efforts. It takes him grabbing for my hand to keep me upright.

 

_Are rolling by like thunder now_

He lays back flat, pulling me forward. Nerves of a familiar sort flutter around inside my stomach, a different sensation from the dense and heavy weight from earlier.

 

_As I look in your eyes_

I shuffle and place my hands on his shoulders. I get to stare into those… gold… nuggets in his… ocular cavities— Wow. I almost can’t help but giggle at my own ridiculous thoughts. When I’m not preparing for the next silly thing to say out loud, focusing on my own thoughts reveals what kind of stupidity I revel in. Maybe I shouldn’t try to be so creative when I’m tired. Maybe I’m too exhausted to work my brain properly. Maybe I am getting better if I can still think of things like that so quickly after a breakdown. Maybe a few hours isn’t exactly quickly, but it could have gone so much worse.

 

_I hold on to your body_

As dumb as my thoughts were, I wouldn’t be Sayori if I didn’t have stuff like that zoom through my head now and then. I may play the fool for the sake of being a living humor tumor—another incredible description—but usually I’m not so debilitated. I seek to recover by returning to the corporal world and fleeing the mental one. Uh-oh… I see a look in those peepers. His arms wrap around me and pull me close. I’m defenseless while he nips at my neck with his lips.

 

_And feel each move you make_

My squirming is immediate. Laughter I never imagined being able to muster so late into a tear-jerking night fills the room. It isn’t just mine, either; his joins in after a few moments, impeding his actions.

 

_Your voice is warm and tender_

“With every giggle you let out, my heart warms and my smile grows,” he remarks during a brief pause. When he redoubles his efforts, I cling to him and squeal into his shoulder.

 

_A love that I could not forsake_

“Owww!” I clung to him a little too tight, somehow outdoing my adrenaline-filled desperation from earlier. I guess now that the painkillers have had ample time to subside, his back is hurting again. He groans and goes still. Making haste, I fret and release him, pushing myself up some.

“Aah! I’m sor—”

I’m pulled back down. A kiss silences me.

 

_Lost is how I'm feeling_

“It’s fine. Payback for your stomach earlier.”

 

_Lying in your arms_

“Speaking of which…”

 

_When the world outside's too much to take_

 

He rolls us over so that he’s on top and starts crawling backwards, stopping when he reaches my midsection.

 

_That all ends when I'm with you_

My shirt gets tugged up, and he starts kissing my belly. I squeak and cover my face. He may think my tum is cute, but I still don’t feel so good about its existence.

Well…

Maybe if he keeps this up, it won’t be so hard to think positively about it… right?

 

_Even though there may be times_

Summoning my inner strength, I drag my hands towards him and run them through his hair. He practically goes limp, using my belly as a headrest. My poor, achy boy. I’m a little glad that my midsection didn’t receive any lasting pain now that I’m his pillow. Even if it had, though, I’d still let him lay there like this without complaint.

 

_It seems I'm far away_

I stick around the top of his head with my motions. Don’t want to risk going around behind it to where he was beaten up. It’s the least I could do. Shame I can’t see his face in this position. Oh well. Some sacrifices have to be made.

 

_Never wonder where I am_

The hem of my shirt makes miniscule movements around my ribs. I guess he’s fiddling with my top using his fingertips. He’s so relaxed that I can’t deal with how adorable he is, yet inside I am lit up with energy.

 

_'Cause I am always by your side_

I spot an opportunity. He’s usually the one kissing on me, but I want to change that. I gingerly scoot out from under him and crawl down to his body. Even that little bit of hair play made him just sluggish enough that I out-speed his reflexes. Now, it’s _his_ shirt that’s tugged up and _I’m_ on top, looking down at his back.

The bruises don’t look terrible, but they were not pleasant to look at. They existed at all, therefore there was little redeemable about them. No wonder he was still in pain. Poor little Sweetie… With the speed of a sloth and the care of handling a newborn, I bring my lips to the lowest mark of battle and give it a kiss. And again. Even a third time.

His body shudders lightly under me. One hand of his comes down beside him, seeking my attention. I place mine in his and further expose the injured back under me, delicately smooching more wounds. The conscious presence of the TV had faded from my mind long before we had our episode, but its glow casts just the right amount of light upon us. It’s a happy little accident of a mood-setter.

…

The TV’s automatic inactivity timer kicked in and turned off. It had such amazing timing that I pout a little, resulting in my lips smooshing up against his back. That’s fine. I have another idea, anyhow. With only a little difficulty, I roll him over and sit him up, straddling his legs once more. He looks surprised, verbally indicating as much when I pull his shirt up and over his head. His grunt of confusion is succeeded by flustered silence. Now he’s embarrassed, but his curiosity is obvious.

 

…

 

I bring my hands up.

 

…

 

I point towards him with both hands.

 

…

 

I press his nipples as though they were buttons.

“ _Hoooonk!_ ”

His laughter isn’t immediate, but it descends upon the room with the force of a lion’s roar. He falls backwards, covering his chest with one arm and his mouth with the other. I laugh as well, but I’m laughing with him rather than at myself this time. Thank goodness that went off without a hitch. I’m fine with looking dumb, but I’d much rather get a favorable reaction while doing it. That’s why I do it, after all! I never really thought of myself as an entertainer, but it’s clear I’m looked at as one. Everyone voices their amusement at my antics or laughs at my shenanigans. They adore me.

…

I wish I adored me.

…

 **I’m not letting this happen again tonight.** Only one breakdown in a given day, even if tonight might have rolled over into the next day by now.

I’ll just have to settle for adoring the person in front of me. Natsuki, too, when she’s around. My self-esteem _is_ rising due to them, especially this one right in front of me, but it’s a work in progress. It’s always a work in progress and I detest it.

This isn’t the time for that. His presence as well as the dying of his laughter pull me away from gross thoughts like those.

…

We hold steadfast that each other’s smiles are gorgeously bright. Our laughter to one-another is infectious and pure, rejuvenating us whenever we hear it. I like laughing, and I like hearing others laugh. That’s why I come up with such dumb jokes, remarks, and actions. I want to lift others’ moods. When you have more reasons to laugh or smile, life is a little better.

…

I pull my own shirt off and toss it aside with little care. It lands on the floor on top of his, mirroring our respective placements. Appropriate. We’re never like this, shirtless together, but I guess there’s no reason for it not to happen sometimes. He’d freak out so much if I suddenly just exposed my boobs to him, so I wouldn’t dare have done that if I wasn’t wearing a bra today. I’ll have to resist doing that one day in the future. I don’t want to tease him too much or else he’ll burst some blood vessels.

…

Does he even like boobs? I mean, he _is_ a guy. He has to like something, right? Perhaps that’s a little… iffy of me to think, but he’s never indicated he’s different from how most people our age typically are. Eh, I guess he would have little reason to. It may be too early in this relationship to talk about things like that, and before we got together it may have been awkward for him to talk about such things with his childhood friend. He seemed to take red-faced exception when he did my blazer up that one day and I mentioned my boobs getting bigger.

…

I hope he likes boobs. I like boobs. I wonder if anyone suspects that of me after that comment towards Yuri, not that I’m concerned. What a big ol’ meanie he was back that one day, still teasing me about it after so long. The club, mostly my Sweetie, make it no secret that they think I have no shame. Thankfully, it’s good humor fodder. It also isn’t a hard act to keep up with because it isn’t an act. I mean, I _do_ have a sense of shame but I don’t care about foregoing it most times. I’m an open book!

…

Mostly.

…

Heh. Literature puns.

…

Even in the darkness, illuminated only by the residual light cast from outside his window, I can tell he’s blushing. “You can honk mine, if you like!” Sometimes, it’s a mystery even to me how I can say things like that with a straight face. Only once he starts stammering do I give a few delighted giggles. I better enjoy this sort of thing while I can, and dang if I don’t enjoy the heck out of it! Down the line, I might not be able to fluster him so easily. Get it while you can, you know?

As we both reduce ourselves to silence because obviously he isn’t going to and we both know I was joking, I rest my head on his chest. Feeling the heat of his body on my face is soothing. No wonder Yuri wound up doing it that one day. Not only that, but I can hear and even feel a certain rhythmic sound from within him.

**Tu-tump! Tu-tump!**

Mmm…

**Tu-tump! Tu-tump!**

How peaceful…

**Tu-tump! Tu-tump!**

The sound of his… love… organ… is— “ _Pffaaahahaha!_ ” Holy cow, I need to write that one down. One for the record books, folks! “ _Eeheeheehee, eehehe, ehe…_ Love organ… _Snrk!_ ” I have to resist laughing again, stifling it against his clavicle. Dang it, I said it out loud! I won’t be able to use that one for a while so he forgets about it. The hole I can feel being bored into my skull tells me he either was caught too off-guard by my unusual euphemism or is more confused by my sudden outburst.

“What.” His tone was drier than all of Mars! Wait, no, water does exist on there. We found that out at some point, right? Thanks, science. As dry as the sun, then. Is that considered dry? I finish an escaped bout of muffled laughter brought upon by his reaction before answering.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it!” I return to a relaxed state and reach up, gently patting his face. I heard a sputter and a chortle before my hands are captured by his and given a kissy treatment.

If someone had told me that I’d be lying with— _on_ —the love of my life, my head on his chest while he smooched my hands and fingers, I’d call that person dumb. Now, I’d call them psychic and give them money.

“Mmm…” I can’t hold back my delight. This is just another scenario I’d always dreamed of. Now that I’ve experienced it, I can’t begin to describe just what kinds of things I’m feeling.

 

_The sound of your heart beating_

 

No sentence in any language could hope to express what I’m feeling right now.

 

_Made it clear suddenly_

 

The rainclouds will come and go whether they’re big, small, or even as recently as just earlier.

 

_The feeling that I can't go on_

 

But for now, everything feels…

 

_Is light-years away_

 

 

…Perfect.

I scramble up to meet him face-to-face with speed so frightening I nearly scared myself. I grab his face and plant a sugary-sweet kiss right on his lips. I can tell by the way he jolted that he’s shocked, but it doesn’t last. The way his hands wrap around me and press my body against his tells me he enjoyed it. Almost in sync, we part our lips for a fraction of a moment and return them to each other.

I grasp both sides of his face now and treat his head to a gentle massaging. The swirling of my fingertips at his temples forces what could almost be classified as a moan from him. I _feel_ it reverberate through me, and my spine briefly rattles. Maybe this is supposed to be a hot or sexy moment, but I actively ignore such a concept. In fact, I giggle into him, something way cuter. That’s more my speed. The kiss is broken.

 

_'Cause I'm your lady_

“What’s so funny?”

“Most people would be going to town on each other by this point, wouldn’t they?”

 

_And you are my man_

“Maybe? What does that have to do with us?”

“Is it bad that I don’t want to do that?”

 

_Whenever you reach for me_

“No. As long as we’re both happy and enjoying ourselves. Right?”

“That’s all I could ask for.”

 

_I'll do all that I can_

“ _Are_ you happy, Angel?”

“Never happier.”

 

_We're heading for something_

“Even if we’re taking things so slow?”

“Slow is romantic. I prefer it this way.”

 

_Somewhere I've never been_

“I guess I don’t know what I’d prefer. I _am_ getting a peek into faster relationship progression with Yuri and Monika, though. Uh, physically, at least.”

“Ehehe, you sure are. Lucky devil!”

 

_Sometimes I am frightened_

“Heh. That’s me. You sure you aren’t bothered by things like that?”

“I already said I prefer it this way. However slow or fast you want to go with the other girls is fine by me. I’m happy with the outcome either way, especially when we practically melt into each other with emotions and sentiment. Heck, I kind of prefer that you’re getting more direct attention from some of them.”

 

_But I'm ready to learn_

“How come?”

“Because I think you are deserving of all the good things in the universe.”

 

_Of the power of love_

“Angel…”

“And for all that I put on, I’m nervous about stuff like this.” We’ve fallen into the pattern of taking turns mussing each other’s hair. Part of my head is neglected because of my bow, but I know my Sweetie is trying his best. I can’t meet his gaze as I am, blushing profusely and holding back the emergence of more emotion localized around the eyes. “I’m only like this with you.”

“Well, that makes sense. I’m your childhood friend and love. Maybe you’re afraid that you’ll mess something up, but I can’t imagine that happening.”

His thumbs rub at the nape of my neck. I fall into a lull, lowering my head helplessly towards his. He takes advantage by placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Whether it’s my depression or just some weird part of me causing problems?”

“We will make it past those issues. Nothing between us can’t be solved.”

Those tears are coming.

“How can you be so sure?”

“You might just have to trust me.”

One falls onto his cheek. He simply wipes the cheek opposite the one that just dripped, paying no mind to what’s on him.

“I _do_ trust you. It’s my own self that I don’t.”

“I’ll trust you _for_ you, then.”

This time, it seems like my eyes will be the only ones shimmering from the duress of emotional complications. For all the strength he gives me, and for all the spiritual energy connecting us as we gaze through the windows into the other’s soul, things still seem so difficult.

“But…”

“Shhh…”

As soft as a cloud, the presence of his thumb brushing against my lips keeps me silent. Then it’s his lips interfering, preventing both my vocal cords _and_ my brain from conjuring up some other doubt.

“No more _buts_ , Angel. I will do whatever it takes to help you understand, even if I have to accompany you until the end of time. I’ve been here for you as far back as you can remember, and you for me. Nothing will come between us. Not your depression. Not some unseen part of you I haven’t discovered yet. Not the others and I growing closer. _Nothing._ ”

And yet, even in the face of more proof, my mind tries its hardest to defy me. Why does this have to be so difficult? I want nothing more than to flawlessly believe in everything he’s telling me. Nothing’s stopping my brain from coming up with those _buts_ , though. Even from some moments to others, it seems like the looming storm is both weakened by _and_ growing resistant to his mere existence.

At least I have one small blessing going for me: my smile cannot be destroyed. Even as more tears threaten to create a pond on his face, some portion of me is in bliss. I can do this, right? I can bathe in the adulation he is so content to give me. I’ll be okay. I take my meds every day. He helps me and treats me like the best thing in the world. He genuinely cares for me.

 

_Sometimes I am frightened_

He’s the best thing in my life. He wanted to know about my problems. Hiding them just caused pain for both of us, and it’s not like I haven’t heard a bazillion times how much better off he is now.

 

_But I'm ready to learn_

Without sleeves to dry my tears, a blanket is dabbed against my cheeks, clearing up the stains of my emotions. I twitch here and there, focusing on his eyes and doing my best not to blink. My face must be so red right now. Even as he wipes his own face with the blanket, I just keep propped up on my elbows and stare down at him with the smile he claims illuminates his heart.

 

_Of the power of love_

“Just one more thing, Sweetie.”

“Yes, Angel?”

“I love you so, _so much_.”

“And I love you just as much, if not more.”

“Do you… Do you really mean that?”

“Absolutely. After fifteen years, close to two months is a drop in the bucket. So, no, I don’t think you like me more than I like you. In fact, we may be one-upping each other in that department for some time to come.”

“…”

“More tears?”

“Tears of joy.”

 

_The power of love_

 

I roll off of him and snuggle up against his chest. No spooning like earlier, no. I want him all around me. “Hold me close. Protect me with all your might. I don’t want this fairy tale ending.”

“It doesn’t have to,” he reassures. He may be closer to scrawny than not, but I feel like the treasures of Fort Knox in his arms right now. I tangle my legs amidst his, getting even closer. “I promise that we will always be together. We will set a world record. We’ve made it this far, haven’t we?”

“Mmm… Yeah, totally…”

A kiss lands on my forehead.

 

_The power of love_

 

“We’re each other’s sunshine, after all. You wrote that about me.”

“Ehehe… I sure did.”

“And don’t worry; I’ll make you breakfast.”

“You’re the best.”

“I have to be for my Angel.”

“You don’t, really.”

“But I want to be.”

“And that’s why you’re the best.”

To just be held by your lover in bed, cuddled up against them in the darkness, hearing nothing but the other’s soft breathing and feeling their skin against yours…

This is…

This is nice.

I never thought I’d experience this kind of happiness. Even though I may have sometimes thought that I would never receive such good things in life, I’m glad I was wrong.

Though we may be mortal, I’m not the only person in this room thought of as having descended from the skies.

He is…

He is my…

Most Cherished.

* * *

End Chapter 12

* * *

I’m sorry to everyone who loved how I was avoiding giving MC a name or even referring to him as such. That was the original plan, but after some plot things were thought up and I’d planned to shift around perspectives, there would be no avoiding it as slickly as I had been so far. I found the best one for him, all things considered. I intend to avoid addressing him by proper nouns where possible, however, as evident by only doing it where needed here. Maybe I should have just let that be seen rather than saying it outright but I DON’T CARE IT’S MY STORY I DO WHAT I WANT.

…Ahaha~

And I hope y’all like music lmao. I may have mentioned this, but music is a _heavy_ inspiration for me. Yes this chapter was all improv, thanks for asking. Who could have guessed?! In fact, there was much less… _emotion_ at first and then I started rebuilding part of the middle. I’d say it was an improvement for numerous reasons.

Song lyrics are present in this chapter. In order:

The Power of Love – Celine Dion (Segment 4: Sayori’s song to MC)

 _Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You_ can be found on:  
1\. AO3/Archive Of Our Own (dot org)  
2\. DeviantArt (dot com)  
3\. FanFiction (dot net)  
4\. WattPad (dot com)


	13. The Duet

The morning twilight, minutes away from tipping over into proper sunrise, bathes my room in its soft glow. The light enters, a soft reminder that the day goes on. I know that all too well. The day goes on for all of us. There will always be another on the horizon, the horizon that is currently giving birth to an additional yet minuscule fraction of our lives.

Can one’s intellect be affected by those we share company with? I feel like the time I’ve spent among the club has resulted in me picking up on the kind of words Yuri reads and uses. Too bad I can’t act as advanced and mature as I can think. Maybe then, I’d have been able to counter the rain clouds on my own. Instead, my room is flooded not just with light, but with water accumulated over the years. It is a prison that has long since threatened to overtake me.

…

Crawling down to the edge of my bed, I give Mrs. Bird and Mr. Cow kisses on the tops of their heads. Even they are presences that have long since stopped being effective at comforting me. Though it is a futile endeavor, I rest my chin on the latter and hug them both close. Nothing I’ve truly felt the past few days has been positive. Even seeing _him_ interact with others fills me with such sadness even though I’m doing this for him and should be happy. It really is my own fault. I wish I could believe that things can be made right.

_If I should stay_

 

But they can’t. It’s okay, though. It’s not like I would have been able to make it in life, anyhow. I have no goals, no ambitions. Sure, I’m smarter than I let on, but I choose to remain in a childish, simple state of mind out of necessity. I’m afraid of the future, whether personal or professional.

_I would only be in your way_

 

I’m too damaged to be of any use to the person I love, anyway. Someday or another, I’d be so overcome by my struggles that I wouldn’t be able to go on. I couldn’t do that to him after bestowing upon him my care. I know he said he loved me, but I just can’t believe that. I was desperate and breaking down; what else would he have done? Rejected me? He would look and feel like…

…

I can’t think badly of him, even about what he could have potentially been in that moment. I know I said he isn’t truly capable of being a bad person even if he tried, but… The things he thinks about me, the way he acts towards me, the words he directs at me… Those are all my doing. My childish demeanor wouldn’t allow me to truly act like a nicer person. Instead, I would trick him into buying snacks for me and keep him waiting until he got sick of it, not to mention that I could have tried harder to stay closer friends with him. We drifted apart for so many years, and I, too caught up in my own misery, failed to reconnect as I had been longing to do. I stunted my own growth as a person. I helped cause the pain I’ve been feeling for too long. It’s all my fault.

**He deserves better than me.**

Monika’s a star. He can’t go wrong. Yuri is intelligent and beautiful. Who wouldn’t want her? Natsuki is adorable, even if she’s got her insecurities and child-like qualities. He might be best suited to take care of someone like her, knowing that he treated me so well in the past.

I sob. I know I basically set him up to grow close with one of them, but it hurts so much to think of him with anyone else. I can’t fight for him, so this is the next best thing, right? We grew apart once for too long. If it were to happen again, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.

This whole thing was a mistake. I should have just tried to reconnect with him one-on-one instead of bringing up his lack of social activities as an excuse. I second-guessed myself and did something I couldn’t undo: manipulating him into joining the club. Not even a week has gone by— _Mere days_ had passed before I couldn’t help but regret what I did and let my demons show.

He really did force my hand when he confronted me in this very bedroom, the same one he’d grown so accustomed to seeing me happy in without any reason to think it wasn’t genuine. I never wanted to let him see that side of me. I hoped with all my might that I could last long enough to confess my love before confessing that I am a broken person, that maybe I could have saved myself from my own horrible plans. Even if that’s how it all went down, I’d still be lying to him, manipulating him, desperately hoping his love could cure me. Somehow, all that’s happened only forced my brain plague into a storm that feels like it must be as powerful as the Great Red Spot of Jupiter.

**He deserves better than me.**

It occurred to me last night why it hurt to hear that he loved me. After all, you wouldn’t want someone to love you if you knew you might do something… regrettable. Would you? Would you honestly want someone to love you when you would hurt them when you finally gave up on life? It already hurts to hear that someone cares about me. That’s the whole reason I set this up in the first place. I wanted what I couldn’t muster the courage to seek for so long. Now, after all this, receiving it is too much to bear. These sins are mine and mine alone; he shouldn’t have to hurt for all the crappy things I’ve done, for a friendship that has clearly outlasted its time. Sure, we fell right back into old habits, but it’s him taking care of me when I get hurt, scolding me when he catches me deceiving him, and looking out for me when he should be looking out for himself. I guess some people would like that, but not me. After last night, I’m a lost cause.

With my sniffling making its exit, I roll out of bed. Every bit of my being is screaming for different reasons. My tear ducts haven’t stayed inactive for very long before taking on their new role as water hoses, dehydrating me further than I do on my own. My throat may as well be swollen and raw from the verbalized sorrow I’ve been engaging in on and off. My stomach is a knot, my heart is Swiss cheese, and my head never, _never_ stops making noise. It’s truly telling how screwed I am when the best news I could ever hope to get causes me a worse pain than I could have ever imagined.

 

_So I'll go_

 

In minutes, it’ll be time to end that pain.

 

_But I know_

 

The rope affixed to my ceiling fan will ensure that.

 

_I'll think of you every step of the way_

 

I bring one foot up onto my desk chair, my vehicle into the afterlife. Even after thinking on it for weeks, maybe months, I’m still hesitant. I guess that’s natural. One’s sense of self-preservation must be strong. I held out for this long until I managed to get him into the club, after all.

…

Even if I had confessed my love earlier, maybe everything would have still been in vain. As far as I know, he’s never been disingenuous to me, even when calling me out on my trickery. I, on the other hand, justified my actions by way of what’s going on inside my head. I _needed_ to deceive him so I could make sure he could have a future with someone. I _had_ to quell my stomach because I had hardly eaten, thinking he would let it slide even if he knew what I was up to. If I _didn’t_ oversleep, the extra half-hour in my day might finally be what breaks the camel’s back.

And that’s just this past week.

**He deserves better than me.**

Even though I aim to do the unfathomable, I’m so careful in my movements that you’d think I was afraid of getting hurt. I’ve fallen too many times, literally and metaphorically, that it would be like being poked with a spoon. The lack of balance I feel on this unstable chair is circumvented by using the noose to steady myself. Natsuki may have hit the ground in a less than graceful manner when she fell off the teacher’s desk chair in the club this past week, but I… won’t.

Now, I try my hardest to hold back tears. I shouldn’t pity myself now. I should attempt to face what lies ahead with some sort of dignity. I’ve had half my life to prepare for this moment.

And yet…

With both feet planted firmly on my desk chair, I still myself. I need to be lucid. I need to be composed. Maybe looking out my window and towards his house isn’t the way to do that, but I can’t help it.

 

_Bittersweet memories_

 

What I would give right now to be in his arms, for everything to be alright… If I said I’d give my life, then that wouldn’t be right. I’m giving my life to protect him from me, from the perils I will cause. It can’t be helped. I’m at the end of my rope.

 

_That is all I'm taking with me_

 

That’s an awfully good piece of gallows humor, though. I’ll be a riot in Heaven. Others who walked a path similar to mine will surely find me entertaining. We can trade jokes and quips with each other about our past lives, coping with laughter since we will be far beyond shedding tears.

…

At least, if my actions here don’t keep me from getting into Heaven.

 

_So, goodbye_

 

I wonder how he would react to seeing me like this.

 

_Please, don't cry_

 

I… wonder how he would react to seeing what I’ll be not long from now.

 

_We both know I'm not what you, you need_

 

I know you said that you know what’s best for me. I’d like sorely to believe that. You need to figure out what’s best for you. I planted the seeds for that. As it turns out, _I’m_ the one who knows what’s best for _you_.

…

And, now… myself.

 

_I hope life treats you kind_

 

For me, I can escape the pain.

 

_And I hope you have all you've dreamed of_

 

For you, this will be the kick in the behind you need to make the leap into adulthood.

 

_And I wish to you joy and happiness_

 

The sadness you feel won’t last forever. You will look back upon your childhood with me as nostalgic, wistfully wishing for a simpler time but knowing that you will have made a better life for yourself without me holding you back.

 

_But above all this, I wish you love_

The star at the center of our universe finally peeks its head over his house, the home containing the star of _my_ universe. The shadow that has been cast in my direction becomes just the tiniest bit smaller, but it has always loomed over me. I will always be his shadow unless I do this. I’ll cling to him like a cocoon, having managed to mature _just_ enough to defend myself from the scariness of the outside world and the gloom inside of mine while desperately trying to hide, rotting myself in the process. I can’t face the outside world. I can’t face myself. I can’t even face him. So, this is my punishment for not being good enough, for not emerging as the butterfly I was meant to. I’ve finally accepted that.

I’ll miss him.

I’ll miss him so much.

And he will miss me.

But he will get better with time.

And I will be better off.

…

I’ve heard that when you die, you shed the flaws that made you human. Depression is a flaw, isn’t it? I know it’s mostly caused by chemicals in your brain, and those not working right sounds like a flaw. Do amputees go to Heaven with all their limbs? Does someone born without a properly-functioning pancreas have it healed? Will a person riddled with physiological mental problems from birth leave behind that perhaps large and defining part of how they came to be who they were, becoming almost like a different person in the process?

…

With my eyes affixed firmly on his home, I place my head inside the noose. Now isn’t the time for such philosophical questions. I’ll be able to find out in person, hopefully. The people who have to deal with those kinds of unfair issues probably wouldn’t like it if I thought of those as potential flaws in a fellow human, even if I myself have something I regard as a flaw. People are not inherently lesser just because they weren’t born a “typical” person. I can only speak for myself, and I truly believe I’m damaged. I’m broken. I’m broken and I thought of others in a negative way to try and make myself feel better. I’m sorry. I truly am. Just another way I put less thought into my actions before performing them. Just another piece of evidence as to why I’m not a good person.

…

I dry my eyes with my sleeves. I think I’m ready. I’m doing this for both of us, my love. We will be freed from our shackles.

…

One last smile finds its way onto my face. Even the Sun seems to want to bless him. Well, bless away.

…

I steel myself, preparing to kick my chair over. I don’t want to stop looking in his direction, but I must. I can’t fathom looking towards him with dying eyes.

…

With all the strength I can muster, I turn my back to the world outside.

…

**Goodbye, Sunshine…**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Bang_ **

****

_“Gggck!”_

_And I_

**Miraculously, my conscious mind shuts out the horrific reality of my predicament.**

_Will always love you_

**Nonetheless, my fingers immediately scratch at the grip around my neck.**

_I will always love you_

**It’s only a natural reflex. Nothing to be concerned with. I can ignore the panic.**

_I will always love you_

**I am in luck. Nothing I do can help me now, just as it has been for so long.**

_I will always love you_

 

**This clarity over what’s going on, is it because I’m so far gone?**

 

_I will always love you_

 

**I endured mentally for so long, but the body gives in easily.**

 

_I, I will always love you_

 

**How… poetic…**

 

_You, darling, I love you_

 

**…**

 

_Oh, I'll always, I'll always love you_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sayori’s funeral is today.

I had been oblivious to her for so long.

 

_This distance_

 

Passed her off as a child full of vigor and imagination, immune to the darkness of the world through her purity. I was ignorant.

 

_This disillusion_

 

Was too harsh on her for minor infractions that I now see as no legitimate reason. I was an asshole.

 

_I cling to memories_

 

Nearly abandoned her for years. I was a terrible friend.

 

_While falling_

 

Paying attention to her when she finally acted strange during club time the other day was too little, too late.

Knowing the truth now, I can’t help but berate myself.

Even that does nothing now. I watched them take her away. I watched them take my best friend, and I felt bad about myself until the next time I managed to sleep.

Now there’s just… emptiness.

She’s suffered for far longer than the mere week I have. It’s only appropriate, I guess, that I no longer feel anything. She felt too much, and that’s why this all happened. We were such opposites in all the right ways to complement each other, but alike so much so that we were inseparable at one point. Now, even in our suffering we are opposites, but this time we were unable to help one another.

Back then, I wasn’t such a crass individual. What happened? Was she the person that kept me a decent human being? Was I always like this? I never, ever thought twice about her oversleeping. That has to be a failing on my part, right? Monika even said it herself, something like I only saw the side of Sayori that she wanted me to see. But I can’t blame Sayori for hiding anything from me, not after how we grew so distant, not after I’d turned a blind-eye to almost her entire existence for so long, and not after how badly I’ve treated her. She was right to not trust me with such delicate information. Who knows how long it would have been until I fucked things up beyond repair.

When we were children, I did my best to protect her and keep her happy. I dried her tears on my sleeves and fixed her wounds as best I could. I took pride in it. I was a good kid. I was raised right. I had a best friend that looked to me with nothing short of admiration, and I adored her.

And I threw it away. You really _don’t_ know what you have until it’s gone. Gone for good.

 

_Sleep brings release_

 

I’ve dreamt of her so much, so often… It’s incredible that I don’t have nightmares, but I guess my brain gives me that small mercy considering I face an onslaught of agonizing thoughts whenever I’m awake.

 

_And the hope of a new day_

 

I became cursed, haunted, when I had gazed into her eyes that day. You don’t come back from that unscathed. Ever since then, I feel like I was shoved into an iron maiden. There are spikes piercing me, but I don’t shudder. My blood drains, yet I don’t shiver. I was locked in there to die, with everyone involved knowing it was only a matter of time.

 

_Waking the misery_

 

Occasionally I pass out in this metal mental prison—mental metal prison? It doesn’t matter—and I dream of Sayori. Every time I dream, I wish I wouldn’t wake up. When I do, I just roll over and try to sleep again.

 

_Of being without you_

 

Oh, I was thinking about that iron maiden metaphor… It doesn’t matter. I don’t have the energy for that anyhow, not even to wonder if it was actually a metaphor or if it was some other literary device or… whatever.

She really was too good for this world, but that doesn’t mean she should have been torn from it. Her hands were those of a holy body, blessing whoever she touched with a brighter day and making life a little better for everyone else. She could improve the lives of others but not her own. How ironic. How unfair.

 

_Surrender_

 

Who would have thought she was suffering enough to take her own life? I wish I had more time to help her after the bombshells she dropped on me last weekend. Even if I couldn’t do a lot by myself, I could at least have comforted her like I used to. Maybe that wouldn’t have helped as much as the comfort I gave her when we were younger, but it could have been just enough to help her get through another day.

 

_I give in_

 

How many people knew? Was Monika the only one? She seemed to know more than I did.

 

_Another moment is another eternity_

 

Saying I felt betrayed as Sayori’s best friend… What an idiot I was. That couldn’t have helped anything. Sayori placed her trust in Monika to know this secret of hers. I can only assume that Monika did what she could. For all that Monika is great at, I suppose not even she can aid those truly in need.

…

Sayori’s funeral is today.

…

I was the one who found her.

 

_You know me_

 

The morning of The Festival, I chose not to check up on her. I got to school. Monika was the only one there. She told me she hadn’t seen or heard from Sayori since they finished their weekend club duties.

 

_You know me all too well_

 

I almost knew what was coming at that point but I quickly feigned ignorance to myself. Even as I tried to avoid panic while running to her house, I forced myself to think that everything was going to be okay. She was just oversleeping like usual. Nothing to worry about.

 

_My only desire_

 

Once I entered her home, the one I’d known all my life and the one I was welcome in whenever I wished to enter, the oppressive atmosphere I felt could have crushed me with ease. Climbing that stairwell felt like my own ascension to a higher plane of existence. She hadn’t responded to anything prior, so I was left with no choice but to go to her room.

 

_To bridge our division_

 

Once I opened the door to her bedroom…

 

_In sorrow_

 

I called emergency services, staggered down to the kitchen, and retrieved a knife. I had intended to bring us into her bed and lay there, but I couldn’t hold her weight. Once the rope snapped, she collapsed on top of me. We had hit the floor with a series of thuds, some more sickening than others. I chose not to fight it and resigned myself to lying there.

 

_I speak your name_

 

Her body remained still in my arms. She was cold enough that even I could tell she had been gone for hours. I cradled her, resting her head on my chest and hoping that her spirit would be comforted.

 

_And my voice mirrors_

 

I zoned out until I heard emergency personnel. I couldn’t speak. I could hardly think. Attempts to voice anything were met with a hoarse groaning, but it’s not like they needed me to say anything. They could put two and two together.

 

_Mirrors my torment_

 

When they had to take her from my arms, I let out the most desperate scream and clung to her until my strength gave out. I remained on the ground for longer than they stayed. Attempts to rouse me from my state were met with my eyes, wet with an emotion no one should ever have to feel or see in another person, avoiding their gaze and shaking my head. They offered me condolences that I don’t doubt were sincere but which did nothing for me. I had already sunk into a despondent pit from which there has been no return.

…

I would have taken one or some of her belongings to comfort me and be part of my life, but I chose to keep the remainder of her room a tomb untouched by my hand out of respect. Far past dusk, I returned home that first night and slept far longer than I could ever remember sleeping. It was an exhaustion I could never have imagined without experiencing it firsthand.

…

Sayori’s parents, obviously her emergency contacts, were notified. They, of course, told my parents, likely in the same room as them at the time. When they phoned me, I declined the call and simply texted back that I was fine and that I didn’t want to talk. The first was a blatant lie, but the second was genuine. They all rushed home as soon as they could from wherever they had been traveling to and we grieved collectively. I was the only one who never spoke a word.

 

_Am I breathing?_

 

One would have thought that her parents would be the most devastated, but instead it is I who is at the end of his wits. They are still in shock, but they are at least trying to act like functioning people in spite of what we all had lost.

 

_My strength fails me_

 

I’ve barely eaten. I’m dehydrated. I can almost feel my muscles fatigue and my bones become brittle. The rest of the club tried to get in contact with me, but I ignored any attempts to get in touch and turned my phone off once Mom and Dad had come home. I didn’t have use for anyone.

 

_Your picture_

 

The only person I had a use for was Sayori, and that was to let _her_ use _me_ for whatever she could possibly need. I’d walk to the nearest convenience store while bleeding from the head to get her a single chocolate bar if that’s what she would have wanted. As long as she returned to my life, I would be able to recover from all of this.

 

_A bitter memory_

For the past week, all I’ve wanted to do is go to sleep and not wake up. Life isn’t going to be that fair to me, just as it wasn’t fair to her.

 

_For comfort_

 

That isn’t a job life will offer on its own.

 

_For solace_

 

And so, as I pull my father’s pistol from underneath my parents’ mattress, I resign myself to knowing that if you want a job done right… well, everyone knows how that phrase goes.

 

_Seek me for comfort_

Sayori’s funeral is today.

_Call me for solace_

 

And I’m not going.

 

_I'll be waiting_

 

Because a funeral is so you can say goodbye.

 

_For the end of my_

I, on the other hand, am going to say hello.

 

_Broken heart_

 

We will never say goodbye.

 

_**Chik** _

 

Ever.

 

_**Chk** _

 

Again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_BANG_ **

****

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****

****

****

****

****

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Darkness greets me as I wake from my slumber. The remnants of my nightmare linger in my head as I sit up. _Thanks, brain. Love you, too…_

With another familiar delusion disturbed, I cuddle up to my sleeping love gingerly. I don’t want to wake him. He’s heard enough of the hounding my subconsciousness does to me to know that nothing new is going to happen. Maybe I should still wake him, but I want to become a little more independent about all this. I can’t just bother him with every little mental setback, right?

…Right?

I close my eyes and try to resume sleep. Hopefully this’ll be the only setback my sleep experiences tonight.

 

…

 

Movement makes me attentive. Darn, I was almost asleep again. Probably. His arm wraps around me with surprising force. Is that… whimpering?

 

 

 

“HaaaAAA _AAA **AAAHHH!**_ ”

 

 

 

With shocking strength, he pulls me closer. His anguish is as apparent as the tears he’s leaving on my shirt. I hold him as tightly as I can.

Before I can do or say anything further, he springs to life. With frightening swiftness, he clutches my head in his hands. We make eye contact for a good few seconds before he cries out even louder than before. He buries his face into my shoulder as though never wanting to see anything ever again.

I can feel the weight of his emotions bleeding out, seeping into me like water into the roots of a plant. Though the sounds of his pain are muffled, they seem like they’re only increasing in volume. He’s _shaking_. He wasn’t even doing this the morning he found me.

My shirt is soaked to where I can feel a sizable wet spot on my shoulder. The inside of his head is going to become a desert at this rate. I’m flabbergasted at how something like this could come from what was complete inactivity and silence before it happened. I know dreams don’t necessarily take place at the same rate of time as in reality, but this all happened in a matter of seconds.

“Shh-shh-shh-shh, Sweetums. It’s okay. It was just a nightmare.” My attempts to console him feel ineffective. He just gets even louder somehow. “Just let it out. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

He’s absolutely hysterical. Inconsolable, even. The urge to want to know what happened is combatted by the urge to _not_ want to know. What could have happened that he would response this harshly? If I knew, I might be a quivering pile of emotions right next to him.

“Hey, come on. It’s okay. Sayori’s here. Angel will make it better.” I readjust and pull his head down so that it’s against my chest. Hopefully, the beating of my heart will ease him more than it hurts to hear the full force of his wailing. In an effort to help more, I run the fingers of one hand through his hair.

“Everything will be alright, Sweetums. It can’t hurt you anymore. It wasn’t real.” The more I talk, the quieter my voice gets. I rub his back with my other hand and lean ever closer into him.

…

My cheeks feel wet.

With all my focus on him, it somehow went over my head that I’d started crying as well. Tears streaked down my face as they did with his. His voice has gotten a little quieter, but he’s only trembling more.

“I’m still here, Sweetums. I’ll be here long after you recover.” Thankfully, I can keep composed for his sake. “Do you want to talk abo—”

“ **N-NNNO!** _Nooo-oohohohooo!_ ”

The sudden shriek of protest lit my chest on fire, and not in the best way. The beating of my heart now resembled and felt like a drum solo.

“ _I jus-ju-j-just wa-haaa **aaa** -haa— w-wanna ffffor-forge-get! I just— juh-jussss—”_

“Okayokay!” With a little panic now, I bring a hand to his cheek and caress it, thumb drifting over his lips. They’re wet, much like the rest of his face. “It’s okay, Sweetums. No sharing. Just forgetting.”

He sounds like he’s gasping for air now. His chest heaves against my midsection. Even knowing my own experiences, I never knew humans could cry this hard.

 

“It’s okay, Sweetums. It’s okay.”

 

I return to rubbing his back and running my fingers through his hair, something that goes on for actual minutes. As the clock ticks by, he goes from quivering to twitching, from the wail of a fire truck to the hum of an air conditioner. Time had quickly lost meaning, but I’m sure we were there for at least half an hour. All the while, I never stopped consoling him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, he has settled down. He twitches here and there but otherwise hardly moves. I don’t think he had anymore tears to let out. His hyperventilating had reduced to something resembling a normal rate of breathing.

 

“Just take it easy.”

 

His grip loosens ever so slightly.

 

“Everything will be alright.”

 

He’s still sobbing, but it’s gotten less intense. It may have been “helped” along by his scratchy his throat must feel right now.

 

“You’re safe in my arms.”

 

As far as I know, he’s never had to deal with mental health issues. It’s no wonder he’s been hit as hard as he has ever since he saved me. His world fell into a state of disrepair. He doesn’t have the experience I do with these sorts of things. He went from not needing to know how to cope to… stuff like this. He hasn’t been shy about pointing out that his dulled emotions blazed back to life not unlike a phoenix across the days of my confessions and an attempt interrupted, but I had already been concerned about how sensitive he’s been since then. This just writes my worries into stone.

 

…

 

I am so thankful to be here with him. We can help each other through all of this.

 

“We will go to school tomorrow like normal and see the club at the end of it. Monika’s coming over this weekend for the first time. How great is that? She might have a surprise for you, okay? You’ll love it. Maybe I can ask if one of the other girls wants to come over on a different day, too. It’ll be fun, and we will forget about all of this.”

 

I kiss him on the top of his head. He twitches and finally goes practically limp. Nonetheless, I don’t stop consoling him. I want to make absolutely sure he’s asleep before me.

 

“It’s okay, Sweetums. You’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll protect you. It’s time I paid you back for all those years you did the same for me. Close your eyes and listen to the sound of my heart. Let it lull you to sleep, Sweetums. Sayori’s here for you. Sayori will always be here for you now, no matter what.”


End file.
